The thing we love, destroys us everytime. This is the reason, never love someone more than yourself or you might destroy yourself.

It is said that every action has an equal and opposite reaction, same damn thing goes with love. It comes back to you with destruction. When a dead heart starts beating again, it's the beginning of new destruction.

~♥~

Why?

I question myself, why is it always me that I end up myself in such situations?

It's the heart, right?
It's always the damn heart.

These are the times when I wish, I wish that I were someone so normal who would cherish the feeling of these butterflies. Who would blush at the mere thought of someone. I wish I were my old self .

I hate to admit it to myself but I started feeling things for Ashton. I know, I shouldn't. Not when that is not my motive, this is the last thing I'd need in my life.

I was fine with my self, I was fine with a girl who didn't wanted her emotions out but that man, he is making me the old version of my self and I hate it.

I started crying again, because of him.

I started smiling again, because of him.

Has it ever happened to you, that you don't want to like someone but your heart gets attracted to that perticular person only. From whom you want to stay away but your heart is a fucking piece of shit who falls for a wrong person at the worst moment of life.

This is what I am exactly going on from, I don't want to like or love anyone but my heart isn't listening to me otherwise. The hardest battle is between what you know in your mind and what you feel in your heart.

Whenever he is near me I feel butterflies in my stomach, my heartbeat increases. It's like my heart skips a beat. Oh God help me out with this, please!

It is like my mind says to stay away but my heart commands me to go near him. I can't take this heart and mind battle anymore, yesterday the way he said sorry to me was overwhelming.

It had been years since someone made me feel so special. This all feels so surreal and the care, warmness, attention, I was craving for I am receiving from him.

I didn't even realised that it was me who was getting attached to him in this journey, when I knew, I fucking knew why was I here! I started to feel something for him.

But I can't drag him into my already messed life. It is more like a tangled web where even I don't know how will I come out. I can't drag him here.

I do not deserve happiness, this is hard I learnt from life. Everyone I love, I lose them.

No, I shuddered. I will stay away from him until my promise is fulfilled. Then I will go away from his life. For forever.

Yes! This is what I am going to do. Try my best to ignore him.

" Alaia" I heard someone calling me out.

I turned back and saw Macey, who was standing there with a frown on her face.

" What happened? " I asked when she kept staring at me.

" You tell me, what happened ?" she answered back with a question.

" What happened to me?"

" I have been calling you since ten minutes, what the hell were you thinking? " she said with a serious look.

Wait ten minutes? Or is she just exaggerating? I raised an eyebrow at her so called ten minutes statement.

" OK fine not ten minutes but I already called you five times now tell me, what were you thinking? " she asked.

Now she's right.

But what do I tell her? About my new feelings which I want to suppress or I started to feel something for Ashton?

If I tell her that then she will shriek in excitement and run to tell Candy about it.

Then candy will come running inside and will shower me with questions and hugs and congratulations and most importantly will shed his tears.

No! I can not bear this drama.

Not at all!

So it's decided, I will not tell her anything about this.

" Nothing, was thinking about work " I said and now, that is a pretty good excuse as she knows I am a workaholic.

" Oh really! If you would have been thinking about work then you wouldn't be in a turmoil between your heart and mind " she said, softly and I gasped.

Now is she a mind reader? I feel so.
I gulped and ducked my head down, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

" What are you talking about? " I tried to act normal.

" Whom are you lying to, an author or your best friend? " she said with a chuckle and I averted my gaze from her, a sigh escaping from my lips.

" I can tell by seeing your face that you are fighting from your mind and heart. I know you don't want share it with me because I will run and tell Candy about it and he will start his emotional drama " she said and chuckled lowly.

Now I understand why people say that best friends understand you more than anyone.

She guessed it absolutely right. Maybe they know me too much or I am more like an open book to them.

" Well, since I don't know for what you are fighting for so I can not suggest you anything but I would say one thing. Listen to your heart. Maybe it's overrated but I feel it's right " she said in an almost whisper and I rolled my eyes.

Now here comes her romantic author mode. If I listen to my heart then I will do something which I will regret forever.

I will be dragging him in this mess which I can't. And I won't.

I am so broken, I might break him too.

Turning back to the window side, I gazed at the setting sky and sighed with tears breaming in corner of my eyes.

I am going listen to my mind. Your heart can deceive you but your mind can never, I need to control my feelings.

From tomorrow I need to ignore him for his own good.

♥

Next day I was getting ready for going office with the constant thought running in my mind. I need to maintain a distance from him.

......

Stirring the sugar in coffee, I thought of the ways I could avoid Ashton but found none. I need to face him for works, I knocked at his office door and heard a faint come in.

There he was sitting with all his glory and working on his laptop. I kept the coffee on the table and started to walk away when of course this idiot had to stop me.

" Alaia. "

I cursed him inwardly while trying to not show it on my face. Why can't he just keep his mouth shut especially when I am trying so hard to avoid him? Ugh.

" Yes sir, do you need something? " I said, in a monotone voice.

He frowned a bit but then continued what he was saying.

" Yes, i want You to fix a meeting Houston's " he said and my eyes widened. I almost stumbled back.

No no no this can't happen! If this happens then he will know about me being Alaia Cooper Houston and also about me entering his life for a purpose.

" But sir, I heard they don't have any business in New York so I doubt they will fly here for any meeting." I said, almost desperately.

Ashton believe me, I can't do this. And I won't do it. I can't fail in this. I need to fulfill my promise.

" I know this. I just want you to fix it, their head quarters is in Paris so if needed, we will fly there " he said with a small smile.

Fuck..... No! I need to do something.

Wait.

I am the CEO. Uff, I sometimes forget that I am the CEO. I smacked my head mentally.

I will reject the offer...but let me act right now.

" OK I will email them. Anything else? " I asked and I hope he does not has any other work.

" No. You can go " he said and I literally ran from there.

Yes! Now I will avoid him for the whole day. Thank you so much God.

For the whole day I ignored him, I made excuse during lunch when he was literally forcing me to have lunch with him and was always engrossed in work.

I met carter as well and his date went pretty well..... He was all blushy blushy and believe me, he looked cute as hell.

♥

It was already evening and I was going back home because my work was done quite early.

" Alaia! " a voice shouted.

I muttered few curses under my breath.

Should I curse myself or him, what the fuck is he doing here?
Doesn't he has any work or even he is done early like me?

" Yes sir " I stopped in my tracks, outside the building.

" Alaia actually I wante-" his sentence was left unfinished when we heard a loud noise. Gunshot?

I froze.

Terror rushed through me just like the last time. Just like the last time, I felt scared. I tried to breath but air didn't seem to pass. It felt as if my heart just came out. The people disappeared in front of me, it hit me like a hurricane, swirling me in it's oblivion.

My ear started ringing, with a weird sensation passing through my body. The shallow breaths mixed with my saliva and my eyes felt drowsy.

I felt my surrounding blurring, I could feel his arms around me. Tears flowed down my cheeks, I could listen panic in his voice, he wanted me to look into his eyes once. Ashton wanted me to look at him. I did too.

I really did. I wanted to look into his eyes but before I could, the darkness engulfed me.

Ashton's p.o.v

What happened to Alaia,Why is she ignoring me? Whole day she didn't even talked to me! And when I asked her to have lunch with me she made some lame excuse.

Didn't she forgave me yet? I thought she did. I need to talk to her, if I can not stand her hatred then ignorance is a long case.

I was just waiting for her to come out from the building and when she was going home I followed her outside.

" Alaia! " I called out and she stopped in her tracks.

" Yes sir "

" Alaia actually I wante-" my sentence was left incomplete when a loud noise was heard.

Wait was it a gunshot?

I looked around and saw police firing in air for a thief to surrenderd himself to them.

Of course the bullet was waxed but what shocked me most was that Alaia was having difficulty in breathing and was going to fall down.

" Alaia! " I shouted and rushed to her, she fell in my arms and I held her tightly.

It was getting difficult for her to breathe. I gently placed her head on my thighs and cupped her cheeks.

" Alaia please open your eyes. See, look at me. Look into my eyes. Alaia! " I stuttered, choking on my voice. Her hazel eyes tried fighting but gave up.

She fainted in my arms.

Tears threatened to fall from my eyes, as I stared at her tear stricken pale face in my arms. I froze, my hands trembled in fear.

Gathering some strength, I took my phone out and called Henry.

" Pick up the phone dammit. " I shouted in frustration and almost threw the phone.

My gaze travelled down to her, I don't care if he's here or not. I will drive myself.

I picked her petite body gently in my arms to walk near the car. Coming out from the crowd of people that sorrounded us which I had failed to noticed.

I held her tightly in my one arm, taking support of my thighs as I opened the car door and placed her gently on the passenger seat.

I quickly got inside and started driving. Shit do I take her to hospital?
Firstly I decided to calm my nerves and call Macey, thankfully I had her number.

" Pick up. Pick up. Pick up " I chanted when the ring was going.

" Hello " her cheerful voice made me cringe a little.

" Hello Macey, Ashton here. " I said quickly

" Ah.... hi Ashton. Now tell me, can I help you? " she asked, politely. Of course you have to.

" Yes, actually Alaia fainted and I don't know why but she was having difficulty in breathing and then fainted. It was so sudden, after she heard the sound of gunshot her breathing became ragged "

" What!!! " she shouted on the other side and I flinched, keeping the phone away from my ear.

Jeez, this woman.

" Sound of gunshot? " she said, worried. What's up with her and gunshot sound?

" Yes and after that she fainted. "

" Shit! Her past trauma is again coming back to her and that gunshot sound acted as a trigger. Shit! No no no! She again started getting her panic attacks! " she was mumbling to herself.

But wait, past trauma and what about gunshot?

" Ashton bring her home, I have her medications here. Come fast! " she said and this time her voice was calm rather than shouting and she cut the call.

Did she really went through something very tragic in life that made her so cold and empty?

♥

When the glimpses of past peeks in the present, it is haunting.

The whole thing is haunting because they hold the most devastating memories along them.

She got those glimpses back when something triggered her.

Will she be able to fight back her past?

~♥~

And I am back! Yes after my exams I am finally back and I hope you all will vote and comment.

Thank you for your support and I hope you keep doing it.