lost at sea - act one 

season one; episode seven (part three) 

JJ | third person point of view

JJ Maybank knew a lot about loss; knew how it could break you in ways that you never thought about being broken, knew how it could change you as a person, knew what it took to come back from it. He also knew that he was losing Julianna as fast as he got her in the first place; and it was all because of the pain that coursed through him every day.

The pain in his chest burned through the rest of his body as he made his way through the front yard of the house that held every dark secret of his life; the place that once held his innocence now bewildered with darkness and an unimaginable burden. It felt as if his body was on fire as he walked through his front door, finding the house empty and disheveled; like his mind is on any given day. "Dad?" He called out in a weary tone and his voice just echoed off the walls, which led to the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up.

"Dad!?" He shouted again as he walked through the house, his feet coming in contact with discarded beer cans and bottles riddling the walk way and causing a cacophony to erupt around him; making him jump like an easily spooked cat as he walked. Even moments away from his father scared him, made him feel unwelcomed in his own home.

The sound of clanging met with a mix of nineties punk rock came flooding in from the back half of the house, being blocked out slightly by the back door acting as a buffer; calling out to the Maybank boy like a siren luring a pirate to his death. "For fuck sake..." JJ muttered, figuring out instantly where his father was camped out. He slowly inched his way to the door, scared of what version of his father would meet him on the other side.

He reached out for the door knob and his shaky hand jiggled the metal as he let it settle against it. "Just put him in his place... Take back this part of your life, not just for you but for Julianna..." He coaxed, his inner dialogue filled his brain and calmed him as he took a deep breath, turning the knob as he released it.

For a moment there was resistance against the door from the outside but once JJ pushed it open he revealed the image of his father sitting at his makeshift workbench, tinkering with one of his many piece of crap dirt bikes. "Son of a bitch..." He muttered, shoving his way through the crack of the now opened door; coming face to face with his father who just stared blankly at his son.

The two stayed in an awkward silence- neither one knowing how to strike up a conversation- and JJ just stared at his father with saddened eyes as he swayed back and forth on the balls of his feet. "I've been staying at John B's..." He hesitated to say, not knowing what kind of reaction he would get, and Luke just scoffed.

"I didn't ask you where you were stayin'. I don't care." he said as he stood up from his spot at the workbench, making his way over to the small radio he had set up- turning up the volume slightly, as if to drown out his son's words, "I knew you'd get hungry."

JJ shook his head like a scared little boy, watching his father slowly make his way across the screened-in porch before settling back into his spot at the workbench. "That's not why I came back, Dad." He explained in a soft tone and Luke rolled his eyes, grabbing the screwdriver again, "Mm-hm."

"I got the money." JJ explained, taking in a shaky breath, and Luke just shrugged. "Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it." He said with a grunt and JJ just tossed the small black duffel bag onto his work space, not saying another word until his father gave him an ounce of his attention.

Luke looked at his son and scoffed before reaching for the duffel to see if his son was actually telling the truth. "It's all there... 25K.' JJ said with a nod as his father unzipped the bag and grabbed one of the stacks of cash that the Maybank boy had stolen from Barry's house. He looked at his son with a look that was hard to describe as a chuckle escaped his lips and a wave of relief washed over JJ, thinking that for once his dad would be proud of him.

"I don't know how you got this. I... I don't even wanna know." Luke said with a smile on his face and JJ let an anxious chuckle escape his lips as he smiled back at his father, taking his hat off of his head and tossing it up in the air a couple of times. "You did it." Luke exclaimed, pointing a finger at his son proudly, and laughs from both him and JJ filled the stale air surrounding them, "I'll grant you that. You did it."

JJ watched his father fan the bills out slightly with his calloused thumb and for once he felt comfortable in his own home and around his own father, he was able to begin to bring his walls down; even if it wasn't his smartest decision. "There's beer in the cooler." Luke mentioned, motioning towards the two coolers that had been pushed up against the door, and JJ nodded.

"I think that sale's still on at Guffy's of Makos. They're practically givin' 'em away." Luke explained as he moved from the workbench over to the far side of the sunroom and as JJ grabbed a beer from the cooler his face fell. Watching his father open the newspaper the Maybank boy's chest grew tight. "Yep... You see it says it right there." Luke exclaimed, pointing at the article in the Kildare Chronicle.

JJ shook his head. " Dad, that's for the restitution..." He urged but Luke didn't listen, he was so focused on what he would do to burn away the money. A chuckle escaped the Maybank father's lips as he tapped the stack of cash, "We're gonna tap that... put a little more in."

"Dad..." JJ started, putting down his bottle, closing the space between him and his father. "Dad, can you please just do the right thing for once, okay?" He asked, his voice wavering as he came face to face with his father. Luke shook his head, closing what was left of the space between him and his son, an accusatory finger pointing in his direction. "You know how much you cost me, you little shit?" He seethed, "This nut? It ain't going to the cops. No. I'm gonna take it south. I'm gonna triple it..."

All JJ could think about as his father spoke was the conversation that he and Julianna had in Barry's kitchen; the one where she laid out her cards in front of him and pretty much told him that if he continued down the road he was on now, he would lose her for good. He couldn't lose the best thing to ever happen to him, the only way to keep her was to finally stand up to the monster who loomed over him.

"Dad!" He fussed and Luke lunged towards him in the same exact way he had done with Julianna hours earlier, and in that moment he realised that Julianna was in the right saying the things that she had said. "You got somethin' to say? After everything you done?" Luke asked, fury lacing his voice, "You wanna get into it?" He asked, shoving his son and when JJ didn't respond he nodded. "I didn't think so."

Without saying another word Luke shook his head and sighed, bringing himself back to his workbench. "Man, people keep wastin' my time. I gotta fix this motor." He said motioning towards the dirt bike and JJ nodded, pressing his lips into a thin line, knowing that if he said anything he would end up on the ground with his father on top of him so he stayed silent; but that didn't mean he stopped plotting in his head.

"You know... Ever since you got with that Routledge girl you've turned into such a little bitch. I hope she knows that you aren't going to protect her when something bad happens." Luke stated, a scoff-like laugh escaped his lips and that is what sent the Maybank boy over the edge; no one talks about Julianna that way and gets away with it.

So without any hesitation and while Luke had his back turned to him, JJ launched himself towards the empty igloo water bottle that the Maybank man had shoved the wad of cash in. His sudden movement caused Luke to stop what he was doing and quickly turn on his heels and swung his fist, connecting it with his son's face, knocking him down onto the rotted wood of the porch.

There was a ringing in his ears as he felt a warm sensation fill his mouth. Struggling to get a deep breath he brought one of his hands up to his mouth and wiped away the blood that seeped out of his mouth. "Fuck..." He muttered to himself, starting to get back, and Luke scoffed, "Boy, you stay down there."

"Shut up!" JJ shouted, shooting up from his spot on the porch, lunging at his father and bringing his fist up to make contact with his face as a yell erupted from his soul; ripping through him like rushing water breaks through a dam.

Once Luke regained his wherewithal he muttered something under his breath and swung his arm as fast and hard as he could, the sound of his knuckles colliding with JJ's cheek echoed throughout the screened-in porch, causing JJ to fly backward and make direct contact with the floor. Within seconds Luke was stradling his son and had his hands wrapped around his neck, cutting all access to his breath that he had just regained moments before.

The teen writhed in pain as he tried to break free from his father's hold. As he stared up at his father memories of his childhood came flooding back to him, remembering a time where Luke would've given up everything to be a good dad, and as his hold grew tighter on his neck all JJ wanted to do was teleport back to that time. "Dad..." He struggled to say through his gritted teeth and he noticed that there was no one behind his father's darkened eyes; no one was going to show mercy on him.

JJ gathered all of the strength he had left and was able to bring his knee up and rammed it into his father's side, causing him to yelp and finally give way- his hands unwrapping themselves from around the blonde's neck. He took his chance and began to scramble to his feet, only to have one of his feet caught by Luke's hand resulting in him falling face first into the shag rug that partially covered the porch.

A yelp escaped JJ's lips as one of his father's steel toed boats collided with his rib cage, causing even more air to escape his lungs. All he could think of was being in bed with Julianna; her head against his chest, their heartbeats in sync with one another, and his finger calmly drawing shapes on her back- his perfect escape from reality.

"Get up!" Luke shouted as he grabbed a handful of his son's hair, pulling him up from the ground and throwing him against the wall, causing a cough to escape the blonde's lips while his father's fist made connection with different sections of his body multiple times. JJ grabbed ahold of his father's shirt collar and with a shout he rammed his entire body into his father, causing both of them to fly through one of the screen panels.

As the two collided with the dirt yard several feet away from the porch JJ scrambled to his feet; finding the upper hand for the first time with his father. Letting his foot collide with his father's side and a string of groans escaped Luke's lips as JJ grunted, "You wanna steal from me?" He shouted, his voice breaking as he kicked him once again.

"You gave me nothing! You gave me nothing but a shitty life!" His voice broke as tears began to escape his eyes and slowly make their way down his cheeks. "All you ever did was try and scare me!" He screamed, reaching for a tool out of the discarded tool bag in the middle of the lawn, holding a wrench over Luke's head.

"Well, guess what, Dad?" JJ asked, his voice quivering, "I ain't scared of you anymore." 

a note from the author !!!

this chapter shattered me... all my boy wanted was to be with his girl <3