The time spent with Paul and Linda was amazing. It had been wonderful to see them; however, Paul had left me a little disconcerted by what he had told me. He, in fact, had never told John about what he had discussed with Yoko. Before saying goodbye, Linda informed me that their visit to John was entirely based on Paul's concern about John's stability, even telling me Paul thought John could be suicidal. Being there, and seeing him, allowed Paul to realize John wasn't as bad as he thought...and he gave me the credit for that. I, personally, still thought John was drinking entirely too much and I wasn't fond of his drug use, but in all honestly, John had always been an adamant drinker and had been into drugs while we were together, so it would be hypocritical of me to say he was acting completely out of character. His antics that were documented in the newspaper and by the media had happened before I had reconnected with him...and let's face it, everyone is entitled to having drunken moments they later live to regret. I knew what John's personality was like -he was a walking contradiction at times- so it shouldn't have surprised me to see the media having a field day when he publically displayed a screw you attitude. I had seen that type of behavior in private many times. The biggest difference now was Elise. I had to think of her...and my biggest priority was for John to not step over the line when Elise was present.

During the next week, I couldn't fully concentrate at work. I kept thinking about what Paul had said...about trying to get John back. I guess you would think this would have crossed my mind since I had already slept with John, but I had tried to convince myself that had just been a physical need...I mean I had verbally told John it had been a mistake for crying out loud! Granted, at the time, I was far from thinking I wanted John back- but now, the idea didn't seem so far-fetched. In all honesty, I never wanted our relationship to end. He had made the choice to go with Yoko. Emma asked me once if I had suspected anything before John broke it off with me. I told her emotionally John was somewhat disconnected with the whole world...I blamed it partly on the drugs and partly on the distance and tension that had developed within the group. I never suspected John had stopped being in love with me. We still got along and when it came to our sexual relationship, it was still very much active. I don't want to say that I was completely unaware because I did notice that he had become quite interested in Yoko's expositions and artwork. Constantly talking about her ideas and how much he admired her. I was a bit jealous of how much interest he was showing in her, but didn't think that he was falling in love with her and out of love with me. I figured it was one artist admiring another artist. Maybe I was naive, but John and I had always had such an open relationship, I figured he'd tell me if there was anything else...and then he did...and so it was over. I always held on to the belief that he never cheated on me with her...but I never asked him upfront. What would it have mattered?...things had already ended. 

I found out I was pregnant with Elise a few weeks after John left. I had gone back to the States and was living with Elise and Franz. At first I thought I was just not feeling well due to the stress and sadness I felt over my breakup with John, but then Emma convinced me to get some blood work done and we found out the real reason behind my ailments. Amidst the sadness I felt over losing John, the idea of having a tiny being growing inside of me brought me happiness. Elise meant that I would always have a little part of John with me. As she became a toddler, I realized she was more than a little part of John...her personality was so similar to John's. She took after me when it came to looks, but she was pure Lennon when it came to character. 

"Mirel?" I heard John's voice interrupt my thoughts. 

"John." I said surprised to see him there. 

"I just wanted to see if you maybe wanted to have dinner with me after you close here..."

I looked at him without saying anything. 

"Listen...I'm sorry about what I said at the studio...I know you're mad at me for that. I still know you well enough to know when you're upset with me."

"What you said at the studio...that was completely uncalled for John. You had no right to...to bring that up." I replied. 

"I know...you didn't deserve that...I acted like a right bastard."

"But why? Things were going so great...we were having such a good time and then you...." I trailed off.

John kept quiet.

"Was it because of Harry?" I blurted out.

John scoffed.

"It was, wasn't it? What do you have against Harry? He's your friend, isn't he?"

"It wasn't because of Harry..." John said defensively. "It was just me acting like a fuckin' arse..."

Just like John knew me, I knew him well enough to know he was lying...but I didn't want to get into an argument...

"Okay...fair enough." I responded.

"So what do you say? Have dinner with me? Let me make it up to you." John insisted.

"I can't." I said.

"Why not?"

"I'm having dinner with Harry tonight." I responded.

I could see some disappointment in John's face,

"He didn't mention anything to me about you two having dinner."

"It's been a long overdue date..." I said

"So...uhh...what are you two going to do?" John asked as he started moving some stuff around on my desk.

"I don't know...dinner...movie...drinks...something along those lines, I think."

"Oh." was John's only response. He wasn't looking at me, fixing his gaze on the pens and paperclips he was moving. 

After a few seconds, he did focused on me, "So...you really like Harry?" 

"He's nice." 

"I just...well...he doesn't seem like your type." John said. 

I chuckled. " I didn't realize I had a type." 

"Sure you do. I'm your type." He grinned.

"Well in that case, I guess Harry fits my type perfectly..." I countered thinking how John and Harry led pretty similar lifestyles. 

I could tell that wasn't the response John was expecting. 

John cleared his throat. "So what time is this bloody date of yours?" He asked annoyed.

Did I sense a tad of jealousy in John's tone? I had been thinking a lot about what Paul had told me...and when it came to relationships, there were few weapons more powerful than jealousy...

"He'll be picking me up at 6 tonight." I said as I got up. "I should probably be heading home to get ready."

John nodded. 

"Ummm...since you already came down...why don't you come with me to my parents' house...you can spend some time with Elise...there's a movie she's been wanting to see...maybe she can be your date for the evening." I said. 

John's expression softened. "That sounds like a great idea."

As I was getting my things to head out, I saw John approach the picture I had hanging on my wall. He chuckled.

"She drew it when she was three." I told him. "She came one day to the gallery with me. I showed her all the paintings and told her they were done by artists. She asked me if she could be an artist too and I told her of course she could...so she drew that picture of us."

It was a typical picture by a three year old...but it was my three year old who had drawn it...and she had drawn it for me.

"Looks just like you." John teased. 

"Doesn't it? I think she really nailed the eyes." I laughed.

***

Elise was so happy to see John. She ran up to me first, but immediately wanted John to carry her. He laughed and picked her up. We greeted my parents. I saw my dad had his guitar strapped on.

"Did we interrupt a music session?" John inquired. 

"Just playing some tunes." My dad responded. "Want to join us?"

"Sure." John said as he carried Elise to the piano and sat her next to him on the bench. Was he taking his cue from Paul? As much as I wanted to stay, I had to get ready for my date. I opted for a classic piece-the little black dress. I wasn't sure where we were going to go, but a girl was always safe with that no matter the occasion. Mom came into my room just as I was about ready. 

"Well you're looking gorgeous as always." she smiled.

"Thanks mom." I said as I slipped on a pair of silver bracelets. "Everything good with John?" I asked.

"Yes...he and your dad are getting along wonderfully." she smiled. "Elise is enjoying herself too. I was a bit surprised to see him arrive with you."

"He showed up at the gallery...wanted us to go out to dinner...I told him I was going out with Harry tonight, so I suggested he spend the night with Elise instead."

"I'm sure Elise will enjoy that. So are you ready for your big date?" 

"It's just a casual date, mom. We're just going to go and get to know each other a little more." I smiled. 

"Okay..." she said trying to sound convinced. 

"What is it?" I asked turning to her. 

"I just don't know how I feel about you dating...musicians. We saw what happened last time." She finally confessed. 

"Yes, you got a beautiful granddaughter out of it. Don't worry...Harry and I…we're just getting to know each other...I'll be careful." I said giving her a kiss on the cheek. "C'mon, let's go wait for Harry in the living room with the others." 

John was going to be taking Elise to the movies and then out for ice cream. He invited my parents to go with them, but they opted to stay home so that Elise could enjoy her very first date with her father. 

I gave Elise a kiss and told her to enjoy herself. 

"You have fun too, luv. Hope Harry shows you a good time." He winked as he walked out with Elise. 

Harry arrived to pick me up a few minutes before 6. 

Hi...you look beautiful." He said when I opened the front door. 

"Thank you. You look quite handsome yourself." I responded. Harry had trimmed his beard and was looking a little more polished than before. "Come on in...my parents are inside." 

My parents were quite pleased with Harry. He was a charmer just like John. He asked where Elise was and I mentioned John had taken her out for the night, making sure to leave the part that John had the intention of going out to dinner with me. 

"So where are we going?" I asked Harry as he opened the car door for me to get in. 

"I hope you're hungry." He said. 

I laughed softly when I saw we pulled up to Villa Nova...the same restaurant I had come with the Beatles in their 1966 tour. 

We had a lovely dinner with even better conversation. Harry and I talked about our childhoods and growing up. There was a lot of laughter shared over stories of our childhood mischief. 

"Are you enjoying yourself Mirel?" Harry asked as he was paying the check. 

"Very much. Thank you for dinner." 

"My pleasure. C'mon...there's still a lot more fun to have. The night is still for the taking." 

Our next stop was a little wine bar. The ambiance was lovely. It was dimly lit with candles and had a piano in the corner. Harry ordered a bottle of red wine and poured me a glass. 

Harry looked at me as I took a sip of my wine, but didn't say anything.

"Why are you staring at me?" I laughed nervously. 

"I really like you, Mirel. Every time I spend time with you, I like you more and more." 

I couldn't help but blush. It had been so long since a man had spoken to me like that. I didn't know what to say.

"Well even though you won't admit it, I know you're not completely indifferent." He said as he took my hand. "I know you're attracted to me...at least on some level." 

I had to admit that Harry was doing all the right things. He was pulling all the stops on the romance train. It was hard not to feel swooned by a man when he made the effort. 

"C'mon. Dance with me." Harry said as he got to his feet. I accepted and he led me to the small dance floor. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I hesitantly put my arms around his neck. The slow song that was playing was setting the mood. We swayed to the music and Harry made an attempt to kiss me, but I looked down which instead caused our foreheads to touch. We remained like this until the song finished. Harry smiled and guided me back to the table. 

Once we were seated, Harry asked, "Why won't you let me kiss you, hmm? It wouldn't be the first time..."

I was about to answer when a gentleman approached us. 

"Mr. Nilsson, I'm sorry to interrupt your evening, but I couldn't let the opportunity pass me by, I'm the owner of the bar and ...well I was hoping...would you do us the honor of playing something tonight?" he said motioning to the piano in the corner. 

Harry smiled and thought about it for a second. "I'll tell you what...I'll go and do a song under one condition. That this lovely lady go up and sing it with me." 

"What? They don't want to hear me...they want to hear you." I countered. 

"That's the deal." Harry said. 

The gentleman looked at me pleading. "Would you miss?"

I looked over at Harry and he just smiled. "Don't look at me...the final decision is yours. It you're going to let this poor man down, be my guest..."

"You are terrible, do you know that." I said breaking into a smile. "You're putting me against the wall here." 

Harry simply shrugged. "Your call." 

Reluctantly I agreed to do it. The gentleman's face lit up. He told us to call him when we were ready and he'd arrange for it. 

"You do realize this is going to cost you." I told Harry. 

"How much?" 

"At least another bottle of wine." I said as I finished my glass of wine. 

I hadn't really performed in front of a crowd of strangers, but having drank some during dinner and now having this bottle of wine in front of me, I got enough liquid courage in me to go ahead with it. Harry and I went back and forth between what song to sing until we finally agreed on the song, 'You don't know me.' Harry said he could play it on the piano and we both felt confident we knew the lyrics. We agreed on who would sing which verses and when we'd harmonize before Harry called the gentleman who had requested the performance. 

"I say you should sit up on the piano." Harry teased. 

"Very funny. Move over." I said as Harry slid on the piano bench so I could sit next to him. 

After our small introduction, Harry looked at me and asked me if I was ready. I nodded that I was and Harry began playing. 

"You give your hand to me...and then you say hello...and I can hardly speak...my heart is beating so...and anyone can tell...you think you know me well....well you don't know me..." I sang

"No you don't know the one...who dreams of you at night...and longs to kiss your lips...and longs to hold you tight...oh I'm just a friend...that's all I've ever been...cause you don't know me..." Harry sang the next verse. 

"For I never knew...the art of making love...though my heart aches with love for you...afraid and shy...I let my chance go by...a chance that you might love me too." Harry and I harmonized.

When Harry and I finished singing, we welcomed the applause from the crowd. I smiled at Harry timidly and he laughed. "You did great!"

"So you're telling me that you never sang in pubic before?" Harry asked when we went back to the table. 

"Not like this...nothing like this." I said. "I mean not with a crowd...usually I just sing with friends..." 

"Well you're a natural." Harry commented. 

I had to admit I had really enjoyed my duet with Harry. We had done a pretty good job on it considering it was not rehearsed and last minute. We finished the second bottle of wine and decided to call it a night. As Harry and I were walking out, the owner of the bar asked Harry if he would sign the polaroid picture he had taken of us while we sang at the piano. Harry politely took the pen, signed it and returned it to the man. The man then gave it to me and asked if I could sign it too. 

"Me?" I asked surprised.

The man smiled. "You have a beautiful voice...just in case you get famous."

I laughed softly and signed the picture too. "My first autograph." I responded as I looked at the picture. Harry and I were looking at each other in the picture. It was quite nice.

"Thank you both." the man said before opening the door for us. 

As we stepped out I couldn't help but laugh. "Well that was an interesting turn of events." I said as I held onto Harry's arm. 

"Yeah...your first autograph."

"Thanks to you." I replied.

We made our way to the car and Harry opened the passenger door for me. Before I got in I asked him if he was okay to drive.

"I'm fine...I promise." He said. " Besides, you're the one that drank most of the wine,"

"It was your fault!" I teased. "I had to calm my nerves after you forced me to go up there are perform with you."

He laughed. "Well aren't you glad I did? You even signed your first autograph...that's going to be worth a lot of money someday."

I smiled and hugged him. "Thank you for an amazing evening."

"Your welcome." He said as I got into the car and he closed the door.

"Your parents are going to have my head...me bringing you home drunk." Harry laughed as he started driving me home. 

I laughed. "Easy solution. Don't take me to my parents' house. Take me to mine."

"Okay." Harry smiled. 

I gave Harry direction to my apartment, but not before making a stop at a nearby food stand. We got our food to go and headed to my place.

"These grilled cheese sandwiches are great! I don't know what it is!” Harry commented as we sat and ate at the kitchen table. 

"It's street food." I laughed. "Plus we've been drinking. They taste so much better because of that." I laughed. 

When we had finished eating, I picked up Harry's plate and took it to the sink. I began washing the dishes when I suddenly felt Harry standing behind me. He shut off the water and turned me around. 

"The dishes can wait…I can't." He said as he sweetly kissed me. I responded to his kiss, but as I felt him get more passionate, I reluctantly had to stop him. 

He looked surprised. 

"I'm...I'm sorry." I started..."but...I don't want to start something...I can't finish."

Harry's look softened, knowing exactly what I meant. "Don't worry...I just want to kiss you...." he said as he leaned in and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. We began kissing, ultimately sliding to the floor and having a full make out session on my kitchen floor. Harry was careful to slow down the pace when we started to become too eager, which I appreciated.

"Well that was fun." I said as I looked at Harry.

He laughed. "I feel like a teenager...it has been a long time since I've just made out with a girl...but I rather enjoyed it."

"Listen...about that, I'm..."

"Mirel, no need to give me explanations...I understand...these past couple of months have brought a lot of changes for you and Elise. The last thing I want is for you to feel like I'm complicating your life even more. But I do want you to know that I am very much interested in starting a relationship with you. It isn't just sex I want from you."

That last statement made me remember what had happened with John when Elise was at the hospital. That night had just been sex with John. Raw Sex. There was no emotion behind it...it had been a physical want...an animal instinct that had burned inside of me. What Harry was saying was so much more...and he was backing it up with actions. He hadn't pressured me tonight...he had been tender and respected my boundaries...and once more, he had romanced me all evening. As I looked at Harry, sitting on my kitchen floor with his arms wrapped around me as I leaned on him, I felt pretty amazing. 

"C'mon." I said as I stood up. "Let's get some sleep."

***

The next morning, I woke up in Harry's arms. It had been years since I had woken up with anyone lying next to me aside from Elise. It felt wonderful. Harry and I had fallen asleep on my bed last night. It was nice to know there was no hidden agenda...that I could take him into my room because he knew I had no intention of doing anything but actually sleeping next to him. 

"Good morning." Harry said when he felt me get out of bed. 

"Hi." I said as I tied my hair back. 

"I'd offer you some coffee, but I don't have anything in the cupboards since I started living with my parents." I confessed. 

"Don't worry. No headache this morning?"

"No." I smiled. "You?"

"It takes a lot more drink to give me a hangover."

"I should get home to see Elise. Do you mind dropping me off?" I asked. 

"Of course not. " Harry said getting up. "I don't know what's worse- getting you home drunk, or not getting you home until the morning after the date." He laughed uneasily.

I laughed. "Don't worry...we may have acted like teenagers last night, but I am an adult."

***

Harry dropped my off at my parents house before heading back to Santa Monica. 

"I'll call you later...I want to see you soon, Mirel."

"Okay. Thank you for a fantastic date!" I said as I waved goodbye. 

I walked into the house to find no movement. It looked like my parents and Elise were still asleep. I walked into the kitchen and gasped as I saw John sitting at our kitchen table with a cup of tea. He looked like he hadn't slept all night. 

"John. What are you doing here?" I asked surprised as I set me purse and keys down on the counter. 

"Your parents offered to let me stay in the guest bedroom last night so I wouldn't have to head back to Santa Monica so late." John responded in a monotone voice.

"Oh..." I said realizing John knew very well I hadn't slept at home last night. Apart from just having arrived, I was wearing the same thing I had on last night before my date. "How was your evening with Elise? Did you guys have fun?" 

"Yeah. We had a lot of fun. We were hoping to tell you about it last night after you got home."

I didn't say anything as I sat across the table to him. 

"Looks like you may have had more fun than us though." John said. I could sense some resentment in his voice.

"Yeah it was a lot of fun." I responded casually. I could tell John was upset. 

"So...did you sleep with him?" John asked bluntly.

"That is really none of your business John." I said defensively.

"I'm just curious if you had the chance to compare us in bed. I mean you were pretty adamant about what you wanted the night we fu---."

"Shut up John." I said angrily. 

"What? I just wanted to know if he made you feel more of a woman than when I made you mine."

I was so mad at John. So much for him apologizing the night before. I got up abruptly and started heading out of the kitchen but John stopped me before I could leave. 

"Let go of me." I whispered angrily. I didn't want my parents or Elise to wake up and witness this. 

"I don't want you going out with Harry." John said.

"And who are you to tell me what I should do or who I should date?"

"Just stay away from him." John said before letting me go and walking to the guest bedroom.

By this time, I was fuming. How dare John talk to me like that! I hurried over to the guestroom and opened the door. He was surprised to see that I had followed him. 

I closed the door and walked towards him. 

"What is your fucking problem, John? One minute you're apologizing for being an asshole to me and the next you're threatening me to stay away from Harry. What is it? What do you want? Why are you acting this way?"

John stood there...without saying a word. 

"Well...what is it? What do you want from me?" I said standing face to face with John. 

"I want this." John said before forcefully kissing me. I tried to resist John...boy did I try to resist him, but he knew exactly what he wanted from me. I soon found myself being pushed on the bed. 

"John stop... not like this...." I stammered. He stopped as soon as he heard me. His body was on top of mine and I could hear his heavy breathing. I stroked his hair to calm him down. When I felt him breathe normally, I pushed on his shoulder so he could look at me. He lifted himself off me and leaned against the wall. I sat up and looked at him. 

"Mirel...I'm sorry..." John said looking down at his hands. 

I leaned over to him and lifted his head. "John...look at me. What's going on? What's this all about?" I asked gently.

"I don't know...I...the idea that you and Harry...it just got me crazy..." John responded.

"Why? "

"Because you're...mine."

"John, I stopped being yours a long time ago."

John was clearly frustrated. He ran his hands through his hair. "I know...but I can't help it. Every time I see you with Harry...I get so fuckin' jealous. I know I don't have any right to...but I do...I can't help it."

John's confession was genuine...but now I didn't know what to do with this information. 

"John do you have feelings for me or is this just an ego thing? I mean are you jealous just because you feel this male competitiveness with Harry right now...because he is showing interest in me?"

"Mirel, you know I've always cared for you...I didn't stop loving you because I--"

"You just weren't in love with me anymore. I get that John." I interrupted him. 

John sighed.

"John, let's not complicate things more than they need to be, okay? You have a wife, you have a lover...you don't need to add me to the mix." I said as I started getting up. As I stood up, John took my hand. "Then why do I want you so bad?"

"Old habits die hard, John." I simply said before walking out the door.