"I think I may like Arson," Brooklyn blurted out, as she and Jayce walked by my side on the sidewalk.

They had offered to walk me home, and it didn't seem like I could politely reject their invitation.

I didn't want to, anyway.

I noticed a swift movement behind us from the corner of my eyes. It wasn't the first time. Ever since our group parted ways after the fair, there was a consistent silhouette hovering about twenty feet behind us.

Jayce gave her friend a mocking smile. "Oh, really? What was your first clue?"

Brooklyn did not get the sarcasm. "Well, I did not like how close he was with that girl at the fair. I was tempted to march up to her and ask her to leave him alone." She sighed. "I guess I was kind of hoping I would get to hang out with him tonight and I was bummed when she came."

"Good." Jayce patted her shoulder in sympathy. "At least you're honest about your feelings. Are you thinking about telling him?"

"I don't know. You saw how he was flirting with her."

"He just hugged her, Brooklyn. I doubt that meant anything." Jayce shrugged.

"What if he doesn't like me? I don't want to put him in that awkward position."

"It's Arson; he'll be fine. At the very least, you would know for sure how he feels. And you would be able to move on quickly before your feelings for him grow."

As much as I wanted to focus on their conversation, I couldn't help myself from getting distracted. The sound of footsteps behind us was pulling me in, but I didn't want to glance back.

I shook my head to dismiss the paranoid thoughts as we neared my house and tried to remind myself that no one had any reason to follow me.

"Right, Avery?"

I looked up with a sheepish smile. I appreciated all the efforts to include me, but a looming feeling of not deserving their friendship settled in my stomach.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?"

"Nothing bad could result from talking to Arson about it," Jayce repeated for me with no hint of exasperation on her face.

I knew that Arson would likely be a good sport even if he didn't feel the same way about her. And it was unlikely that he didn't with the way he looked at her when she didn't notice.

"Yeah, go for it," I said, adding a thumbs-up after careful thought to appear more enthusiastic.

Maybe it was because the outcomes had nothing to do with me, but I found it hard to fathom any negative results.

Brooklyn nodded, even though uncertainty still clouded her expression.

As with anything that could bring her down, she brushed it away and changed the subject. "I saw that you two have Victoria in your group. What are the odds?"

"Oh, I think it's a good thing," Jayce said. "She's more than just a mean cheerleader, and I want to understand her better."

"Oh, please!" Brooklyn scoffed. "Sometimes, people are just mean. She kicked you out without a good explanation. I'm sorry if I have a hard time seeing past that. If I were in her group, this project would be the reason I wouldn't make it into a university. I would fail."

"It's okay. You don't have to like her."

The streets melted into darkness as we left behind the last functioning street lights. They had not worked since the last tropical hurricane and no one had cared enough to get them fixed.

"I'm glad you came, Avery," Brooklyn said, looking down at her arms as if debating whether or not to hug me.

I hugged her, catching her by surprise. Jayce gave me a simple, timid smile.

I watched as they waved and walked past my house. Even though I knew we were friends, I couldn't feel close to them, for some reason. They had good intentions and I liked them, but it felt like we were living in different worlds.

They belonged to a world that made sense. A world where teenagers had crushes, where the villain was always clear, where it was all about what colleges they wanted to go to, and the grades they needed to get into them.

I lived in a world where the emergence of the moon meant that I would run out of occupations to distract me from the maze inside my mind. The stars no longer shone for me, and the lights in my street had been wiped out.

I wished I were part of their world.

➷➷➷➷➷➷➷➷➷➷➷➷➷➷➷

"Ugh! I can't sleep!"

I almost rolled out of bed when I heard the voice.

It had forced me out of my head while I was trying to fall asleep. I glanced at the corner of the room where Riley's bed used to be and knew I had imagined it again.

"Ava?" the voice continued in my mind. "Are you sleeping?"

I turned around in my bed and shoved the pillow against my face to block out the loud echoes in my head.

The funny thing about the mind was that the more you tried to fight a resurging memory, the more you were thinking about it.

So, I just cut down the back-and-forth and granted them access; the memories seized the opportunity to come flooding back.

"What is it?" My gruff voice had replied.

It had always annoyed me that she woke me up when she couldn't sleep but I now missed it so much.

"Ava, I can't sleep."

"I don't see how that has anything to do with me."

She laughed despite my unkind words. "Well, aren't you grumpy?"

I pushed myself up to glance at the clock on the nightstand and realized it was two in the morning. It was no wonder that I was grumpy at two o'clock. I sent her an exasperated scowl that I knew she wouldn't see through the darkness of the room. Good grief!

If only Dad would listen to my requests for my own room.

"Let me guess, Avan still hasn't explained anything since the Victoria thing?" I asked, willing myself to listen.

"Well, he did try to talk to me earlier at school but I ran away. "

I huffed into the pillow.

"Why don't you just talk to him if it keeps you from sleeping?" My voice came out muffled.

"I don't know," she said.

I waited since I knew her well enough to predict what would follow.

"I do know," she admitted. "I'm avoiding him because it scares me that I care so much that we're not talking, even though we've only been dating for three months. Like he's such a huge part of my life already. I shouldn't feel this way, right? It terrifies me that I think about him so much and this current fight feels like we've paused the movie and I'm afraid of what will happen when it starts again. You get what I mean?"

"Yes, of course," I said, even though the closest thing to a relationship I ever had lasted a week. "You won't understand your feelings any better by pushing them away."

She sighed. "So, I should talk to him, shouldn't I?"

As if it had been following the conversation, her phone rang, blasting a loud rock song and waking me up completely.

"It's him," she said, the light of the screen lit up her face while the rest of her body remained clouded in the shadows.

Of course, Avan was awake too! It's like they never slept. Their regular nighttime texting drove me insane since Riley's giggles woke me up.

"Should I pick up?" she asked hesitantly as the music went on.

"Yes, that was the point of this entire conversation." Somehow I had managed to maintain a passive voice and brush away the irritation.

"But isn't 2 a.m. a weird time to talk?"

I restrained myself from pointing out that this was precisely what she was doing to me.

"I'll take it outside to let you sleep. I'm sorry I woke you up," she said and sneaked out of the room on her tiptoes.

I didn't end up getting much sleep that night, anyway, or most nights when Riley was either too nervous or too excited.

Even though she was gone now, she somehow still managed to keep me awake past midnight.

I sat up on my bed, entangled among the crumpled sheets from my constant tossing and turning. I reached toward the nightstand and picked up some of the books Mr. Andrews had given me.

They were mostly fiction novels, but one was an introduction to literature and was so voluminous that the simple idea of it ought to have sent me to sleep.

I thumbed through its first few pages just to close it again. Literature reminded me that I still had a lot to figure out in the next few months and I didn't want to think about it.

I chose one of the fiction books and skimmed the summary on the back cover. My eyes took time to adjust to the small font and the bright cover but as soon as I got hooked in, I did not come back up for air until I was halfway through the book.

I didn't realize that time was passing by and that it was already morning until the first rays of the sun slipped through the window stiles, bathing the room with the softest glow.

Just like Mr. Andrews had predicted, reading helped me fight back the influx of my thoughts. It made sense since I was pushing back my memories to let in new memories that weren't my own and sent me into a world where my version of reality was briefly paused.

But, although I loved reading, it took a third party to suggest the idea and I knew exactly why.

I did not want these memories to leave me. I wanted them to stay. I needed her to stay. I needed these memories because it was the only way I could keep her by my side.

At that moment, the idea of being followed no longer seemed terrifying. After all, I was my biggest hunter, always on the lookout for any sign of happiness or hint that I was moving on so that I could chase it out of my system.