It was like a small hole, this little void that had slowly appeared within Saruyama's chest; she had experienced enough loss to last her a lifetime, no matter how long her lifetime was, her mother, who she barely remembered, her younger brother and her twin; Saruyama knew loss, that familiar stinging pain that just seemed to throb in her chest and cause a constant nagging pain.

She missed Madara, as much as she perhaps shouldn't, and she really probably shouldn't considering everything that had come to light, but she did. They were friends, perhaps verging on a naive but childish love, that sort of carefree love that probably wasn't actually love, but was pure, carefree and innocent enough to be that emotion. She hadn't gone back to the river for a little while, Hashirama still went, she had last seen Madara roughly about four days ago. Hashirama was none the wiser when she appeared minus the spiky haired boy the other day. He seemingly bought the lie Saruyama fed him, and they trotted off home.

Saruyama knew though, deep down, Hashirama probably didn't buy what she said to him, but he wasn't going to comment. She knew her brother well enough to know that he probably had asked Madara about it, most likely thinking they'd had a falling out; but that was naturally far from it. It was that old thing, never truly knowing how much of a presence someone was in life until they were gone.

Sure, Saruyama hadn't known Madara for very long, but she did enjoy his company, she found annoying him equally as fun as watching him get all huffy and pouting about it before relaxing with a lopsided grin. She had told the truth to him, he was her first real crush, she had zero shame in admitting it to him; and in a way, he never said it, but evidently it was returned, if only a little. Someone doesn't tend to ask another to be in their clan if they didn't like them...now thinking on that situation, it was a little messed up, it was thrown out before fully knowing which clans they came from, but now? It just wasn't thinkable. But that wasn't wholly the point of that thought.

The days after last going to the river had been spent just busying around. Saruyama checked on Satoko a few times, something stirred in her stomach that she soon realised was guilt and worry; she had spent countless times and days in the sun having fun with a boy from the same clan that had killed her brothers, plus the boy Satoko herself seemed quite attached to. The betrayal travelling through Saruyama was almost sickening. She felt like she'd betrayed her family, she really did. But she had to say up until Madara's confession, she really didn't truly know, it was something she never dwelt on because she really did like him.

And that was the pain of loss and contradiction that she now lived with. It was truly hard to piece together how she knew the Uchiha could be, with the boy she knew; Saruyama cursed inwardly, he even protected and shielded her from someone who was clearly from his own clan a while ago. Now that she truly thought of it, the aura was like the man who attacked her compound, and yet Madara still hid with her. Someone inherently bad wouldn't do that, right?

"Have you fallen out with Hashirama?" Tobirama's voice piped up, he didn't mind silence, in fact he seemed to revel in it more than constant chatter. Unfortunately, between Hashirama and Saruyama there was rarely silence, they could try and out talk each other and Tobirama shuddered at the thought of that noise.

Saruyama was leaning her back against his, her head resting against his shoulder as he sat stoically fishing. It was another warm day, the clouds looked a little heavy like it may rain, but as yet it hadn't. Tobirama seemed intent on going to his usual fishing spot today and Saruyama had asked if she could come too, her own fishing gear laid beside Tobirama untouched. He had relented with a nod, but behind his sister he could spy their older brother looking concernedly their way.

Tobirama narrowed his red eyes in thought as he looked down at the calm waters. Something had happened between them, and he dearly wished he wasn't going to be stuck between his siblings having an argument. But they had returned home the other day amicable enough, and when he thought on it more, they had spent some time around the compound and at home and Tobirama hadn't ever seen words exchanged that could be harmful...

"Hm?" Saruyama's voice sounded thoughtful, Tobirama felt her head tilt against him, yet she didn't seem to venture on.

He sighed, his eyes flicking around though he couldn't sense anyone nearby. They were still near enough to their home that if needs be, they could get back to safety. "Did you fall out with Hashirama?" He tried again; he didn't like seeing his siblings not getting along. But as he previously thought, they seemed to interact fine, Saruyama just wasn't wanting to accompany him to wherever he went anymore.

"What? No! Why would you think that?" She actually sounded offended, Tobirama raised an eyebrow, his hands readjusting on the rod in his hands as he felt her slip away from him. His eyes didn't flick away from the water as her chin leaned against his shoulder now, she was looking over at him with a small pout.

"You barely spend time with him anymore, I was just thinking if something had happened." He couldn't imagine his brother hurting Saruyama, considering how protective he was of her. Maybe it was the other way around? Although Tobirama couldn't think of Saruyama doing something to offend Hashirama, much like himself, Saruyama loved her brothers deeply.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me, Tobirama! I haven't spent time with you for ages, the last time we hung out, we trained."

"It isn't like you're doing a lot of fishing." Tobirama was the only one trying to catch dinner.

Saruyama gasped, she moved around to be beside him and knelt there pouting again. "Can't I just enjoy using you as a leaning post?" That had Tobirama's red eyes narrowing and flicking sidelong at her, Saruyama hung her head and rubbed her neck with a sigh. "Eh...Tobirama, I have missed you. It isn't that something has happened with Hashirama, we're fine, we haven't fallen out or had a disagreement or anything, I just have missed hanging with you."

His eyes narrowed more, Saruyama just looked at him innocently. She was telling the truth; she had missed being with her second oldest brother. He, despite of how Tobirama could be, he had this ability whether he knew it or not, to just make it easy for her to focus on her thoughts. He was realistic, and his realism could easily rub off and make her narrow buzzing thoughts down, so they made sense.

His pragmatic way of thinking and the ability to see things from the way he does had Saruyama quickly deciding that perhaps having a Uchiha as a friend was bad, but that she shouldn't feel bad for the friendship, no one had the right to make her feel bad for liking Madara; they had all done bad to each other's families, however those harms and crimes did not make up them as people. That gaping hole of loss over him being gone from her life would remain, but it could be tended to fondly for appreciating the time she did have with him. She knew though that Madara's loss from Hashirama's life would be more cutting, that would be a pain which would really hurt him, more than her.

"It's nice to spend the day with you, where you're not nagging at me to train." Saruyama joked, crossing her legs and picking up her rod. Opening the small box, they bought with them, she sought to baiting the hook and glanced at Tobirama with a smile. "Come on, admit it, you've missed this too." Her shoulder bumped against his as her smile grew to a grin when he just huffed out a sigh and shut his eyes. She laughed quietly, "I'm taking that as a yes, Tobirama!" She hunched her shoulders, sticking her tongue out and still chuckling quietly to herself. Tobirama had his own mysterious body language to understand, definitely not as open as herself or Hashirama, so this little sighing moment was as good as a yes as she was going to get. Plus, if he didn't want her company today, he would've flatly said so before they left...

The rest of their fishing trip was spent in relative silence, even if partway through when nothing was nibbling, they decided to have a sparring match; this was more Tobirama deciding they were going to. He may have conflicting thoughts and feelings over his sister taking a step back, but he was determined to make sure she was still able to defend herself if she ever needed to.

Saruyama begrudged Tobirama's persistence, even if she understood why. They didn't have any weaponry with them, and neither were willing to batter and break their fishing rods so taijutsu it was. She did not revel in hand-to-hand combat with her brother, purely because Tobirama was hard to read as is, let alone when he was an opponent, he was just worse. Regardless she dodged out of the way of a kick by going low, skidding almost along the rocky ground, Saruyama leaped up and wrapped herself around his arm and gave it a firm yank. Pulling back with her full body weight she gritted her teeth and locked in the arm bar she had on him, Tobirama did stumble from the extra weight and then just pointed two fingers her way. Saruyama's eyes widened, she could hear water coming to circulate his fingers and get ready to be shot her way.

Planting a foot against his chest, she kicked off of him and rolled away only to then have to roll again to the side. "That's cheating!" She shouted and ended up getting further and further away from him because of the water he was aiming her way.

Tobirama frowned, "We never set any rules." Saruyama just gestured a hand at him, her expression full on despair. Tobirama didn't know what she meant, but he just tilted his head, whipping the water her way had Saruyama leaping and looking like a frog and landing much like one before standing up and dodging this way and that as she ran back at him. So, she was opting for close range, not that Tobirama struggled to counter whatever she threw at him. They never fully got to the point with Kawarama to understand or see what his nature release was, same went for Itama in a way; Saruyama seemed to rely on quick and easy ninjutsu, but also, she seemed to rely heavily on working in tandem with Itama. She'd have to hugely adapt now, and Tobirama worried that change would be too much for her.

She yelped and landed heavily on the ground, Tobirama walked over and crouched down in front of her. "Can you walk?"

"Tobirama, I think that the first thing you should say is sorry." Saruyama's voice came out muffled where she was still curled up against the ground holding her leg. She hadn't dodged a water tendril, and it had clipped her shin quite harshly. Being in midair at the time, all she could do was crumple a little pathetically to the ground.

The silence had Saruyama almost betting that the gears were turning in his head, Tobirama probably didn't understand that an apology for harming her should come first, or rather she doubted he believed he did anything wrong seems they got hurt in training all the time. "You don't have an aptitude with water." Was instead what reached her ears as she laid there thinking over that, Tobirama just tilted his head and watched her roll onto her back and sit up. Her back was to him for a small while before she turned frowning at him.

"You did all of this on purpose?" Saruyama just looked him over with concern.

Tobirama sighed, falling from his haunches, he crossed his legs and looked at her plainly. "When Hashirama and I were your age, we knew what elements we were proficient in."

"You two are proficient in anything and everything. That doesn't mean I am. Only because father pushed you two so much, does not mean you can do the same to me."

"Why? And it certainly is not because you are a girl. You are more than capable, you're quick, strong for your size and pick things up with ease." Tobirama was ever efficient with his answer as he just stared her way blankly. "I do not know what it is you and Hashirama get up to, but it certainly isn't training, which is what he made out to be just that a few times; from the fact that you've spent more time on the ground then on your own feet, makes me think he's just been humouring and pandering to you." Tobirama held up a hand when she was going to say something, from the look on her face Tobirama could tell he had annoyed her. "You see what I am doing as harsh, right? Hashirama may be happy to allow you to do whatever you wish, and I accept both of you are...dreamers, that you won't need to fight, but how long do you think it'll last? I am making sure you can still fight, so I won't need to bury you too."

Saruyama's anger dissipated as she looked at him sadly, "You're coming from a good place, Tobirama. But perhaps run your plan past me next time, yeah?" Saruyama reached forwards and put her hands on his shoulders. She smiled and tilted her head, "You could've just asked me too..." Tobirama's eyes widened a little then and she just laughed, "I'm pretty good with lightening."

He found himself slowly nodding, "We can work with that." Tobirama too was rather good with that element, Saruyama patted him on the shoulders and leaned back. With a sigh and a quick brush down of her clothes, she held a hand out to him, with a sure nod she watched Tobirama take her hand and stand; Saruyama shook his hand and let go before turning and taking a few steps back. Rooting her feet in place, she changed her stance and nodded his way again, Tobirama copied her stance and the two looked at each other before charging at each other again.

They stayed out for a little while longer, neither of them catching any fish and Tobirama had to accept carrying his sister home. She had definitely tweaked her ankle; she had thought it was her shin until she realised the pain was focused elsewhere. She sat happily on his back, both their rods on her own back as her arms hung over his shoulders. He seemed to begrudge having to carry her until she was actually on his back, Saruyama just smiled, Tobirama was a softie really deep, deep down, he held her just as tight as Hashirama would, just minus the aimless chatter.

When they returned home, both were confronted with Butsama looking troubled, he looked at his children and the pair managed to exchange a look from over Tobirama's shoulder before he placed Saruyama down. "Is Hashirama not with you?"

"No," Tobirama answered and kicked his sandals off at the step before fully entering their home. He did aid Saruyama by holding her arm and helping her balance as she did the same before limping after him. Both of their bare feet made the slightest pattering noise as their father stood and watched them, he seemed troubled over something which had the siblings look at each other again.

"What happened to your leg?" Butsama nodded Saruyama's way, he may have still been playing on indifference to her, but he did care if she was harmed. He may not show it, which is probably where Tobirama got his stoicism from, but Butsama did care if his children were hurt.

Saruyama sat down and glanced at Tobirama, he just looked at her simply before nodding. "Training with Tobirama." Her darker red eyes looked up to their father, something about that had him looking distant before nodding and sitting opposite to them at the table. It seemed before they returned home, he had taken to making tea, cups and a still steaming pot sat in the middle.

"We haven't seen Hashirama since this morning," Tobirama explained, he knelt and took to pouring tea into Saruyama's cup. She was looking from her cup to the pot and at her leg, she had sat in a sidewards position, having her hurt leg stretched out seemed the most comfortable for her.

Butsama accepted the tea Tobirama poured too and sat looking at the steaming cup with a hand to his chin. "He's probably gone to the river." He mused aloud; he missed the wide eyed look Saruyama had when she blew at her tea to cool it. She was aware that the pair knew where he went with her at times, but there was something about his tone which had her tensing.

"Would you like me to get him?" Tobirama followed Saruyama in blowing on his tea to cool it.

Butsama shook his head, "No, no. Let him return home on his own." His dark eyes landed on Saruyama, "What did you two get up to all day at the river?"

"In truth? Nothing. We did train sometimes, we played games, swam and talked." Saruyama wasn't exactly lying, that was what they usually got up to, just she obviously wasn't including Madara. But something in her stomach turned, she knew the moment where everything would blow up for them would come soon, but today? After she'd had such a good day with Tobirama, it just seemed typical.

Butsama merely sighed heavily, his eyes shut, and he shook his head. Saruyama looked worriedly at Tobirama, should she have lied? Tobirama inclined his head slightly, he believed she did the right thing by saying the truth, so she just drunk her tea slowly and watched their father think over what she had said. "Do you know what he does there on his own?"

"I presume the same thing when I am with him, just minus the games part." She paused and swallowed a mouthful of tea, "And maybe the talking, unless he's having a one way conversation with himself," she shrugged at that, just wanting to clarify here that she was ignorant to what he did, when really, she knew, didn't she? When she didn't go, he spent time with Madara.

Butsama looked at her hard, Saruyama kept her expression neutral, but also with a hint of concern. She was naturally very concerned for her brother right now, because she had a feeling, he was going to get interrogated when he came back seems the early evening was slowly creeping in. But also, she wanted her expression to convey she was as in the dark as him and Tobirama.

In the end Butsama sighed and glanced at Tobirama, "If he goes off on his own again tomorrow, follow him." Tobirama nodded and had Saruyama looking at him worriedly, Tobirama wasn't sure if the look was because they suspected Hashirama was up to something, or rather she already knew what he was up to and was getting scared with the truth coming to light. Whichever the reason, he picked his tea up and drunk slowly, Saruyama sipped less enthusiastically at her drink now. "Saruyama," hearing her father's voice, she lowered her drink and looked at him. "I know you are close to Hashirama, but do not tell him this, or what we have spoken about so far."

Saruyama felt sick, lying to Hashirama made her feel ill. But seems her father was now talking civilly to her, she found herself giving a slow nod. If she did anything else both would be suspicious of her, and she thought so far, she was doing a good job at playing ignorant and confused. The thought though of having Tobirama stalk Hashirama, Saruyama resisted shuddering, it just felt wrong. "Yes, father. I won't say a word, I promise." She could see Butsama wanted a verbal answer, so she gave one even if the words felt heavy on her tongue and her ears rung a little because in her head she was panicking, all of this had turned so quickly, when and how did it start to spiral so much out of control?