𝔬. Home is the first grave
ZERO. THE FALL OF SHIGANSHINA
Home is the First Grave.
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Death is not a foreign concept to Kore Byrne.
She's been acquainted with Him since she was nine years old, and her mother never returned home from work. She can still see herself curled up on a chair facing the door, waiting for the familiar face of her mother to open it and rush to wrap her arms around her daughter's frail body. Her mother worked as a seamstress at a tailor shop an hour away from their house and Kore, never one to handle loneliness gracefully, had carefully timed how much time it took for her mother to walk back home. Sometimes, it'd take longer during the days after a military expedition outside the Walls, but overall, it never really surpassed the limit of two hours.
Kore stood there patiently waiting for two days. And on the night of the second day when the door opened again, it wasn't her mother.
After that, the little girl could pretty much feel death incoming like an old dog. The elderly couple that took her in after her mother's death, Mr. and Mrs. Zegler, were good people, but it was only a matter of time before they abandoned her as well. One day coming home after a long day of delivering newspapers, Kore could feel the shift in the air even before she entered the house, and her thoughts were confirmed upon seeing Doctor Yeager talking with an inconsolable Mr. Zegler.
"I want to go where my darling Lucia is," she'd sometimes hear Mr. Zegler whisper in his sleep when she'd enter his bedroom to refill his glass of water or put more wood inside the little furnace. And she somehow knew that sooner or later, he'd get his wish, even if it meant she would be alone again.
Shiganshina never truly felt like home to her, but it was the only place she had ever known. She had difficulty making friends, exchanging nothing but niceties with the other kids of the neighbourhood. Kore liked to blame her lack of friends on the fact she was too busy taking care of Mr. Zegler and his house-better than entertaining the idea that there was something wrong with her and everyone around her could see it. Still, this place, as boring, uneventful, and miserable as it was, it was still hers as much as it was anyone else's. No one could take that away from her.
That day started no different than any other. She found Mr. Zegler reading his newspaper in his bed and she pretended not to notice how lately, he would avoid getting out of bed as much as possible. "Good morning, Kore," he said, his voice neutral as ever. He was never as openly affectionate and caring as his late wife was, but she had figured that, despite his borderline cold behaviour, the fact he kept her in his house instead of kicking her out meant something. "Slept late last night?" he asked.
"No, I'm sorry I slept in, sir," she said. She had already gotten dressed and stood on the doorstep of the man's bedroom as if waiting for instructions. "Is there anything you want me to do today?" she asked. She had already finished that week's grocery shopping and done most of the housework, but she was waiting for the moment he'd mention they still hadn't resupplied on firewood. If there was anything she truly hated was carrying stuff.
Mr. Zegler raised an eyebrow as he took a look at her. Even at the age of eleven, she was not much to look at. She was pale and skinny to the point where even the doctor had expressed some concern during his frequent visits at the house, her messy orange hair being the only thing that set her apart and was unique enough to be noticed. She followed the old man's gaze that was focused on the part of her brown dress that was clumsily patched up by her and her cheeks turned red upon realising just how bad of a job she had done.
"I can pass by the tailor shop..." she said, before he offered his judgement.
The man nodded. "Maybe that would be a good idea," he said. "How did that happen in the first place?" Kore hesitated. "Let me guess. The dogs, again?"
"Yes, sir," she said, her face even redder now that she had been caught.
It was embarrassing to admit that in her free time, instead of spending time around other kids her age, she stayed alone and chose the company of the stray dogs that would often hang around the meat market. It was even more embarrassing to admit that trying to become friends with these dogs sometimes led to the clothes Mr. Zegler bought her with the little money he had left getting tears, holes, and stains on them. She would never forget the scolding she had gotten that day she came home with a bloody arm with teeth marks on it.
The elderly man just sighed. If it was his late wife, she would have something meaningful to say. Maybe she would have offered advice on how to make friends or she would have asked why Kore seemed to think that, even when they bit her, dogs were better than humans. And if it was her mother, she would have offered a quick hug and a compliment on Kore's awful patchwork, before teaching her how to do it correctly with a warm smile.
But Mr. Zegler just shook his head, as if thinking that Kore was just another dumb kid he grew too old to understand. "Just be careful next time. Alright?"
She nodded. "Alright."
He waved her off, not in the way that suggested he was annoyed by her but in a way that definitely showed he wasn't willing to continue this conversation. "Go outside. There's nothing for you to do today," he said. Then his eyes inexplicably softened for a moment before he hid them behind his newspaper. "Go make some friends."
She spent the next few hours outside, ignoring Mr. Zegler's advice and lazily lounging under the shade of a tree with a book she had no intention of reading, especially in the presence of the stray pup she had managed to lure in with a bunch of false promises for meat. She was trying to get it to climb on her lap when the little puppy let out a squeal and started running away. "What the hell?" Kore whined, getting up to follow it.
And that was when the sound of a lightning rumbled the ground underneath her, causing her to stumble back and fall to the ground. It happened so unexpectantly that, after the earthquake stopped, there was a minute of absolute silence around her before a bunch of people got out of their houses, frantically whispering amongst themselves. Curious to see what was going on, she walked to the middle of the street where most people were gathered. A man around Mr. Zegler's age fell to his knees, a horrified look on his face. Upon following his gaze, Kore fought the urge to do the same.
There is a huge hand gripping the Wall. A few seconds later and before she could even process what that meant, the head of a Titan emerged from the fifty-meter wall. She couldn't hear anything over her heartbeat; frozen in fear as she stares at the Titan with wide eyes, its wicked stare feeling awfully human for a second. She couldn't understand what was happening; humanity was supposed to be safe behind those walls. Kore was supposed to be safe behind those walls.
And just like that, everything changed. The impact of the Titan's plunging on the Wall sends remnants of it plummeting into the city, crushing houses, and sending even more debris flying towards them. People are screaming all around her and she hears a woman shrieking that the Titan caused a hole on the Wall, but it didn't feel like a real thing that could happen until Kore saw Titans entering the District from afar. Titans, inside the Walls. This had not happened in a century and last time it did, humanity was almost entirely devoured. Is this how it feels to be a part of history? Kore found herself wondering. Are we all already gone?
Kore half-heartedly turned around to look in the direction of Mr. Zegler's house. With it being closer to the Walls, it was hard to imagine a version of reality where the house wasn't already trampled. The old man would still be on his bed at this time, now trapped under the debris of the home he and his wife worked so hard to build. The best-case scenario would find him dead upon impact, Kore cynically thought-leaving this unjust world in the blink of an eye to find his beloved wife. And yet, there was still a chance he could be alive and desperate for help.
There's nothing you can do, she reminded herself. Mr. Zegler was barely able to walk without a cane, much less run even if she somehow managed to stay alive for long enough to find and free him. She would be insane to walk towards the hole on the Wall instead of away from it, especially knowing that she would end up dying anyway. There was nothing she could do.
The shame of how fast she decided to abandon him and run away will forever haunt her.
Her conscience screamed at her how much of a despicable person she is; how she is deserving of every single bad thing that has ever happened to her and will ever happen to her. She's repeatedly telling herself that there was nothing she could have done, as she runs through the city and towards the inner gate where everyone is going. She was trying her best not to look around at the ruins of her hometown as it was getting overrun; if she looked right at the sight of all those people getting trampled over one another or slowly dying under the weight of debris before ultimately getting eaten by Titans, didn't that make her complicit in it, since she was too weak to save anyone?
She was pretty certain the glimpses her eyes caught would never leave her mind, not even if all her other memories were erased. A young woman is crying over a dismembered leg, a lost little boy yelling for his dad. She heard someone praying, she saw an older man with a half-opened head and blood all over him asking for mercy from the Titan who just grabbed him in its hand. She turned her head before she could see the final act, but she swore the Titan must had not eaten him in one bite, as she could still hear his muffled voice for a few seconds before it faded away.
She wished everything was just a nightmare, an awfully realistic dream that would soon fade away. And maybe, just maybe, when she woke up, her mother would be there.
She knew she shouldn't have stopped running, but she couldn't stop herself from hiding in a small alleyway and doubling over as she threw up. You useless waste of space, there is nothing you can do. Emptying her already mostly empty stomach somehow felt as if she had gotten rid of all the strength in her weak body to the point where she had to rely on the wall as to not fall down. She clutched her chest and the tears started falling like a waterfall, blurring her vision as her ears perked up at loud footsteps coming her way-undoubtedly, a Titan or two, reaping and eating their way through to get to her. As if her body was determined to get her killed even faster, she felt herself not able to breathe properly, small choking sounds escaping her throat in between sobs. You might as well wait for your turn to die.
Just like that, she's back to the shed, helplessly laying on the dirty floor while beaten to a pulp as she watched from afar two children far braver and stronger than her do what she could never. It was a moment her mind often replayed for her, despite her will. Useless then and useless now. Nothing has changed. And yet, just slightly louder than her own voice, she could hear that boy's words in her ear, even though they were never directed at her.
Fight. You must fight. If you win, you live. If you lose, you die. If you don't fight, you can't win.
"I must run," she whispered to herself. She wiped the tears off her face, her breath slowly returning to normal pace as she repeated the words until her voice and that boy's were interchangeable. "If I don't run, I..."
When she came out of the alleyway, she could only see one Titan coming her way. Compared to the others she saw in the city, it was relatively small, but grotesque enough to stop her in her tracks. Between them and under the rumbles of a nearby house she could see a curly-haired boy, only a few years older than her from what she could see from the parts of his face not covered in debris and blood.
His one visible eye lit up with undeserving hope when he saw Kore. She could feel her head shaking even before he spoke. "Help!" he screamed in agony and the girl could feel his desperation. "Please, my- my legs! I can still feel them, I swear! Please, h-help!"
Kore, small, weak, eleven years old and with the ability to feel death incoming, kept staring at the Titan behind them. "I can't," she managed to say quietly, but loud enough for him to hear. She wished she could just move, do anything instead of just standing there-run to help him or at least run away. She couldn't do either. "I'm sorry."
The boy must have realised what she was looking at and his yelling got even louder and more frantic. "Please don't leave me here! Please! Someone help! HELP!" Unfortunately for the both of them, all the people around were either dead or too busy trying to save themselves to care. Kore stared at the Titan and wondered if the boy with the curly hair in front of her could actually feel his legs or simply wished that he wouldn't be alone in his dying moments.
"I'm sorry," she repeated, stumbling back, and starting to run away. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm-"
A scream cut her off. "No, no, please, please, I don't want to die, no, ple-!"
Even though everything in her body told her to keep running and not turn around, she did just in time to see the Titan throwing the boy's bloody body in its mouth before swallowing it. "Oh," she murmured, feeling herself get sick again. She didn't stop running, but this time the creature had its eye on her. "No, no... no..." she let out in disbelief, realising just how badly she had messed up.
It only took less than a minute for the creature to grab her tightly in its fist, raising her from the ground as she tried to squirm herself free to no avail. A sob escaped her throat before she could contain it in a vain attempt at a dignified death. "You- you fucking bastard!" she screamed, not entirely sure if she was directing her anger to the Titan or herself. "You useless fucking piece of meat- I HATE YOU!"
She always, perhaps naively, believed that death would feel almost welcoming for the good people of the world; like the warm embrace of your mother pulling you deeper into her arms after a long day of hard work. But Kore Byrne, eleven years old and already with a body count of two, was not a good person and she would die screaming it.
Death never came. In His place, Moira Khan did.
One second Kore's in the grasp of a Titan, so close to being chewed up that she could see the insides of its mouth-unnervingly similar to a human's-and the other second, out of nowhere, she's falling. Her mouth opened but there was no sound as she looked up to see the hand of the Titan severed from the rest of its body, falling to the ground straight after her. Her body feels frozen and unable to make a sound until she feels herself getting grabbed by someone, held close to their chest before realising she' was not falling anymore. It felt like flying.
"You know how I knew it was you?" Moira said with that familiar smirk that never seemed to leave her face. Even with her complete disregard over the entire situation, Kore looked at the woman's face with the same sense of wonder as one would look at an angel coming straight from the sky. "From the theatrics," she grinned as the Titan blood slowly evaporated from her face.
Kore's chuckle sounded more like a strangled sob. She had been too overwhelmed to think of where Moira would be during the chaos, too busy breaking down and running away, but even with her little knowledge of how the Military worked, she had a feeling Moira, as a squad member of the Garrison Division, should be out defending the gate or helping with the evacuation plans. Instead, she was there, zipping through unstable and barely standing houses to get Kore as far away as possible from the Titans, after cutting off a Titan's limp as if it was nothing but a minor inconvenience. There was no fear in her eyes; she had the confidence of a woman that had seen this happen a million times and she was strong enough to survive every single time.
There were never really many people in her life to look up to, but Moira was different. One day, I will be just like her, Kore thought. Fearless. Brave. Strong. Instinctively, her grasp around the woman tightened.
The further away they zipped from the Wall, the more houses were still standing, but it seemed like Moira's gear was too worn out to hold the weight of both of them for too long. They landed in front of the inner gate; Kore let out a sigh of relief when she saw that it was still standing, though the panicked running of the people and the Garrisson's members angry screams for evacuation quickly brought her back into reality; the reality that clearly stated they were all screwed and Shiganshina was done for.
Moira grabbed Kore by the shoulders, forcing her to look her in the eyes. It had been two years since they first met, and Kore had never seen the older woman more serious than what she looked like in that moment. "They're evacuating people in these ships. Children and women are allowed in first. You'll get in one of those damn ships no matter what, do you understand me? No matter what." Her eyes darkened for a second. "You'll run and never look back. Do you understand?"
Kore was shaking, her mind filled with so many questions, but she refused to show any more signs of weakness in front of Moira, who had already saved her more times than she ever had to. She nodded. "I understand, but- what about you? S-Shouldn't you be with the rest of the Garrisons?" she asked.
Moira smiled, her hand hovering over her blades. "I had a different idea."
"You're insane," Kore's eyes widened, wishing she could just grab Moira and carry her away like she had done for her. "You- you're not actually thinking of going up against those things on your own, are you?"
Moira didn't give her a direct answer. "I used to be in the Survey Corps."
The Survey Corps. The only branch of military that would go outside the Walls, the only ones who actually ever came to contact with these terrifying creatures that were now destroying their home. So, few of them actually made it back from an outside expedition that some people thought of the branch as a waste of money and lives. But at that moment, staring at Moira's crazed, almost bloodthirsty expression, so eager to go back to cutting off Titan limbs, Kore had never felt more certain that the two of them would meet again.
With her free hand, Moira ruffled her ginger hair, before giving her a little push. "The ship. No matter what," she repeated, before running back into action.
No matter what, Kore repeated in her head and started running towards the boat. There was just one last boat in the canal, already filled with people to the point where it seemed like no one else could fit inside. The closer she got, the more she could sense the absolute desperation of the people waiting at the pier, asking the Garrison members if more boats would get in time. After what Kore had seen, she was filled with a newfound determination to not risk it. She eventually couldn't hear anything but the pounding of her own heart.
No matter what, she told herself as she charged with all her might and launched herself into the air, her body soaring towards the ship with reckless abandon. Her home was being destroyed, so many people were dead, but she was still alive and that had to mean something. She had to make it do so. Her body slamming against the hard wood almost hurt more than when she was suffocating inside the Titan's fist, her hands suddenly feeling weak as she held onto the railing for dear life. In a moment of weakness, she looked down into the water to see the people who had previously attempted to pull the same stunt as her now trying not to drown.
"There's no more fucking space in 'ere!" she heard a deep, angry voice say and she felt fear tightening her throat-as stupid as her action was in retrospect, surely these people were not about to let a kid fall into the canal. But then again, the fleeting thought that the universe restored justice in mysterious ways crossed her mind.
Just when she was about to consider letting go of the railing, she felt two hands seize her wrists with a vice-like grip and after a moment of struggling, the stranger pulled her up and over the railing. Had it not been for the fact that the people in this ship were stacked already, Kore would have collapsed face-first onto the stranger that helped her, but instead, she was just pulled in an awkward embrace that only lasted seconds before both of them pulled away as far as possible.
Her (newest) saviour is nothing like she expected, though she wasn't exactly sure what she expected either. It was just a boy; one a bit taller and bigger than her, though his chubby cheeks and sweet-looking face made her believe he was around her age. As she stared at him-her eyes travelling from his dark curly hair to his cold dark eyes-she had a weird feeling she had seen him around before, but he didn't seem to share the sentiment.
She noticed a dirty-faced old man, apparently the one who kept complaining about how they were too stacked on that ship already, glaring at the boy and Kore as if they were his last straw and the girl felt her cheeks flushing red in embarrassment. But as soon as that odd-looking man opened his mouth to complain, the boy cut him off, pointing his finger at him. "Not another word, old man," he growled. "I'll carry her on my back if I have to."
If Kore wasn't already matching the shade of a freshly picked tomato, she definitely was after that. "Luca!" Someone scolded him but the boy-Luca-only huffed, as if he had gotten tired of his name being spoken out loud in that tone, turned away from the old man and faced her.
Despite the fact he had just saved and defended Kore, he looked a bit annoyed when he looked at her. "Are you alright?" he asked, but the question was mostly rhetorical. How could anyone say 'yes' to that after everything that had happened and was continuing to happen right in front of their eyes, as the ship took them away? Kore didn't bother answering. "Thank you," she said, her voice coming out a little strained.
The sound of lightning striking, a bit too similar to the sound she heard seconds before the disaster, made her flinch-except this time, the sound was continuous. Kore felt her shoulders slump, looking away from the home she was leaving behind as everything she had grown to love got trampled under the Titans' feet. Death was now all around them, as they were all faced with the horrifying realisation that humanity was nothing but cattle as long as Titans existed. And if the Walls were breached once, then they could be breached again and again until there was nothing left.
Her little hands clenched in fists. "If you don't fight, you can't win," she remembered. Kore never thought she was a fighter at heart, but she also never thought she would experience what she had just escaped from. There must have been a reason why she was still alive, when so many other people had died-and if there was no reason, she was willing to create one.
She turned to Luca. "I'm Kore," she said, her voice more stable than it had been earlier. "Do you know how old you have to be to join the military?"
The curly haired boy raised an eyebrow. "I'm... not sure," he said. He studied her curiously, almost as if he was trying to imagine someone like her joining the military. He turned to the man next to him. "Uncle?"
Luca's uncle was an imposing guy, scary-looking and Kore felt herself stiffen up to just the sight of him. His cold eyes, identical to his nephew's, turned to stare at her and the sense of familiarity just intensified inside Kore's head. "The military?" he scoffed. "You just survived all this shit and that's what you're thinking about? You want to join the military?"
Kore tried to make herself look taller. "I will," she said. "I'm joining the Survey Corps, as soon as I can."
The man's expression darkened with memory, and he let out a sigh as he looked away. "Stupid kids," he mumbled under his breath and didn't speak for the rest of the trip, until they finally reached shore after what felt like ages later. By that point, Kore felt like her feet touching the solid ground was a miracle by itself, but she was so tired she could barely stay standing. Having experienced all the stages of grief like a vicious cycle and now thrusted into a refugee camp inside Wall Rose, it all felt like too much for a young girl with no family. Despite the amount of people that had evacuated from Shiganshina and she was now forced to live with in the camp, she had never felt more alone.
Until Luca pulled her aside, his previous emotionless expression slightly softened now. "Forget my uncle. I don't think you're stupid at all. I think you're actually pretty brave," he said, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly before he extended his hand for a handshake. "Nice to meet you, by the way. I'm Luca."
Kore never really left his side since then.
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AUTHOR'S NOTE! i think i could spend my entire life talking about this fic and it still hasn't even started. this is a mental illness at this point, but anyways! here are 4600sth words of everything going to shit but hey, kore met her favourite person in the world, so it's okay! i'm still not entirely sure if i fully fw my writing, but i'd rather tell the story i want to tell mediocrily than not telling it at all. these characters are simply so so so dear to me. plus i giggled like an evil little schemer every time i subtly set up a future story line/plot point and i missed that feeling sm.
i especially enjoyed writing kore's emotional distress cause that girl went from "no no i need to survive" to "i am the worst person alive and i deserve to die" every few seconds. and thats relatable i think.
i changed some stuff regarding the ages of the characters, so basically; kore is the same age as eren/armin/mikasa and luca is one year older. when they enroll in the military, kore is thirteen and luca is fourteen and they finish training at sixteen/seventeen so these will be their ages for pretty much the entirety of s1-s3. i was debating making them even older by a few years, but then i feel like them being teenagers is a big part of their characters so thats the best i could do.
let me know your thoughts on this whole thing and if you liked it!! comments are greatly appreciated and keep me writing on this app sooo feel free to leave a lot of them <3 not to beg or anything. have a nice day!
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