Lex and I ride around Missoula for the next hour and a half. We pass the Big Dipper ice cream stand and the gyro sandwich shop, then roll down the road by the river. The exercise feels good on my legs. I try not to think about the calories I'm dissolving, but I can't help myself. Every time I pedal, I know my weight is trimming into a smaller size. It makes me want to ride faster, pump harder, until every speck of fat is gone.

Unfortunately, Lex seems to have the opposite idea in mind. He rides slowly, always a half foot behind me, talking quietly about the scenery. Lex is so peaceful, so nonchalant about the pressures that surround college kids. It makes me envious in a good way, like maybe I can be like him, if I just try hard enough.

"You wanna take a break?" asks Lex. He pedals to catch up with me and gestures toward the adjacent park. "There's some really nice trees over here. We could sit under one for a while."

"I'm good," I say. My legs are starting to tire, but I like the sensation. Tired equals weight loss.

"Well, I need a break," says Lex. He steers his bike away from me and off the sidewalk.

I slow my bike to a stop, staring after him with a slightly grizzled expression. Lex rides into Bonner park, a beautiful splotch of green grass and plush trees. He doesn't need a break, and we both know it, but what am I supposed to do? I grumble softly to myself and start after Lex, crossing the street in two quick pedals.

I lean my bike against the same tree Lex lounges beneath. His bike lays haphazardly in the grass with its kickstand splayed at an awkward angle. It's an old bike with a rusted chain and faded orange paint. When Lex catches my stare, he smiles.

"It's a piece of shit," he says. "It's my dad's old one from his college days, so it's a miracle it works at all."

"I like the color," I say dumbly.

"Thanks," says Lex. He nudges the bike with his shoe. "It gets me where I'm going, so that's all that really matters."

I ring my pinky fingers together and stare at the surrounding houses. My heart has been swirling like a washing machine ever since we left my dorm room. I still haven't decided if this is a date or not, or whether I want it to be or not. After everything that happened with Wes, I shouldn't even be here right now. But I'm glad I am—so, so glad.

"Are we far from campus?" I ask. I glance over my shoulder, as if expecting to see it from where we sit.

"Not too far," says Lex. "We pretty much circled back around. Are you tired? I could go get my car, if you want."

"I'm not that incapable, Lex," I say. My cheeks feel hot, but I can't bring myself to break eye contact with Lex. He looks so genuinely concerned, unabashedly so.

"You know it's not like that," says Lex. "I'm just not an expert at things like this. I don't want to do anything wrong."

"You won't do anything wrong," I say, lowering my voice. It's not the truth—he probably will do something wrong. He'll say something or do something that will send me into a panic, into a self-starvation mode of survival. But there's nothing he can do about it. No matter how careful he is, at some point, I'm going to break.

Lex quirks his lips. "So, you don't want me to get the car."

"No," I say, and even I hear the husky undertone. I want to kiss him, almost as much as I want him to want to kiss me. It could be our real first kiss, a redo of the night he pulled away.

For a moment, I think he's going to lean in and press his soft lips against mine, but he doesn't. Instead, he shifts away from me and scratches his neck. My heart crumbles into itself, feeling every pulsing second of this moment. It's happening again—he's rejecting me again. At least this time I didn't throw myself at him, but still. He has to know that I want him to kiss me.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask. My heart swirls faster and faster, thumping loudly against my bones. "And you don't have to answer, not if you don't want to."

"Of course," says Lex. His eyes return to mine, glinting with the sun's warm rays. They look almost golden right now, so beautiful I almost lose the nerve to ask my question.

"Why did you pull away when I kissed you?" I ask. Then, thinking of Rebecca, I add, "Did my breath...was it my breath?"

Lex's mouth flips into a loose smile, one that crinkles the outer corners of his eyes. A soft chuckle falls from his lips.

"It wasn't your breath," says Lex, still smiling. Then, his face returns to a serious expression. "I didn't really want to kiss you when you were drunk. I mean, I did, but it wouldn't be right, you know?"

"Oh, well thanks," I say, feeling the blush in my cheeks again. "I guess I didn't really think about it."

"Yeah, I figured if you wanted to kiss me, you'd do it when you were sober," continues Lex.

It's an invitation, I swear it must be. His golden brown eyes flicker around my face, taking in ever inch of my skin and lips. He wants to kiss me, and this time, he won't pull away. Still, my heart coils in my chest, beating about six times too fast. My mind guiltily flickers toward Wes, but then every thought of him disappears, replaced only by Lex's easy smile.

I press a hand to Lex's shoulder, feeling my finger tremble against his collar bone. Lex's eyes dip toward my lips, but he doesn't lean in to me. He waits with an anxious posture, lips parted and eyes eager, waiting for my next move.

"I'm sober," I whisper. And then, I collapse into him, crashing my lips against his and tasting the soft mint of his breath.

He reacts immediately, his strong hands moving to my waits, pulling me closer with each passing moment. His tongue swipes across my lips, asking for permission. I feel my lips part, and then, his tongue glides into my mouth. An embarrassing moan slips from my mouth, but Lex only grips me tighter, pulling me into him until our chests brush against each other.

His hands slide down my body, lighting every inch on fire. They move over my butt and onto my thighs, urging me onto his lap. For a moment, I hesitate, suddenly very aware that we're in the middle of a family-friendly park, making out in plain sight. But then, Lex pulls away from my mouth to line kisses across my collar bone, and I forget everything.

I fall onto him, feeling his hardness press against my pants. My legs constrict against his waist, and I surge forward, bringing his mouth back to mine. I kiss his harder than I've ever kissed anyone, so desperately that I'll likely bruise his mouth. But I can't help it, touching Lex wakes something inside of me, turns me almost animalistic.

"Addie," he whispers.

At first, I think he's moaning my name, but then, he says it again, calmer this time.

"Yeah?" I ask, breaking apart just enough to see his eyes.

"Can I ask you something now?"

The timing feels awful. I'm ready to rip off his clothes in public, and he wants to play twenty questions.

"Um, sure," I say. My breathing is still wild in my chest, straining against my ribcage. Every pore in my body is extremely aware of my position, and each one is egging me to interrupt Lex's question with a deeper, more passionate kiss.

"Mike said he say you with your ex-boyfriend," says Lex. His voice shakes slightly. "I just wanted to make sure that he misunderstood. You two aren't back together, are you?"

"Oh," I say. My lungs deflate, and I have to concentrate to keep myself from blushing. "That was just...no, we're not back together."

"But you were kissing him?" asks Lex. HIs hands tighten around my hips, causing me to flinch.

"Well, yes," I say. "But he kissed me, and I was just so confused. And I thought you weren't into me, and—"

My throat starts to close on me as embarrassment and shame clouds my mind. I try to keep talking, but tears threaten every word.

"Please don't cry," says Lex. His hands leave my waist to wipe the budding tears. "Addie, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm not mad at you, I promise."

"I'm really sorry," I say. "I shouldn't have kissed him."

"No, I'm sorry," says Lex, his voice firm. "I shouldn't have asked. We're not in a relationship, so it's none of my business what you did with Wes."

His words make me want to cry harder, but somehow, I get ahold over my emotions. I clear my throat twice and quickly wipe away any remaining tears.

"We should go," I say. I unwrap my legs from Lex's lap and struggle to my feet. My entire body is still trembling with excitement. Only now, there's a mix of shameful anxiety.

"Addie—"

"No, it's okay," I say quickly. "But I really do need to get back to the dorm. I have homework and stuff."

A deep frown riddles Lex's mouth. He merely nods though, picking up his bike from the grass and swinging onto the seat. We ride the entire way back to campus in silence, or at least, I do. Any time Lex starts to talk, I ride faster, pumping my legs until Lex is out of hearing range. I know it's unfair, but I can't help it. The embarrassment and shame and frustration are all too heavy for me to manage a conversation with Lex, especially if it's going to end with there being nothing between the two of us.