Sam wasn't sure what startled him from his sleep, but he was suddenly awake. The fluorescent stars on the ceiling seemed to burn his eyes. He turned over and noticed the clock showing it was one thirty in the morning which meant he'd dozed up for exactly twenty minutes.

Why am I up again? There was no noise, maybe just the distant rumble of a car engine. What the hell was wrong with him? It was bad enough that he could hardly fall asleep, now he had to be unable to stay that way, too?

Sleep, sleep, sleep. He closed his eyes so that the room would stop spinning. His muscles ached and his mind decided that it was a good time to focus on the disgusted look Skye usually wore when he was there. He really didn't want to think about that. Skye was almost as bad a subject as Christine. Speaking of which... Yes, there it was, Christine and Harry kissing again. A loud roar filled his ears. Anger now had an official sound, like maybe a... motorcycle?

The sound of a slamming door had him sitting up, straining his hearing as much as possible. Firm quick steps followed, and Sam scurried out of bed. He opened his door just in time to see Kyle taking the stairs two at the time and heading for the first floor. Before he could open his mouth to ask, his brother entered their parents room and shut the door behind him.

Sam hurried up the stairs too, but lingered next to the door.

"What happened?" Jerry came up next to him, sleepy and disheveled looking. Tom and Jimmy were right behind him, obviously just awaken.

"Kyle came home and went in there."

"Is Dad still in there?" Jerry asked, his voice strained.

"Nah, he left about half an hour ago," Jimmy said, bypassing everyone and opening the door.

Low sobs filled the air and Sam's stomach sank. Kyle was on his knees on the floor, holding his crying mother. He glanced over his shoulder, and the reproach in his eyes was more painful than the crying.

"Where the hell were you guys?" he asked between his teeth.

"We didn't hear anything," Jerry said, raising his hands in surrender.

"No," Maxi whispered. "They wouldn't have. He was careful." And she continued crying, her face buried in Kyle's shoulder.

"Wha--?" Sam's words died in his throat as his mother raised her eyes.

Her lip was busted and bleeding, and there was a bruise under her left eye. For a moment, he was sure he'd blacked out, then the anger came over him like a tidal wave and he clenched his fists as hard as he could, gritted his teeth to stop himself from screaming.

Kyle tightened his hold on her with one hand and fished his vibrating phone out with the other. For a moment he frowned at the screen then answered, "I can't talk right now. I'll come by later." And he hang up.

There was complete silence in the room after that. Then Maxi wiped her eyes and stood, head held high. "There is no reason to worry about this."

"Dad did this?" Jerry asked, his tone a weird mix of disbelief and anger.

Sam had to get out of there. He didn't want the answer. He was sick of everything falling apart around him, of each day proving beyond any doubt that there was no bottom, that it could get much worse.

He turned around and headed down the stairs, his knees shaking, his muscles aching. This couldn't be happening. His father didn't just hit his mother and stormed out of the house without being noticed, caught. What were you going to do then? Hit him? Violence never solves anything. His head spun and nausea grabbed hold of him.

"This is so fucked," Tom whispered from behind him. He dropped on the couch and put his hands behind his head. For once he wasn't wearing his sunglasses and Sam caught a glimpse of his eyes, of the pain and regret and disgust in them.

Sam looked away, unable to deal with that right now. He felt very unable to deal with anything at the moment.

"What are we going to do?" Jerry asked, and Sam realized that he and Jimmy had also retreated to the living room.

No one had an answer. Tom and Jimmy looked confused, but Sam was sure he shared Jerry's expression of anguish. Even if none of them had been getting along with Freider lately, he was still their father. He'd raised him and Jerry, for Christ's sake, and that was something Sam was unable to shake off. How had everything gone to hell like that?

The door to Maxi's room opened and closed again and Kyle came charging down the stairs, his phone out again, dialing.

"How's Mom?"

Jerry's question was ignored, but Kyle stopped next to them and brought his phone to his ear. "Get your ass home, you son of a bitch, so I can show you what a real beating is, you pussy--"

Jimmy snatched the phone out of his hand and picked up the conversation. "Seriously Dad, you need to come home. You can't just do this an bail. Face the consequences." And he hug up. "Screaming at his voicemail won't help," he said to Kyle.

"Fuck him!" Kyle snatched his phone back and stuffed it in his pocket. "Doing it is one thing, but making her keep quiet and then sneaking out of the house?"

That explained the slam that had woken Sam from his sleep, but who cared about sleep anymore? He was living a proper nightmare after all. His entire body seemed to fail, so he dropped on the couch next to Tom, head in his hands.

"I can't believe we didn't hear anything. Didn't do anything," he mumbled.

"How's Mom?" Jerry asked again.

"I tucked her in bed," Kyle answered, his voice still filled with muted anger. "She said she wants to think and rest and she'll talk to us tomorrow. That we should go back to sleep."

Yeah, like that was going to happen. His brothers seemed to feel the same since Jimmy and Jerry had a seat as well. Only Kyle was left standing.

"That's not going to happen," Jimmy said, draping his legs over the arm of his armchair. "Not if there's even a one percent chance Dad is coming back."

Sam agreed, though he wasn't sure he wanted Freider there. He had no idea what to do if he came face to face with his father.

Kyle nodded, apparently satisfied with their stance. "I'm going home for a while. I'll be back before morning." And just like that, he left, and with him, the sense of balance and safety in the house.

Everything was silent after that, each of them lost inside their own heads. Sam didn't want to brood over it, but he had no idea what to say either. Maybe if he didn't talk, it would go away. It would stop being real and he could go back to a time and place where his father wasn't a monster.

♠️

Kyle tried calling Kay the moment he was out of the house, but she rejected his call. The turmoil inside him made it too easy to lose it, so texting might be better.

Can I come over?

He didn't care for the answer, just put his helmet on and kicked the motorcycle to life. Whether she wanted him to or not, he was going there. Because of course Kay was at Angie's again. And if she wouldn't answer her phone or the door, he could always just go back to the house.

Please open up, though. By the time he reached Angie's place, Kay had answered that she was still awake, so she opened the door the moment he knocked. The frown on her face didn't seem like a good sign, but he was way past that at the moment.

"Any particular reason why you couldn't talk at two in the morning?" she said, her voice low.

"I was at my parents house. Why are you even awake?"

Her frown only deepened at his clipped tone. "Angie has night terrors, so she woke me up. She's back to sleep now, but I... I just felt like talking."

His heart ached at her words, at the way she rubbed her arms as if she needed a hug. He wanted to hold her so badly, to put himself back together as well as her, but it didn't seem to come naturally at the moment.

"I'm sorry I didn't answer," he finally said. "It's hell back there. My..." He didn't know how to say this. It sounded too awful.

Her frown turned into a concerned expression and she took one step closer to him. She reached out her hand, but her phone buzzed and they both froze. His eyes immediately darted to the kitchen table the the left where the thing buzzed again.

"Who is texting you at this time of night?" he kept his voice calm and steady, even if part of him wanted to throw the damn thing out the window.

Kay hesitated for a moment, but then seemed to decide there was absolutely no point in lying. "Eric."

"Fucking seriously?" The curse was out before he could help it.

She winced. "Yeah. I needed to talk, that's why I called you in the first place, and he was still up, so..." She shrugged. "But never mind that. What happened?"

"Dad hit Mom and left the house." The words were easy now, brought out by a petty desire to push all thoughts of Eric out of her head.

Her jaw dropped and her eyes widened. It took her a mere moment to charge at him and hug him. He hugged her back, burring his face in her hair, basking in her lily-scented perfume. It felt so good, so safe.

"I'm so sorry, Kyle," she whispered. "You're right. It was an emergency." She squeezed him tighter and he squeezed back. "God, I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too, sweetheart," he mumbled into her hair. He never wanted to let her go.

But she pulled back to look at him, her eyes sad and tired. "How's your mom?"

"She says she's fine, but I honestly doubt it." He bit his lip. "I just hope she'll divorce that bastard."

She cringed, but didn't answer. It was weird how divorce was such a difficult subject even when they were grown up and out of the house. Even when they both recognized it was the better option. She hugged him again, resting her head on his chest.

"What are you going to do now?" she asked.

"I don't know. Go back there, I guess, pick up the pieces. Just wanted to see you a second. Tell you about it."

"Thank you," she detached herself from him again. "It really means a lot that you came and told me in person."

"It means a lot that you hugged me." It may have sounded pathetic, but it was the honest truth.

She didn't seem to find it pathetic as she put her hand on his cheek, watching him with the love she used to show every second of every day. What had happened to them? What had changed so much?

He put his hand over hers, a million thoughts rushing through his mind. Why wasn't he kissing her? Why weren't they talking more? The answer was obvious, as much as he tried to deny it. They were both exhausted, constantly under pressure, him with his screwed up family, her with poor Angie.

And yet, now as they just glanced at each other, it was comfort. Then Kay rose on the tips of her toes and brushed her lips against his. He kissed her back, slow and tender, without going into more. They'd never had this. Ever since they'd first kissed, it had always been burning flames and explosions. But this felt right at the moment as neither of them tried to deepen it or take it further. It stirred something inside him, pain and confusion as well as a desperate desire for more.

To feel loved, to feel accepted. Unconditional and eternal, the only steady thing in his life. He hadn't realized just how much he missed her until that moment. And the simple thought of losing her in some twisted way became terrifying. They could still put everything back together and it he was damned if he didn't try.

"Go out with me," he said, pulling away from her.

"Huh?" Her eyes were hazy and confused. "Like on a date?"

"Exactly. Dinner, dancing. We haven't been out in forever. Tonight. You can take a day off from..." He glanced around. "This."

"Of course she can."

Angie's voice startled them both. She stood in the doorway to the bedroom, rubbing her eyes, still wearing one of Tom's t-shirts.

"Um, hi Angie," Kyle said a little taken aback. He hadn't realized until now how skinny she was.

"You can actually take her home right now." Angie waved her hand towards the door. "I'm perfectly fine on my own. I've been telling her that for days."

Kay ignored her and returned her attention to Kyle, face glowing with excitement. "Can we go somewhere fancy? I haven't dressed up since forever."

"Of course. Anything you want. I'll make reservations and let you know."

"Okay," she whispered, glancing at Angie over her shoulder.

"Go home already, Kay," Angie growled and returned to the bedroom.

"She's not well at all," Kay whispered, shaking her head.

Angie didn't seem that bad off to Kyle, but he guessed Kay knew better so he took her word for it. Especially because he had something very pleasant to look forward to.

So with one last lingering kiss, he left his angel behind and headed back into hell.

♠️

Jimmy spent the entire night on his armchair, watching his brothers drift off one at a time. He couldn't sleep, and not because what happened raised conflicting feelings withing him, but because it raised no feelings at all.

Yes, he knew what happened was wrong. He was angry on some level, but it was all intellectual. His chest was hallow. His crying mother hadn't impressed him. And the moment he'd realized that, he'd spent the rest of the night trying to find some feelings inside him. There was something there, but he was too afraid to tap into it, because it was pain and he'd decided to lock that away.

Kyle came back an hour before dawn and joined him on his silent vigil, his eyes red and tired. They didn't say anything, because there was nothing left to say.

At seven in the morning, Maxi came down the stairs, her face straight, her wounds hidden by make up.

Kyle immediately stood and Jimmy joined him.

"Why are you kids here?" she asked, taking in Sam, Tom and Jerry who stirred at the sound of her voice. "You should've gone to sleep."

"Not that we could sleep after that," Sam mumbled as if he hadn't just woken up. "How are you?"

"I'm good, Sam," she answered with confidence. "But I do have some news that is rather important, so as long as you're all here, please listen for a minute."

Jimmy tensed at the formality in her tone, at the way she hid her pain behind stiff words.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Jerry whispered.

"Please sit down." Jerry, Sam and Tom were already sitting and Kyle and Jimmy ignored her, so she took a deep breath and continued, "Your father and I are separating."

Sam and Jerry winced, but Jimmy wasn't all that surprised, not after what just happened.

"We have been drifting apart for a long time and this--" She indicated towards her face. "This was his answer to the news. We just want you to know that this doesn't mean that we love you any less."

"Mom, we're grownups," Tom said, standing too. "We know it's not our fault. We won't be splitting holidays. You can say the word divorce to us."

Maxi took in another deep breath. "I want you to understand a few things, though. This is not out of the blue, and I don't fully blame your father. We had both become so encased in our own lives, we forgot to live together. After a few years, we discovered we no longer knew, nor cared who the other person was." She swallowed heavily, her fists clenching as if what followed would be hard to say. "I have my share of the blame. I often neglected your father. I... We..." Another deep breath. "We haven't shared a bed in years. The reason I'm telling you this is because I don't want you to blame him entirely. That wouldn't be fair."

"Bullshit, he hit you," Kyle muttered, but she ignored him.

"I also want you to learn from our mistakes. Don't fall apart with the ones you love, don't make a life outside them. Selfishness, putting your own needs first, only leads to heartbreak."

Jimmy wanted to roll his eyes. She was preaching to four people who at the moment had no one and to Kyle who was happily in love. And still, her eyes stayed on Kyle as she went on.

"Don't let fear of commitment ruin what you have. I know it takes one giant leap but..." She faltered, obviously forgetting where she was going with this.

There was silence after this as no one had anything to say. Sam had leaned his face in his hands, looking ready to throw up. Jerry was grinding his teeth, obviously in anguish and you could practically feel the anger radiating out of Kyle. Tom had leaned his elbows on the back of the couch, his eyes filled with sorrow as is he'd lost something.

He had. They all had, him included. Except... He didn't feel a thing.

A sense of panic overwhelmed him and the room suddenly seemed to be crashing down on him. He needed air. So he whipped around, charged through the kitchen and out into the backyard. He stopped next to the oak tree, taking deep breaths, searching, searching, searching...

What the hell is wrong with me? Where are my feelings? He knew he should be sad or angry or hopeless or something. Not this. Anything but this.

You can still feel. You can, it's just... He closed his eyes and hugged the trunk of the tree, digging his fingers into the bark. To be honest, ever since Jessie left, he'd stopped trying. And not because she'd broken him beyond repair, because Jessie had never damaged him, but because he chose to lock that pain away and never think about it. But, apparently, with it went everything.

His fingers dug deeper as he finally realized one thing. He was a pariah, gathering glares whenever he left the house, his parents were getting divorced, his father hit their mother and his brothers were falling apart. The world was going to shit and Jessie wasn't there.

She'd walked out of their home, leaving behind a carpet of old photographs he hadn't even picked up yet because he'd refused to enter the bedroom since the day she left. She left. He was alone. She wasn't there to comfort him, to hug him, to hear him unload.

Something seemed to crack inside him, and this time, he let it. He no longer had the strength to keep it at bay and he didn't want to. The pain poured out of him in a destructive tsunami, numbing his bones and his mind. For the first time since she'd left, he let himself miss her, think about her. And to his shock, it wasn't regret or anger filling him. It was love. So much of it that he was drowning in it because there was no one there to give it to.

"Jimmy?"

He shut his eye tighter and hugged the tree, wishing she was there so that he could hold her, kiss her, share his burden and hers. He didn't care, he really didn't care what she'd done, who she'd been before.

She lied to you for so long. Yes, that was the problem. But it didn't extinguish his feelings, didn't make him love her less. Love wasn't everything. His parents had proven that. Jerry had proven that when he'd broken up with Tina despite loving her.

"Jimmy?"

Speaking of which. He turned to his twin. He stood a foot away, his arm stretched out as if he wanted to touch him but was too afraid, his eyes filled with sorrow and regret.

"No, no regret, Jerry." Jimmy turned back to the tree and leaned his forehead against it. He now felt hallow and it was finally a normal feeling. Yes, he was touched by what had happened. Except he needed to lock the pain away again or it would destroy him.

"Are you alright?" Jerry asked warily.

"No, I'm not." He turned around and leaned against the tree, crossing his arms over his chest. "This is a big deal and I feel nothing. I've felt nothing since Jessie left."

Jerry bit his lower lip. "Can I help in any way?"

"Yes. Listen. I..." Yes, he could say this. It was Jerry and he would understand. "I miss her so much, I feel like drowning, so I locked everything away. And this stupid serum won't let me..." He wasn't exactly sure what it didn't let him do, but it sucked.

"I'm so sorry. Sorry that she broke you--"

"She didn't break me," Jimmy snapped. "She only made me better, thought me how to love. But now that she's gone..." He clutched his chest. Even if he'd decided to put everything away again, he could still feel it, warming him from the inside out. "I could never hate her, you know?"

Jerry smiled weakly. "Yeah, I know. Just like I could never hate..." He faltered, seeming surprised by his own words.

Jimmy could read between the lines so well. "Sarah?" Because he was sure as hell his twin wasn't about to say Tina.

"I..." He shifted his weight.

"Do you really think she told the press about Sam and Christine?"

"No," Jerry answered after a moment of hesitation.

"Then go talk to her. You obviously want to. You're obviously in love with her."

Jerry raised terrified eyes to him. "I can't be in love with her. I barely--"

"Me. Jessie. Five seconds."

Jerry groaned and turned away, bouncing his fists off his thighs. "I'm leaving for Houston with you in four days. We're going to the space station."

"Who cares? It's not forever. A few months. But then at least you'd have someone to come back to. Don't let what happened to Mom and Dad get to you. We're not them. We're us and we sure as hell are much better than this."

Jerry turned to him and at that moment Jimmy realized a little push was all his brother had needed. The hope in his eyes was adorable.

"I wish everything will work out for you and Jessie."

Jimmy just smiled. Even if he had no idea what was going to happen and where he stood, it was good to know that Jerry thought there was still a chance for them.

He'd meant it. They weren't their parents. They'd make it. Somehow.

♠️♠️♠️

Managed to produce update. I realize it's a first draft, but damn, I hope it works because there are so many feelings here.

Everything is falling apart and the pressure is building on all of them. Poor Sam is ready to snap. At least Kyle and Kay are going on a date. I really need to figure out this timeline.

Also Jimmy is totally pushing Jerry on Sarah. Wonder how that will turn out... Maybe tragic. Or maybe I'll actually start fixing things??? Whatever shall I fix first?

Thanks so much for reading. Any and all thoughts on the situation, Maxi and reactions is much appreciated.