We reached the top and I found the key that was in that old pot that has been there for years. I unlocked the door and wiped my hands on the edge of my top. "That's disgusting, you want a wipe?" He asked, already offering one with his hand. I sent him a judging look and took the wet anti bacterial wipe, this time awarely avoiding his touch. I wiped my hands with it and threw the dirty wipe to the corner of the staircase. He observed my actions and sent a disgusted glare my way. "Ugh, you're so annoying." I spoke and opened the door. I stepped outside and held the door open for him to enter outside. The slight wind messed with his hair as his hand immediately went its way to fix it. The sky was completely black, so only light we got was from the buildings and the street lights that were shining the streets that were many floors below us. "Wow this has an amazing view." I heard him say behind me, as I walked to the edge where the metal bars were. I sat as my usual spot, letting my legs peek through the gaps of the metal bars. "That's dangerous, Dahyun." He said as he stood next to me. "I won't fall. The bars are stopping me from falling." I explained and knocked on the bars to prove my point to him. "See?" I knocked again. I pulled out a cigarette from my pocket and put it in my mouth. He observed my lips and a cigarette that was stuck between them. "Are you going to sit and talk or actually stand here, unnoticeable?" I asked as I found my lighter. "Now you want to talk?" He asked with a sudden smile. "Seeing your reaction like that, I'm not so sure anymore." I judged him with my look but he just quickly sat down next to me. "No, let's talk. I'd love that." He said as he observed the city. "Fine, whatever." I said and lit a cigarette.

I puffed a smoke out as he sat next to me, keeping a distance of half a meter. I continued smoking as he observed me. I turned to him and sent him a confused glance. "What?" I asked, holding a cigarette in my right hand. "I didn't know you smoked, that's all." He spoke trying to hide his judgy tone. I ignored it and continued smoking. "You often come here?" He asked as he put one of the chocolate candies into his mouth. I stared at his mouth and moved back up to his eyes. "Yeah, not that it matters anyway." I said and looked down. "Why are you so defensive? I just want to talk to you." He said in a ridiculed way. "I'm not defensive. You just ask stupid questions." I said. "That's exactly what I'm talking about!" He ridiculed again, which made me pissed off.

One of my own most hated flaws is not thinking before I speak. So most of my offences towards people come from aggression and frustration I feel because of my lack of consideration for others. Or something like that. I often read my diagnosis. So like always, I didn't think about what to say when Taehyung irritated me, so I blurt out an offense, making myself disappointed with every word.

"Why do you look like a depressed rat as soon as the day is over?" I immediately asked, my cold stare piercing through his eyes as his body clenched at the sudden question. Not wanting to answer any questions we kept asking questions to provoke each other, questions becoming more serious. "Is bipolarity one of your diagnoses?" He asked, switching his tone to a more serious one, provoking me. "Okay. Two can play that game." I said and pulled my legs back and sat on the surface, facing him. He did the same and waited for me to speak.

During these days, there was never a moment in which we were both angry at each other and provoke each other in the same serious tone. Taehyung has had enough of me, I figured. I could feel the cocky confidence of his provoking tone and his expressionless face, trying to surprise me that he could be cold and rude just like I am. As much as he followed me around like a child, he observed and analyzed me the same way I analyzed him, so that made both of us frustrated. But we could never admit that we were alike, or had things in common. There was just a strange aura that either made us dislike each other or open up about things we both were scared of.

"You do realize you can't escape germs, right?" I asked, staring intensely into his eyes as he did the same. "Is your abandonment issue a reason you push people away even if they don't try to get closer to you?" He asked, hitting the vulnerable spot, making me more frustrated. "Is your manic fear of touch a reason you move away from people even if they don't try to get closer to you?" I repeated in the same tone, focusing on his problem. He licked his bottom lip, blinked twice, and coldly continued. "Have you ever even tried to fix your anger issues or is all of that an act to push people away?" The way he asked these questions, truly made him look like he analyzed me well. He was good at observing, but I was too focused on analyzing him that I forgot to protect myself from the observations he made. And by looking at him you could never guess he had that ability in him. He was a very difficult person to understand, mainly because he carried many layers of himself around the world. "Are you afraid to sleep because you could get your PTSD flashbacks?"

"Why do you want to push me away? Are you afraid I'm getting under your skin?" He asked in his regional accent, getting more frustrated with each second. "Why would you think I would like someone like you?" I asked and crossed my arms, my anger getting more intolerable. "Do you not take your meds because you don't really want to get better?" He asked, his eyes getting into a stubborn fight with mine and his tongue nervously licking his lips with every new question. "Are you not afraid you'd sometimes touch unsanitary things, such as doorknobs, when you're so high on your meds and not aware of your phobias?" I asked quickly. He looked down and shut his eyes, only to look back into mine after two seconds. "How come you're still here after for so long?" He asked, being angry too. "Why do you feel a pathetic need to appeal to people with your charms?" I asked. "Why are you trying to be emotionless, when in reality you have too much emotion?" Hearing him say that, made my heart beat sped up and my already troubled breathing worse. It made me think the worst things I could ask him. In one moment I wanted to hurt him, and in the other moment I wanted for him to answer all these questions so I could understand what's he going through. Then I ended up asking such a simple question compared to the previous ones, yet that question seemed to hit him the hardest. "What trauma caused you to not be able to touch people?" I coldly questioned, my facial expressions stiffening. "What happened to you that made you carry this much anger and hate towards people?" He asked, continuing a series of questions that we never wanted to answer. And then, only a few moments after that, we reached a maximum of our frustration. "Why is your germapho-" I tried to speak, but Taehyung raised his voice as he cut me off. In a short second he asked a question that left me feeling startled and he looked the most frustrated he could look. "Why did you try to kill yourself last week?" He asked and his face immediately gave him away once he realized he didn't want to ask that question. So much regret was plastered onto his face and his eyes became pure and vulnerable again.

"Ever tried killing yourself?" I asked, feeling my eyes water. As much as he wanted to stop this twisted question game, I continued, just because my frustration wasn't fulfilled enough for it to have a purpose. He looked fairly uncomfortable, not knowing how to react. "Something in the shower triggered you that made you have that panic attack last week, right?" I asked and continued, feeling a need to cry. "Do you play all these opposite roles of yourself just so you can run away from what fucked up shit defines you right now?" I asked and got further away from him. "I'm sorry, pl-please, let's stop." Taehyung pleaded and got closer but I kept moving away. "How did you try to kill yourself?" I directly asked and stopped moving away, now feeling completely numb. "I assume it was recently, so they sent you here, right?" I asked, to which he just looked down. "What? Cat got your tongue?" I said and felt a tear roll down my cheek. That one tear was a border that got completely destroyed, letting other tears fall right out my eyes and down my cheeks. My fragile shield was breaking, Taehyung being first to notice it was made out glass and not some strong metal. "Dahyun, don't cry, please." He said and got incredibly close to me, seeming to slightly forget about the germs and a danger of an accidental touch. "I shouldn't have said it-" He tried to apologize again but I completely snapped out on him. "Stop treating me like I'm one of your fucking daisies!" I cried out, to which he felt his eyes water too. I looked down and felt my stomach twist inside of me, making my whole body clench. "I'm not weak." I said, staring into his eyes. "I'm not vulnerable, I'm not vulnerable, I'm not-I'm not vulnerable." I kept repeating to myself, covering my ears. "Calm down, please." He said and took a few deep breaths. I could barely focus on anything but my loud mind that only brought pain to me, both mentally and physically, so I almost didn't even notice it. I didn't notice that those few deep breaths Taehyung let out were encouragement breaths. My mind blacked out for a split second before I felt warmth. Taehyung was holding me.

My whole body stiffened, his did too. His arms were around me and his heart beat sped up a lot. He shut his eyes and swallowed a hard lump in his throat. He was in noticeable physical pain, so he barely let out a breath. "Don't-don't be upset, please." He breathed out, his voice sounding intense and in pain too. For someone who doesn't want to feel other human warmth, his body was extremely warm and felt welcoming. His body was clenching for those few seconds but he didn't want to crush me by his grip, so he tried his hardest to be gentle. I observed what he was going through for a few seconds and quickly pulled away from him.

I panicked and moved away. "Why did you do that? Are-are you okay?" I stuttered and tried to fight the urge to hug him or stroke his shoulder to comfort him. How can you comfort someone without touch? Could any words really comfort him?

"I'm fine. I'm just feeling a bit-" He tried to speak but he didn't even finish his sentence before he quickly positioned his head in between the metal bars and shivering a little bit. He started coughing as his knees looked weak, resting on the ground.