Sam had become blind to many things in his quest for selfish healing, but this thing with Kyle threw him off a little. The looks on Jerry and Jimmy's faces ever since they'd started the video conference should have been a clear warning that something was wrong, but he'd thought it was from their side.

Nope, it was just him and Tom failing to notice that their older brother was slowly sinking into darkness to the point he had to break stuff to relieve the pressure. Good thing he'd taken Jimmy up on his offer and had promised to crash at his place should things become too hard for him.

The realization came with an unpleasant pang in Sam's stomach, but for some reason he didn't feel as panicked about it as he normally would have. His main focus was still the jewels, finding Herrrison, asking to go to Egypt. He needed to find out what was really going on.

The only matter a tiny bit more pressing was what Tom had said about Skye. Tom didn't know about Sam's need to love, about the fake feelings building up inside him... Or maybe they weren't fake. Maybe the feelings were real and the outlet was fake.

But who cared? Why did he have to put a label on it as long as it helped him function and no one was getting hurt? As long as Skye didn't believe his feelings were real and accepted his behavior for what it was, why would he even make an issue out of it?

Maybe I deserve to just live the moment and be happy, too.

Everyone else seemed to be doing it, and in that moment, he had to admit he was content. Especially because he was about to see Skye very soon and fill her in on his intention to stir trouble within the Agency.

Sam turned the corner of the corridor that led to Skye's office and froze. She was outside, listening to Harry with a mild frown on her face. Harry was with his back to Sam, one forearm leaning against the wall, in a pose Sam had seen a million times and which clearly indicated flirting.

A bitter ball of jealousy rolled from Sam's stomach to his mouth and, for a moment, his vision turned crimson with the need to rush over and punch his former best friend in the face. Again. It was the way Skye listened and nodded the tiniest bit as if she understood that made him realize she wasn't falling for Harry's crap. Sam had seen that look so many times, and it was an indicator of the serious patronizing that would follow.

So, instead of rampaging, Sam just casually walked to them, keeping his steps as quiet as possible, focusing on their words.

"So yes," Harry was saying, "I think it would be great to get to know your coworkers more. I'd love to know you."

"I'm sorry," Skye said with a shake of her head, "I don't date my patients or potential patients."

Harry faltered for a second. "I'm not your patient."

"Oh, but you are." Her expression settled into a pleasant smile. "Beacuse, you see, Harry dear, I do know you. And I've been analyzing you since you started talking. I find your defense mechanisms fascinating. Do you always create a different persona when you meet new people? Is it always a chance for a new you?"

Harry pulled back and half turned so Sam could actually see how uncomfortable this conversation was making him. "Don't we all do that?"

"Tell me, Harry," Skye went on. "Does it help you with your guilt? Do you project yourself away from what you've done and unconsciously decide that it wasn't you? That your choices don't have consequences because they were made by the old you?"

"What are you talking about?" By the tremor in his voice, he knew exactly what she was talking about and it was a valid theory. Sam was beyond impressed with Skye's talent when it came to taking the worst out of every situation.

"I'm talking about Sam and Christine and how you're still seething over that."

Harry's jaw dropped. "How--"

"I see you've met my therapist," Sam said, deciding this was the perfect time to step in.

Harry turned to him so fast, his shoulder hit the wall. "Oh, hi Sam."

It was still remarkably hard not to punch him in the face, but Sam managed to paste a polite smile on his face. Nope, healing was not going that well when it came to Harry.

"Hi. Are you done hitting on her? Because we have other, more important things to talk about."

Harry gritted his teeth as guilt and annoyance battled on his face. He couldn't pretend to be that other person and charm Skye anymore. He was back to being the backstabbing best friend and it resurfaced all ill feelings. There was a visible desire to snap at Sam for undermining him again, but the guilt was keeping him silent.

"No, I'm done." Harry's turmoil was replaced  by a mask of perfect calm. "See you around." And he walked off without a word to Skye.

"Rude," she mumbled, though the corners of her lips quirked in amusement. Then she turned to him. "What is it, Snowflake? I'm off the clock."

Well if that wasn't a kick back to reality... It dampened his mood a bit, but unexpectedly flared something else inside of him, something that needed an answer now.

"Since I got rid of Harry faster, I think you can spare a minute."

She raised an eyebrow at him, suddenly interested. "Do tell."

"Is it wrong to be selfish?"

"Normally yes, but I don't think that's what you mean. Explain selfish."

She knew him so well it was getting a bit scary. "I mean is it wrong to be more focused on me and holding on to those few moments of joy rather than focus on other people's problems?"

The smile on her face faltered. "Who's in trouble?"

"No one. Kyle is just having a hard time and him and Kay aren't doing much better. I sense it sucks and I want to be there for him, but it doesn't consume me as much as it used to." He was for once feeling like his brothers must have for years -- like it was none of his business.

"Being happy doesn't make you selfish," she said. "Just like butting into other people's business does not make you selfless. Look." She heaved a long sigh as if he were suddenly exasperating. "There's something you need to know. You have to put yourself first. Of course, not to the point that you're an asshole who doesn't care about other people's feelings. I'm telling you this because you're not that type of guy. You're the type who would bend over backwards to make everyone happy. But you... No one has ever put you first. Not your parents, and definitely not Christine. Not your brothers either, but it's not their job to do that."

The avalanche of words gave him a bit of a headache. "Wait, what?"

She let out another sigh. "In theory, parents put their child first. Their needs above their own. In your case, from what I've gathered, your father always put your mother first. And your mother... I'm pretty sure she always put Kyle first."

"Kyle." Sam raised an eyebrow. "The child she abandoned."

"Yes. The guilt she felt crippled her. And now, she's apparently putting herself first. I don't even think I need to get into the Christine issue. Bottom line is, it's okay to love yourself, Sam. It's okay to want to be happy, every moment of every day. Heaven knows you're paying your dues with this life you live."

She had a point, but putting himself first sounded... Odd. Selfish.

"Being selfish doesn't have to be a bad thing," she said, as if reading his mind.

"Old habits die hard."

Skye smiled. "But they do die. And I have a pretty big gun."

He wanted to hug her because, true or not, her words made him feel better. And if what she said was true, he could and should do it. So he caught her in a hug. She had every means to end it, with one word or one small push. If she felt uncomfortable, if she wanted to put herself first, she'd let him know, so he'd stop obsessing over it. Tom was right and wrong at the same time. It was what it was, but it definitely didn't need a label. Labels ruined everything.

"Sam."

They pulled apart just as Herrison turned the corner. He probably saw them, but Sam didn't really care since it was none of his business. His presence was welcomed.

"I wanted to come see you," he said, as soon as Herrison reached them, a folder in his hand, which most likely meant a new assignment for someone.

"Really?" Herrison already sounded exhausted and Sam hadn't even started. "Why's that?"

"I want to go to Egypt."

Sam could swear Herrison turned green at the news. He swallowed heavily before asking, "Egypt? What for?"

"I have a felling the rest of the jewels could be there. And it's about time we returned to our main focus, isn't it?"

Herrison glanced at the ceiling, apparently in thought, but Sam knew he was checking for cameras. There were some, but whether there were also good enough mics to pick up on their conversation... Well, that was an entirely different story.

"And why would you think they're in Egypt?" he finally asked, his tone guarded.

Sam half-lowered his eyelids. "Why do you think?"

"Let's step into my office, shall we?" Skye said pleasantly.

Herrison didn't seem convinced, but followed her and Sam in anyway. The moment the door closed, Skye turned to them.

"Just so you know, I found and killed all the bugs in my office. The sessions I have with my patients should be and are fully confidential."

Her reproachful glare slid off Herrison who just nodded and turned to Sam. "What do you know?"

"I found the photograph about the lights of the gods and Ra's flaming chariot. I figured that all the jewels came from there."

Herrison hummed and glanced at the ceiling, drumming his fingers on his chin. "I'm not even going to ask how you got that. It's true, but there's no stone in Egypt. We checked."

Sam narrowed his eyes. "Are you sure you checked well enough?"

"It was twenty-five years ago. I'm not sure of anything anymore."

That was a bit of a shock, but Sam took it in stride. "Jewel or no jewel, I think it would be useful for me to see the place that photo was taken. It could hold more information about the jewels. Or don't you want them anymore?"

"They do. I mean we do." Herrison dragged his hand over his face. "It's just very complicated. Egypt was a bit of a disaster."

"Should I even ask?"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I really can't tell you. The thing is... Okay, if you want to go and you think it's useful, I'll take it to the higher ups and see what they think. But I have something else to tell you." He let out a sigh and glanced at the folder he was holding. "You have a new assignment. In DC."

"Washington DC?" Skye asked in disbelief.

"What am I even doing there?" Sam asked, even if he already had a hunch.

"Von Crooken is organizing a Christmas charity ball for rising politicians," Herrison said, his voice tired. "We suspect it's a lot more than that. After you blew his previous attempt to buy weapons for Snitch Gravel, I believe he's trying again."

"How many suppliers are there?" Sam asked, even if he didn't expect an answer.

Probably a lot, but Snitch Gravel needed a large supply so he had to go to the big fish, like Stavroski. The truth was, the last mission they'd worked so hard for didn't seem to have yield any results. Von Crooken was still a well-regarded citizen and his men still had an arsenal. And to top off the giant pile of uselessness, Stavroski hadn't been arrested either and apparently hadn't given anyone dirt on Von Crooken. So a failure all around.

"That's what we want to know. What exactly is he up to? Where is he getting all the money for this?"

"Don't you think he's getting it from Snitch Gravel?"

Herrison bit his lip. "I do, but unlike Von Crooken's, Snitch Gravel's funds are impossible to trace. Snitch Gravel is a ghost. He doesn't have a legal name, doesn't have anything we can trace."

Sam gritted his teeth. He'd worked with Herrison long enough to know when he was lying. Snitch Gravel wasn't a ghost. Someone knew his real name. Though Herrison probably meant that he wasn't using it, which was entirely possible.

"So what exactly do I have to do?"

"Blend in and see what's going on. We need his suppliers and the source of his funds. See if he's getting money from politicians or crooked business or whatever."

"And what exactly are you going to do with the information?" Sam asked. "Because last time, we gave you something big and nothing changed."

There was a very subtle cringe from Herrison before he answered. "That's not up to me, I'm afraid."

"Nothing's up to you, apparently."

"You and me both," he mumbled and Sam had to agree. Herrison was annoyingly powerless, but they were even worse off. "If you don't want to take the assignment... Well, I'm pretty sure you don't have that option, not really."

Because they'd just send someone else. Most likely Kay or Angie to make them regret even thinking to refuse. Sam was well aware of that, plus he didn't exactly mind some action.

"Okay, when do I leave?"

"You mean we," Skye said.

Sam jumped. She'd been so quiet, he'd forgotten she was there. He opened his mouth to protest, but closed it. He didn't mind the company, if he were honest.

"Do you still think he needs field assistance, doctor?" Herrison asked, non the wiser.

"I do. We're very close to a breakthrough and I wouldn't want to lose our progress."

That was a bit of bullshit, but Herrison just nodded. "You'll be leaving by train."

"Train?" Sam asked, shocked. "Wouldn't that take forever?"

"The charity is in two days, so if you leave tomorrow, morning, you'll be there just in time." Herrison shrugged. "It's the most unlikely way to travel. We believe they suspect you're coming, so flying or driving could prove a lot more dangerous than taking the train."

"I guess that makes sense." Sam would rather avoid more cut off brakes and plane crashes. He turned to Skye. "Are you sure you're okay with this? Being away for four days?"

Being away for Christmas. That last bit was implied since Skye knew what day it was as well as he did. And to be fair, if they didn't die, they'd both be home right in time for Christams Eve.

Even if she looked a little surprised, she nodded.

"Okay then, it's settled." Herrison passed Sam the folder. "You have the rest of the details in here. You can read them together and we'll get an extra ticket for doctor Brandon. Your equipment is prepared. Any further questions..."

"Will most likely not get answered," Sam mumbled, opening the folder.

Herrison smiled. "You're getting the hang of this."

"I'm going to be honest, Herrison. I don't like the hang of this."

"Me neither, Sam. But you have to admit we are giving you a lot more freedom. And every mission now has full details."

That was true, but the missions they'd had over the past three years had nothing to do with Snitch Gravel directly or with the jewels. Those were the tricky subjects, the ones shrouded in mystery.

"Trust me, it does get better," Herrison added. "You're valued agents, our best division. We need you and you know that."

"Don't butter me up, Herrison. I have no issue with you personally."

"I'm glad to hear that." He smiled. "Because I care about all of you. And now that Freider is gone..."

Sam could see it, the weight on Herrison's shoulder, the weird sense of responsibility, as if it were up to him to look after them now. It never had been. Not even their father had looked after them.

And yet, his selflessness, or maybe selfishness, pushed him to tell a lie.

"We're going to be fine, Herrison. This mission will go swimmingly and then we'll finally find the rest of the jewels and end this once and for all." 

He had to look on the bright side. At least they'd be back in time to see Jimmy and Jerry off. Sam couldn't believe they were actually leaving the planet in one week.

"I sure hope you're right, Sam."

He hoped so, too. But right now, he had to plan his four day journey with Skye and try not to get too excited about it. Unlike last time, it wasn't a road trip. It was a job. A job that could end very badly for both of them.

♠️♠️♠️

Merry Christmas / other holiday you're celebrating to everyone!

I decided to give you a little update because things are about to go down. We have a new dangerous mission, Jerry and Jimmu taking off and the prospect of finally going on a mission all in a short amount of time.

Let's pick up the pace and sail towards the end. It was about time too.

Christmas is coming in the book as well, coincidentally enough, but the actual day is a bit further off.

Of course, everything will go swimmingly for Sam and Skye and nothing bad or awkward is going to happen.

Vote and comment for support and see you soon.