🌼🌼- Taehyung's POV -🌼🌼

Many thoughts went through my head when Dahyun entered the room. Was she doing this because she was curious about Namjoon or if this is just one of her games to provoke me? I tried not to stare too much at her and Minjee who were eating my chocolate candies and seemed like they were getting on pretty well. I smiled for a second but then looked at Namjoon, who swirled the lollipop with his tongue to the other side of the inside of his cheek.

"Taehyung-ah, I'm sorr-" Namjoon tried to speak, but I looked away. "Why didn't you answer that call?" I asked in a cold tone. he swallowed a hard lump and spoke. "I was scared." He quietly said. "I didn't know it would all end up this way." He said and I scoffed in disbelief. "I didn't want to run away-" He started speaking but I cut him off again, not letting him explain. "Why did you do that to me then?" I asked, my heart dropping each second passing by. "Taehyung-ah-" He spoke but I kept on talking. "If you came here to apologize, then you should leave, hyung. I don't want to hear that from you. Liar." I said as I looked down. Namjoon's eyes watered. "C'mon Taehyung don't be like that. Remember how good it used to be." He said and slid a polaroid picture of all of us across the table. He also pulled out a blue spray can. All those painful memories flashed through my mind. I felt myself growing weaker, hating all of what had happened. Every beautiful memory now seemed so painful.

All the regret. All the pain I went through, hoping they would heal me. At that moment it was all great. I even forgot about what I had done when I was too occupied running. Running to our sea, without any thoughts of what would wait for us if we ever fell under the pressure.

If we could only turn back time. I wish I could be forgiven for the sin I made. For the blood spilled. How come my big sinner wings appeared in only a few short seconds after what I had done? Why did a curse immediately follow my bloody hands? I guess I deserve it all.

"Reminiscing about memories won't make me erase your failed promise to be by my side. Especially during the trial." I said, staring at him with disgust in my eyes. "I know." He said and looked down, not knowing what to say for it all to change to better. "What else do you want?" I asked in a rude tone, almost snapping at him. I turned my head slightly to my left to catch dahyun staring at me. She quickly turned her head away. I observed her pretty eyes that focused all too well on the TV. Her soft hair. Touching her hair last night made my body and mind travel to many bad places, but a part of me craved for her. A part of me still wants to remember what physical affection feels like, even when I know I don't deserve it. "Jin hyung came by the gas station yesterday. He asked a lot about you." Namjoon spoke so timidly, making me remember my last bad encounter I had with hyung. A bad memory flushed my mind. All the bad memories we all experienced after we stopped going to the sea and after Jungkook's car accident.

"I don't want to see hyung." I directly spoke. "Taehyung, you don't really think that Seokjin hyung hit Jungkook, right?" He questioned, trying to make it seem absurd. "I don't know." I spat out, becoming more agitated and frustrated by my thoughts. So much pain washed over me, the more I thought about the past. And thinking about the past always led and still leads me to think about my biggest sin. My biggest regret and a trauma that caused me to be this abnormal creature who dreads physical contact.

Pain. I caused so much pain out of basic anger and fear. I was so angry watching him hurt his own blood all those years, yet I never thought I would do such a thing. Every touch started to hurt from that moment. I don't think I could ever forget my sister's screams of terror and the blood that gushed out of my father's stomach. I remember my life after that. At first, when my friends would touch my shoulder in a comforting way, I would grip my teeth, feeling uncomfortable and not worth enough of any affection by any human. But soon that simple uncomfortable feeling turned into a phobia and pain.

So much pain. And the blood. The blood that covered my clean white t-shirt and my frail hands that were bound to be filthy forever. They will never be washed enough, no matter how many showers I take or how many times I sanitize my hands. The blood and murder I carry on my hands will forever be here.

"Can you go now? I'm not feeling well." I said and looked away from him. He tried to reach for my shoulder but stopped himself when he remembered my phobia. "I'm sorry, Taehyung. I didn't know it would all end up like this." Namjoon spoke and stood up. "Just leave me alone to rot in here. I don't deserve any better." I furrowed my eyebrows and whispered, to which Namjoon tried to comfort me. "Don't. Just leave." I spoke before he could, still looking away.

"I'm looking after her. The best I can." Namjoon said, talking about my sister. I could never look at her again. Not after she witnessed what I had done. The biggest trauma of them all, during all these years. "At least you're doing something." I said. "I'm sorry Taehyung. If you can ever forgive me, come meet me and we can all go to-" He tried to speak but I couldn't listen, so I cut him off. "The sea. I know." I furrowed my eyebrows and showed coldness. He sighed and spoke after a few long seconds. "Bye Taehyung." He said and started walking, leaving me with a spray can and a polaroid picture. Two damaging memories in such random objects.