11/26/16

MY BEST FRIEND Grayson and I walk towards the nearest coffee shop as the snow around us continues to flutter down. This winter has been cold as usual, but for some reason I don't love it as much. I used to love the cold and the snow. I honestly thrived in it. But as the flakes continue to dance in the air around me I wish they would just disappear.

We break through the threshold of the coffee shop's door, and heat instantly fills my bones making me sigh with happiness. Last year when our heater went out we came here constantly for the heat, but ended up loving it for the pastries.

The owner, Thalia, is only in her thirties and owns a few coffee shops around the city. Specifically around the college, which is prime for the students who are over the typical Starbucks and want another vibe. Plus her coffee is ten times better.

Grayson and I scan the room and both of our gazes land on a small empty booth in the back. We begin to make our way to go claim the booth when a voice calls at us.

"You both want your regular?" We hear Thalia's gentle voice call after us.

We both turn around and smile at the woman who has become like an older sister to us. "Yes please," we say in unison before sliding ourselves into the booth.

"So did Maxine already go home?" Grayson asks as she slides off her gloves and fuzzy hat making her blonde hair frizz from the electricity. She settles into the booth as she gets herself comfortable.

"Yeah, she finished finals earlier then she thought she would and decided to just go home," I say while lightly nodding my head.

"Aww, that sucks I didn't get to say goodbye," Grayson comments with a purse of her lips.

"Texting exists Gray," I tease. "Plus it's not like you're around a lot lately," I point out. I'm not trying to be mean, honestly, it's the truth.

"Hey," she says with a scrunched nose. "I've been busy," she mumbles defensively.

"I'm not saying it's a bad thing," I tell her. "You're happy, and that's okay."

She smiles at my words.

I don't think I've ever seen Grayson so happy since I've known her, and it has changed her. We were both always sarcastic, and bitchy, and our regard for other people was very low. But now she's thoughtful, and all in all just more caring. It's odd to experience, but kind of beautiful to watch this change in her. It began before Cale came back into her life, but it's as if his presence helped the change solidify. Sometimes it's weird to see her act so differently, though I know the Grayson I love will always be there.

But I also fear at times if this is the Grayson that has been there all along, before her heart was broken. What if what our friendship is based on isn't real? I close my eyes briefly and push those negative thoughts away immediately.

"Here you both go!" My eyes snap open to a familiar cheerful voice to see Thalia setting out coffee and pastries down on the table.

"You're the best," I tell her earnestly.

She then slides another plate filled with a slice of cake, some cookies, and what looks to be some type of cake pop.

"What is this?" Grayson asks as she also grabs a cookie and begins to nibble away. I smile and a piece of my heart assuages and calms seeing this bit of old Grayson come out. My best friend may be different, happier, and smile a lot more, but she will always be my best friend. No matter what.

Thalia chuckles at Grayson's reaction. "These are some holiday treats that are coming out and I want your opinion," she explains to us. "Okay?"

We both nod eagerly. "Done and done," I tell her with wide eyes and just as wide of a smile.

"I knew you both were perfect for the job," she jokes. "Okay, I have to get back to work but I want a full report got it?"

"Got it," I say in agreement.

"Done," Grayson says at the same time finishing off her cookie.

Thalia walks off and I grab a fork to slice a bite of the cake that sits on the plate in front of me. The moist cake melts in my mouth as a small groan passes through my lips.

"She is an angel," I say as I grab another bite.

"No, she is a god," Grayson counters.

"So, how has Cale been lately?" I ask her. He still lives in Easton, Florida, the small beach town they met at many summers ago, full-time working for his father's company. But they travel back and forth to visit each other as often as they can.

"Good," she beams. "Busy with the holiday coming up, cause the company does a nationwide shut down for about a month, so he's trying to finish up some things before then," she tells me.

"How's the long distance been?" I ask truly wanting to know. I know it can't be easy at times, but I also wouldn't know. Grayson is gone so much with traveling to Easton, and even when Cale comes to visit her they are so wrapped up in each other I barely see her.

"Actually really good," she says pushing my thoughts aside.

"Really?" I question with a slight scrunch of my face.

"Yeah," she replies. "I think for us we needed this," she breathes. "Not to be around each other so often, because we messed up so much in the past. Being long distance has forced us to take things slower and do things right this time."

"Ohhh, slow..." I trail. "Now that doesn't sound like too much fun G," I tease.

"Shut up," she plays back as she takes another bite of cake.

"I'm just kidding," I respond. "You know I'm happy for you," I say truthfully.

"I know," she says with a small smile.

"Are you going to Easton for break?" I ask as I grab the cake pop next.

She shakes her head. "Not for the whole break," she states.

"Why not?" I ask as usually she goes down there for any break, as it's where both her and Cale's families usually are.

"My parents want to spend some time at home in Virginia, and I also want to show Cale around there," she answers. "Plus he's never been there, and my family—"

"Your dad?" I ask cutting her off.

A small giggle slips out of Grayson's lips. "Yes, my dad," she corrects. "He wants to spend more time with him."

"Well that should be fun," I shrug. "Some nice male bonding," I joke.

"Guys are weird," she responds as she finishes off the cake.

"Agreed," I reply quietly. The thought of guys, any guy, has been low on my radar when usually it's the only thing I want to think about in my life. The one thing I'd rather focus on then every other mess that fills my life.

"But we will be in Easton for Christmas because Cale's family always throws a huge party so my family will come down for that with us," Grayson adds pulling me away from my newfound feeling on the male species.

For a moment I think about telling Grayson about Chase's outrageous proposition to pretend to be his girlfriend for winter break, but I don't. Instead I ask how her classes are going. Instead I hold a piece of information back from my best friend, which I never do. I have told Grayson every single part about my life since the moment we became friends freshman year. I don't know if it's because I know she would oppose the idea, or if it's because a part of me is considering it.

Considering a break from my life, my adrift life, because at this point it sounds a lot easier then my real life.

* * * * *

"Chase!" I call out as I enter his apartment. I stomp off the snow that clings to my boots, and I quickly rid of my winter gear, as the heat is raging in his apartment.

I see him at his desk typing away at his laptop, his light brown hair messy and sticking up in different directions. I throw myself onto his bed, as usual, and roll to my side so I'm facing him. "What's up?" I ask cheerily.

"Nothing," he exhales quietly.

My eyebrows rise at his soundless demeanor. I showed up uninvited, but I always do and there is never an issue with it.

"Chase," I drawl. "What is up with you?"

"Nothing," he mutters as his eyes stay locked in the screen in front of him. Refusing to look my way, refusing to even tear his eyes away from what is right in front of him.

"Chase!" I shout done with his odd behavior. He's never acted this way towards me before and I hate the coldness I'm receiving from him. I can't have his coldness, not when the loneliness that fills my life has reached an all-time high this past year. And Chase has been the one bright spot in my life, I can't take his coldness, I can't.

He stands up from his desk and begins to pace the floor in front of his bed that I lay on. "I just," he starts. "I just really wish you would do this for me."

"Do what?" I ask confused at what he's getting at.

"Come to Easton with me," he states. "Please," he all but begs.

"Chase...." I trail as I sit up straight from the bed. A part of me has thought about it, a lot about it, but a larger part of me is afraid to do this. I would love to pretend that my life is happy go lucky right now, but what happens when we come back from break and I have to go back to my life. My very confusing life.

"Hayley," he says my name as he sits on his bed next to me. "You would have fun I promise, and you wouldn't have to explicitly say we're dating so you wouldn't be lying, and—" he voice breaks off.

"And what?" I probe.

"And I just really want you there with me," he divulges to me. "No, I need you there with me," he simplifies. Because it is that simple for Chase, he is all I have and I'm all he has in this twisted upside down world we live in. A world where we throw on a smile and act like everything is okay when it really isn't. We have each other, which means we can't give up on one another so easily.

My chest aches at his words. I know he wouldn't ask for something like this if it wasn't important to him. So I concede and do what my friend needs for me.

"Okay," I agree.

His eyes widen in shock. "Really?" he breathes.

I shrug lazily. "Why not?" I say. "Like you said it could be fun."

"No," he starts. "It will be fun," he states as smile breaks out over his face.

"Okay, just tell me what to bring and when we leave," I say as I lay back against Chase's soft bed and my eyes lock with his vaulted ceiling.

I push the part of me that is worried about my future, my relationships, and this big lie I'm about to embody for a month, and focus on Chase. I focus on my friend, and the part of me that gets to shove away every ounce of fear that fills me when I'm alone at night, and hone in on the part that for one month I get to imagine that everything is going to be all right.

And maybe if I pretend hard enough, I can make it a reality.