"Jimin? Hoseok? What are you doing here?"I questioned them, raising an eyebrow from feeling a tremendous amount of confusion and surprise seeing them here. "We're here to visit a friend." Jimin suddenly spoke, making my brain instantly attach onto his words. He looked over my shoulder, the expression on both of their faces becoming serious and timid. They were looking at someone who was on the end of the hallway, many meters behind me. "There he is." Hoseok whispered to Jimin, both of them swallowing a hard lump in their throats.

In another moment of confusion, I looked over my shoulder to see who they were looking at. To my shock, it was Taehyung. They were looking at him. And Taehyung looked really bad. His face was still pale and his eyes were baggy, that this time his cap couldn't hide, because he didn't have it all. Taehyung's usual charming and uplift posture was replaced by a very hunchback and a timid one. He was wearing a white t-shirt and one of his flannel shirts, making it look extremely ironical that he wore clothes in color that are supposed to be worn when happy, not after a mental breakdown. Suddenly, Taehyung looked up.

It happened again. That scared and frozen look corrupted all of his facial features, making him blink many times out of nervousness. Taehyung's eyes observed a lot in those few short moments. The look of shock was present as soon as he saw Jimin and Hoseok, which made him stop all his movements. Then his eyes found mine, and I couldn't quite decide what went through his head. Did a beautiful thought of me caressing his skin even cross his mind, or was he thinking about pure frustration that I stopped him from killing himself? Did he feel shame or unluckiness upon seeing me? Why was he killing me in this way?

Then Taehyung suddenly moved, his steps coming towards us, making my heart race to an incredible rate. "Dahyun? What's going on?" Minjee asked in a worried tone. I ignored her question and turned my attention towards Jimin and Hoseok, making them instantly look into me. "You guys know Taehyung?" I asked in a timid tone, scared of their response. Their eyes slightly widened and eyebrows furrowed. "You know Taehyung?" Jimin asked out of confusion whilst Hoseok tried to sink in every word. "Yeah." I nodded. I felt Taehyung standing behind me, making my body weak yet wanting to be the strongest I could be. "Dahyun." I heard Taehyung's voice break off the silence. I quickly turned around and observed him in a numb way that I couldn't tame down. I hated him for making me feel that way. Especially today, especially after how we spent our night together. He opened his mouth to speak up, at first completely focusing on me. "dah-" Taehyung tried to speak but I couldn't bare to hear his voice. His voice hit every nerve of my body and cut deep into my brain, making me want to crawl my eyes out of a sudden frustration over love. Maybe it was me. Maybe it was him, or both of us that experienced a change all of a sudden and stopped focusing on all those daisies.

My reasonable self was suppressed by once again angry and tainted version of myself, catching me completely unprepared. "Taehyung, how do you know them?" I cut him off, pointing towards Jimin and Hoseok. His attention switched to them, that pained look appearing on his face again. It really made me wonder how Taehyung knew them, and if this world really is that small of a place for such random people to have connections. Mouse's face showed such panic after hearing my question. My mind immediately travelled to many thoughts, trying to figure out if Taehyung fit in any previous chapter of my life in this hospital. Suddenly, many questions arose inside of my troubled mind.

Why did Taehyung choose me to be his roommate if the nurses warned them about me being the way I am? could he have possibly knew me through Jimin and Hoseok? Did he see me before, and was he already here for visitation multiple times? Some things started to make sense. I tried to connect him to Jimin and Hoseok, my two ex ward mates. From the start, calling them mates would be a slight contradiction. They weren't my enemies, but they were the two most quiet kids I met in my life. Their shyness annoyed me, so I tried my best to provoke them. As soon as I gave up on doing that, they showed to be quite something. Their characters weren't as blank and plain as I thought they would be. Jimin immediately threw jokes my way once seeing the playful disappointment in my eyes. It made me puzzled, but I managed to laugh along. Although Jungkook didn't like them, I often watched their smooth movements as they danced along, both sharing that passion with each other.

Seeing them dance like that made me forget their stores they shyly shared with the support group. Hoseok's story hit me the hardest. His mother left him in the amusement park when he was a small and a scared kid. He went in and out of institutions, his diagnose always remaining the same: Munchausen Syndrome. Unlike Hoseok, Jimin's past was a little bit more discreet, kind of like mine. I understood him completely for not being able to tell his diagnose right away to anyone. All we knew about Jimin was that he had previous suicide attempts, and that he switched many hospitals and schools near the area.

Jimin only wanted to follow Hoseok's steps, in general and in his dancing. He joined him in here, wanting to make it easier for the both of them. I was surprised once seeing Jimin staying longer than Hoseok. Jimin was really down since then, trying to figure out ways to get out because like all of us, he really felt hopeless about a mentally happy future. As I was slowly becoming their friend, still keeping some sense of distance, I found myself trying to convince Jungkook that they weren't as bad as he thought they were. Now thinking about it, maybe they were as bad as he intuited. Because, did they know about Taehyung's murder before the police got involved? Did they hide that horrible secret to protect him? Good friends does not equal moral ones. That was definite in all this.

"Dahyun." Taehyung's voice broke, wanting to talk about something else and hide his truthful answer to my question. "Just fucking tell me." I spoke in an unusually numb way, making Hoseok and Jimin observe both of our actions, noticing we have some deeper history within us. "They're my friends." Taehyung looked down to his feet, ignoring all three of us. Taehyung kept quiet, making me more frustrated and more desperate to know the truth. "Aren't you going to ask me how I know them?" I raised a question, making Jimin feel very nervous. "I know that you know them.." He quietly spoke, still looking down to avoid my pain filled eyes. "Mouse, this is not your first time here, isn't it?" I quietly asked, feeling numbness fill my entire mind. "No. It's not." He spoke, this time shortly glancing at me. I scoffed out a disappointed sigh, still feeling a lot of confusion. "dahyun" He spoke again, but I quickly moved away, walking past him. "Dahyun. Stop." He spoke, leaving Jimin and Hoseok in confusion. " stop me then." I let a whisper out, provoking him once again. I looked over my shoulder and noticed his troubled hand that stiffened and couldn't move to stop me. "Wow, I surely fucked you up yesterday that you can't even touch my hand anymore." I scoffed out, feeling frustration build up inside of me. Minjee stood quietly, disappointed all this was happening again.

"Dah. Why are you like this?" The suddenly spoke, furrowing his eyebrows with a hurtful expression plastered onto his face. "Leave me alone, Taehyung." I spoke up and continued walking, feeling so much pain wash over me. I didn't need this day to start like this. I didn't need to feel pain today. I already feel so much pain because of Jungkook today. Our happy moments keep flashing through my brain, and I can't help but think how life would've turned out differently if he hadn't done what he did. Seeing Taehyung's breakdown today, didn't help my mental well being at all. Why do all of our happy moments suddenly end in such a damaging and a painful way?

I walked to our room and slammed the door shut. I nervously walked around the room, trying to collect my breathing. I started thinking about the way Taehyung would need to explain to Jimin and Hoseok about our hectic relationship. What would he say? Would he say that he loves me dearly, or would he skip that detail and focus on how we got along? Or would he just describe me as a person who brought hell to him, regardless if he agreed to it or not? My mind suddenly travelled to a thought of last night, when it all seemed so easy and safe. My skin desired to feel his hands graze upon it. I craved to feel his soft hands grip my hips as he would move inside of me. My lips and tongue craved his neck, that was always so open and ready for kisses. My ears forgot what his sensitive moans sounded like. The way Taehyung held my hand to relax whilst he was pressing his entire body against mine, made me curse it so much. That moment was long gone, and Mouse wanted to die. Being in this room only caused more pain. Seeing Taehyung's unmade bed and his soft sheets made me want to get away as far as I could. But, if you removed all the thoughts about his hands and his touches, not seeing many daises was what hurt the most. Why did he have to sacrifice them for love too? Couldn't he just let them be and leave all of them alone to be a proof that we were once happy and that hope really exists somewhere?

"Fuck!" I screamed, not being able to focus on anything else. After the entire room went silent, I looked down to the floor and saw the box with my pills, he desperately tried to pry open this morning. It made me remember my agreement with Sana, to give that to her. I numbly walked to the wooden box and picked it up, observing the abstract carvings I did long ago. I sighed and kept it close to me.

I was sure I would never use those hundreds of pills to do what Mouse tried doing. Seeing him snap like that and reach so low, made my chest feel heavy. It only brought bad thoughts to me. I wondered if he had thought about downing all of them as soon as he saw I owned that box. Was that always a plan of his? I held the box tightly in my small hands and rushed through the door to find Sana. Immediately after exiting the room, made it easier for me. Sana wasn't at the reception, so my eyes wandered up and down the noisy hallway. I noticed her figure in the interaction room. I quickly walked there, forcing myself to enter without hesitation even when I knew that Jimin, Hoseok and Taehyung were inside. I took a few quick breaths of encouragement and walked inside, immediately catching everyone's attention. I glanced at Taehyung, who gulped hard once seeing the wooden box in my hands. "Here." I whispered and slid the box over to Sana. "dah. I hope this won't happen again." She spoke and held it in her hands. Taehyung heard her and looked at me, waiting for my response. "It won't. Can't risk another fool trying to down them all because of me." I directly said, feeling different kinds of numbness. Taehyung scoffed out in frustration, trying to collect himself. Jimin and Hoseok observed Taehyung in a confused and worried manner as they sat across him. "Dahyun!" Jiyu sent me a concerned and a panicked glare, making me feel even more numb.

I ignored her sudden exclamation of my name and walked back to the entrance door. I stood quiet, holding a doorknob steadily. My head flinched over to where they were sitting. For a brief second I observed Jimin and Hoseok, completely ignoring Taehyung. I parted my mouth to speak, immediately catching attention from both of them. "Are you guys feeling any better?" I questioned them, making them freeze in slight shock over asking such a random question and over ignoring Taehyung. "As much as we could be." Hoseok answered, making me break a small giggle out. Jimin gulped and observed me with worriedness behind his stare. "Still dancing?" I questioned again, making Taehyung just stare at me numbingly. "Yeah." Jimin smiled, slightly relaxing over such an endearing question. "That's great." I spoke with a smile and finally opened the door, casually walking away.

I walked back to my room, ignoring all the people that greeted me or wanted to stop me for a talk. Halfway through my walk, I realized I couldn't just easily get back to our room. I had just ran away from it, but a habit of mine of going there while frustrated to hide myself was now completely pointless. Where to go? Even the roof contained some kind of Taehyung energy I could not deal with. Are all of those places ruined for me now? Is it even possible for my overreacting brain to stop for just one fucking second?

Today carried too much pain.

"Sana. I need to get away." I spoke with panicked breaths, stopping her as she walked towards my direction. "Are you okay? Do you need your therapist?" She spoke, not brining me much comfort or hope. "No, no. I just-I can't be here." I spoke, sighing deeply. "Okay. Just calm down, honey. We can go to a field trip somewhere today or something." She spoke, stroking my upper arms to comfort me.

Sana often organized field trips for us. We'd always go somewhere in nature, which itself is a wonderful therapy of a kind. Getting away started being my priority. For many seconds and minutes I hoped I wouldn't meet Taehyung for the rest of the day. I hoped he would stay in his room, and not have another attack because of Jimin and Hoseok like he did with his tall friend who visited him. As much as Taehyung selfishly fucked me over on this sad day, I hoped he wouldn't bring more hurt onto his own back. Regardless of my built up frustration towards him, I wanted him to keep himself sound. The always present selfish part of me carried much agitation towards him, but I knew from the get go that I've only been agitated because of myself. Because of my own shit that I so easily take and accept like I'm worth nothing.

"Let's go now. Please." I spoke up, trying to convince her about going before Taehyung finishes his chat with Jimin an Hoseok. "Okay. Let me ask the others. I can take some of you now and the others can join after." Sana spoke and I nodded, hoping that the "others" did not include Taehyung. I followed Sana's steps to the art room. Some of our ward mates greeted her, and she immediately set a plan for them. "Would somebody like to go on a field trip this afternoon? I have a feeling it might be beneficial to all of us." She asked in a positive tone, making some people immediately nod. Minjee was in the room too, observing every movement I made. She agreed to the idea too, still wanting to follow my steps like a small sister would.