Chapter 13 — by Wuckster

Pexels - Free-to-use photo by Ricardo Ribeiro 

 "Did they just open fire on us?" Hana exchanged incredulous glances with her companions.

"Diagnostics indicate we have indeed been impacted by some sort of projectile weapon," ALI piped up. "We've suffered some superficial damage to the outer hull, but nothing to write home about. 'Tis but a flesh wound, you might say. All indications are that it wasn't a very high powered explosive. That said if we get hit enough times or in just the right spot, we could be in for some trouble."

As if on cue a dull thudding sound reverberated through the bridge and the ship shook hard enough to knock Amphilion off his feet.

"Phili!" Hana gasped.

"No need to worry." He got shakily back to his feet and dusted himself off. "I'm okay."

"Another minor impact," ALI reported. "That one might leave a little mark. Oh, my poor beautiful exterior. Maybe we can buff it out?"

"Where are these shots being fired from?" Sanju asked. Splotches of orange flitted across xeir face.

"Scanners indicate a lone ship in close planetary orbit. Looks like it's there mostly for defensive purposes. It's not large enough to carry many passengers, and I don't register any cloaking or warp speed abilities. We could simply outrun this little bugger if push comes to shove."

"Can we fire back at it?" Sanju asked.

"Hold on," Hana raised an open hand. "I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding. The last thing we want is to get into a firefight with Earth. Can we bring them up on the comm screen? Maybe we can reason with them."

"Let me see what I can do," ALI said. "Hang on... aha! I've contacted their ship's computer. Yes... You can call me ALI. What should I call you?... Oh, that's an interesting name. May I ask where it comes from?... Are you serious? Oh, that's too much! Listen, if you want to hear a really funny story, let me tell you about this AI I heard about called HOBART..."

"Excuse me, are you making small talk with the other ship's computer?" Hana asked.

"I'm just being friendly," ALI said. "You should try it. Did you know that having a sunny outlook statistically results in 67% happier and healthier babies? All expectant mothers should really try their utmost to put a smile on their face and radiate kindness and positivity for the good of their offspring."

Hana began to feel a headache coming on. "Could you please just get the crew of the other ship on the comm screen?"

"All right, one moment. Hey, ZUCCHINIFACE, sorry to cut our little chit chat short, but do you think you could let your people talk to my people?... Much appreciated!"

There was a burst of static on the screen and then an image of two aliens came gradually into focus. They appeared to be a little larger than an average human and were dressed in loose sheets that vaguely resembled togas. Enough of their bodies were left uncovered to reveal solidly built frames with leathery green skin dotted with random tufts of thick blue and red fur. A third arm protruded noticeably from the middle of their chests. Their heads were square shaped and featured highly pronounced brow ridges and jawlines. One of the aliens had a lengthy blue beard while the other one had a much sparser stubble of bright red and purple hair covering its chin. Both wore quizzical expressions on their faces, although it wasn't clear yet if they were genuinely inquisitive or if that was what their natural resting faces looked like.

"Greetings," Hana waved her arm in what she hoped was a non-threatening manner. "Please hold your fire. We come in peace and mean you no harm."

The aliens glanced at each other and then the one with the beard replied in a guttural voice. "We will hear you out." It spoke Standard with a bit of an accent Hana had never heard before.

"We have traveled a long distance in search of the planet Earth. Can you tell us if we have found it?"

"This is Earth," the alien grunted. "Why have you invaded our space?"

"We don't mean to trespass or give any cause for alarm," Hana said. "We are descendants of the people of Earth, or perhaps more accurately the colonizers that Earth sent out into the galaxy thousands of years ago. We merely hope to find our homeworld."

"All of you are children of Earth?" The alien's voice took on a skeptical tone.

"I'm only half-Human," Amphilion said. "But I do have roots on Earth and am very interested in its lore."

"I'm not a child of Earth," Sanju volunteered. "But I am trying to help them find their way there."

"And the droid?" the alien inquired.

"What, you mean H'ver?" Sanju ducked as the little golden ball whirred by xeir head, narrowly missing xeir crest. "I don't have any idea where it's from, but I'd say it's a safe bet it's not from Earth either."

"But would also like to offer assistance," H'ver said.

"I see," the alien stroked its beard. "Would you please give me a moment while I confer with my associate?"

"Of course," Hana nodded.

The aliens turned to speak to each other, but they failed to turn off their transmitter so their conversation was broadcast loud and clear aboard the Strawberry Mollusk.

"Hey, Uthar. Do we have colonies out in space?" the alien with the beard asked.

"Beats me, Gronf. I didn't pay much attention in history class. I always thought Ulf the Explorer established trading routes with a few nearby star systems, but determined there wasn't much out there worth seeing."

"I thought so, too," Gronf said. "Nothing compares to the majesty of Earth. Do you think they could be spies?"

"They don't look like Xorphans to me and the Yorps would never dare."

"The Yorps did try to raid our velcro silos that one time," Gronf said. "That's why the Grand Fl'umph started posting guard ships in orbit in the first place."

"You're right," Uthar chewed on the fingers of his third hand. "I think they're lying. The Yorps probably sent them here for some nefarious Yorp purpose. Let's pretend to play along and then blast them to smithereens with everything we've got."

"Excuse me," Amphilion spoke up. "If I may? You may not be aware of any Earth colonies because they were established long ago and any historical records may well have been lost to the fogs of time. Indeed Earth itself has become little more than a myth to us. I hope you can find it in your hearts to welcome home your wayward descendants and we could really use your help. Hana is with child, and it would mean a lot if the baby could be born on the homeworld of our ancestors. Think about the symbolic and historical significance of a long lost child of Earth returning from the stars and being born in the cradle of their people. Do you really want to be the ones who prevented that from happening?"

The aliens passed each other looks of uncertainty.

"Would you be so kind as to give us another moment while we confer among ourselves?" Gronf asked. Once again they failed to turn off their transmitters.

"Could we get in trouble if we send away an Earth descendant?" Uthar asked.

"I don't know," Gronf shrugged. "This is above our paygrade. Perhaps if we simply didn't report this little encounter nobody would ever have to know it happened at all."

"But they're recording everything on the little yellow box," Uthar pointed to something offscreen.

"Ooh, I forgot about the little yellow box. That complicates things. Maybe we could smash it up and claim it suffered some kind of malfunction. And then we could blow up their ship in case they were sent here by the Yorps."

"Please," Hana interrupted their conversation. "I'm asking for your help from the bottom of my heart as a mother. You can't even begin to fathom how far we've come or how much we've been through to get here. All we're looking for is a safe place where I can deliver my child with the assistance and medical knowledge of Earth. Don't you have mothers? Wouldn't they only want what was best for you?"

Uthar and Gronf turned and looked at each other again. Something seemed to pass between them without words as Gronf got a resigned look on his face. "Very well. We will escort you to the Grand Fl'umph and let him decide what to do with you. We are transmitting coordinates to the Tower of Worthiness, located at the heart of our great and glorious capital city of Klevan. Do not veer off course or try anything funny as we will be right behind you and will not hesitate to blast you out of the sky."

They boarded the lander and made their way down to the surface of the planet. Hana watched the viewscreen with great interest and anticipation as the details of the landscape began to come into focus. Contrary to her expectations, the green and brown colored areas were formed by massive bodies of water while the vibrant blue colors visible from space were provided by the foliage that covered the majority of the landmasses. In particular there were vast forests of trees covered in teal and aqua leaves and flowers that stretched out as far as the eye could see. She spotted a few scattered towns and villages around, but mostly there was an unbroken sea of blue trees.

"Does this fit with the legends you've heard about Earth, Phili?" Hana asked.

"Not really," Amphilion replied. "It's possible that things have changed a lot on Earth since the time of our ancestors, or maybe the legends were never accurate in the first place."

"Have you heard any stories about this Klevan city they're taking us to?" Sanju asked.

"Not as such." Amphilion rubbed his chin as he racked his brains. "I do seem to recall coming across some references to a city called 'Cleveland.' Perhaps the pronunciation of its name has changed across the ages. I don't know much about it other than it was allegedly located on the shores of some sort of great lake. I don't recall any references to it being a capital. A lot of the information we have about Earth is spotty though and it's often difficult to distinguish fact from fiction."

"Speaking of facts," ALI piped up. "Here's a fun one. Did you know that one of the best indicators of a healthy baby is the fitness level of the mother? Might I suggest you walk a few laps around the tower when we arrive at our destination?"

"I'll take that into advisement," Hana rubbed her head. She could still feel that headache lurking ominously behind her temples. "Speaking of our destination, how far away are we?"

"Estimated time of arrival is in fourteen minutes and thirty-eight seconds. Plenty of time to tell some good jokes. Anyone know any?... Anybody?... All right, I've got one. How many Latrodecti does it take to screw in a light bulb?... Anyone?... Anyone?... The answer is none! They don't screw it in, they just add it to their collection!... Hello? Is this thing on?"

Hana did her best to tune the AI out and kept her focus on the viewscreen. Before long they had reached the outskirts of the largest settlement she had seen thus far and were beginning to descend. The city appeared to be laid out in a circular pattern and she could see numerous structures below her in various sizes, shapes, and colors. She could only guess at what purpose they served. Perhaps some of the smaller ones were homes and some of the larger ones were businesses?

One structure that was impossible to miss was their presumed destination. At the very center of the city a tall white tower loomed over everything around it. They landed in a clearing just to the side of it.

"Is it safe to go out there?" Hana rubbed her belly protectively.

"Atmospheric analysis suggests a composition of approximately 80% nitrogen and 20% oxygen, with various trace gasses and other elements in minute quantities," ALI said. "The air will certainly be breathable. Gravity is within less than 1% difference than aboard the Strawberry Mollusk. As for any danger that might be posed by the local inhabitants, I'm afraid I am unable to speculate on that."

"All right, then," Hana said as she prepared to disembark. "Here goes nothing."

The ground underneath her feet had a sticky and spongy quality to it that she wasn't expecting. She wanted to savor her first breath of Earth's air, so she inhaled deeply as soon as the lander's hatchway opened. It smelled slightly musty and cloyingly sweet with just a hint of some sort of chemical like bleach. It was not anywhere near as refreshing as she had hoped.

Uthar and Gronf's ship had landed a short distance away, and they had already disembarked and had large guns pointed in the general direction of Hana and her companions.

"You see that archway in the base of the tower?"Gronf gestured with his gun. "That leads to a lift that will take you to the top of the tower where you will meet with the Grand Fl'umph. He has been notified of your arrival and is expecting you. You will empty your pockets before proceeding. Anything that could conceivably be used as a weapon is forbidden in the presence of the Grand Fl'umph. Your possessions will be waiting for you upon your return to your lander. Do not attempt to go anywhere other than the archway. We will be escorting you every step of the way and have no qualms about shooting you."

"So much for doing some laps around the tower," Hana muttered under her breath.

The tower looked like it had been carved out of one massive slab of smooth white stone and soared into the sky above them. Hana estimated it must be about thirty to forty stories tall. There were no markings or signage on the outside to indicate the tower's purpose, although it was clearly the most important building in the city. There was a lush garden full of flowering blue plants and trees surrounding most of the area that Hana could see around the base of the tower, aside from the clearing they had landed in, and the nearest other buildings looked to be hundreds of meters distant.

The unadorned archway was tall enough for someone more than twice Hana's height to walk through with room to spare and it was wide enough that ten or more people could easily enter side by side.

Once the group passed through the archway they found themselves in a relatively empty courtyard. There were a couple of empty benches and a few planters filled with more blue flowers scattered about, but overall it gave off the vibe of an area meant to be passed through.

The lift doors stood open near the back of the courtyard. Uthar and Gronf waved towards it with their guns in an effort to hasten the group along. The lift was spacious enough that everyone could have a generous amount of personal space around them, but their escorts herded everyone together in the middle of it. The lift ascended rapidly and Hana could feel her ears popping with the change in elevation.

The lift doors opened to reveal a beautiful rooftop patio. The ground was marbled and shiny and there were large planters with intricate designs carved into them virtually everywhere Hana looked. One area did have a glass roof supported by several massive columns covered in blue climbing vines, but the rest of the patio was open to the sky above. Hana noticed the sun was beginning to drop in the sky, and sunset was undoubtedly not far off.

The patio seemed to be unoccupied at first until Uthar and Gronf steered the group around the side of the lift and into a small alcove that had previously been hidden from view. A rotund creature luxuriated in a tub that was sunken into the floor. It was full of a bright orange liquid that bubbled and steamed, giving off an acrid odor that made Hana's eyes water. The escorts were summarily dismissed to wait downstairs for further instruction.

"Greetings travelers, and welcome to Earth!" the alien in the tub called out. He was clearly the same species as Uthar and Gronf but quite a bit larger than them. The tufts of fur on his body were pure white. He had an extravagantly long white beard that was separated into three braids. He stroked at the middle braid with his third hand as he took in the new arrivals. "I am the Grand Fl'umph! I understand that you are sons and daughters of the Earth who have traveled far into the stars, but now have returned to bless us with a new child."

"That is more or less correct, kind sir," Hana gave a small curtsy. "We wish to give you thanks from the bottom of our hearts for receiving us and offering your assistance."

"Think nothing of it," the Grand Fl'umph waved his third arm dismissively. "You must all be tired from your journey. Would you care to join me in a refreshing traditional Earth acid bath?"

Hana, Amphilion, and Sanju all looked at each other. Nobody wanted to climb into a vat of acid but nobody wanted to be rude and decline the offer.

Finally H'ver spoke up. "No. Would not be interested in that."

"That is to say it's very kind of you to offer, but we'd like to settle in for a bit first," Hana said.

"Very well," the Grand Fl'umph said as he emerged naked from the tub. "Allow me to join you then. Garments!" He clapped his hands twice and a creature Hana recognized as a Vlern scampered out of an unseen back room carrying a metallic bronze sheet. It draped the sheet around the Grand Fl'umph's sizable body and tied the ends together before it disappeared back to wherever it had come from.

What is a Vlern doing on Earth? Hana asked herself and then shrugged it off.

"Perhaps I could entice you to join me for some tasty victuals." The Grand Fl'umph led them to a large round table that was situated underneath the glass roof. "Please, have a seat. Make yourselves at home."

Hana, Amphilion, and Sanju each took a seat next to each other while the Grand Fl'umph sat across from them in an especially ornate chair. H'ver continued to float around in the vicinity of Sanju's head. The chairs were spacious, well cushioned, and overall quite comfortable.

"It is my unmitigated pleasure to host you," the Grand Fl'umph said as he snapped his fingers. Another Vlern emerged with glasses of clear liquid and set it in front of everyone at the table.

Hana sniffed at the glass uncertainly before concluding it was good old fashioned water. "Thank you again for your hospitality. Shall we make a toast to a long overdue return home?"

Everyone clinked their glasses together and took a drink.

"I must say, though," the Grand Fl'umph said as he set his glass back on the table. "You do not particularly look like most Earthans."

"Yes, I can't help but notice I haven't seen any Humans like me around either. Are there Humans on this planet?"

"Hugh-mons?" the Grand Fl'umph chewed on the word as if it was impossibly strange. "No, I can't say I've ever seen anyone that looks like you. Except... many, many years ago when I was but a small boy there was that one visitor..."

"Wait a minute," Hana said. "Are you talking about Amber? Do you know something about Amber???"

Sanju practically choked on xeir water at the mention of amber. "Whoa, you're not beating around the bush when it comes to amber, are you? I kind of figured we'd settle in a little bit, maybe the kid could be born, and then we could get around to looking for amber."

"Why would we wait to look for Amber?" Hana asked.

"I don't know," Sanju shrugged. "I'm as anxious to find amber as you are, but we hadn't really discussed anything about it yet."

"I didn't know you knew anything about Amber," Hana said.

"Doesn't everyone know about amber?" Sanju asked.

"You wish to know about amber?" the Grand Fl'umph spoke up.

"Yes!" Hana and Sanju said at the same time.

"That's odd..." the Grand Fl'umph stroked his braids with his third hand. "Very well. We can discuss amber. But first, I must insist we indulge in some supper. I am simply famished." He stuck two fingers in his mouth with his third hand and let out a shrill whistle.

The Vlern who had brought their water stepped out from behind the Grand Fl'umph's chair. "Yes, sir?" he asked.

"Wait, were you standing right behind me the entire time?" the Grand Fl'umph asked.

"Yes, sir."

"Well, why didn't you already bring us our food?" The Grand Fl'umph drummed the fingers of his third hand on the table.

"My deepest apologies, sir. I did not realize you were ready to order." The Vlern turned to look everyone at the table in the eye. "My name is Blarj and I will be your waiter tonight. May I suggest an appetizer?"

"There's no need to introduce yourself," the Grand Fl'umph snapped. "And no, we don't need an appetizer. Bring out a bucket of zlonch for the table. And be quick about it!"

"Yes, sir," Blarj bowed and scurried away.

"Sorry about that." The Grand Fl'umph turned his attention back to his guests. "The Vlerns are renowned for their excellent service skills. That's why we go to all the expense of bringing them here from off-world. They are expected to anticipate your every need, not stand around and wait to be asked. I'm going to have to give our friend Blarj a bad score on his evaluation, I'm afraid. Now what were we discussing?"

"Amber!" Hana was beginning to feel exasperated.

"Oh yes. I must say I'm not entirely clear why you're so interested in amber, but we can discuss that if you wish."

"Yes," Sanju said. "We are all very interested in finding amber."

"Finding amber?" The Grand Fl'umph looked confused. "I wasn't aware that amber was missing. In fact I just saw amber outside not more than an hour or two ago."

"Wait, are you trying to say Amber is here now?" Hana asked.

"Amber is all over the place on Earth," the Grand Fl'umph said. "Everywhere you look, there is amber. Amber is quite a nuisance, to be quite frank."

"What?" Hana started to feel the headache resurging. "How is that possible? This doesn't make any sense."

"Rumors have persisted that there is a lot of amber on Earth," Sanju said. "I didn't think it would be everywhere you looked. This is incredible!"

"What are you talking about?" Hana asked.

"What are you talking about?" Sanju countered. Xeir face flushed with a mix of red, orange, and purple colors.

"I'm talking about Amber!"

"So am I!"

"I'm confused," Amphilion said.

The Grand Fl'umph's belly let out a noisy gurgle. "Why hasn't that worthless Vlern returned with our zlonch yet?" He put his fingers in his mouth and let out another shrill whistle.

A smaller Vlern scampered out of a hidden back room hauling a large bucket. "I beg for your forgiveness, sir. Blarj was supposed to be attending to your meal, but we have been unable to locate him anywhere. He seems to have vanished. You will, of course, be given a substantial discount on our services."

"I should say so," the Grand Fl'umph snorted. "You can be sure I will also be lodging a complaint with your manager. Now hurry up and serve us our supper!"

The Vlern raced around the table, dipping a ladle into the bucket and pouring the contents onto their plates with a loud clinking sound.

Hana had no idea what zlonch was, but it looked a lot like a pile of rocks, gravel, and broken glass. And then for just a moment, she would have sworn one of the rocks morphed into an eyeball. She felt a wave of nausea pass through her, but managed to stifle it.

Sanju and Amphilion didn't appear to be any more interested in the food than she was. The Grand Fl'umph, on the other hand, was tackling it ravenously, shoving it into his mouth with all three hands.

"So..." Sanju said. "Is there any possibility we could see some of this amber?"

The Grand Fl'umph paused his feasting. "You wish me to bring amber here? While we're eating? This is most unorthodox, but if you insist." He clapped his hands and sent the responding Vlern off to fetch amber.

Hana looked at her plate again and this time she was sure it was sprouting rainbow tentacles for several seconds before they disappeared. "What is this?"

The Grand Fl'umph looked at her. "Is there something wrong with your zlonch?"

"Yes! There are lips and fingers growing out of it!"

"That doesn't sound right," the Grand Fl'umph shook his head. "We can always send it back to the chef if you got a bad batch."

"Look!" Hana shouted. "Now there's an ear with a snake wiggling out of it! Is no one else seeing this?"

"Are you feeling okay, Hana?" Amphilion asked. "Do we need to find you a place to lie down?"

The Grand Fl'umph reached over and grabbed a handful of food off Hana's plate. Tentatively he placed a piece of broken glass in his mouth. "Tastes fine to me." He went ahead and gobbled up the rest of the zlonch in his hand. "Ah, here comes the amber you wished to see."

They turned to see a Vlern pulling a small goat-like creature with a rope tied around its neck.

"What is that?" Hana asked.

"That's amber," The Grand Fl'umph replied.

"Are you messing with us?" Hana rubbed her face with her hands. Wild spirals of color danced around in the darkness of her closed eyes.

"Absolutely not." The Grand Fl'umph took another bite of his zlonch. "Amber is the most plentiful creature on Earth. It outnumbers Earthans by about nineteen to one. If you were looking for amber, congratulations. You have found the motherlode of amber."

"This is not the amber we were looking for," Sanju said.

"I don't understand," the Grand Fl'umph said. "What other amber is there?"

"Amber is an extremely rare and valuable fossil worth countless ooblets to the right buyer," Sanju said.

"Wait, what?" Hana said. "No she isn't. Amber is the greatest space explorer of all time and one of my biggest motivations for making this journey. She's been my hero for almost as long as I can remember."

"Huh?" Sanju's face turned shades of green and blue. "What the heck are you talking about? Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

"I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding here," Amphilion said. "Also I believe we've gotten a bit off the topic of why we're here. Hana was hoping to learn more about the traditional Earth way of delivering a child."

"Are we certain this actually is Earth?" Hana sneered. She was feeling an uncontrollable sense of rage starting to well up somewhere inside her.

"My dear, I can assure you with absolute authoritativeness that this is indeed Earth. I have lived here for many centuries, and it has always been Earth. Now as for childbirth, our Earthan midwives are simply the best. They will assist you in getting into the proper birthing position, which of course is standing on your head and supporting yourself with your three arms like a tripod. That way you can shoot the baby straight into the air like a rocket. The midwives are most adept at catching the younglings, so I am told. Less than thirteen percent of them are dropped."

"This doesn't seem like it's going to work," Amphilion scratched his head. "And am I crazy or is the floor starting to move around and change colors?"

"Everything looks normal to me," Sanju said. "You both seem to be acting a little strange. It's a good thing I've got H'ver to keep things on the straight and narrow. Say, where is H'ver anyway? I swore it was just floating around here a minute ago."

Hana was feeling a strange urge to grab her plate of zlonch and smash it on the ground. She couldn't say exactly why, but the idea of doing that seemed really appealing at the moment. She was just reaching to grab it when she thought she saw a blur of motion out of the corner of her eye.

"Psst." She heard a whisper.

Hana swiveled around in her chair. "Is someone there?"

"Hana, it's me." A ghostly image of a woman dressed in brightly colored clothes began to materialize a short distance to her left. The woman had long knotted brown hair with many feathers, bones, and other trinkets woven into its strands. A vibrant orange scarf was tied around the top of her head and another light green was was wrapped around her upper right arm. She wore an eyepatch over her left eye that was studded with emeralds and rubies. Hana thought she was the most beautiful person she had ever seen.

"Am... Amber?"

"Yes, Hana. I have been known by many names, but one of them is Amber."

"You really are here!"

"I was here once long ago. I suppose a part of us remains everywhere we travel. But I'm here now to deliver you a warning. This is not your Earth."

"Yes, I've been beginning to gather that," Hana said.

"Who are you talking to over there?" Sanju asked.

"Hush!" Hana spat back without turning to look at xem. "I'm speaking with Amber."

"Uh oh," Sanju said. "Something is really wrong here. And what are you doing Phili?"

Amphilion had stood up from his chair and was beginning to climb on top of the table. "I'm feeling the strangest urge to get up here and start tap dancing. Should I not be doing that?"

"Um... no?" Sanju said. "Where the heck is H'ver?"

"Here," H'ver said as it floated up from the edge of the building. "Have important news to share."

Hana wasn't particularly interested in whatever the little droid was talking about. Couldn't these idiots see that she was talking to the legendary Amber?

"So if this isn't Earth, what is this place?" she asked.

"It's all a bit confusing, I'm afraid," Amber said. "I came here on my travels as well, believing it to be Earth. And, in fact, it is Earth. Or at least that's the name its inhabitants came up with for it in ancient times. It has no relation to the Human Earth as no Humans have ever been here other than me, and now you. I was told that the word meant something akin to brain freeze in their native language. So, yes, this planet is called Earth, but it's only a name that it has in common with our homeworld by complete coincidence. In every way that matters, it is not our Earth at all. And what's more, it is dangerous here! For you and especially for the child!"

Amber reached out and touched Hana's belly with a ghostly finger before fading into the ether. Hana felt a sudden lurching pain in her midsection. She looked down and was horrified to see her stomach stretching outward in an unnatural fashion. She thought she could see five little fingers prodding from the inside and then a full hand began to push its way out. Then another tiny hand began to apply ever increasing pressure. The speed and intensity began to increase at an alarming rate. Something was wrong with the baby! It was trying to claw its way out!

"Hana!"

Her attention snapped back into focus as Amphilion shook her by the shoulders. To her relief her stomach appeared to be back to normal. "I'm here! What is it?"

"We have to get off this planet immediately! It's the pollen! We're inhaling toxic amounts of it with each breath!"

"What?" Hana asked.

"H'ver figured it out," Sanju said. "You may have noticed how many trees and flowering plants there are on this planet. They're all putting off loads and loads of pollen. The air is practically saturated with it. H'ver detected it with its nano-components. Pollen granules were sort of gumming up its gears, so to speak. So H'ver took a sample back to the lander for ALI to analyze. It turns out it has adverse effects on Humans. Apparently causes delusions, irrational behavior, and hallucinations. It got you the worst because you're fully Human. Phili was affected too, but not quite as badly since he's half Shozien. H'ver and I weren't affected at all since we're not Human in the slightest. But Phili's right. We need to get off this planet now."

"Hold on," Hana turned to the Grand Fl'umph. "There's something I need to know. Is it true? Was Amber here? You did say something about a visitor a long time ago that looked like me."

"Yes, there was such a visitor," the Grand Fl'umph said. "I'm afraid I don't remember her name. It was a long time ago, and I was but a youngling. I do remember she also didn't believe my grandmother, who was Grand Fl'umph at the time, when she told her this was Earth. This visitor was very insistent on finding the real Earth, as if this planet was not real. I remember finding that very funny as a boy."

"Do you know what happened to her?" Hana asked, trying to ignore the giant purple hippopotamus that couldn't possibly actually be standing beside the Grand Fl'umph. "Or at least where she went next?"

"Alas, I have no idea as to her fate or if she ever found her Earth. I do seem to remember that she planned to point her spacecraft at the brightest star in the sky and head straight towards it."

"Thank you so much for your hospitality and your help," Amphilion said. "We really do need to be on our way."

"It saddens me that you all will be taking your leave so soon," the Grand Fl'umph stood up and led them towards the lift. "It's been ages since I've had anyone interesting to converse with. But I do understand the pull of home. Oh, and by the way, nobody leaves Earth without a gift. I've taken the liberty of putting together a large crate of the finest zlonch wine. It will be waiting for you aboard your landing ship. Gronf and Uthar may not be good for much, but they can certainly haul around a heavy box. Farewell, my friends, and safe travels. I hope you find what you were looking for."

They arrived back on the Strawberry Mollusk a couple hours later. There was a brief hiccup outside the tower back on Earth when Hana insisted she was a pink mushroom named Cornelius and she was permanently rooted to the ground and, therefore, couldn't possibly get on a spacecraft. With a little assistance from Uthar and Gronf they managed to get her back in the lander and strapped in.

It wasn't the most comfortable transit back as the crate of zlonch wine the Grand Fl'umph had insisted on gifting them had been loaded into the passenger compartment of the lander rather than the cargo hold, forcing everyone into each other's personal space. Nonetheless they got back to the main ship in one piece.

"Welcome home," ALI said cheerfully.

"It's good to be home," Sanju said. "If home is what this is. For now, I suppose it is."

"What should we do with the giant crate the Grand Fl'umph gave us?" ALI asked. "We can't just leave it on the lander."

"I don't think any of us wants to drink that stuff," Sanju said. "Honestly, I'd be fine with jettisoning it into space. I don't really want to deal with it right now though. I think we're all pretty tired from our ordeals. I know I for one would like to get into a comfy bed and take a long nap. Phili, I think you and Hana should head to the medical bay to get checked out just in case there are any nasty after effects from the pollen."

"Already on it," Amphilion said, then paused in his tracks as they heard a loud crashing noise coming from the lander.

"Nobody's going anywhere!" a voice called out.

They turned around to see a familiar looking alien stepping out of the lander. Broken pieces of the crate were stuck to his fur. And most concerningly he was pointing a laser gun at them.

"Aren't you Blarj?" Sanju asked. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm taking over this ship. Now I suggest you all keep very, very still and maybe nobody has to die."

Interview with the author of this chapter