A soft touch on his forehead had Sam's eyelids fluttering open. His head swam, his body felt numb, and he had no idea why he'd ended up looking at Angie's upside down face.

"Hey," she whispered with a smile.

"Hey," he whispered back, not sure what was going on or why she was there.

"I need to get to school, but I made you guys some pancakes."

You guys... He blinked again and realized he was on Tom's couch, wearing his t-shirt and his shorts. Tom was on the floor, still wearing his jeans and t-shirt, a pillow under his head, sleeping. The TV was off and the playstation lay a few feet away from the couch.

And avalanche of pain toppled over Sam and he winced. They'd played video games until he'd passed out, but now that he was awake, he remembered why he'd done it in the first place.

Christine. Christine and Harry. He was pretty sure his heart was bleeding out on the inside. His throat clogged and his eyes stung.

Angie moved away from him, leaned over, and planted a kiss on Tom's forehead. He groaned and turned over. She giggled and her attention turned back to Sam, clearly unaware of the torment inside him.

"Just ask him to pick me up from college," she said, picking up her backpack. She wore a skirt and shirt, looking formal, like a serious law student. Her trainers ruined the effect a little, but he didn't see the point to mention it.

She left without waiting for Sam to answer or say goodbye. Not that he could. His jaw was clenched so tightly, it hurt. All he wanted was to pass out again and not have to think or feel. But once he closed his eyes, all he could see was Christine and Harry kissing.

He growled and stood from the couch, but he had no idea what to do with himself. His hands balled into fists and he just wanted to throw something, punch something. Or go to Christine and yell at her.

Yes, that seemed like a good idea. He just needed to put on some proper pants... He tripped over Tom as he made his way towards the bedroom and knocked him against the coffee table.

"Sore loser," Tom grumbled, sitting up.

Sam froze. "What?"

"You don't have to hit me while I'm down just because I kicked your ass at video games."

Sam just stared at his twin, at the grin on his face and realized Tom was still trying to make him smile, get his mind off what had happened. Once the darkness had gone, it seemed much harder to hide and ignore.

"Damn," Tom mumbled, getting to his feet and stretching. "I hoped you'd be better."

Sam shook his head, but had no idea what else to say. His head was pounding and anger was slowly creeping through his veins, fortunately smothering the pain. He wanted to keep that, not curl into a ball and cry until he fainted.

"I understand, Sam," Tom said quietly. "I'd be going out of my mind if I were you. But you're fortunately not me. You are a lot more rational and--"

"I don't want to be rational!"

Tom flinched, but he'd already opened the gates of hell.

"I'm so sick of being the good guy, the one catering to everyone's feelings!" Tears filled his eyes, but damn them and everything else. "Look where it got me!"

"Your personality didn't get you here, Sam," Tom growled. "That fake bitch did. All this is about her issues, not yours."

Somewhere deep inside, Sam saw some truth in his brother's words, but they seemed so unimportant. It not being his fault didn't make the pain go away, didn't make him feel less empty. Because it was his fault, too. It took two to tango and he'd messed up the steps and trampled all over Christine's feet.

"Just go take a shower and we'll get something to eat. Then we'll think of something to do that will take your mind off this and make you feel better."

There was no way anything would make him feel better. Except maybe raging at Christine. Raging was all he had at the moment.

Tom's eyes narrowed. "You're not going to her. You'll rage for maybe fifteen minutes and then she'll cry and apologize and you'll end up having angry sex with her and make up."

"I'm not having angry--" Sam spluttered. The idea itself seemed ludicrous.

"You're not going to her," Tom snapped. "I'm not letting you out of my sight until I'm convinced you're better."

Sam huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. Maybe Tom had a point, but he was so annoying right then. He really needed something to extinguish the grief inside him and video games weren't going to do it anymore. A dangerous mission might. Maybe Snitch Gravel would send his goons out to cause more havoc. Though seeing they'd done that only the previous day, the chances were slim. And it only annoyed him more.

He really needed to focus on something difficult, and at the moment all he had was trying to fool Tom and escape. Christine was surely home, waiting for him to show up so she could destroy him some more. He'd take her up on her challenge and land a few blows of his own. All he had to do was ditch Tom.

So he sighed and headed for the bathroom, took a shower, got dressed in more of Tom's clothes and pretended to accept his fate. He also managed to find his car keys in the pocket of his suit coat, but he still had no idea where his phone was and he felt strangely vulnerable without it.

When he came out of the bathroom, Tom had changed his t-shirt and was gorging on pancakes.

"Great," he said with his mouth full. "Have some pancakes. Then we can go to the aquarium."

"The aquarium? What am I, five?"

"It's pretty and quiet and I've never been, so we're going," Tom said, pointing a syrup-filled fork at him.

Sam just sighed and sat at the table opposite his twin. There was no point in arguing if he wanted to lull his twin into a false sense of security. The aquarium was dark, so it made it easier for him to ditch Tom and go about his business. Though it was silly that he had to do that in the first place. He was supposed to be a grownup.

"I want to go home, Tom."

"No, you want to go get hurt some more and I won't let you because you've had enough for one lifetime and a half. Also, don't think I don't know you're scheming to ditch me. Not gonna happened."

Sam gritted his teeth. "Don't you have school?"

"Skipping never killed anyone. Not skipping in this situation might."

How did he always have an answer for everything? "Angie said to pick her up from the University."

This finally threw Tom off and he glanced at his watch a little worried. "She gets off at two so we still have enough time to have some fun."

"Tom, nothing I'm going to try to do will be fun. There's no more fun. The only thing that could truly take my mind off this is trying not to die."

"Then let's go train."

Sam groaned. "You don't get it."

"Yes, I get it," Tom said, his voice losing the lightness. "Do you think I can't feel the pain inside you on some level? That I'm not doing this as much for myself because I want to go over and wring Christine's neck and punch Harry into a pulp? He was supposed to be my friend too. We went out together all the time. When he betrayed you, he betrayed me. I know you're in agony and that it's all about you at the moment, but you're not the only one this has affected. Angie and I both lost friends over this."

Sam had no idea what to say to this. Tom was right. Of course that what happened had stretched beyond him, but he couldn't feel bad for others at the moment. He wanted to just feel bad for himself for once.

"It is about you, Sam," Tom said with a sigh. "But don't jump at the people who are trying to help you. You think you don't need babying, but you do. Or you'd be tempted to make things worse."

"Fair enough." Not fair at all. The concept of fair didn't exist.

Tom smiled at him, but it was strained and tired. Sam felt a pang of guilt. His twin really was only trying to make him feel better. If only he could appreciate it. But he couldn't when what he wanted to do was so different. Go to Christine. Yell at her. Take it from there.

The doorbell rang and they both jumped. Tom dropped his fork and headed for the door while Sam took in the food in front of him. It smelled delicious, but turned his stomach over. He didn't want to eat. He wasn't sure he could stomach anything at the moment. Maybe more alcohol. But he sure as hell didn't want the headache that came with it.

"Hey, glad you're here," Tom said from the hall.

"That bad?" Kyle asked.

"Nah, I'm just sick of him stealing my clothes."

Tom and Kyle returned to the kitchen, Kyle holding a suitcase which Sam guessed was filled with his crap. Not that he wanted it or anything Christine had ever touched, his skin included.

"Well, at least you're less muddy," Kyle said, dropping the luggage to the floor. "Got you clean stuff."

This was so irrelevant, and it was so weird seeing Kyle trying to make small talk. So Sam dove right into the issue. "Was she there?" 

The smile slid off Kyle's face. "Of course she was." He narrowed his eyes at Sam. "I think you should go to Mom's house."

That was sudden. "Why?"

"Because it's the only place you can stay and not constantly be aware you're not in your own apartment. Plus, Jerry will be there and I trust him the most with you."

Great. Now Kyle wanted to stop him from going to his place and was unfortunately a lot more proficient at it than Tom seeing as he could literally pick Sam up and move him wherever he wanted. But he still had a soft side Sam could tap into if he was careful enough.

"Don't scheme," Kyle said, as if reading his mind. "We all know when you do it. Trust me, you don't want to see her. She's not sorry."

"How do you know that?" And why was he defending Christine anyway.

"Because she threw herself at me."

"What?" Tom asked, his voice quiet and deadly.

"She's that desperate to prove she can get whatever she wants," Kyle said with a shrug. "It was more an attempt to prove to me she'll get you back if she wants to."

"And how was throwing herself at you supposed to achieve that?" Sam asked, the shock numbing out the anger he should be feeling.

"I don't think she ever thinks that far. She just wanted to prove to me that I'm just as bad as her and shouldn't judge her. That way, she wouldn't be the bad guy. Spoiler alert, I totally judged her. Screwed in the head."

It was an understatement, but it at least made Sam not want to see her anymore at the moment. He'd probably end up wringing her neck himself. The news strangely made him feel a tiny bit less hatred towards Harry. Not that it made much of a difference seeing how much of that hate there was.

"Come on, kid. I'll take you to Mom's."

Sam just nodded mechanically and headed for the door, but he could still feel Tom was relieved to pass him over to someone else. Like he was a depressed hot potato.

"Wanna go get your car?" Kyle asked, the moment they drove out of the underground parking lot.

"Yeah." He needed his car. And maybe he'd actually find his phone. "It's in the school parking lot."

Kyle headed that way and Sam looked out the window, leaning his head against the cool glass. It was so weird to be out again, feel the rays of the sun on his face. Even if it had hardly been twelve hours, he felt like he hadn't seen light in ages. Like he was perpetually trapped in a black bubble which tainted the world and painted it the color of his misery.

And as buildings and people passed by, he couldn't see any of it. Everything had been reduced to Christine's cat-like eyes, the way the dug into him and killed everything good about him. How could anyone live like this, with this much pain?

He threw a sideways glance at Kyle, so different from who he used to be when they'd met. Pain left signs on people. Was Sam going to end up like his older brother? A ghost just going through the motions until... Until what?

"How did you do it?" he found himself asking.

"Do what?" Kyle asked, his voice wary.

"Stand it when you and Kay were apart. I didn't understand then, but it must've been something like this. Being without her, feeling like your insides are trying to kill you..."

Kyle hesitated for a moment. "It wasn't the same. Yes, I hurt, and yes, I felt like the whole world was against me, especially because of Dad and Jerry. But Kay hadn't betrayed me. I knew she was out there somewhere and she loved me. I knew I'd go out and find her eventually. I had a goal. I had hope."

Sam's vision blurred and he started at his lap. Kyle was right. He had nothing. No goal, no hope. Nothing to look forward to. Just a large stretch of emptiness filling up the rest of his life.

"I'm going to be honest with you, kid," Kyle said. "I think the only one of us who might know exactly how you feel is Jimmy. I don't. But the level of pain inside you is something I can relate to. Something I can understand."

They stopped in the parking lot next to Sam's silver Audi. Sam knew he should get down, but he wasn't sure if his legs would hold him at the moment. For the first time in his life, Kyle hadn't made him feel better.

"You need a distraction," Kyle finally said. "Something to look forward to."

"No shit," Sam said between his teeth.

"You know Kay and I are leaving for Texas in a couple of days. Come with us."

Sam's head shot up. "What?"

"Yeah. We're going to a wedding, but you don't have to come to that. We'll hang out at Max's place. I'll ask the others if they want to come, too."

"That's actually..."

A good idea. There was a small surge of excitement at the idea of going to the place Kyle grew up. See his uncle, experience everything he'd longed for when he was younger. That way, he'd be so far removed from everything Christine had touched. It would be like he was a kid again.

"Okay, I want that."

Kyle grinned. "Great. We'll have loads of fun." He hopped out of the car and headed for Sam's.

With the prospect of a trip and luggage to get ready, Sam felt a tiny bit better. He wanted to go home and find a plane ticket and have Jerry babying him. He could pretend he was sixteen again and that he'd go visit Kyle for the first time, just like he'd always wanted.

A time without complications. A time without Christine.

He unlocked his car and got in as Kyle tossed his luggage in his trunk. He swept the place and found his phone resting in the cupholder. He'd just picked it up and turned on the screen to see hundreds of notifications when the phone was snatched from his hand.

"Hey!"

"I'll take this," Kyle said as if it were perfectly normal to steal someone's phone. "Oh, look! Calls and messages. Delete."

"What are you doing?"

"Trust me, you don't want to read these. You don't want to call her back. You should change your number."

Sam just blinked at him. That's why Kyle wanted him to get his car. To delete everything on his phone. But his suggestion that he changed his number made so much sense. If he wanted to heal, he couldn't have Christine blowing up his phone.

But he wanted to talk to her...

It should be face to face and when he wanted it, not on her terms.

So yes, giving up on it for the moment seemed like the better idea.

"You can browse memes on your tablet," Kyle said as if reading his mind.

"Okay, get rid of it. I'll get a new one."

Kyle's smile was filled with pride. "You're on the right track, kid."

He wasn't so sure, but he was glad to hear it. He also wished it wasn't paved with barbed wire, but whatever. Couldn't have everything in life.

♠️♠️♠️

You have found a wild update. Get your pokeball out!

This part is a little hard for me to get through because I have to be very careful about the timeline and what happens to everyone else and what I actually want to show at this moment.

Ignoring my writerly bitching, who's excited to go to Texas? Also, I hope I'm still doing Sam right. I don't want him to get annoying. Poor guy needs hope.

Also hoping I'm getting Tom right because he's very important to me. Not mentioning how yet, though. Domino time! No, not pizza.

Vote for encouragement, comment if you want me to get my ass in gear and actually write some more.