"You guys have to come," says Rebecca. She kneels beside the couch, resting one hand on my knee and the other on Elizabeth's. "It's the first major party of the year."

"On a Tuesday," I say, stretching an eyebrow. "I have an eight o'clock class in the morning."

"Oh c'mon, Addie," says Rebecca. She shakes my knee, but then quickly moves her attention to Elizabeth. "You'll come, won't you?"

"I don't know," says Elizabeth, and she bounces her shoulders. "I was kind of hoping to stay in tonight."

Now, Rebecca groans. "You can't be serious," she says, letting her eyes roll dramatically. "You've been out every night since you got here."

Elizabeth straightens slightly, puffing out her large chest. She's wearing a low-cut tank top and tight jeans, a party-ready outfit. Honestly, Elizabeth has no reason not to go out, which makes me think Rebecca might be right. Maybe Elizabeth simply doesn't like us, doesn't want to be our friends.

I, on the other hand, have every reason to stay in our dorm. The terrifying dream from last night still lingers beneath my skin, itching and stretching with discomfort. I've never been to a high school party, let alone a college one, and there's a good chance my anxiety will flare if I go. My medication isn't cut out for high doses of alcohol, which means I could have any sort of reaction.

Besides, unlike most college kids, I don't have the desire to drink until my body is more alcohol than blood. Acting stupid and making a fool of myself are not factored into my plans for the University of Montana. But a quiet night of studying and watching Netflix? Yeah, that sounds perfect.

"I can't believe you two are making me go by myself," says Rebecca. She finally drops her hands from our knees and gets off the floor. Her face is clean of makeup and she's currently in sweats, just like she has been all day.

"You won't be alone," I say as she pouts into her bedroom. "You'll have the boys."

"Yeah, like they'll hang out with me," says Rebecca. "Mike will be trying to hook up with someone, and Lex...well, who knows what he does at parties. He'll probably skulk in the corner with a beer."

Even though Rebecca doesn't say anything about Lex hooking up with a random, pretty girl, that's where my mind suddenly falls. I imagine his beautiful eyes devouring a short girl with large curves and shiny red hair. In my mind, they're out on the dance floor, grinding against one another and making out between songs.

"I'm sure they won't ditch you," says Elizabeth. She perches her iPad on the coffee table and starts browsing through the Netflix selections. The only movies she pauses to consider are strange-looking wagon trail romances.

Mike's sharp knock—caused by his foot, rather than his hand—slams at the door. He calls to Rebecca, and then breaks off, whispering just loud enough for me to hear his muffled speech. I instantly press my hands to my hair. Mike and Lex weren't supposed to come up here. I haven't even brushed my hair, let alone put on a bra and cute clothes.

"Can someone get that?" asks Rebecca.

Elizabeth lets out a gurgled sigh, but she pulls herself off the couch and slinks toward the door. She swings open the door, returning to the couch before saying a word to Mike or Lex.

"Hi Mike," I offer as he sashays into the room. Lex isn't far behind him, but I'm afraid I'll blush if I greet him.

"You guys coming?" asks Mike. His eyes first glance over Elizabeth and then me, seemingly unimpressed by the both of us.

"No," says Elizabeth. "We're staying in for a movie night."

"Not big on partying?" asks Lex. He's looking directly at me, his golden brown eyes warm and molten with interest.

"It's not really my thing," I say, shifting deeper into the couch, partially shielding myself behind Elizabeth.

"That's cool," says Lex. He smiles, exposing his straight, white teeth. He looks so good tonight with a loose gray shirt and faded jeans that hang low on his hips. And most of all, he looks carefree in a way I never will.

"Okay, okay, I'm ready," says Rebecca. She wobbles into the room, wearing a short pink dress and dangerous-looking heels. Her hair is fastened in a high ponytail and dark makeup clouds her eyes.

"Wow," I say, because really, how does anyone get ready that quickly?

"I know, I'm hot," says Rebecca, swishing her ponytail. She gives a cat's smile to the boys. "Don't you agree?"

"Gross," says Mike.

At the same time, Lex says, "You look very nice, Becks."

Rebecca sticks her lower lip into a child's pout. "You guys are no fun."

Mike runs his hands down his face with a groan. "Are you ready to go or not?"

"Yes, yes, I'm ready," says Rebecca. She flaps her hand at Mike's chest and pushes him toward the door. Just as she's turning to leave, she gives us one final parting glance. "You sure you don't want to come?"

"Go, have fun," says Elizabeth. She pats the top of her iPad screen. "We'll be good."

Rebecca's eyes shift toward mine, bulging in a way that say Really, you're sure?

"Bye Rebecca," I say, my voice pitching into a song-like tune. "See you later."

Once the door closes, Elizabeth and I situate ourselves on the couch and bring out the junk food. Elizabeth selects a cowboy romance, briefly pausing to make sure it's okay with me. I'd rather watch any other type of movie, but I nod my head anyway. Within minutes into the show, however, I find myself staring at the wall. The movie is already boring and painfully slow, and Rebecca's loud chewing is making it hard to hear, anyway.

"Have you seen this before?" I ask, gesturing toward the screen.

"Shhh," says Elizabeth. She sends me a nasty glare and nods toward the movie. "No talking."

Oh God. I miss Rebecca already, but it's too late to do anything about it now. I could go into my bedroom and read a book or watch my own Netflix movie. It would be rude though to leave Elizabeth out her by herself, especially after I promised to watch a movie with her.

A whisper of a knock thumps against our door, causing me to flinch. It's too light to be either of the boys, and Rebecca took her key with her. Elizabeth and I exchange a glance, but she looks as confused as me.

"Did you order something?" she whispers, sounding slightly accusatory. Before I answer, she leans forward to pause the movie.

I shake my head and rise from the couch. Elizabeth takes a bite of three Twizzlers at once, smacking loudly as I open the door. My shoulders instantly collapse into my chest as I see who stands before me, his arm raised, poised to knock again.

"Wes," I say flatly. "What're you doing here?"

He peers around my shoulder and offers Elizabeth a friendly wave.

"I was wondering if you've seen The Amazing Spiderman?" he asks. "It's really good, and my mom just sent it to me."

He lifts the movie and his computer as proof. Then, he sticks his head around my body and waves the movie at Elizabeth.

"Hi, I'm Wes, Addie's ex-boyfriend," he says. "And you are?"

"Elizabeth," she says slowly, her mouth still full of licorice.

"Great, nice to meet you," says Wes. "Have you seen The Amazing Spiderman?"

"Um, no," says Elizabeth. She looks to me with help-me eyes, but I don't know how to convey my annoyance without Wes noticing.

"Awesome," says Wes. "We can all watch it together."

He slides between me and the door, barely able to worm his body into the room. Wes's face is locked in a too-happy expression, like he's just arrived at Disney World instead of a slightly smelly dorm room.

My fingers itch against my sides, tingling, desperate to do something. I should go sit beside Wes and Elizabeth, pretend to have a great time, and watch a superhero movie. Instead, I find myself moving toward my bedroom, heart swirling with anxiety.

"Where are you going?" asks Wes.

"I'm just gonna change into something a little better than this," I say, sweeping a hand over my ugly pajamas. They're blue with orange chickens on them.

"Nah, you look fine," says Wes. "Don't feel like you need to change for me."

There are a lot of different sarcastic responses that come to mind. I could say: Funny, you didn't say that three months ago when you broke up with me. Or maybe, No need to change now that I'm the type of person you approve.

"I'd feel more comfortable," I say, easing my way into the bedroom. "It'll just take a second."

Wes shrugs, and surprisingly, so does Elizabeth. She takes the movie from Wes's hand and pops it into the player. Hopefully, she won't hate me too much after what I'm about to do.

As soon as I close my bedroom door, I start ripping through my closet. There has to be something party-worthy in here, but everything seems lame in comparison to Rebecca's stunning dress. I don't even have a mini skirt or heels, nothing ot make me blend with the crowd of college kids. Luckily, I do have a few cute pairs of shorts and a sexy tank top. It cuts low across my top, right where my cleavage used to be. My boobs disappeared with the anorexia, and even with my added weight, my chest remains flat.

I brush my hair, and at the same time, I rummage through my makeup bag. There's not much to use, but I do find a pretty shade of pink lipstick and a fresh mascara tube. I toss the brush onto my desk and apply the light makeup, giving myself an approving glance in the mirror. Pretty would be a stretch, but good enough? Yeah, I feel like I pull that off.

When I return to the living room, neither Wes nor Elizabeth looks up from the screen. I debate my options, wondering how to make my exit. Wes finally turns his attention to me, his eyes instantly growing.

"Wow, Addie, you look awesome," says Wes. His eyes skim over my body, momentarily causing old feelings to resurface. But then, I remember the way he looked when he said he couldn't handle my problems, couldn't handle me.

"Thanks," I say.

"Isn't it a bit much for watching a movie?" asks Elizabeth.

"Maybe," I say with a shrug. "I just wanted to look nice."

"Well you definitely do," says Wes. He's still staring at me like he used to, only now, it's pissing me off.

"I have to go to the bathroom," I say, my voice sharpened.

"Okay," says Wes. His eyes drop down to the computer screen, but Elizabeth's remain on me. She gives me a look that says don't-you-dare.

If things were like they were at home, if I was still trying to please my parents, if I was still too terrified to ignore Wes...maybe I would have stayed. This is my only chance to finally escape that life I've been trying to for so long, and I'm going to take it.

I walk out of the dorm, closing the door carefully behind me. For a moment, I stand in the center of the hallway, letting myself feel the adrenaline that climbs through my body. And then, I start to run, arms pumping and mouth dropped in an uncontrollable giggle.