Today is the last day before the start of fall semester. I sit with Rebecca and Elizabeth in our dorm, the three of us staring blankly at the romantic comedy on the computer. Elizabeth is fairly overweight, making it even more difficult to sit on the couch than when Mike was here. She is quieter though—no talk of beer pong yet.

"I have to go," says Elizabeth suddenly. Her voice is so soft I barely hear her. "I'm meeting some friends for lunch."

Even though Elizabeth is a freshman like me and Rebecca, she already has an entire friend group. She has lived in Missoula her entire life and has already met a good portion of the UMT student body. Despite barely talking, she is apparently the social guru of our dorm.

Rebecca waves goodbye to Elizabeth without looking up from the screen. In the past two days, I've learned that Rebecca is addicted to watching movies, TV series, even cartoons. If she's not sleeping, she's most likely camped in front of her computer.

Once the door swings shut behind Elizabeth, Rebecca slowly lifts her head to look at me.

"I'm betting we won't see much of her this semester," says Rebecca, and then she drops her head back to the screen. She shoves a handful of Cheetos into her mouth, spraying orange flakes when she talks. "Kind of sucks because she's the only one here with a car."

"At least Mike's here," I say. My eyes flicker toward the Cheetos, which Rebecca has already offered me three times, but I can't bring myself to eat one.

"Yeah, that's true," says Rebecca. She slumps back, stretching to fill two thirds of the couch. Then, she suddenly snaps upright, her eyes bulging from their sockets. "Oh my God. I can't believe I forgot."

"Forgot what?" I ask, already feeling the tension in my gut.

"The other night," says Rebecca, narrowing her eyes at me with a playful smile. "You and Lex totally made out, didn't you?"

"What?" I ask, shrinking away from her. My insides rattle with anxiety. Even though Rebecca looks like she's joking around, I get the feeling she wouldn't be happy if Lex and I had made out.

"It's okay, you can tell me," says Rebecca. She inspects her nails for a long moment. "I mean, it was kind of obvious. You leave the room to 'go to the bathroom,' and five seconds later, Lex does too. Like, that's obviously not a coincidence."

"Complete coincidence," I squeak. My forehead is starting to sweat, just like it always does when I'm under pressure. It doesn't matter that I'm telling the truth—I can't help but feel guilty anyway.

"Are you sure—"

"I promise on my life, we didn't make out," I say. "Besides, I know you like him."

Now, Rebecca snorts. "I don't like him, not in that way, not at all. Would I bang him? Totally. But I wouldn't date him."

Before I can respond, my stomach lets out a hideous growl. I react as quickly as I can, grabbing my stomach until it quiets, but this only makes Rebecca laugh harder. She shakes her head at me.

"Have you even eaten today?"

"Yes," I lie.

"Well, obviously not enough," says Rebecca. She pokes me in the arm, "You're too skinny. Let's go fatten you up."

There is nothing—nothing—I hate more than people scrutinizing my weight. It makes me feel the heat of a spotlight on my body, like it's the only part of me that counts. But at the same time, I get the tiniest glimmer of accomplishment to scorch through my stomach. I feel like I'm better than Rebecca, skinnier.

"Where should we go out to eat?" she asks. She slides off the couch, oblivious to my mental breakdown, and kicks into a pair of flip flops. "I was thinking Noodle Express, but I know you just ate there."

"That sounds perfect," I say quickly. "Just let me grab my shoes."

Five minutes later, Rebecca and I are at the Oval, a oblong patch of grass at the center of campus. Students lay out on their backs or in small clusters of friends, all soaking up the hot rays of sun. For some reason, being outside makes me miss home. Sure, there's still mountains in Missoula, but they're not Idaho mountains, not my mountains. Worse, I realize I can't go home, not even if I'm homesick or depressed—I'm stuck here with no car.

"It's so nice out here," says Rebecca, she drops her head to put her face in the sun. Her hands spread out like wings, and she starts to laugh. "Sorry, I'm being weird, aren't I?"

"No, you're fine," I say. I chew on my bottom lip and stare at the surrounding people. Most of them aren't my type—too rugged and too redneck. There are a few that catch my notice, but somehow, they all end up looking like Wes.

"I'm glad I got you as a roommate," says Rebecca. "I'd go insane if I was stuck with Elizabeth all the time. I'd pretty much be living alone."

"Yeah, she seems nice though."

I can feel Rebecca staring at the side of my head, but I pretend not to notice. Finally, she bumps her shoulder against mine.

"Are you mad about the whole Lex thing?" she asks.

"Of course not," I say, my cheeks turning red. "It's just weird to imagine."

"What? You and Lex?" Rebecca quirks her head to the side. "I don't know, I can see it. You'd look cute together."

Now, I'm really blushing, not because Rebecca can imagine us as a couple, but because I can. I can imagine his warm hands running over my skin, his wide mouth pressing against mine, his beautiful eyes staring into mine. It all plays beautifully through my head, and no matter how many times I try, I can't get the images out of my head.

"Where'd you guys meet again? Camp or something?" asks Rebecca.

Shoot.

"Uh, yeah," I say. "In Spokane."

"Is that in Idaho?"

"No, Washington," I say. "Right on the border of Idaho, though."

Rebecca quirks her lips to the side and narrows her eyes. I look around at the brick buildings as we pass them, pretending to admire their old-time feel. My English building is right on the left of the Oval, not far from the dining hall.

"I guess I can see how that'd be weird," says Rebecca finally. "I mean, I wouldn't want to date someone from my high school years, either."

"Exactly," I say, exhaling loudly. "It'd just be weird. I'm not the same as I was a year ago."

Rebecca nods as if she understands, but I know she doesn't, not really.

We get to the back building of UMT, where places like Pizza Hut and Noodle Express fill the interior. Rebecca jogs up the steps before me, and I realize she's far more athletic than I am. She probably plays soccer or softball.

Unlike our dorm, this building has air conditioning. A pleasant shiver trails down my bare arms and legs, and I realize the slightest sheen of sweat covers my body. Rebecca leads the way to Noodle Express, bouncing slightly with each step. My stomach growls again as we enter the door, earning another laugh from Rebecca, but I don't feel like eating. It's a dangerous thought-process, one I've come to know too well, and one I don't know how to resist.

"I'm feeling a little sick," I tell Rebecca. "I think I'm gonna head back to the dorm."

"You're literally starving, Addie," says Rebecca, grabbing my wrist. "C'mon, at least order something before you go."

I want to resist her, but I'm afraid of what she'll think if I do, what she might know.

"Okay," I say weakly. "Just something small."

Rebecca nods at me with satisfaction, and the terrible thoughts grow louder in my mind.

* Please vote and comment--it would mean so much to me. [Dedicated to XxSwimmer_ChickxX for her beautiful trailer. Be sure to check it out.]