The bus drops me off a block from Lex's house. It's just past nine and despite it being September, it's chilly outside. I hug my arms over my chest and fast-walk down the sidewalk, pausing once I'm across from Lex and Mike's house. The majority of the lights are still on and a dim thump of music radiates through the windows. I stare at the lit rooms, waiting for Lex to come into view, but he never does. Finally, I realize he's not going to magically appear and invite me inside—I just have to go for it.

Puffing out my chest, I amble across the street, hands hung loosely at my side. I guess I'm hoping that if I look confident, I might actually be confident. Of course, my pseudo-confidence only holds until I reach Lex's doorstep. Once I'm there, my body starts to shake, making it almost impossible to knock on the door. I instead ring the doorbell and take a wobbly step backward, nearly falling down the wooden steps.

It takes a long time for someone to come to the door, so long that I consider leaving. Lex and Mike are obviously busy, and really, can't this wait until other time?

I spin my way back down the porch, almost reaching the threshold of the sidewalk when I hear the door creak open. I freeze mid-step and turn back with flushed cheeks. Busted.

"Can I help you?" asks the girl.

This girl doesn't look like the last one. She's tall and thin with prim clothes and an innocent smile. I realize she looks a little like me, only with darker, longer hair and better teeth.

"Uh yeah," I say, awkwardly turning back to face her. "I'm looking for Lex."

"He's downstairs," says the girl, as if downstairs is halfway across the country.

"Okay," I say. I take slow steps back to the porch, trying to disguise my quivering fingers as purposeful shakes.

The girl turns her head and calls into the house, yelling Lex's name twice.

"So are you here with Mike?" I ask. I crane my neck to look around her, unsurprised to see the house slightly cluttered. It's probably all Mike's mess—he seems like the type.

"No," says the girl, scrunching her nose like Mike is a horrific smell. Then she gives me a small smile. "I'm here studying with Lex. We're in the same anatomy class."

I want to tell Miss Prim and Proper that Lex doesn't even want to be a pre-med student, that she obviously doesn't know him at all. And maybe I would tell her, if only my mouth wasn't in my stomach being churned into acidic nothingness.

"Lex," I say slowly, unable to fully process his name in relation to this girl.

Just then, Lex pops into view, coming from a hidden stairwell and stopping just behind the girl's shoulder. His face crinkles when he sees me, and now, I feel like I'm the horrific smell that just won't go away.

"Uh, hey," I say, rocking back on my heels. "Sorry to bother you."

"That's okay," says Lex with an easy shrug.

We stand awkwardly for a long moment, the two of them staring at me with blatant perplexity.

"So what's up?" asks Lex finally.

He doesn't move away from the girl, doesn't show any signs of having a private conversation.

"I just needed to talk with you," I say. My eyes flicker down to the girl's waist where Lex's hand now rests.

"Okay," says Lex, in a duh sort of way.

"Alone," I say, biting my tongue after I say it. I've never been so forward before, and it makes my body clench with anxiety.

Lex and the girl exchange a look. I can't decide what the look means before it vanishes.

"Abbie, I'll be right back," says Lex.

"Yeah, okay," says the girl shyly. "I'll just be downstairs.

As she glides into the hidden stairwell, Lex steps forward, shutting the door behind him.

"Abbie?" I say. "Really, her name is Abbie?"

"Yes, that is her name," says Lex stiffly.

"That's basically my name," I say. I flick my tongue beneath my teeth. "So are you already over me then? Already onto the next virgin?"

"Addie, what the hell?" asks Lex. He takes a step away from me, eyes now clenched toward each other.

I take a shaky breath, force myself to calm down, but it's hard. I came all this way to apologize and make up with him, and now, he's already got a new girlfriend. A new me.

"Are you honestly going to play the crazy ex-girlfriend card?" asks Lex, flopping his hands at his sides. "You don't want me, but you don't want anyone else to have me? Is that it?"

"No," I say through gritted teeth. "It's not like that."

"Really? Because that's exactly what this feels like," says Lex. "You turned me down, remember? You can't be mad that I'm trying to find someone new."

"It's been one day!" I shout. "One day and you're already on to the next girl? Was I that replaceable?"

"Don't do that," snaps Lex. "Don't make me into the bad guy here. You left me, Addie. I'm allowed to get over you however I want."

"Fine," I say, my teeth still molded together. "Fine, do whatever you want."

"Fine!" screams Lex. "I will."

We stare at each other, each breathing heavily with red faces. We probably look like something out of a kids' TV show, except nothing about this situation feels funny or friendly at all.

"I guess I'll just go then," I say heavily.

"Yeah," says Lex. "I have to get back to Abbie."

"Have fun with that," I say.

Before Lex responds, I whirl back down the stairs, trampling across the grass. The bus won't come for another fifteen minutes, but I head that way regardlessly—where else am I supposed to go? I clamp my fingers around my shivering arms and try to focus only on keeping warm. I don't want to think about Lex or Abbie or whatever the hell it is they're doing together.

Even though I don't want to think about it, try hard not to think about it, I can't seem to help myself. My face becomes wet with tears that I'm too tired to wipe away. I let them fall, even though I know I'm a hideous crier, even though I know Lex's neighbors probably think I'm insane.

Once I reach the bus stop, I curl onto the ground and hug my knees into my chest. My ribs continue to rattle with each sob, but now, the sensation is almost numbing. Yes, I got my hopes up for Lex, only to be disappointed. Yes, I think he hates me. And yes, I'll have to explain myself to Rebecca and Elizabeth, not to mention my anxiously waiting family. Now, I'll have to admit that I wanted to get together with Lex, but that I blew my chance when I had it.

My stomach growls loudly, hungry since my meager plate of eggs. I ram my fist against my stomach, again and again until I start to feel sick.

So stupid. So selfish. So unworthy.

Punch. Punch. Punch.

It isn't until the headlights of the bus appear that I finally drop my hand. I feel a little sick, yet at the same time, I feel just a little bit better.