Trigger warning. Buy a factory of tissues. 

It had been a week since Ellie's incident. She noticed that Lottie, Micky and Lola had valiantly tried to lift their spirits, there was still a chill between them. Even Binah couldn't give her advice. Ellie knew that Lottie was worried about her, but she couldn't help but feel depressed. 

Jamie left because of you. 

Lottie hates you. 

You ruin everything. 

Everyone hates you. 

The voices echoed everyday in her head. She couldn't stop them. She tried to fight them, but each day they grew stronger and stronger until Ellie couldn't tell whether they were imaginary or real. 

Ellie could feel the sharp blade in her hand. She could feel the bulk of the handle. It was slippery from the blood. 

Red

Red

Red

Blood dripping everywhere. 

In their dorm bathtub was Lottie. Her purple and white uniform was soaked in red. The air rotted with metallic blood. Lottie's hair was matted, her eyes no longer white. Her limbs were in unnatural angles and positions. Stab wounds everywhere. 

Red

Red

Red

Jamie hanging from a noose from his dorm balcony. His neck snapped. Bruises littering his dark skin. A knife lodged into his stomach. His eyes were closed. His hair ruffling in the breeze. His blood staining the pink roses and wisteria below. 

Red

Red

Red

Ellie saw herself making slices upon her skin. In Jamie's room. The blood gushed out. It felt like a drug, slowly releasing euphoria through her body. Not soon enough. Dizzily, Ellie stood up, reaching out to lean on the wall. She stumbled over to the wardrobe, trailing blood onto the wooden floor. Staining the purple Persian rug. She pulled out a gun from a small hidden compartment. Small. Sleek. Silver. She put it into her mouth. 

And pulled the trigger. 

Ellie woke up with a loud wail. Tears streamed down her cheek. 

Nightmares. Every night. Getting worse and worse. 

Of Ellie murdering Lottie. 

Of Ellie murdering Jamie. 

Of Ellie murdering herself. 

Not murder...

Suicide. Because every time she killed someone she loved, she killed a part of herself. 

She killed her heart when Lottie died. 

She killed her brain when Jamie died. 

Every single night, a part of her soul died. 

A rustling from Lottie bed told Ellie she was awake. "Ellie?" came a sleepy voice. Ellie burst into tears. 

"I'm s-so s-s-s-sorry." she sobbed. She felt the bed dip next to her, and a warmth blanket her. She opened her eyes to see Lottie hugging her tightly. She held onto her waist. 

"Don't go... p-please." she whimpered. She hated how weak she sounded. "Sh..." Lottie softly shushed her, letting her cry into her shoulder. 

Ellie sniffed, remembering when Lottie had nightmares. The table turned frequently, didn't they?

🐺

Lola lay awake in her bed. She could hear Binah snuffling softly from across the room. She stared at the small pot plants along the windows, the moonlight making them glow. 

Her Father had a turn for the worse. He couldn't get out of bed, and had struggled breathing. She desperately wanted to go home and comfort him, but she couldn't face what had happened not so long ago. Every time she thought of home, she thought of the piano.

And that meant thinking of Ingrid, Julius, Jamie, Lottie and Ellie. 

Ellie and Anastacia had fought valiantly. Lola admired their courage. Meanwhile, she and Micky whimpered in the corner like wimps. 

She turned over to her side, staring at the wall. She hated Ingrid and Julius for making her home a scene of investigation. 

🐺

Percy lay awake that night. He was well aware of the empty bed on the other side of the room. He missed Jamie. Sometimes, before bed, they conversed about the strangest things. 

Shakespeare. Food. Girls. He remembered the one time he asked Jamie about Lottie. 

How much do you care for Lottie? he asked. Jamie visibly tensed, his fingers pressed together. 

I can't say. he replied, looking pained. Obviously, he didn't want to talk about her. But Percy knew that deep inside, he liked her much more than he could admit. 

He sighed, Micky flooding into his mind. When they were kids growing up in the candy factory, Micky would steal candies and gift them to him. He would smile, and offer half his share back to him. 

Micky understood him. Much more than he understood himself. Lola had tried to learn sign language, but she always got confused, and ended up asking Micky for help. Percy found it funny, because sometimes she would say the weirdest things. 

Percy, would you like a cupcake? she had meant to say. It ended up as: Percy, you're a pencil cupcake. 

He smiled, reminiscing. He wished things could be the same. 

🐺

The next day, Ellie finally worked up the courage to go down to breakfast. Lottie gave her arm a small squeeze as they entered the hall. 

Ellie was well aware of the stares she received. Anxiety gnawed at her stomach.  

Will my friends accept me? Will they forgive me? What will Jamie think?

A small squeeze on her arm told her that they were at their table. Ellie looked up to see Binah, Lola, Micky and Percy sitting down, offering them smiles. She gave them a weak smile back. She stared at each of them as she sat down. 

Lola looked tired, dark bags forming underneath her eyes. Micky was quiet, as usual. Percy stared at her, dark eyes boring into her. And Binah was staring into space, thinking, as usual. 

As for her? Her demons had their reigns over her. She wanted to rip free, but she was too weak. 

Ellie sighed, reaching to grab a piece of toast. 

"Ellie, how have you been?" 

Ellie looked at Binah. She shrugged. "Eh." she replied, before taking a bite of her toast. She chewed, and swallowed, taking a swig of her juice. "I've been having nightmares."

"Binah, could I talk to you for a moment?" Lottie spoke up quietly from beside her. Ellie glanced at her. She looked like she was about to cry. Binah silently stood up, and waited for Lottie to follow her. 

Ellie watched them exit the hall. Her chest felt tight and suffocating. She knew that Lottie was going to ask Binah about advice for her. She hated the fact that she made Lottie so worried. 

"Ellie?" Lola piped up. Ellie wordlessly turned to her. "Mind if we go on a walk? Just to the garden for fresh air." Ellie shrugged. 

Once they got outside, Lola flung her arms around Ellie's neck. "I'm so sorry." she whispered. Ellie smiled, before hugging Lola back. "Hey, it's ok." she said, rubbing her back. Lola furiously shook her head. "No. Not that..."

Ellie suddenly felt a pressure around her neck. Her eyes shot open to see Lola's hands around her neck, tears streaming down her cheek. Ellie struggled to breathe. She tried to move her arms, but they felt sluggish. 

Black spots shrouded her vision. She felt dizzy. Half blind, she slumped backwards, hitting the ground.

The world went black.