Colorless walls, colorless ceilings and a helpless me stuck with IV and a heart monitoring machine telling about my survival status. I had never felt so bored and so useless in my entire life, like I am feeling right now.

I should ask some interior designer to re-design this entire hospital.

Who left the hospital room so colorless, it's like they don't want patient to feel better but it's resemblance of death itself.

ASTAGHFIRULLAH I HAD NEVER BEEN SO PESSIMIST!

It had been more than ten hours that they brought me here and being alone here is driving me crazy, I almost begged the doctors to let me go so I could go to work, it's just second day and I had tied myself to a bed. Ya Allah! Where is Sabih? Because of him I am stuck here, I still hope he haven't called anyone at home though I made him promise after a lot of arguing and mostly him screaming but at the end I was able to convince him and I am sure he hasn't called to dad or anyone for that instance yet, but I am not sure how long he would keep himself quiet.

Soon I became tired of cursing him and the situation and myself, I started thinking about my health condition, the lies I have spoken because of it and lying here I never understand it much better than I do now, that no matter how much I deny I am scared of death but more than that I am scared of being useless, what if I would have agreed to the surgery all those years ago when I first found about it and what if it wouldn't have been successful?

FLASHBACK

The water underneath was clear and beautiful, the blue ocean was calmly supporting my surf board and the girls on the shore were cheering for us, the sky was clear and it was indeed a beautiful day, it was summer 2006 and this year all of us planned a vacation in Hawaii instead of going back to our homes. As bunch of twenty-two year olds, we all were having time of our lives, a bonfire on beach every night, and flirting under the sunshine all day and let's not forget controlling ourselves over tides. As soon as I got back to the shore a brunette, I really didn't remember her name but as we met last night at the club she had been with me since then, she came forward and wrapping her arms around me she pecked my lips and from the corner of my eye I could feel Jeanine looking at us and her forest green orbs burning with hatred so smirking I did what I do best, I picked the brunette up and twirl her around and she squealed where I was busy enjoying a moment I was sure I had broken her, again. I was too busy enjoying my arrogant self that I kept pushing the heaviness I was feeling in my head, taking it for migraine which I thought it was I kept sitting there, and another reason was if I make my way to the cabin we have rented for taking my pills I'll come across a sobbing girl and obviously I didn't want to face her, when you cause someone pain; facing them is the last thing in your list. But soon my head start throbbing and I managed to get up with all the energy I could gather and tried to make my way towards the cabin, with every step I was taking my legs felt like they are made of jelly, the world around me started spinning, maybe I just took too much alcohol, yeah that's it! But who am I kidding? I know that it's not it, the pain is nothing normal it something big. And it was, before I could call for help or just say something I feel my vision getting blurry and soon the dimness was replace by darkness and the last thing I remember was, I wasn't on my leg, I fell down.

The next thing I could remember was I found myself on a hospital bed rather than the sea shore, instead of the salty smell of the ocean there was smell of bleach, a specific smell of hospital which had always make me nauseas. I tried getting up and calling my friend but felt stinging pain in my head and sweat were formed on my body, making me groan in pain. Soon the doctors were in the room asking me numerous questions, they didn't let any of my friends inside because they weren't family and after asking questions they left me hanging. Next they came after couple of hours and ask me to call someone from my family but after a lot of arguing and stubbornness they decided to tell me instead and that's when I came to know about the clots, there were five in total, according to the doctor it's a miracle I was still surviving and even a bigger miracle I was normally living on my two limbs, one of the clots was an inch bigger in length, so they were forcing me to have an emergency surgery and the piece of information was same as someone has thrown cold water on me, the clots were the reason of some injuries I had that's where I lied to the doctors about having an accident, while in reality I was reminded of the person I loathe, he didn't just gave me scars on my body he made sure he gave me a permanent disability! I was used to having pain but I always thought of it as a simple migraine but it was always a sign of my great loss, a tear of misery fell from my eyes and that's when I hated my luck and my existence even more than I already do.

--------

"Mr. Ahmed?" I was snapped out of some old memories which I am not really fond of by the doctor as I tried to sit, he helped me and with a grateful smile I thanked him, "So are you feeling better?" I nodded and he carried on, "well you know that we have already told you about the surgery but as you aren't really comfortable and for a surgery like this we need your complete surety over the matter because without it, it would be quite a risk." I nodded understanding where it was going, "Mr. Ahmed though there are still minor chances of your complete recovery but if you'll delay it further we might just loose that chance too so my personal advice is you decide something faster." He humbly said.

"Thank you doctor," I replied with a weak smile "As I said once I'll go back to states I'll surely go for the surgery but right now I am not ready, I have to talk to my family about it,"

"We understand."

"Thank you, so when am I going to get discharge?"

"Ah for that we have already called your cousin once he get here we can start the paper work!"

"Then let start it!" we both turned to look at Sabih who was standing at the door dresses in brown coat and pants as if he had come here from work, with his arms wrapped around his chest, he was purposely avoiding me, he is doing it since last night.

"Okay! Please come with me." Doctor replied and both of them walked outside the room while Jameel baba helped me out of the bed and then taking small step I get inside the washroom, locking the door I turned to look myself in the mirror and for one minute not believing my reflection I took a step back, there were dark circles around my eyes as if I haven't slept for ages on the contrary to the situation that I had just been sleeping, my skin was pale yellow and it was colder despite the weather was quite warm. Just one night was enough to make me look like a zombie. Dismissing the rest of the pessimist thoughts which were forming inside my head I splashed the cold water on my face multiple times and then changed from the hospital gown into the long sleeves dark blue T-shirt and jeans and stepped out of this small pact washroom.

One hour later we both were sitting in the dining room while Jameel baba was busy feeding me soup against my will, Sabih was sitting on the other corner of the table and were continuously looking at me he was looking in a way police looks at the culprit while inquiring, his eyes following my every act and it was hard to suppress the laugh but involuntarily my lips were twitching up in a smile but I know better to not rile him up but it was too hard to be serious while he is sitting and digging hole in my head through his intense gaze, so to avoid any blunder I turned on my phone and start checking the mail.

"Jameel baba take his cell phone away," he finally broke the silence and the poor old man looked at him with confusion and then looked at me helplessly so smiling, Don't laugh Wali, don't laugh! I put the phone aside. "Jameel baba." And the poor old man murmuring his apology took my phone away.

"Jameel baba thank you! Now I am going to rest you can go and do your work." I replied to the man who was serving me since I have stepped in, so sending him away from the wrath which was coming my way was better. "So you are going to office?" I turned to Sabih once we both were alone and when he didn't replied I nodded; "I'll take that as yes." I turned towards the bedrooms.

1

.

2

.

3

.

"Wali Ahmed step inside your room and I'll call buray aboo!"

"Sabih Ahmed you won't."

"I will!" he growled.

" Okay okay let's calm down! Yeah? Let's discuss it like adults!"

"Adults my ass!"

"Language Sabih!"

"Since when did you know?"

"It doesn't matter." I grumbled slowly.

"It so does! Wali, do you have any idea what we are talking about here? SURGERY, WALI! And don't you dare lie to me about this situation!"

"Look I know I should have informed you all-"

"Damn you should! If you doesn't give a shit about us think about your parents! What about them huh? They had the right to know! Do you have a slight idea how hurt buray aboo and burri ammi would be? That's pure selfish of you!"

I gave out a humorless bitter laugh, selfish? That's the exact thing I am trying not to be; "Hurt if I won't tell them? They will break down if I would! I would be as good as nothing once the surgery happens; I would be a piece of flesh lying down in a corner begging for help every other second for the rest of my life. I would rather live walking with this headache till my last breathe. You don't understand Sabih! Both of my parents they have gone through a lot! My mother had a psychotic husband before," I was speaking heartlessly while my cousin was now looking everywhere but me, "and my dad that man had given up his everything for us, for the world he shows that he and mom is fine but I know how guilty they both feel when they look at each other, they always needed another child but they are stuck with me! I don't want to speak like this! Alhamdulillah Allah had given us with everything, we have everything but I know how guilty my mother feels when she look at dad because she wasn't able to give him his on heir, his own flesh and blood and it's all because of that man whose flesh and blood I am, I am already a reason of all their misery by telling this I don't want it to add up in the list of their sorrows! You know when I stand among you all, every breathe I take I thank Allah that he blessed me and my mother with a family like you guys and if I would tell them it would be addition to one of those scar that man had give to my parents! I can't do that!" The silence fell between us, I helplessly fell on the chair while he was standing and staring at the wall. We stayed there for a while and then he turned to go out, it's better if one of us left.

"I won't tell them but it's better you yourself give them a hint because let me tell you this they'll find it one way or another and when they will, that misery would be far more bigger than you think, because it would be betrayal they would had from you!" with that he left me alone and I was left drowning in the suffocating silence. Covering my face with my sweaty hand I just asked Allah to give me the strength.

We humans, we are never satisfied, we just keep begging for one thing or another and HE is so raheem that he mercifully keep accepting us our calls.

-----------------

A.O.A

Guys please vote and comment and give your feedback! I really, really need it because writing without a response is just hard. I need you guys to comment!

Vote. Comment. Follow