I wake up because of loud knocking on my door and a familiar voice shouting at me, although her words aren't registering to me. All I can think about is the dream I just had.

'It was only a dream.'

Disappointment rushes through me, like water breaking through a dam. It's then I notice that my face is wet. Bringing a hand up to my face, I realize I've been crying. Funny, I didn't think I had tears left to shed.

"Liv, time to get up, you know the new additions are arriving today and the Beta wants the whole pack to be present."

I groan, while rolling over in the bed, sniffing the cushion besides mine. There still are traces of him left, but they are beginning to fade, because of me hugging it like my life depends on it at night. That's the sad thing really, my life does depend on it, because it keeps the nightmares at bay.

"What's left of it anyway." I grumble.

A gasp sounds from the doorway followed by footsteps marching into the room. I sit up straight right away, growling at the intruder, they know better than to invade my room, his smell, with their stinky ones, but I'm not successful at scaring them, as I receive a smack on my arm.

"Olivia! You know better than to say those things, we've already lost so much, it's time to look forward again, start building our lives back up."

I bare my teeth at her in warning, a hiss escaping my throat, dangerously close to growling. My best friend's eyes widen at my reaction, she raises her hands in surrender and hastily steps back.

"Easy for you to say, you haven't even found your mate, so you cannot compare."

Even though the chance that her mate died in the war is pretty much 100%, I don't care how hurtful my words are. It's still different, because she has never met her mate, so she doesn't know what she's missing out on. Even with the massive loss of lives and number of people losing their mates, I still feel like I'm hurting all alone, like no one else is feeling the way I am. Selfish, you say? Probably, but at the moment, I don't really care.

Yet, I know better than to stand up against a Beta's wish, even if he isn't an Alpha, he's currently  our highest rank, so he could still punish me for not attending, or notify the new Alpha. So I drag my feet out of bed and onto the floor although I'd rather stay holed up in my cocoon like I have for several months now. People might try to tell you that it gets better, but I'm telling you, they lie.

"Don't forget to shower." Kat, short for Catherine, reminds me in a sing-song voice, with which she earns another growl and a door slammed to her face. I'm so much more in tune with the animal side of me lately. She's grieving equally, if not more, than I am and that helps. So I guess you could say I'm not completely alone, if you are a glass full kind of gal. I certainly am not. My glass, is as dry as the desert is.

I should know, being a wolf living near the Sonoran Desert. Our kind of wolf has had to adapt to the drier weather and atmosphere here. Our wolves' colors are mostly a sandy brown because of this, so we can blend in more with the sand dunes of the desert. Wolves who live in the more woodsy areas that are almost rainforest-like have a much darker brown skin, sometimes varying to black, because they can't stand out against he dark backgrounds. Oh and my personal favorite, Alaskan wolves, they have blue-ish whites and grey furs. So many shades of wolves, so normal for their remote areas.  It's basically Darwin's theory on evolution. I guess all of that's over now too, as a lot of people have to switch packs to fill in vacant roles left by the thousands of deaths all over the USA. I wonder how many generations it will take before the the furs have adapted to their new surroundings again. I doubt I'll live to see it.

As I step foot in my bathroom, I don't bother looking in the mirror. I don't care what I look like, nor do I care for making any improvements. I have no one I want to impress. My blonde hair looks dull, having lost all of its vibrance, the sapphire blue of my eyes has faded to a greyish blue. It's the result of the endorphins created by the matebond, leaving my body, every last shred of happiness gone. It won't get better for me, but I don't have the courage to end my life and join my mate, wherever he is. Because he's certainly not with the Moon Goddess. That b*tch doesn't exist, or else she would have just killed the delusional wolf that led to this many bloodshed before he had the chance to do any damage.

I quickly shower, keeping my hair dry, considering it too much of an effort to wash and dry it to look presentable again. Spraying some perfume on it will do just fine to mask my out of bed smell. Hopefully. I guess there's only one way to find out.

I dress in comfortable clothes, a nice comfortable jogging. It's a pink one, because I love that color, but now it seems to bright on me. Too lazy to pick something else, I step into my slip in sneakers and make my way downstairs. The Beta has only requested the presence of all pack members, he never said anything about looking representable and certainly nothing about impressing anyone. On the way down, I grab an elastic band from my wrist and tie my hair up in a messy bun, so the ends don't prickle my worn out skin.

We are expecting the arrival of our new Alpha and several other key roles for our pack to be able to function again. We haven't been told anything about the new Alpha, not if he's bringing his Luna and family with him, or if he's lost as much as most of us have. I hear he was the alpha of a Warrior Pack, with mostly enforcers, but I don't know how much of that is true, considering he's coming here now, while we are mostly caretakers, minding our average lives.

That is about to change though, one of the new werewolf decrees clearly states that every pack must be able to fend for himself from now on, at least for minor threats. So an enforcer is also coming, with some warriors to teach us how to defend ourselves. This is mandatory for every able wolf, excluding pregnant or lactating wolves, and wolves under 15 or over 60, unless said wolf still feels he's an addition.

We don't change until we turn 17, so I don't understand the need to train wolves before they turn, but I'm a simple elementary school teacher. Not that I'm actually working at the moment. School was cancelled while dealing with the aftermath of the war, many having lost their parents, so new homes had to be searched for, wounds needed at least some time to heal. Children are more flexible and losing a parent is easier to get over than losing a mate bond, luckily for them. I'm thankful that I haven't had to stand in front of a classroom, trying to teach them about the valuable things in life, because I sure as héll am not a good example at the moment.

We are also expecting a doctor, because ours was killed on the battlefield. Some of the widows are pregnant so I know they have been waiting for a new doctor the most. They are anxious to know if their mate dying will affect their pup. I would be too, if I were in their position. After all, it's the last remnant of their matebond so they want to protect it at all costs. I envy them, they'll always have something to remember them by. When my male's scent is gone from our room, I'll have next to nothing to keep his memory alive.

Lastly, a few master-farmers will come help us cultivate our dry land. Food stocks are too low to allow for trade for the next few seasons, so we are expected to have at least some form of agriculture. I am curious to find out which sorts of crops we will be able to grown here in the desert.

I finally make my way out of the pack house, where our pack has assembled, awaiting the new arrival. Simon, the beta looks happy that he's about to be relieved from the alpha duties, I see several women who've clearly spent more attention to how they looked than I did. They're mostly the ones who have never met their mates.

"Skanks." I mutter to myself.

The pregnant widows huddle together, seeking comfort with each other like they have since their mates didn't come home when our men returned from the war. Some families remain, scattered around the crowd. They don't feel the need to bond together as some of the other groups here. They mostly feel guilty their lives didn't get uprooted like most of the others. I envy the she-wolves, with their small pups and husbands, smiles on their faces despite it all. Hopeful for the future.

The beta claps his hands to draw attention as I'm shooting glares at everyone of them so I turn my attention back to him.

"I've just received word that they have crossed our boundaries. I want every mateless wolf on one side, strict orders of the council."

I frown, but join the loosely formed row and take a place left of Kat as she waves me over. Kat looks her vibrant self, a slight glow to her face, her eyes bouncing around excitedly. She has a heart-shaped face, light brown hair, hazel eyes, varying between green and brown depending her mood. They turn more green when she's upset, but there are no traces of green in them right now.

"I wonder what this is about." she chatters excitedly.

I don't need three guesses, I can't help but think. They probably want to make as many new mates bonds as they can.

About a minute later, the sound of dozens of paws hitting the ground reaches our ears until they halt just behind the treeline where clothes were left. Another few minutes later, people start emerging from the trees wearing disheveled and mismatched pieces of clothing. One in particular stands out, clearly our new Alpha, I can tell by the way he carries himself. Intimidating, but radiating a sense of trust and I feel at ease at once.

When he's close enough, his voice booms over the crowd, forceful, but kind all the same.

"Hello everyone, my name is Alpha Reid." his voice rumbles, bouncing between us. "As per the order of the council, I have asked you to form a line, to determine new mate bonds and form them as quickly as possible. People who still remain mateless after this, will start travelling to other packs to find their possible mates and return or remain with those new packs if they don't have important roles to fill here.

Furthermore, new mates will have one year to create offspring, to make sure the werewolf race survives this horrific war and lives to tell the next generations about it. Families with less than three pups also have to follow this rule and create one more offspring within a year. Wolves who like the same gender, will be provided care of orphaned wolves. Failure to follow this rule will result in the immediate stripping of your pack rank where you'll join the omegas to take care of others.

Wolves openly gay, please remain in the line, others please join me as we try to make this as pleasant as possible. I know this is hard, considering how much we've lost, but this decision was made high over my head and I am expected to enforce it. "

The pregnant she-wolves in the line suddenly don't look so chipper anymore and it dawns on me that I won't be able to follow this rule, regardless if I get a second mate here today. I bite my lip in anticipation as the Alpha starts at the most left of the row, other males exiting our line to join the alpha as some remain. Some of the new recruits join our line and wait their turn in making eye contact with the males.

I wonder if there's any way to avoid eye contact altogether, or to escape this gathering unseen. Probably not, I realize with a sigh.

The Alpha is taking steps closer to me, stepping closer to a wolf, making eye contact and stepping back again, clearly not finding his mate. The other males following suit, some having found a mate already. I briefly wonder if they have the same worries as I do, or how it would work to be pregnant with your first mate and meeting someone and having to realize he's your new mate. I think I would struggle. I wonder if I will struggle if one of these men turn out to be my mate. What would happen to my feelings for Mason? Would they disappear all at once, as if they've never existed at all, or would it be like loving two men? I don't know which one of those would be harder. I struggle to keep my breathing even, until Kat wraps her hand around mine, squeezing it tight.

"Everything will be alright, Liv, the Moon Goddess has a plan for all of us."

The Alpha is coming closer and it feels like my throat is closing, making it harder and harder for me to breathe with every girl that turns out not to be his mate.

Three more girls until he's in front of me.

"In and out, Liv, In and out." Kat whispers to me.

Two more girls.

I can't breathe, I can't breathe, I can't breathe. Is my face turning blue already?

He's next to me now. Next up is me. Fûck.

____________________________________________________________________

A/N: Sorry, not sorry. Is the Alpha Olivia's mate? Find out next chapter! Five votes for next chapter!