"You didn't tell me everyone in our entire family was going to be here," I grumbled to my brother as we drove up to my parents house and I saw all the cars parked along the street.

"I told you it was a family barbecue," Liam said, not getting my irritation.

"I thought you meant our family. Just like–" He was giving me that look that said he did not understand me. My family had looked at me like that a lot the past few years. "Never mind," I said.

I had been expecting our immediate family at the party. As in, Mom, Dad, Liam, me...and maybe our Uncle Tim. I did not expect everyone even remotely related to us to be here. I sighed, not wanting to face them.

Somewhere along the way I had sort of become the black sheep of the family. The one everyone gossiped about. "Did you here Beau is with someone more than twice his age?!" "Oh the scandal!"

Liam found a place to park and we got out of his truck. As we approached the house, I realized I should've brought something. Harrison would have made sure we came with some kind of food dish or something to drink. I felt woefully guilty walking in empty handed. He would've given me a good spanking for forgetting good manners.

As soon as we walked into the house I was being smothered. "Hi, Mom," I said and she squeezed me so tightly I actually thought she might kill me.

"Oh, I'm so happy you're here," she said with emotion in her voice.

I knew my mom loved me, but it was hard to remember sometimes because what she thought was best for me was completely different than what I believed I needed in life.

I hugged her back because I hadn't seen her in months and I was truly happy to see her. If she didn't mention Harrison in a hurtful way I was sure we could get through this barbecue with no mishaps.

She finally pulled back and put her hands on my cheeks, just looking at me. I'd been told many times I looked just like my mother. The pale brown hair, green eyes, petite noses, and full lips were all exactly the same on us. I'd also inherited my height from my mother. It was something I had learned to accept a while ago. I was never going to be tall enough to reach the top shelf.

"Look at you," she said, smiling and looking sad at the same time. "I don't like it when you stay away for so long and now, you're all alone over there..."

"It's okay, Mom," I forced out, putting on my fake smile. I changed the subject by saying, "I'm sorry I didn't bring anything. It totally slipped my mind."

"Oh, don't worry about that! I'm just so glad that you came," she said, leaving all the sadness behind and finally looking genuinely happy. She kissed my cheek and grabbed my arm to pull me further into the house.

Liam had left sometime during my talk with Mom and we found both him and Dad in the kitchen, standing over the queso dip with beers in their hands.

My dad smiled at me and I went around the kitchen island to give him a side hug.

"How's my little boy doin'?" He asked in his rough voice.

I punched him lightly on his large stomach. "Not a little boy, Dad," I said with a frown.

"You'll always be little to me," he replied. I sighed and reached for a chip. "You need a haircut." He ruffled my hair, terribly messing it up.

"Dad, I've had the same haircut since I graduated high school. I like it this way." I shoved a chip into my mouth. He had told me numerous times that my hair made me look like a girl. It was only shoulder length, just touching the tops of my shoulders, but that was still too long according to him. I was tired of arguing with him about it so I tried to shut down that topic of conversation as soon as possible.

I pointed a stern finger at Liam as he took another drink of his beer. "Don't get drunk. You still have to drive me home later."

Mom touched my back. "Why don't you stay the night? Your room is still exactly the way you left it."

I fidgeted, not knowing how to say no without sounding completely rude. I needed to sleep at home...mine and Harrison's home. I couldn't explain the anxiety I felt being so far away from the area that had truly become home to me during the past seven years. I was aware that Mom wanted me to move back to their house, but I knew I could never do that. I still had no idea how I was going to afford living by myself without anyone to support me, but I wasn't asking my parents for help. They didn't know about all the bills I couldn't pay. Liam didn't even know about them. I hadn't told anyone. I guessed the only person who knew now was Jon.

"I can't. I have work tomorrow," I lied.

That got my parents asking about work and I felt there was a lot less pressure on me after that. Mom brought me out to the backyard where everyone was gathered in groups, talking, while my younger cousins ran around and played.

She stuck by my side and took me around to say hi to everyone. The looks I got from everyone were half happy and half pitying. They all clearly felt sorry for me, but some of them tried to cover it up with how happy they were to see me. No one mentioned Harrison which I was so grateful for. I didn't know how I would handle a conversation about him with people I barely knew.

Finally my mother let me go and I wandered off on my own, only to find myself playing in our old sandbox ten minutes later. I had fun building a sandcastle with my cousin Henry and half-cousin Katie until my phone rang. I wiped my hands off on my jeans and pulled it out of my pocket. It was a number I didn't recognize so I ignored it and put it back in my pocket.

"Beau, help with this part," Henry instructed and pointed to the very top of the castle they were constructing. It looked like a hot mess, but I was helping as much as I could.

Less than a minute later my phone rang a second time. I got it out of my pocket again to see it was the same number calling me. I frowned at it, but decided to answer. Either it was an important call for me or they had the wrong number. 

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" said the voice on the other end of the line.

I recognized it immediately. Jon. And he didn't sound happy.

"What do you mean where am I?" I asked.

"I'm at your house right now and you're obviously not here, so I want to know where you are." There was no patience in his tone.

I wiped my free hand on my jeans again. "You can't just go to my house!" I hissed into the phone. I realized this wasn't a conversation to have in front of children. They were doing a good job of ignoring me, but they still had ears.

I stood up to move to an area where no one could overhear me, but Henry and Katie started to protest.

"I–" Jon began to say something, but stopped when I said a hushed, "I'll be right back," to the kids.

He was too quiet for a moment as I walked away from the party. "Who are you with?" he asked with an edge to his voice.

I scrubbed at my eyes with my free hand, feeling stressed because of this conversation. "Jesus, Jon. I'm at my parent's house. There's a party. My brother picked me up this morning."

"Why didn't you tell me?" He sounded genuinely confused that I wouldn't give that information to him.

I looked up at the sky, exasperated. "Remember the part where I told you only my boyfriends can tell me what to do? Well, you're not my boyfriend, Jon," I said with some attitude. "I don't have to answer to you."

He was silent. I could practically hear him grinding his teeth. He knew I was right, but didn't know what to do about it. It was a tense minute before he said anything else.

"I came by to pick you up to get your car. It's all fixed up and ready to go," he said with a calmness to his tone that didn't sound fake. I guess I really had gotten him to calm down with that reminder.

"Oh," I said, feeling guilty that he had just been trying to do something nice for me. It didn't give him a right to be overly possessive, but I still felt bad about the way the conversation had gone. I plopped down into a chair at the edge of the yard, away from everyone. I didn't know what to say.

"I can be by later to pick you up," he offered.

"No, please– My brother is...driving me home and I just..." I didn't know how to say it.

"You don't want him to meet me," he said, filling in the blanks. He didn't say it in an angry tone, or sad...he just said it and that made me more upset than it should've. For whatever reason I could tell from the lack of emotion in his voice that he was upset by that notion.

"I'm sorry," I said, pleading. "It's–"

"Complicated. I get."

"No! I mean, yes it is, but you don't understand. It's not you." I just didn't want him to be angry at me.

"I think it is me," he said, his voice sounded...comforting. He wasn't angry anymore. He really was just trying to understand me. "It's because I'm older, isn't it?" I swallowed, not knowing how to answer. "You do like older guys and I think you don't want your brother to see you with another one."

My lip trembled. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." The pain in my voice was clear.

"Okay, okay," Jon said gently. "We don't have to. We can talk about anything you want to talk about."

After a moment I said, "I want to know what you do."

"What I do?"

"Yeah. I feel like you know a lot about me. Tell me about you."

"I could tell you all about myself if you went on a date with me," he said, but I could tell he was teasing.

"No," I said, drawing the word out. "Talk." I felt much bolder when I couldn't look at him.

"Okay, well, I run a graphic design firm that does pretty well. I like sports and play on an adult softball team, as I told you already. I work out a lot in my spare time."

"Are you a workaholic?" I asked. Harrison had been. He was always thinking about the bookstore. I understood because it was his business, but sometimes I had pouted when he wasn't paying enough attention to me. Pouting and being selfish or immature always earned me a spanking, but at least he was focused on me.

"A workaholic? No, not really. My hours are flexible and I take advantage of that. I would have lots of time to spend with you if that's what you're worried about."

I could hear him smirking and I wanted to roll my eyes. "We aren't talking about us. We're talking about you."

God knows Harrison wasn't perfect, but I wouldn't have changed him in any way. If Jon had been a workaholic too it wouldn't have changed the way I felt about him.

I blinked suddenly.

What the fuck are you thinking, Beau? You need to stop this! You've already taken this too far! You're getting too invested, too close. You want Jon to take care of you, but as soon as he sees how fucked up you are he's just going to  run and never look back.

"Let me take you out, Beau. We can go wherever you want."

"I can't," I said hoarsely.

"I'm not going away," he said with determination.

God. "Were you always like this? Terrorizing people to go out with you? You're old, I would think you would've grown out of it by now."

He laughed loudly. With a smile in his voice he said, "I know what I want and I go after it."

"Well, you should leave innocent young boys alone."

"I don't think you're really innocent at all, Beau."

I wanted to sigh. No, I wasn't innocent. I'd been with a few guys before Harrison and then Harrison and I had had a lot of sex, especially in the beginning. We slowed down a little after we'd been together for so long, but we'd still had a very healthy sex life. I think people assumed that since he was old enough to be a grandfather that he couldn't get it up, but that was not the case at all, especially when it came to me. I smiled at that thought. In the beginning he had been so annoyed that he acted like a horny teenager when I was in the room.

I hadn't realized I had been quiet for a while until Jon spoke again.

"Here's what we're going to do, Beau. I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to answer it honestly. Okay?"

"Okay." I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

He paused for a moment and I held my breath, waiting.

His voice was firm, authoritative, manly, dominant. It made me tremble. "Do you want me to leave you alone, Beau?"

I whimpered and wrapped my arm around myself as I started shaking. I knew I should say yes. I knew it. With everything fiber of my being I knew I should say yes.

"Answer me," Jon said after I didn't say anything.

"No." I gasped. "No, I don't." I was trying to hold myself together. The last thing I needed was to start crying at this family barbecue.

"Okay, then. We're on the same page now."

I covered my mouth to keep from making a sound of distress.

His voice was confident when he said, "I'll see tomorrow so we can get your car. Be ready at eleven."

I knew he was going to wait for me to reply so I uncovered my mouth and said very carefully, "Okay."

"Good. I'll see you then."

And with that, he hung up.

I slumped back into the chair, letting out a huge breath. What had I gotten myself into? Why couldn't I say yes, I want you to leave me alone?

I looked up at the sky, wondering if Harrison was looking down at me, shaking his head and giving me a disappointed expression.

I didn't like that thought so I looked back down at the ground, toeing the bright green grass.

I sat there, stuck in my mind for a few minutes before I looked up. I glanced around the party until I stopped when I saw a pair of eyes that were watching me.

Our neighbor, Derek Goodwin, was talking to a few of my distant cousins, eyeing me while he tried to carry on a conversation. I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away, feeling uncomfortable.

Derek was in between my age and Liam's age. Growing up, he had been two years ahead of me in school and Liam had been three years ahead of him, so neither of us really played with him or hung out in our childhood. So I didn't know what the hell he was doing here. It was weird.

I chanced a glance back at him.

He wouldn't stop staring at me.

I looked away again, not liking the feeling of his eyes on me. I was about to move to find a different spot to hide, but I saw Liam walking towards me so I stayed where I was.

"Everything okay?" He asked as he got closer. I just nodded as he stood in a spot near the chair I was sitting in. "You were talking on the phone to someone. Anything you want to tell me about?"

My eyes flitted up to him and he was giving me a curious but suspicious look. He couldn't know, could he? He couldn't suspect anything about me possibly meeting someone. There was just no way.

"It was nothing. Just someone from work asking if I could cover for them in a couple weeks," I lied.

He nodded, believing me. "It's good you have job, Beau. I like that you get out of the house a little."

I swallowed. He had no idea that the reason I had to have that job was because I had no way to pay for anything anymore. I never realized how much Harrison spoiled me until he died.

When my eyes strayed around the party again I was assaulted by the realization that Derek had not stopped looking at me.

Changing the subject that Liam and I had been on, I said, "Why is Derek Goodwin at our family barbecue?" I looked at Derek one more time before looking up at Liam.

When I saw the expression my brother had on his face I suddenly became on edge. He looked remorseful. He said, "I wasn't sure if you knew it or not, but he came out a couple years ago."

I hadn't been aware of that, but that didn't answer my question. I cocked an eyebrow. "That doesn't explain what he's doing here."

Liam winced. "Mom invited him."

It took me a moment to understand what Liam was trying to say, but when I did, my mouth dropped open. "No fucking way. You've got to be kidding me!" I shot to my feet and scanned my eyes over the backyard until I saw my mother talking to her sister on the other side of the yard.

I started stalking over to her and I heard Liam call my name, but I ignored him. I weaved in and out of other family members until I reached my mother.

When I was right next to her, I hissed, "What do you think you're doing?"

"What?" she asked, turning to look at me. She truly seemed confused.

"You can't just invite some gay guy you know here to set me up! You can't do that!" I knew my voice was getting loud, but I couldn't stop it. My emotions were becoming too much for me to control it.

My mother raised her eyebrows. Her voice became louder too, almost matching mine. "I just want you to be happy, Beau."

"I was happy!" I yelled. "But you didn't care!"

I could feel all eyes in the backyard on us.

"That man was only one year younger than your father! It wasn't right!"

I stepped back, blinking as if I had just been slapped.

I knew my mother had never approved of my relationship with Harrison, but she had never come out and said so candidly that she thought it was wrong.

I took another step back, seeing that my mother had a guilty expression on her face. She knew she'd just ruined something between us. I wasn't sure I could ever forgive her for saying that about the only relationship that had ever truly meant something to me.

I took one last step back and turned around. My mother said, "Beau," but I just shook my head and walked to the house, family members moving to let me pass. Everyone was staring, giving me all the same sad, pitying look. Just added some fuel to the gossip fire.

I went inside the house and upstairs to my old room. When I walked inside it was like teenage me had just slapped me across the face. I was too hurt and angry to laugh at the horribly tacky posters I had on my wall, like the sweaty underwear model with rippled abs. I sat on the edge of my bed and looked at the poster. It actually kind of looked like a young, clean shaven Jon. One side of my mouth quirked up before I continued to sulk.

What did it matter that I liked older guys? I was an adult. I had been of legal age when Harrison and I got together. We had been doing nothing wrong. He had liked being in charge and I had liked someone there to be in control and take care of me. We had fit together perfectly and most people saw that, they saw how much we loved each other. But none of it had ever mattered to Mom. She didn't care how happy I was or how good Harrison was to me.

Thinking about how much she disapproved of my relationship with my dead boyfriend made me realize that she would never, ever approve of Jon. It didn't matter that he was making me feel good for the first time in months, since Harrison had died. None of that would be good enough for her. She wanted to set me up with someone she thought was a good match, but that was someone I hadn't had the slightest interest in in all the time we lived near each other.

I moved off my bed and went to sit on the chair at my desk. I smiled, touching an old journal that I used to write in. It hadn't been important enough to pack when I moved in with Harrison. Lots of this stuff wasn't. I was young, in love, and I had only needed the handsome boyfriend I was moving in with. All this junk had been nothing to me after I met him.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs and I became tense, waiting to see if someone would knock on my door. Only after a few seconds I heard another set of footsteps coming up the stairs, but much quicker than the first.

There was one knock on the door and I just stared and then I heard, "Look, man, now isn't a good time." That was Liam.

"I only wanted to talk to him. It looked like he was really upset." And that was Derek Goodwin.

Great. Just fucking perfect.

But it seemed like Liam was going to get him to go away which I was so thankful for.

"He is really upset," said Liam. "But trust me, you trying to talk to him will not make him feel better."

"When your mom invited me, she made it sound like he was interested in finding a boyfriend," Derek said.

I pursed my lips, wanting to scream. I wanted to yell, "I'm not!"

Liam sighed. "I'm sorry she mislead you, but Beau is not going to be ready for a relationship anytime soon. Let's go back downstairs..."

After that I heard their voices trail off and footsteps retreating downstairs. I sighed and turned back to look at the journal on the desk. I got curious and flipped it open. I skim read some things about going to community college and what I had been up to at that time in my life. I stopped when I started reading an entry about a time I hadn't thought about in a long time. I bit my lip to keep it from trembling and I started to read, just trying to remember everything that had happened that day.

---

It was my third week at the bookstore and I was behind the front counter after finishing up a task Harrison had given me. I'd been teasing him all day and I could see him getting more and more worked up each time. There was fury in his eyes, but also arousal. I wanted him to be turned on, I wanted him to think about my hot little body after I left tonight. I wanted him to stay up late thinking about me...and what he wanted to do to me.

At the moment, Harrison was sitting in a chair he had pulled up to the counter and he was working on something on his laptop. He was always doing so much work, but I never asked about it, that would be super boring. He was doing a good job of ignoring me and I decided I'd had enough of it. I was leaning up against the counter, waiting for him to notice me and give me another task, but it wasn't happening. I bit my lip coyly, feeling naughty again for the fifth time that day.

I touched a pen on the counter and helped it slowly roll off onto the floor. I went to pick it up, but acted like I slipped a little and my hand landed high up on the inside of Harrison's thigh. I didn't move it and looked up at him, biting my lip again. When he looked down at me, nostrils flaring, I said, "I'm sorry," in a fake sweet tone. "It was an accident."

Without warning, Harrison was standing up and grabbing me by the hair. I gasped as he started guiding me to the storeroom. There were no customers in the store, so I figured he had decided it was finally time to punish me for all my slutty behavior.

He pushed me into the storeroom and pushed forcefully until I hit one of the metal shelves that held back stock. I gripped it and gasped for air, feeling more horny than I ever had in my entire life.

Next, he was pushing himself against my back and I could feel his hard on. "Is this what you want?" He growled, pushing against me harder. I felt like it was hard to breath and I nodded. He slapped my ass and I squeaked. "You want me to fuck you?" I nodded very, very quickly. "Say it," he commanded.

"I want you to fuck me. Please." I pushed my ass further back and wiggled.

He growled again and yanked my pants down. They went around my ankles, but it made it so I couldn't move my legs very far apart. I heard him undoing his belt and then the distinct sound of a zipper. My ass clenched in anticipation. I'd never been more turned on. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. I'd only known him for three weeks and he was about to fuck me in the back of the bookstore!

"It's going to hurt," he said. "I don't have anything to prep you with, so it's going to hurt. Are you okay with that?"

He had been forceful and demanding a minute ago, but then he was actually acting concerned. It made my heart melt a little. I licked my lips and nodded. I pushed my ass further back in invitation. 

First he shoved some fingers roughly into me and my eyes widened. I held back any noise of displeasure because I didn't want him to stop. It only took a moment to find my prostate and I moaned.

Jesus Christ. It had taken my last boyfriend half an hour just to come close to grazing it and Harrison hit home in less than a minute.

He wouldn't stop touching it and I became a whimpering mess. Holy shit.

I don't know how long the torture went on for before he actually put his cock in me, but when he did my mouth dropped open from the intense stretch.

I could feel him spitting down into my crack to help ease it in, but I didn't think it was going to help much. I gritted my teeth as he tried to push further in. When I finally let out a tiny whimper, he paused.

"Don't you fucking dare pull out," I gritted.

He growled lowly into my ear. "You think you're in charge here?" He thrusted forcefully and I whimpered again, but he still wasn't all the way in. I shook my head, trying to answer his question. He pushed in a little more and I cried out, but my erection was not fading in the slightest. "You've been a little shit all day, trying to get me to react, to see what I would do. Testing me."

He gripped my hair and I felt a little kiss on my neck. It was so sweet compared to the rest of his attitude. The combination of being forceful and controlling mixed with a soft kiss made me want him so much more. I wanted this all the time. Did he see this as a one off? I wanted to know, but I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I felt him spit down into my crack again and I tried to widen my stance, trying to make my ass be more accepting of the very large dick that was shoving inside me with basically no lubrication.

"You like being dominated. Like this." He was gripping my hair tight, pulling my head back. I was gasping for air, my Adam's apple bobbing in my throat. Then he pushed all the way in, seating himself fully inside me. I shuttered, but was so elated that we got past the hardest part.

He went slow at first, but it didn't last long as he started relentlessly pounding my ass. I knew I would be extremely sore after this and I would be happy for the reminder of this moment. Finally a handsome older man that wanted me. This was everything I had dreamed of.

Harrison bit the juncture between my neck and shoulder which took me past the edge and I came without ever touching myself. That had never happened before, hadn't even known it would be possible for me.

I whimpered, my ass clenching around his cock as my release rolled through me. He groaned and with a few more powerful thrusts he was coming too. I felt his come pour into me and I realized for the first time that he hadn't used a condom. I was clean and Harrison didn't seem like the guy to be carrying any STDs so I wasn't too worried.

His arms were wrapped around me and he was kissing the back of my neck lightly until his cock eventually softened and he pulled out. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with his seed slowly dripping out of my hole, but then he grabbed one of my asscheeks roughly and said, "Don't clean yourself up. I want you to feel this for the rest of the day." He put his finger through what had already run out of my ass and wiped it back into my hole. I shuddered at how hot that was. I nodded and he stepped back to pull his pants back up. I slowly did the same. I would have a small wet spot on my underwear in a couple minutes, but it would be worth it, along with the soreness it would remind me that Harrison had taken me and I loved every second of it.

When I turned around to face him, he pulled me into his arms and placed a sweet kiss on my lips. He moved his face back to look at me, but I leaned up and demanded another kiss. We kissed passionately for a couple minutes before he took my hair in his hand and pulled my head back to look at me.

"You okay?" he asked with genuine concern on his face.

I smiled. "Better than ever...would you want to do it again?" That was the only way I knew how to ask if we could start some sort of relationship.

He winced a little and my heart sunk until he spoke. "I'm not as young as I used to be. It takes me a little while to recover. It's not possible me for to go at it like bunnies like it is for you."

I shook my head. "That's not what I meant. And that doesn't matter to me anyways." My expression turned bashful. "What I meant was...I want you...I want to be with you."

He raised his eyebrows slightly and then he smiled. It was small, but it was the first smile I had ever gotten from him and it made me immensely happy. "I want that too, Beau. We don't know each other that well, but you're beautiful. You keep me on my toes and I think it would do me good to have someone like you around."

My grin was so wide that it felt like it would break my face. I threw my arms around his neck and I wanted to weep tears of joy. There was something about Harrison that drew me to him. He made me feel safe with his arms wrapped around me like that.

I didn't know if it was too soon to be rushing into a relationship when I hadn't spent a lot of time getting to know him yet, but I had a good feeling about this. I was meant to be here, with him.

I could feel it in my soul.

Harrison kissed the top of my head and I smiled against his chest.

This felt right. This felt like home.

---

After I finished reading a couple detailed journal entries, I closed the  notebook and moved back to the bed. I buried my face in the pillow so no one could hear my sobs.

I felt miserable. I missed Harrison more than anything and I didn't want to be in this house anymore. My parents had never been outwardly rude to Harrison, but in truth he had never really been welcome here. Therefore I didn't feel welcome here.

Before I knew what I was doing, I dug my phone out of my pocket and I hit the first number on my recent calls.

He picked up after two rings. "Hello?"

I whimpered and choked back a sob. God I was such a mess.

"Beau?" Jon's tone turned worried. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

Hearing the true concern in his voice only made me more sad and I couldn't stop the tears that continued to fall.

"I'm sorry f-for calling, but I- I don't want to be here anymore," I finally managed to say. "Can you pick me up?"

"Of course. Of course I can. What's the address?"

I swallowed at his understanding tone and told him my parents' address. "It's far. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Don't worry about anything. I'm coming to get you, so just sit tight. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Don't-" I paused, not truly wanting to say it. He waited though and I spoke up. "Don't come to the door. Just text me and I'll come down."

"Okay. If that's what you feel comfortable with, I'll do that."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"I'll be there before you know it. See you soon."

"Bye."

And with that, I hung up and settled into the bed again. I pulled the covers around me and tried to forget about my problems for a little while.

---

There was a knock on my door and I jolted suddenly, afraid that it was Jon. Did he actually come to the door when I told him not to?

"Beau, it's me. Can I come in?" It was just Liam and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Come in," I said and sat up in the bed. I checked the time on my phone and I realized that Jon should be here any minute now.

Liam entered my room and closed the door behind him. "Hey."

I tried to smile, but failed spectacularly.

"Mom feels terrible-" he started, but I held my hand up and he stopped.

"I really, really don't want to hear about her right now."

"Okay." He nodded and came to sit on the edge of my bed. "How are you doing?"

I shrugged. "Oh you know, just thinking about the love of my life and how he's dead and how my parents hated him all along."

My brother winced, but I didn't apologize. Liam was the only one that seemed truly sympathetic. I wanted to be honest with him.

"I'm sorry, Beau. I know you loved him. I can't imagine what you've been going through." He gave me that pitying look and I had to look down at my lap. "But I hate that you're all alone in that house now. I understand that you don't want to move back in with Mom and Dad, but you could move in with me. We could get a two bedroom apartment together...it could be fun."

My eyes moved back up to look at him and he seemed almost hopeful, but I shook my head. "I can't move back to this town. It's not my home anymore. My home was with Harrison."

"Beau, he's gone-"

"I know that, Liam! I'm not an idiot! He's dead! It's not like he's coming back! But I can't leave! I can't leave the house, I can't leave the bookstore." I shook my head vehemently and felt tears starting to well.

"I'm sorry," he said.

I swallowed and played with the edge of the comforter. After a moment of silence between us my phone dinged with a new text message. I didn't know if it was terrible or perfect timing.

I grabbed my phone and read the message from Jon saying that he was here. I stood up and smoothed down the comforter before turning to Liam.

"I'll talk to you soon, okay? I found a ride home and they're here, so I have to go now."

"What?" He jumped off the bed. "What do you mean you got a ride? From who? I could've driven you home, Beau!"

"I didn't want you to have to leave the party." I started walking towards the bedroom door and he followed me. I headed downstairs and opened the front door to see Jon's truck parked across the street in front of the neighbor's driveway, so I needed to hurry.

I turned and gave Liam a hug. He was surprised, but he quickly hugged me back. I pulled away and forced a smile. "Bye." I quickly ran towards Jon's truck before Liam could try to follow me.

I jumped in the truck and buckled my seatbelt. I turned and looked at Jon. He seemed to be assessing me for injuries. "You okay?" he asked.

"I just want to go home," I said.

"Then let's get you home."

He started the truck and I glanced back at the house. I saw Liam standing in the doorway, watching. I turned to look out the windshield again and tried to forget about the mess I was leaving behind. I had no clue if I could ever force myself to go back there. I wasn't even apart of my family anymore. Instead of feeling sad, I only felt numb.

With his eyes on the road, Jon sought out my hand and I let him hold it in his. It comforted me so much that I felt slightly guilty.

Don't hate me, Harrison. I still, and always will, love you more than anything.

I told myself that I was allowed a little bit of happiness and I squeezed Jon's hand. He squeezed back and I smiled.