That night, I sit in the living room with Rebecca. The smell of popcorn and Twizzlers clouds the room, but we're both too lazy to open a window. We sit with our arms pressed against each other, both staring emptily at Rebecca's computer screen. She's been raving about this show called Grey's Anatomy, which basically captures a world in which all doctors are intensely beautiful. I twirl a piece of popcorn between my fingers, slowly debating whether I should eat it. When a dark-skinned doctor walks across the screen, I imagine Lex in his place. Lex could easily fit into the cast of Grey's Anatomy. Nobody would question his hypnotizing eyes or his muscular build.

"This is boring," says Rebecca. She snaps shut the computer screen and twists her body toward me. "You don't want to keep watching, do you?"

I glance down at the computer, where the beautiful doctors are now trapped.

"No, I should probably go study," I say.

"You and your studying," says Rebecca. She cups her hand around my wrist, her fingers easily meeting on the other side. "We should just hang out. I feel like I barely even know you."

We've only lived together for a few days, but Rebecca stares at me with such determination and such sadness, as though we've wasted years of our time avoiding each other.

"Okay," I say. I run my tongue across my teeth, and finally drop the popcorn kernel back into the bowl. "What do you want to talk about?"

Rebecca gives an relaxed laugh. "Oh I don't know, anything, really. We could talk about how annoying Elizabeth is."

"You think she's annoying?" I twist slightly to glance at Elizabeth's closed door. She's been in and out of our dorm all night, only returning to grab her purse or a snack or her computer. I can't remember if she's here or not, and the thought of her overhearing our gossip makes my skin itch.

"Oh totally," says Rebecca. She slouches into the couch and pulls her legs onto the cushion. "I mean, I really liked her at first. But, you know, she could say hi every now and then. Instead, she just completely ignores us. Acts like we're not even her friends or her roommates or anything, really. Don't you think?"

Yes.

"I don't know." I bob my shoulders. When Rebecca's lips scour together, I add. "But I am glad you aren't like that. I'd be a loner if it weren't for you."

"Well don't worry, I'm not going to ditch you for my other friends," says Rebecca, patting my wrist.

"I won't either," I say, as if I have any other friends. None of the kids in my class seemed interested in me, and I only know two people aside from Rebecca. Hopefully, Wes's fixation on me will fade. As for Lex...I haven't quite decided what I want.

Rebecca's finally pulls her hand from my arm. She takes a large handful of popcorn and filters it into her mouth. As soon as she's done chewing, she twists her face into a quirky mask and stares at me, evaluating me.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" she asks.

"Um, sure," I say. I hook my pinkies together and stare at them, instead of her.

"Are you a virgin?"

"Oh," I say, unhooking my pinkies. Still, I stare at my hands, fighting the blush from my cheeks and the fist from my throat. "Yeah, I am."

"You don't have to be embarrassed," says Rebecca. "Nothing wrong with that. I kind of figured anyway."

Now I do look at her. What is that supposed to mean?

"It's not a bad thing," says Rebecca. She latches onto my wrist once again. "Honestly, I was just curious."

"Are you?" I ask, but somehow, I know just like she knew. Maybe it's in the way she talks about virginity, like it's something of the distant past, a part engrained in history.

"No," she says with a laugh. "I don't even remember how to live without sex. Don't worry, I'm not addicted or anything. It's just something I like to do."

"That's...cool," I say. There should be something more to say, something to ask, but how should I know? Sex is as mysterious to me as it is to an average sixth grader. Sure, I know the basic mechanics that are taught in health class, but not much beyond that.

"Yeah sorry, we can talk about something else," says Rebecca. She waves her hand, as if wiping away the topic.

"No, it's okay," I say quickly. "It's fine. I mean, I've done other stuff. I'm not totally inexperienced."

"Don't feel like you need to prove anything to me," says Rebecca. "Really, lots of my friends are still virgins. One hasn't even kissed a boy."

"I've kissed plenty of boys," I say, forcing a laugh. "Wes is the only person I ever went to third with though."

I scratch my nose to cover my blush. Did I really just say went to third? I'm pretty sure that's something only high schoolers say, and probably, only prude high schoolers at that.

"And?" A mischievous smile twinkled on Rebecca's mouth. "Was he big?"

"Oh my God," I say. Now, I cover both cheeks with my palms and close my eyes.

Rebecca breaks into a high-pitched cackle, laughing so hard she collapses off the couch and onto the floor.

"You're hilarious, Addie," says Rebecca. When I open my eyes, she's still laughing with a hand cupped over her mouth to muffle the sound. She tries to stop, but this only makes her snort and burst into an even louder cacophony of giggles. "I'm sorry—but you're face! You're so adorable."

I mold my teeth together, as if tightening my jaw will stop the embarrassment. My blood is centered in my face, hot and uncomfortable, but there's no way to control it. I shift on the couch, looking over our sparse decorations until she finally quiets.

"Okay, okay," says Rebecca, sucking in a loud breath. "I'm not making fun of you, I promise."

"It's fine," I say. I scratch my wrist where Rebecca's hand had been.

She climbs back onto the couch and swoons into me.

"I'm guessing he's not very big," says Rebecca. "He doesn't have the right build, you know? But I could be wrong—sometimes, they'll surprise you."

I run my bottom lip between my teeth.

"Sorry, now I'm really going to stop," says Rebecca. "How about this—would you consider getting back together with Wes? Is that too personal, too?"

The tension liquifies in my chest, and suddenly, I can move oxygen through my body again.

"No, that one's good," I say with a wobbly smile. "I mean, I dated Wes for over a year, and I know he cares about me. But, he doesn't get me. I know that sounds lame—"

"It makes perfect sense," says Rebecca. Her slanted eyes pinch. "He's not even worth your time if he's just okay. I've learned that from lots of experience."

The tightness in my shoulders eases, if only enough for me to sit normally. I curl my legs beneath me and lean slightly toward Rebecca.

"Well, I will never, ever date Wesley again," I say, and I hope that I mean it.

Rebecca nods her head knowingly, and then, she pitches into a story about some guy she met at the bar a few weeks ago. I don't ask her how she managed her way into a bar, and I don't ask her how many guys she's slept with. Unlike Rebecca, those types of questions stay neatly perched at the back of my mind.

"He was great in bed," says Rebecca, "But totally a waste of my time. Plus, he stole my shorts. My freaking favorite shorts, Addie. I couldn't find them anywhere the next morning, so I had to freaking walk home in his basketball shorts."

I drop my head backward and laugh, but it's hard to fake laughter. All I can think about is waking up naked next to Wes, and why I never did. He never pressured me into it, never even hinted that he was getting impatient with me. And I never truly considered it. Sex was something for people who loved each other—and even now, I don't know if I loved Wes as much as I pretended to.

"Speaking of great in bed," says Rebecca, flipping a piece of dark hair behind her ear. "I heard you hung out with Lex today."

"You did?" I say. "Wait, have you two...you know?"

"No, I already said he won't sleep with me," she says with a rough snort. "He's too much of a goody goody. But I can tell these things, Addie. I mean, even his name rhymes with sex. He's got to be good at it."

"Oh," I say. The back of my neck feels hot and itchy.

Rebecca wiggles her eyebrows at me. "Did I sense some jealousy there for a second?"

"Jealousy? No, we're just friends," I say, stumbling over my tongue. "Really, it was coffee. That's it."

"Well, it sure made an impression on Lex," says Rebecca. She grabs another handful of popcorn and chews slowly, keeping her eyes on my face. Once she swallows, she sighs loudly. "Listen, as much as I want to bang my brother's best friend, I fully renounce my dibs. If you want to date him, you totally should."

I pick a piece of popcorn out of the bowl, once again tossing it between my fingers. Images flash behind my eyelids every time I blink. First, it's Lex and his beautiful eyes, just smiling at me. But then, it's him shirtless, lean muscles and dark, smooth skin. The sensation of our bodies touching is all too easy to imagine, and even with Rebecca sitting no more than a breath from me, I let the foreign thoughts flutter through my consciousness.

"Addie?"

My stomach twitches, and the picture of my hands on Lex's chest melts into the recesses of my mind. Now, there is only Rebecca, looking at me with this all-knowing smirk. It seems to stain her face at times, like now, as if she holds the answers to every question, even the unasked ones.

"We're just friends," I say. My lips tremble as I stretch them into a smile. "You can keep your dibs. He's all yours."