There were no daisies on his side of the room. I tried so hard to focus and tried my best to figure it out. It was all so vivid, his touches, kisses and even his groans. But a devastating reality sucked everything out of me once I realized I was dreaming a dream, that missed to include his daisies. Then it all went black, and I wanted to scream. I rested in the dark silence, my fully awake mind wandering through many damaging thoughts.

Suddenly, I felt a pillow hit my leg. "Dahyun, wake up." I heard Taehyung whisper in his raspy morning voice. "We're gonna miss breakfast again." I didn't want to come back to awakeness, but I slowly opened my eyes to look at Taehyung, who was so clueless to what I had dreamed about. I looked at his side of the room too, that was in this reality blooming with hundreds of daisies. I stared deeply into his eyes. All of that was a lie. A dream. He would never touch someone like that, and admitting that to myself hurt the most. I wanted his soft words to turn to soft touches. I was on the edge of crying as my mind started slowly forgetting that vivid feeling of his skin pressed against mine. I was craving to remember what those touches felt like in that dream, but felt desperate when my mind was slowly forgetting the sight of Taehyung between my legs.

"What's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?" Taehyung questioned in his usual innocently timid expression. I stared deep into his eyes, feeling numb and unfortunate. I looked down and felt my eyes water. "Did you have a bad dream?" Taehyung asked and I quickly sat up, getting ready to leave the room. I ignored his question and hurried out of the room. A sudden wave of embarrassment hit me as I shut my eyes. Why would my mind dream about him like that? Why did I had to dream that?

"Fuck." I sighed and said to myself as I walked to the dining room. I took cereal as usual and sat down at the nearest empty table. I couldn't really eat, but forced myself to do so, not wanting to seem like I'm dealing with something or someone. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I quickly wiped it away. It's so embarrassing and frustrating to have thoughts and dirty dreams like that about Taehyung. A boy who fears physical contact of any kind. Knowing I could never feel him in that way frustrated me, because he really did seem like he wouldn't hurt me. How could I not believe that after seeing such care over fragile flowers such as daisies.

I sighed and shut my eyes. I was too focused on my thoughts to notice Taehyung, sitting opposite me. I stiffened once realizing he was here already. I looked down and rested my hand onto my cheek. "Why do you always come to me when I run away?" I questioned in a cold tone, staring at his cereal bowl. I took a bite and tasted flavors that were suddenly tasting so plain, mainly because of my mood and a racing thoughts that couldn't focus on anything else I was feeling or tasting. He sighed and took a bite, not really wanting to answer my question and argue with me. He finally spoke. "You shouldn't be this upset if just about simple bad dream that's bothering you." His tone sounded like a melody to me as he softly spoke, making me look at him differently ever since that dream ended. I stared at his soft mouth and his playful tongue inside that made me reminisce about the dream all over again. I was really desperate and that made me embarrassed and it made me carry a lot of guilt upon my back, hating myself for thinking that way about Taehyung. Regardless if I wanted it to or not. It was Taehyung. That dream wasn't like him at all.

"Trust me, when I get my bad dreams I remember that it's just a nightmare. That dream is not going to happen in real life because it's not real. This is reality-" He started speaking, trying to comfort me but he couldn't. He had no idea what I dreamed about which was frustrating itself. "Stop saying it's not gonna happen!" I raised my voice, a slight shock showing on his face. "Who said it was a bad dream?" I scoffed and stood up to leave but he stopped me. "Will you stop leaving me like this every single day?" He asked, making me freeze in place. "I don't need to stay here with you." I scoffed and tried to move but my body didn't let me. "You do. I need you to explain why you were moaning my name while you slept, just before you woke up." He explain in this amazingly pure tone that managed to get inside my head and break down all barriers of other thoughts. I sat down. Almost all of my face paled, only my cheeks reddening.

"Did I hurt you in your dream?" He asked, his eyes becoming bigger and cuter as each second passed by. I exhaled a quick and confused breath out. "You can't be this pure to not understand that." I cackled in disbelief. "What?" He questioned, looking at me with an completely serious expression on his face.

"This is not a conversation to be having at breakfast." I said and got up again. He rolled his eyes, seeing me stand up, becoming more annoyed with every move I made. "Then when-?" He asked, becoming slightly frustrated. "I'll let your innocent mind wander around on its own, before you finally get it." I said and started walking away. "No, wait-where are you going?" He questioned, his voice sounding very deep. "A therapist session. Nothing personal, Taehyung." I said whilst looking at him over my shoulder. "It always is personal." He slightly raised his voice in a playful tone for me to hear it. I giggled to myself, mentally slapping myself in disbelief he did not understand what happened right in front of his eyes and perky ears.

The passage of time went quickly as I was already standing in front of the ordination. I knocked twice and peeked my head in. "I'm ready to have that session." I softly spoke. My therapist widened his eyes in shock, looking so surprised yet full of hope. "Hey, Dahyun. Come in. Have a seat." He said in a welcoming tone. I sat down and got comfortable in the leather chair, being slightly too wide for my smaller proportions. He started asking me about small things, how he would usually do, before asking more serious questions. "You want to completely use my good mood don't you?" I slightly chuckled, being onto him about dragging every detail out when I was somehow in a good mood and feeling nicer. But the worst thing about my "disorder" is that it's very unpredictable. Any sentence or a question could switch my good mood off. And that often happened. I hurt me not having control over my rapid thoughts or heavy breathing or that skipping beat of a heart after a question that would change everything finished. It happened again.

"Have you been sleeping well this week?" Such a simple question made my mind switch to a much darker place, reminiscing about the dream I had last night. I only heard Taehyung's muffled moans and quickened breaths he let out in a moment of pleasure and handling his fears.

"Everything I say here is discrete, right?" I questioned, picking on my sleeve with my nails. "Of course, dahyun." He said in a confident and reassuring voice. "I've had this dream after taking my medication yesterday." I said, to which he carefully listened, not taking notes until I'd finish. "It was way too vivid, but represented things that would never really happen. So I felt like a part of my mind that would like for that to happen, happened in a dream that I only recognized wasn't a reality when an object that was always there was actually missing. Then my mind switched off, and I woke up. Just like that." I explained slightly abstract, clearly not wanting to tell what the dream was about. "So, the situation that occurred in a dream...do you really believe that would never happen?" He asked, trying to ask me abstract questions too, getting on a same page with me.

"I guess not. But I don't want that to happen, because involves someone else who could get hurt by us getting in that situation. And I could also get hurt again." I said, motioning with my hands to prove a point I was getting at. "Well, I can't control if that person would get hurt and I suppose you can't do if that person has problems of their own, but I can help you finally get away from your past Dahyun. And show to you that the only person that could hurt you is in fact you. People leave damage, but we take that damage with a thought of us deserving it, but I don't think you should feel burdened to accept any kind of hurt and ace out because of that." He said and started talking some more, making me want to listen to his thoughts for a long time. Maybe I had never given him enough chances. Maybe it is all my fault. Maybe that or this topic was just perfect for us two to talk about. Regardless what it was, it helped me once our session ended. We explored a lot through my thinking process and he left some great notes to put in my file under the "progress" section. It was a job for him, yes, but I realized that it's not only empty words on those papers. It would be very hypocritical from me to blame him for analyzing me so easily, because I do the same thing to people too, but there's a slight difference. He does it to help people or to at least make some change in their life. I do it so I can use people and know all about their weakness and use it against them. So there's a big difference between the two. Such a difference that made me think of myself as such a selfish rat. Rats. They are a burden and always bring damage. Why did I give such an ugly and offensive nickname to a boy so pure? I need to stop calling him that.

"Uhm-uh- thanks?" I said, being on my way to leave his ordination. "Yes. No problem." He answered, knowing it was hard for me to express gratitude to people, but today realized I do have some in me.

I walked down the hallway and noticed a door of mine and Taehyung's shared room, being almost fully opened. I walked in and noticed Taehyung inside, laying on his bed. He stared at the wall, looking blank. "You okay?" I softly questioned. "Yeah." His head flinched to my direction as he said. "Okay." I said in a doubtful tone. I squatted as I looked for something at the bottom of my nightstand. I noticed Taehyung's nervous figure from the corner of my eyes. "Hey, do you want to go to the roof today?" He asked in one short quick breath, sitting up. I stared at him, questioning his actions. "Uhm, okay? When do you want to go?" I asked. "I noticed we have no activities after 7 pm, so is 7:08 okay for us to meet up there?" He asked. Why does he want to go separately? Why is he so nervous?

"7:08? That's a very specific time." I slightly giggled at him. "Well I actually timed how long it takes to get there." He casually said. "You went there alone?" I asked in a worried tone. He simply nodded. "Dude! That's my spot. If you get caught they're gonna put extra security to get to it and then I'm fucked." I whispered, slightly frustrated. "But they could catch you too." He softly spoke. "I have years of practice! I trust myself more than you! You didn't even know about it before I brought you." I scoffed in a more calmed way as I shook my head in disappointment.

"Just be there." He said in a numb voice. I rolled my eyes.