By the time I find Rebecca's car in the crowded parking lot, my phone has twelve text messages from Rebecca. One of them is Lex's address; the rest are encouraging words and suggestive emojis. I type the address into my phone's mapping app and slowly pull out of the parking lot. It takes me just over five minutes to get to Mike and Lex's house—not nearly enough time to digest my next actions. I jerk the car into park across from their house and give myself a final pep-talk.

"All right, you can do this," I mutter. Then, feeling stupid, I say the rest inside my head. You already know Lex likes you—this should be easy. Just tell him you do want a relationship with him. No, no, no, just start with a date. You want another date, Addie. No need to bring up relationships.

My eyes drift toward Lex's house. It's a small two-story house with green paint and cement steps. Lex and Mike live on the upper floor, right above some rude girl named Tiffany.

Rebecca: just go.

I immediately look over my shoulder, expecting to see Rebecca tailing behind me. She's not there, but her words are enough to coerce me from the car. I tiptoe across the street and shimmy between two cars that are parked in front of Lex's house. My mouth tastes like blood and my fingers are trembling, but I force myself forward. Don't think, just go.

The doorbell is cracked and broken-looking, so I rap my knuckles against the door and take a baby-step back, nearly falling down the concrete steps. For a moment, it is silent, but then an avalanche of footsteps thunder toward the door. A tall girl with pink eyeshadow answers the door, just sticking her head into the crack.

"Hello?" she asks with a giggle.

I suck in a deep breath and nearly choke on her perfume. The girl shifts slightly, and I realize she's in nothing but her bra and underwear—who answers the door like that?

"Who is it?" calls Lex, his deep voice echoing from the adjacent room. Moments later, he strolls into view, wearing a pair of sweatpants and going shirtless. I don't even have time to appreciate his lean body—my mind is too busy pairing the bra girl with Lex's half-naked body.

"Oh my God," I say before I can help myself.

"Addie?" asks Lex.

"Oh my God," I say again. I take another step backward, and this time, I really do almost fall. I catch myself on the railing at the last second.

"Addie, what're you doing here?" asks Lex. He starts to slide between the mostly naked girl and the door, but I can't stand to look at him.

I drop my eyes to the concrete and start to shuffle backwards down the stairs.

"Never mind," I say, my voice a pathetic squeak. "I have to go."

"Wait, Addie—"

I turn and run for Rebecca's car, even plugging my ears like a child to block out Lex's protests. Lex starts to jog down the steps after me, causing me to fly into panic-mode. I dive into the car, lock the doors, and peel away from the curb. My foot scarcely leaves the gas pedal for the entire ride back to campus. And my heart definitely doesn't stop ricocheting against my ribcage.

"Breathe, Addie, breathe," I say, but of course, it doesn't help. My breath continues to come in harsh pants, until suddenly, I'm hyperventilating.

I jog toward the Miller dorm building with my arms crossed tightly over my chest. A panic attack is building—I can feel it, but I have no idea how to stop it. My chest pierces with each breath, and a lightheaded sensation fills my mind. When my legs start to buckle, I realize I'm going to pass out.

"Breathe," I whisper. "Just breathe."

My legs again quiver beneath my weight, but I don't stop moving. I need to get to my dorm before this turns into a full-blown panic attack. Who knows, maybe I'll even calm down once I'm safely inside my bedroom.

A sharp splinter drives through my chest, immediately pulling the breath from my lungs. I'm only halfway up the stairs to the second floor, but I know I'm not going to make it. The pain is too thick, and my mind is completely fuzzy. I let my legs fold beneath me, and I sit on the third step from the second landing. The tension in my chest grows stronger and stronger, just as my breaths continue to come faster and faster.

I drop my head into my hands and suck a shaky breath into my lungs, hoping it will help. When it doesn't, I start to cry. It's a dry, moaning cry, one that is too painful to require tears. I don't care that I'm in the middle of the staircase, and I don't care that someone could see me having a panic attack. I honestly don't care about anything but the pain and the terror.

"Addie?"

I look up, somehow unsurprised to see Lex standing before me. His face turns ashen when he takes in my off-green skin and my moans of anguish.

"It's okay," he says quickly. "You're okay."

"It hurts," I say, clutching a hand to my chest. "God, it hurts so bad."

I curl into my stomach and press my face between my knees. My hands are still taut against my chest, and my entire body is clenched tight.

"Do you need to go to the hospital?" he asks. His voice is so close now, I can tell he's kneeling in front of me.

"No...panic...attack," I say, barely managing each word.

"Okay," says Lex. He is quiet for a long moment, but then, his voice returns, slightly closer than before. "I'm going to take you to your room, okay? I'm going to carry you."

"I'll walk," I grunt.

Lex's warm hands are suddenly on my body, behind my back and under my knees. He scoops me up effortlessly and cradles me to his chest. I want to protest, but the pain intensifies. I feel a sharp need to puke or die or scream...any of those would do. In the end, I only coil tightly in Lex's arms and moan to myself.

"Do you have your room key?" asks Lex.

"No." I tuck my face against his chest, horrified that Rebecca and Elizabeth are going to see me like this, that they're going to know.

A dull knocking thuds against our door. Lex's arms are still secure around my body, so I think he's using his foot. Either way, I hear the door swing wide, followed by Rebecca's sharp gasp.

"Oh my God," she says. "What happened? What'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything," says Lex. He grips me tighter between his arms and turns sideways to slide past Rebecca.

"Is she sick?" asks Rebecca, her words coming so quickly I can barely hear them. "Did she pass out?"

"I think she has the flu," says Lex.

His lie sounds so effortless, even I want to believe him.

"I'll get a bucket," says Rebecca. "I mean, if we have a bucket. I don't know if we do...Will a trashcan work?"

"Um, yeah, that's fine," says Lex. He keeps walking, only to pause. "This one's hers, right?"

"Yup," says Rebecca. "I'm right behind you."

Lex manages to get my door open without dropping me, and then, he gently lowers me onto my short couch. I curl my legs against my chest, groaning and mumbling nonsense words under my breath. My chest pulses with the sensation of an over-inflated balloon, just like the first time.

My eyes are pinched shut, but I can hear when Rebecca enters the room. A trashcan clanks down in front of me, and her bubblegum breath washes over my nose.

"Is there anything I can do?" she asks.

I shake my head, desperate for her to leave. I want to cry about my horrific chest pains and scream about the suffocating panic. But with Rebecca hear, I can only hug my stomach.

"Can you grab some ibuprofen?" asks Lex.

"Do you think she can keep it down?" asks Rebecca.

"We can at least try," says Lex. "It might help."

Rebecca again disappears, and I am alone with Lex. He kneels beside the trashcan and presses a warm hand against my cheek.

"I'm dying," I groan.

"You're okay," says Lex, moving his hand to brush through my hair. "You just have to breath slower. You're hyperventilating."

"Still?" I ask.

"Yes, still," says Lex.

When I open my eyes, Rebecca is back in the room, counting orange elongated pills into the palm of her hand. She hands me four pills and a glass of lukewarm water.

"Thanks," I say.

"Do you want me to stay with you?" asks Rebecca, inching toward me. "I could sleep in here with you."

"No, no," I say. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Are you sure—"

"I'll watch her," says Lex.

"Okay," says Rebecca. She steps out of the door, saying "feel better," as she closes it.

"Try to sleep," says Lex, still stroking my hair. "You'll feel better when you wake up."

Of course, I can't sleep, but I lie with my eyes closed, enjoying the feel of Lex's fingers in my hair.