Jerry had always been an active soul. Having nothing to do caused him mild bouts of anxiety, so he always busied himself with something, whether it was studying, reading, practicing his violin, or scrubbing the house clean.

If someone had told him he'd enjoy spending three days in bed with a woman, doing nothing but talking, he would have shaken his head and laughed to himself.

Well, not like it was all talking. It was sleeping, too. And something else he never thought he'd fully enjoy.

Because as far as his experience in intercourse went, he'd long come to terms that those minutes of pleasant afterglow were not worth the awkwardness and pressing feeling that he'd done something wrong. And Tina had never helped him feel otherwise. When they were done, she'd jump out of bed and hurry to take a shower as if she wanted to wash every last trace of him off her skin.

Sarah was shockingly different. Not only was the act itself amazingly pleasant instead of awkward, but she loved to just lay over him afterwards, caressing him further and smiling.

And so he found that the afterglow could be incredible, could last for hours, and that he loved what he was doing. If he timed everything right, he could never come down from the height because they'd just start over again.

In the space between their rounds of intimacy, they did talk. He told her everything about himself, a lot about the people he cared about, about what he was going through. The only thing he left out was the Agency because he wasn't sure how to go about that. And for once in his life, he didn't feel like leaving the nasty bits out. His fear about his brothers getting hurt, the pain he felt over his parents' divorce, over what his father did... His fear of intimacy and how his relationship with Tina had gone.

In return, she'd told him about her life, her misadventures with the bad boy she swore to never speak of and the pain that came with the loss of her unborn child. She'd cried in his arms for a good hour as she recounted how her high school sweetheart dumped her the moment he found out she was pregnant. The medical complication that came with her miscarriage and the probability that she would not be able to have children again. It had been so nasty that her house was bought from the money his family had thrown at her to never contact him again.

"Not that I'd ever want to," she said, between tears. "I called him after I lost the baby. Do you know what he said? He said thank God. He actually dared say that."

Jerry just held her tighter and kisses her hair, keeping her pressed against him until she finally fell asleep in his arms. This was a new feeling as well. Everything was new and wonderful with her. Especially how, once she was up, all she wanted was to get naughty again.

"I have no idea what you've done to me," he mumbled, laying on his front, his chin propped on top of his joined hands.

Sarah sat on his back, massaging his shoulders, wearing his shirt. "I'm just taking advantage of you while you're still here."

He groaned. "I was so excited about this, and now I don't want to move."

She leaned forward to get a look at him and her hair fell over and tickled his face. "You should be excited. It's such a wonderful opportunity and you've worked so hard to get here. Plus, I'll be here when you come back."

He twisted on his back, bringing her to sit on his stomach. "Will you?"

Her smile was so tender it made the morning so much brighter. "Of course. I..." She bit her lower lips and looked away. "Just don't fall for some alien chick."

Jerry laughed, even if he could tell what hid behind her affirmation. "You want to know what this is, don't you?"

Her eyes widened and she shook her head. "No. I told you, no pressure."

"And I told you that you shouldn't bend over backwards for me. I'm just a regular guy and you should want to be happy, no matter what I think."

"The thing is, I'm scared to put a label on it, too." Sarah closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "You're new and exciting and I liked you so much the first time we talked. But now..."

He tensed, taking her in, trying to figure out the meaning behind her words. Had he ruined it all by sleeping with her? Had they moved too fast?

"Now, I feel like I'm in an entirely different place and I don't want to scare you." She put her hand on his cheek. "I know what I want from you, but I also know forcing you into it is a bad idea."

"But you do want to know what this is."

She hesitated a second, but smiled again. "I know what it is from my end. And sure, I would love to know how it looks like from yours. I just don't want to wait around for nothing."

He sat up, wrapping his arms around her waist to prevent her from toppling over. "That I can guarantee. I don't think I'm ready to give it a name, but you're always on my mind and there's nothing more I want than to come back to you and your stiffing house."

Sarah laughed and leaned over to kiss him. "So, I'm guessing we're exclusive?"

"Please don't break my heart."

"I don't intend to."

And at the moment, it was enough for him.

♠️

Jimmy wasn't sure if he should laugh or get worried. Jerry had never gone missing and had definitely never asked someone else to finish packing for him, especially since he had to pack for two months. But Jimmy had done it, snickering to himself, trying to imagine what Jerry was actually doing that was taking so long.

It was time to go. And the newly insensitive Jerry had no wish to come home and say goodbye to anyone. Fortunately, Tom, Sam and Kyle would meet them at the airport to pick up the car and wish them luck. All Jimmy had to do was pick Jerry up from the location he'd shared and try not to die of laughter on the way.

He stopped in front of one of many identical, narrow houses in what seemed to be a moderately good neighborhood. The street was a little tilted, so it was easy to see inside the kitchen of the place Jerry had mentioned. He was there, with a girl who could only be Sarah, apparently cooking.

At least Sarah seemed to want to be cooking, but the sleeves of the massive shirt she was wearing made it difficult. It was adorable, and she seemed cute with her chestnut hair with red tips, freckles and glasses. Jerry had a critical eye on her work and started chastising her.

Jimmy rolled his eyes, got out of the car and headed for the trunk to grab his twin's suitcase. Honestly, if Jerry didn't stop acting so much like a damn Stepford Wife, he'd never get a proper date. He was on top of the stairs and ready to make his presence known when more movement from the kitchen caught his attention. Sarah had smacked Jerry over the head with the spatula and it took him only one second to react. Except his reaction had nothing to do with Jerry. He picked her up, placed her on the counter and kissed her.

Biting his knuckles not to laugh, Jimmy knocked with his other hand. It took Sarah seconds to open the door. Her mouth dropped when she saw him, her blue eyes widening. He had to give Jerry props. Sarah really was cute.

"Hi," he said with a smile. "I'm Jimmy, here to pick up my responsibilities-dodging twin."

"I do not dodge responsibilities," Jerry said, appearing behind Sarah. "I just postpone them for a few carefree days."

"Awesome." Jimmy picked up the luggage again and held it out. "How about checking that I packed properly?"

For once, Jerry didn't seem excited about packing. What had that woman done to him? And what more could she do?

"I'll take this upstairs," he mumbled. "Sarah, can you...?"

"Yes." She shook her head, snapping out of her shock. "I'll keep Jimmy company."

"Unless Jerry needs that shirt."

"No he doesn't," she said with a wink and strutted into the kitchen.

Jerry just looked at her all gooey-eyed and went upstairs. Jimmy followed Sarah into the kitchen, trying to keep his grin under check, even if it was getting increasingly hard.

"Sit," Sarah said, heading for the counter.

Jimmy obeyed and she returned to the table holding two mugs of tea. Once she passed him one, she sat on a chair and watched him, her eyes filled with wonder. Jimmy stared back unabashedly. He liked her. He wasn't sure exactly why, but he did.

"What?" he finally asked.

"I'm just amazed. I've never seen two identical people who--"

"Have so little in common, I know."

"I wouldn't say that." She took a sip of tea.

Jimmy raised an eyebrow. This was new. "What do you mean?"

"You and Jerry are very much alike, only that you seem to have different dominant traits. Like ying and yang. They look the same, just different colors, and they make a whole."

"Huh, never thought of it like that." Now that he came to think about it, she had a point. 

Jimmy had always felt like Jerry was like him, but in a completely opposite way. Where he was laid back, Jerry was agitated, but he couldn't remember the two of them ever freaking out at the same time because when everyone else panicked, Jerry kept his cool. And seeing him with Sarah just now... Yeah, Jerry definitely had it in him.

"How are you holding out?" she asked all of a sudden.

It was weird that he didn't even have to ask what she was talking about. "Jerry told you, I'm guessing."

She just nodded and kept staring at him.

"Functioning, I guess."

"That's not going to work forever."

"I know."

"Given any thought to what you're going to do?"

"As in if I'll forgive her or not?"

Sarah leaned back and crossed her arms over her chest. "I think you've already forgiven her. You're just not sure if it's something you can get over."

That was so true. "Good catch. I'm still working on that. I just..." He took in a deep breath. "I wish I could talk to her, but at the same time I still need a lot of time and space."

"You should maybe try to write her letters, then."

"Huh?"

Sarah smiled, as if her problematic and slightly silly idea was brilliant. "I'm not saying send them, but writing it down could help you figure out what you actually want from her and from yourself."

"I don't do work that has no meaning." It had become the mantra of his life when he'd been forced to make the most of his time ever since he was a kid.

"Then send them."

"I don't think I want to talk to her."

"You think she'll answer?"

That hurt a little too much, the thought that Jessie would get any potential totally sentimental and pathetic letters from him and just toss them in the trash. "I don't know."

Sarah balanced on the hind legs of her chair. "How about if you send them to yourself? Since you're leaving, you could send them to your place. And when you come back, you could read them and see if you still feel that way."

That actually didn't sound as stupid as the initial idea. "I'll think about it."

"The thing is," she said, "Jerry told me about your problem with numbing out feelings. Don't be mad at him. That's not something you should be ashamed of anyway."

Jimmy wasn't mad, just a little surprised Jerry had shared so much with her. How much did this woman mean to him? She was a complete upgrade from sullen, awkward Tina, but they'd only known each other for a short time. Unless Jerry had been hiding her for months.

"So I think it might be much better for you to force some feelings on yourself, even if it's going to be unpleasant. Nothing good comes easy."

She had a point there. And losing emotion was his biggest fear.

"I like you," she suddenly declared.

"What? I didn't even say anything."

She smiled and he had to admit she looked even better when she did. "You have a very expressive face. Just like Jerry. Kyle's the one with the kickass poker face."

"How do you know Kyle again?"

"Was stuck in an elevator with him for an hour or so. He's the one who introduced me to Jerry."

There was a surprise. Knowing that Kyle approved of her made Jimmy like her more for some reason. "I like you, too."

"Thank God, because I know Jerry would totally dump me if you guys didn't approve."

Jimmy laughed, because the idea was so stupid. But then he realized something else. "Are you and Jerry dating then?"

"I'm not sure, but we pinky promised to each other that we wouldn't date other people while he's gone."

"That's not a problem when it comes to Jerry. He hardly dates anything."

Sarah raised an eyebrow. "Things, huh? Wow, you really must not have liked Tina."

He blinked, a little startled by how easily she spoke of Jerry's ex. But then again, they must have discussed her at some point if they'd had time to talk about him and Jessie, too. "No, I liked Tina. That's why the disappointment was greater and now so is my resent towards her."

Sarah just hummed and leaned back in her seat, sipping on her tea. She seemed to be plotting something and he was a little curious as to what. It was strange sitting in front of someone who knew so much about them, but hadn't been part of the group from the beginning. Jimmy had sensed the fear of finding someone new in Jerry when he broke up with Tina, sensed it in Sam after the whole Christine debacle.

If they ever found someone else, how would they include them? Who would accept them with all the past trauma and questionable future? And especially, how much could they tell them about what they really did?

As it was, Jimmy was unsure whether Jerry had mentioned anything about the Agency. If he had, he had balls, but it didn't mean it was the right thing to do.

"I really think you should try the letters thing," Sarah said all of a sudden. "Because if you're anything like Jerry, and I'm almost certain you are, it's hard for you to let people go. If you decide that your relationship is over, this could be the best way to say goodbye."

"I don't think I should say goodbye in writing. Not after all we've been through." Not after he'd built his life inside his head with her. Ever since she'd left, the future had become a blank slate he had no intention of filling.

"I'm not talking about saying goodbye to her literally. I meant you. The way you will say goodbye to her inside your heart."

The words hurt so much he actually winced. He hadn't really thought about truly ending it with Jessie either. When it came to that, he rather liked the limbo. But Sarah was right. He couldn't go on like that. And her idea wasn't half bad.

"Thanks," was all he said.

He was spared further heartbreaking conversation by Jerry who stomped down the stairs wearing blue jeans and a NASA t-shirt, looking a little disgruntled.

"Yes, it's fine." He dropped the luggage. "We really have to go, don't we?"

Jimmy checked his watch. "We are running a bit late. Though I see why you want to stay."

Sarah beamed at him, then headed over to Jerry and wrapped her arms around his middle. "Don't worry, Remy, you'll be back. And I'll be right here when you do."

Jimmy hid his smile and headed outside to give them a little privacy. Remy. They were too cute. And, as sad as it sounded, at that moment probably the happiest couple he knew. Jerry had done it. He'd pushed out the ghost of Tina and found someone new.

Why did the thought of giving Jessie up and doing the same make him want to throw up?

♠️♠️♠️

Here we are. An update. And we have some people finally leaving because they were taking up a lot of space (heh, get it?). At least Jerry is now happy and Jimmy has a potential new way to figure out what he wants from Jessie.

I'm taking a little break after this update, so the next one will probably come at the beginning of September. I'm not saying I'll stop writing until then, but even if I do, I'd rather have some chapters ready and release them gradually for a while.

Hope you enjoyed this. Any thoughts are welcome and every vote and comment highly appreciated.