11/20/16

LIPS BRUSHING. TEETH biting. Hands touching. Hair pulling. Body pressing against mine.

"What do you want?" A deep voice growls in my ear making my body curl even closer the man whose body heat sets my skin ablaze.

I can't speak. I can barely breathe as I pull the man closer to me. All I can think about is getting closer, closer, closer. So close that I could crawl into him and lose myself past the point of no return. I should feel scared at these thoughts, and want to run away, but I don't. Instead I wrap a leg around him, and let his hips roll into mine causing a loud moan to fall from my parted lips.

I want him to kiss me again, I want him to touch me again, I want everything again and more this time.

"What do you want?" he asks again. This time an edge of humor teases his tone and I know he's smirking down at me even if I can't exactly see his face in this dark room.

"Everything," I whisper as his lips trace their way down my neck and against my collarbone making me whimper in response. His mouth is completely addictive and I can't help but crave his lips on every inch of my body.

"What do you want Hayley?" he murmurs against my hot skin one last time. My heart stops at his words, more specifically the way he says my name. My name leaves his lips as if my name was created for him and only him to say for the rest of his life.

His teeth bite down against my skin causing me to cry out one last word, "You," before the darkness that surrounds me consumes everything.

My eyes immediately snap open as the dream fades away, and my blood rushes cold from the sudden feeling of loss that fills me. Instead of the warmth that fills me from these dreams. They are few and far between, but when I have them I know it's him. Even though I can't see his face, I know.

An arm tosses itself over me and brings me fully back to reality as if I fell from the clouds and landed on my rumpled bed. I twist my neck to the left to take in the naked guy lying next to me. I close my eyes and rub a lazy hand over my face as the drunken haze from last night begins to clear.

God, last night this guy had been so hot and everything I needed. But now he is just a guy who makes me feel lousy and needs to leave my bed. In the past waking up to random guys from the night before was new and exciting and the only form of control I felt in my life. I found those guys, I picked them up, and I made them want me. But now as I wake up next to the naked man I feel empty and I hate it. Every single part of it.

"Time for you to go," I tell the sleeping guy next to me as I shove his arm off of me hating the feeling of his cool skin against mine.

I slide out of bed and slip on an oversized T-shirt I always keep near my bed as I scan the floor for my discarded underwear. I finally spot them in the corner, and lazily toss them in my laundry basket. I slide a clean pair up my legs, and glance up to see the guy is still lying in my bed. Still naked.

His eyes are now open, his grin wide, as he shifts so the sheet that once covered his valuables are now exposed to me.

"How about another round?" he proposes with a tilt of his head so his dark hair falls into his eyes. Bright blue eyes that I found intriguing last night, as well as dark hair I had wanted to run my hands through repeatedly. But now, now I want him out of my bed and out of my life because sadly the dream of a mystery man got me off more then this guy could last night.

"What was your name again?" I question and as soon as the words leave my mouth I can see his confidence begin to melt away.

He runs a hand through his messy hair. "Uhh, Derrick," he says as if it's something I should already know. But last night it wasn't his name that caught my attention. It was the fact that he was available and I was drunk.

I grab a random pair of thermal leggings off the floor and slide my legs through them quickly before also tossing on a sweatshirt. "Well Derrick if you could leave that would be great," I tell him. "I have plans," I say honestly as I throw on a baseball hat to cover up my ratty sex hair.

"Okay," he trails as if he's confused by the words I just spoke.

Derrick slips on his clothing fairly fast as I gather up my purse and scarf to head over to Chase's place. His apartment is only a few buildings away so I don't bother grabbing my huge jacket I use when I decide to trek across campus. Instead I throw on a light down coat, and make sure to grab my gloves as well.

"If you just want me to leave you don't need to lie about plans," Derrick tells me as he takes a few steps near me. I walk forward so we both enter the living room of my apartment, and away from my bedroom and any other ideas he may get.

I let out a dry laugh. "If I wanted you gone I would just tell you believe me," I tell him straightforwardly. "But the fact of the matter is that I do want you gone and I have plans so," I say motioning towards the front door of my apartment completely over this guy and last night.

"Whatever," he grumbles as he shoves his jacket on. He makes his was to the front door and through it, but not before I hear a muttered, "Bitch," escape his lips.

I roll my eyes not even flinching at his insult because not only do I not care what he thinks I've also been called worse. Way worse. Plus in a way he is also right. I am a bitch. I'm a bitch because I go after what I want in this world, and I do it in my own way, which means I make enemies. But I also make incredibly fierce friends as well.

"Hey, is everything alright?" I hear Maxine's timid voice speak out from her doorway. "I heard a door slam."

I nod once. "Yeah, sorry to wake you," I tell her sincerely.

She waves her hand as if it's nothing. "No worries," she smiles. Her freckled face is bare of any makeup, and her long red hair a tangled mess atop her head, and her same simple smile that always rests against her lips. She may be quiet, but I know somewhere deep down a fire resides in Maxine.

"How was work last night?" I ask as I wrap my scarf around my neck snuggly preparing for the cold wind.

She shrugs as she grabs a glass and fills it with water from the tap. "Fine," she answers quietly.

"Gray and I need to come visit the diner sometime, it would be great to see where you're always running off to," I tease sliding on my gloves.

Her hand pauses halfway before her mouth meets the edge of her glass. "No, it's a hole in the wall," she says. "You don't need to come, plus it's far away," she adds.

"Well, if you ever want company text us and we will come and visit anytime," I tell her as I dig through my purse to double check for my keys.

"Thanks," she murmurs in response.

"Okay, well I'm off to Chase's for the day so if you need me just throw me a text," I say as I open the front door and brace myself against the rush of wintery wind.

"Have fun!" Maxine calls out as I make my way out the apartment, but not before tossing a wave at my quiet little roommate.

My phone begins to ring just as I start to descend the staircase in front of me. "Yes," I answer with a swipe of my finger against the screen not even looking at who is calling me.

"Are you coming?" I hear Chase say loudly through the speaker of my phone.

I let out a small laugh as I shake my head. He is always so impatient, though as I check my phone I do see I'm running late. "Yes!" I shout back playfully. "Walking over now."

"You're not still in your apartment and saying that are you?" Chase asks dryly.

I scoff. "Excuse me," I call him out. "I only ever did that once," I clarify for him.

His warm chuckle fills my ear at my response. "Yeah, sure."

"You better have some coffee for me," I tell him. My body is already craving the caffeine, and Chase always makes the best cup of coffee. I try and make it just like him but it never tastes as good.

"Uhh...." he drawls.

"I'm hanging up now," I tell him as I make my way over the few blocks to his apartment. "And coffee better be ready when I walk through that door."

"Fine," he says. "Just hurry I'm bored," he whines slightly.

"Oh, and that's my problem because...." I trail jokingly.

"Now I'm the one hanging up," he says before the line goes dead.

* * * * *

"Why don't you have any pictures of you with your brothers?" I ask as my eyes rake over the walls of Chase's apartment. He lives in a simple small loft with a perfect view of the city skyline. When it was warm out we all used to meet at Chase's to sit on his rooftop and drink and watch the sunsets.

"I have pictures," Chase counters with a light edge of defensiveness filling his voice.

I lift the single one he has. "I meant maybe one that didn't involve you wearing braces and tighty-whities," I clarify.

Chase swats the frame from my hands, and takes it into his own as his eyes take in the childhood photo of all four Hasting brothers. Grayson tells me how legendary they were in Easton when she was growing up. She talks about them as if they were untouchable, but now she is dating one and one is my best friend. So in my eyes they aren't that special. Besides Chase, he is special because he understands a part of me that no one does.

The part of me that is lost.

"How do you know I'm wearing tighty whiteys?" he asks with furrowed eyebrows.

I crack a large smile. "That was just a guess," I giggle. "So when are you leaving for winter break?" I ask as I throw myself onto the large bed that sits near the largest window in the corner of his loft. I've always loved Chase's bed. It's a California king, and covered in a memory foam top with some of the softest sheets I've ever touched. I could die a happy death in this bed.

He lets out an annoyed groan at my question. "I don't even want to go," he sighs.

"Why?" I ask as I roll onto my side so I'm facing Chase as he sits at his desk chair next to the bed.

"My parents keep getting onto me about bringing someone home and the fact that I keep avoiding them about the subject is starting to make them act weird around me," he says as his shoulders sag in defeat.

I shrug. "Just bring what's her face," I tell him.

Chase's eyes narrow at me. "Wow, that's specific Hayley," he deadpans.

I scrunch my nose at him. "Chill please," I say with a raised hand at him. "I meant that Kate, Kathy, Katherine girl," I try and explain as I stumble through names.

His eyes widen as he quickly gathers as to whom I'm referring to. "Katelyn?" he asks.

"Yes!" I shout. "See you knew," I wink.

"I can't," he states.

"Why not?" I question. "It would get your parents off your back," I inform him.

Chase shakes his head. "She's too clingy, and would think it meant this whole thing and I just don't want to deal with that right now," he says as he runs a hand over his face as he leans back in his chair.

I nod understanding where he's coming from. Chase has been going through a lot in the last few months and while he doesn't talk about it lot he does tend to open up to me about it more than anyone. Grayson and Cale have become closer over the past year, but as they are still doing long distance it leaves me alone a lot of the time. Especially since Maxine works so much, which leaves Chase and me. And I wouldn't have it any other way because he was the friend I never knew I needed.

"Then bring Mr. Frat Boy," I sing knowing he will shut me down right away.

He scoffs at my suggestion. "Yeah, right."

"What?" I call out. "Just bring him and tell your parents and then everything will be out in the open then presto merry Christmas to everyone," I say as if it would be that simple.

"You're funny Hayley," he says seriously.

"Why not Chase?" I ask more seriously this time.

His head drops slightly as if he's ashamed of himself and it honestly breaks my heart, because he has nothing to be embarrassed of at all. He is one of the most caring, funny, and passionate people I know. He wants to dedicate his life to others, he wants to give and love, but he's afraid of his family's judgment. "Because I don't want them to see me differently or treat me differently. I don't want them to not love me," his voice breaks off at the end as emotion fills his words.

"Chase—"

"No, Hayley it's fine," he says though we both know everything is far from. "Plus I'm not going to bring a guy home, I'm still so confused about where I stand with everything," he explains.

"Well I have no plans for the holidays so if you need someone to bring home," I joke letting myself fall back onto his pillows.

"Wait," Chase says loudly as if everything has just fallen into place.

"What?" I chuckle as I turn to face Chase once again.

"That's it!" he shouts as he stands from his desk chair and sits on the edge of the bed next to me.

"What's it?" I ask as if he's crazy.

"You!" he exclaims with wide eyes.

"What about me?" I ask. "Seriously I'm so confused Chase," I tell him as my eyebrows draw together.

"You pretend to be my girlfriend over winter break so I can take the time to figure some more things out before I decide anything, and then I promise I'll tell my parents."

"Okay, that's nuts Chase," I state blankly.

"No, it's genius!" he smiles.

"I'm not doing that," I say as my head shakes along with my hands in refusal.

"Why not?" he questions as if his proposal wasn't at all crazy.

"I don't want to lie to your family," I explain. "And this seems like the kind of situation that would end in a huge mess and I'm just not about that right now." My life is mess enough honestly. I don't need to add a huge lie in the mix as well.

"Yeah, yeah I get it," Chase says as he slides off of the bed away from me.

"Hey, ready to go grab lunch?" I ask attempting to change the subject as hesitance weaves it's was through my words.

"Yeah, lets go," he agrees halfheartedly as he grabs his jacket.