I was walking a tightrope, but the ceiling was on fire, and so was the floor. Nor matter what, eventually it consumed me. This, was the recurring dream I'd been having since the day I left Will at the hospital. It, for some reason I thought it was a good symbolism of my life. Nor matter what I do, I'll end up on fire, in the end everything will fall apart. The days, were getting longer, and I was getting restless. Until chaos showed back up into town. Chaos, also known as Will. I had just gotten out of the shower, a white towel wrapped around my body, my wet hair falling in waves down my back. I saw him climb out of his mother's BMW, having gained 15 pounds, smiling, his hair slick back, looking like he walked out of a teen vogue shoot. I sucked in air, standing at the window watching.

"Fuck." I said aloud, watching him pick up his suitcase and the muscles in his arm flex. I pressed my hand to the glass, as if I was reaching out to touch him. My breath fogged on the glass, and I watched him disappear into his house. But just before he did, he looked up, toward my bedroom window, and smiled. I backed away from the window, my eyes stinging with tears, tears that I never said. It had been a month, and things hadn't gone back to normal. Even in Jacobs arms, all I wanted was Will, as if I was drawn to chaos like a fly to honey, never satisfied.

But, instead of thinking of Will. I thought about Jacob. While I thought about him, I pulled on the long silky pink summer dress, I had bought from Nordstroms. Today, was technically our two year anniversary. Technically. My body, looked almost foreign to me in the mirror. I had read somewhere, that when you have sex without protection, their DNA stays in you for seven years. Seven long years, until he officially wouldn't be a part of me. Just then, my phone chimed.

Jacob: Hey, I know we're supposed to go out tonight, but Will just got home. my parents want us to go to dinner tn, u wanna come?

Aaliyah: sure, should i wear the same thing?

Jacob: yea.

There, were a million things I didn't want to do including finals, eating olives, and gardening. However, I would've taken every final ever, to avoid this bullshit. But I couldn't run from Will, for forever. So i braided my hair, i attempted french braids twice, and eventually settled for a regular, one, hanging down my back. I did my makeup, and hooked gold hoop earrings into my ears. I stared at myself in the mirror. Realizing who i was, I was a liar, I was a cheater, and a sinner. I turned away from the mirror, only to see Will at his own window. I guess, I hadn't realized that from the window that faced south, I could see directly into his bedroom. I drew the curtain shut tightly.

When Jacob picked me up, it was with flowers in his hand. Red roses, my favorite kind of flower since the age of six. He looked, like a god. All muscle, perfect jawline, and shimmering blue eyes. He wore an entire suit, as if he was getting married

"Where are we going?" I asked, as he opened the passenger side door. I smoothed my dress over. He turned the keys in the ignition again.

"Some fancy place, The Bambara?" He said, shrugging his shoulders. I raised my eyebrows. He wasn't wrong, when he said we were going somewhere fancy.

"My parents go there for their anniversary every year. It's crazy expensive." I said. Now, it was Jacob's turn to look surprised.

"They always do this, take Will to some fancy ass restaurant when he gets out of rehab, but you know what's hilarious?" He asked, getting on the highway. I shook my head, I didn't know.

"They always order a bottle of wine for themselves, or dad drinks a beer. Like, hello? He just got out of rehab you know." He said laughing. I didn't mean to sound insensitive when I said what I said next.

"I thought drugs were the problem, not alcohol." I stated. He rolled his eyes.

"everything is the problem with him. Shit, he'd be addicted to advil if it got him high." Jacob snipped. We sat in silence until we got to the restaurant. Stepping out of the car, we saw Sarah, Don and Will stepping from their car too. Will, wore a suit, along with Don, and Sarah wore a long red dress. It was like one month in rehab was the met gala. Or maybe, I was snippy. Will, was leaning against their BMW, when he saw me he smirked, but didn't say anything.

"Oh! Aaliyah, you look beautiful!" Sarah exclaimed, wrapping me in a bear hug.

Jacob, had been telling the truth when he said his parents would buy a bottle of wine, sure enough they did. Nobody said anything, although Jacob caught me looking at him, and mouther "I told you so." To which I smiled. Halfway through pleasant conversation, Will excused himself to go the bathroom, when he did his dad gave him a sharp look.

"Better not be shooting up in there." He said, in a joking tone, although a hint of seriousness lay under that joke. Will rolled his eyes, pushing his chair in.

"Sniffing is more my style anyway." He said laughing. Sarah, turned six shades of red at once. We all three sat in silence, sipping drinks and buttering bread rolls. Just then, I knew what I needed to to get over Will, I needed to mak it clear, that whatever we'd had, was over. There would be no more sneaking out, no more calling at two in the morning. So I excused myself to the bathroom too. I suppose my time was impeccable, because he was swinging shut the door when I rounded the corner. For such a fancy restaurant, they only had one room bathrooms. He smiled when he saw me.

"Hey." he said, leaning against the wall.

"I need to talk to you." I said firmly, and he nodded. He opened the door to the bathroom he'd just been in. I glanced around. My heart fluttered, when he locked the door behind us.

"You miss me?" He asked. I shook my head firmly.

"No, I didn't. I love Jacob." I said. Will only shrugged. Then he took a step toward me, I could feel the heat of his breath. I drew in a short inhale.

"Do you?" He asked. Running a finger over my shoulder. I nodded, again, but with no conviction.

"So then, why are you here?" He asked, sliding one strap of my dress of my shoulder. I wanted to remove his hand, but his touch was electric. Something my body had been missing. I stepped backward then, but didn't replace the strap.

"We're over, whatever we had, it's done." I said, as firmly as I could. My heart was beating so loud I think he could hear it. He reached his other arm out, and slid the other strap off my shoulder. I watched, as the dress fell to the floor, to reveal only my bra and underwear.

"Are we?" He asked, his voice low and enticing. I was so close to him then, he smelled like cologne and pine body wash.. I looked up into his eyes, and then allowed my gaze to wander to his lips. He brushed a strand of hair from my face.

"you want us to be over, but we never will be. If we really were over, you wouldn't be here." He stated. I sighed, and looked at the floor, dropping my head. He placed a hand on my cheek, I looked up at him and he kissed me, right there. I kissed him back, wrapping my arms around his neck. There was no love in this kiss, only desire and wanting, as if we so desperately needed something to cling to. I inhaled sharply. Then, I pulled away from him sharply. Yanked my dress back on, and I shoved past him, and out the door. I took four deep breaths, before returning to the table.

"Food's here, Jacob said, as I sat back down." I smiled, fussing about my steak and salad. Will, came back a minute later. Taking his seat across from me. I wouldn't meet his gaze for the rest of the night.

***********************************

When I got home, I climbed the stairs in darkness, my hands clutching at the roses. I slammed the bouquet down on my dresser, and pulled off my dress. I crawled into my bed, my arms wrapping around my pillow. My body, feeling exhausted. I wasn't, a good person. It wasn't Will, it was me. I was the one, messing up. I fell asleep shortly after that, makeup on and everything. When I woke up, it was with the feeling of being sticky, and gross. My mouth was dry, and the blankets were tangled around me. I grimaced, slipping out of bed. I made my way, in darkness toward my bathroom. I washed my makeup off, and undid my hair. On the sink, was a bottle of water, which I drank in two gulps.

"Fuck." I said, rubbing my eyes, ready to go back to the world of sleep, where I didn't feel like such a horrible person.

Suddenly, there was a knock at my window. I practically jumped out of my skin. Standing there, with his head leaning on his arms. Was will. I opened the window. Fully prepared to kick him out. But instead, he lifted the window open more, and swung his legs over it. Now, here he was. Standing in my room, he looked me up and down. I stood there, practically naked, staring at him.

"Why are you here?" I asked. He stepped closer to me.

"To finish what we started." He said, and then he kissed me. Then we were spinning, and tumbling, into my the softness of my bed. My body meted into his when he touched me. My hands flew to his hair. When he peeled off my underwear and began pulling off his own pants, I noticed he did not rustle in his pockets for a condom. I raised an eyebrow at him, pulling away from his lips.

"Protection?" i asked, and he shook his head.

"I want to feel you." he whispered, and I gave in to him. As he moved inside me, I exhaled against his mouth, I struggled to kiss him back, but he did not care, and for those sweet seconds, which melded into minutes, I felt nothing at all, other than pleasure. I kissed him, but there was so much disparity behind it, it felt like i was drinking from him, like he was the fountain of youth and I, was going to stay forever young.

When we were done, he laid next to me, his breathing heavy and cheeks flushed. He looked at me, my hair stuck to my face, shiny with sweat, my body still coming down from a high that I craved so desperately, and that only he could give.