(In the living room, Mordecai switches on the TV. Rigby then inserts a cartridge into the duo's video game console. Lorelai presses the power button on the console and a game called "Dig Champs" is displayed on their TV)

Game Voice: D-d-d-d-d-da-Dig Champs!

(Mordecai, Lorelai, and Rigby stare at the TV screen, amazed by its quality)

Rigby: Dude, these are probably the best graphics I've ever seen in my life.

Mordecai: Dude, it looks just like the cover.

(Mordecai, Lorelai, and Rigby laugh while comparing the game's graphics to its cover. The cover is a realistic art piece, while the game's graphics just consist of pixelated sprites.

Lorelai: Oh man. Dude, let's play it.

Rigby: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You can't play game like this right out of the box. We should stretch it out first.

(Rigby starts stretching his legs on the sofa)

Rigby: We don't want to pull our hammies, know what I'm saying?

(Lorelai starts the game)

Rigby: Hey, what are you doing?

Lorelai: Starting. Hurry up and pick your character. (laughs)

(Lorelai selects herself as Player One, who looks identical to Player Two, but holds a shovel. Player Two holds a pickaxe)

Rigby: Aw, what? I wanted to be Player One!

Mordecai: Dude, Rory Player One. You're Player Two.

Rigby: I don't wanna be Player Two! He just digs with the sucky pickaxe! I want the one with the shovel!

Lorelai: Dude, they're exactly the same!

Rigby: Then why don't you be Player Two?

Lorelai: Pfft, I'm not using that sucky pickaxe.

Rigby: (gasps) See!?

Mordecai: Dude, calm down. Let's play punchies to see who gets to be Player One.

Rigby: Fine.

(Rigby hits Lorelai weakly. Unfazed by the punch, Lorelai swings her arm and punches Rigby across the sofa. Rigby lies silently)

Lorelai: Looks like I'm Player One.

Rigby: No!

(Rigby gets up and stumbles towards Mordecai and Lorelai)

Rigby: It's not fair, you two always get your way!

(Rigby starts mocking Mordecai and Lorelai)

Rigby: "Let's play punchies! Let's play punchies!" I'm sick of it! Of course I'm not gonna beat you two at punchies!

Lorelai: Dude, you don't beat anybody at punchies.

Rigby: Yes, I do!

Mordecai: No, you don't.

(The scene transitions into a series of flashbacks. Muscle Man punches Rigby so hard that he tumbles across the kitchen. Pops punches Rigby so hard that he flies across the room and hits the living room door. In a pizza restaurant, Skips punches Rigby, and the scene immediately cuts to Rigby getting carried away by an ambulance helicopter. The flashbacks end as Mordecai imitates the sound of an ambulance)

Mordecai/Lorelai: Wee-ooh, wee-ooh, wee-ooh!

Mordecai: "Quick, doctor! Both of these buttcheeks are unrecognizable!

Lorelai: If we want anybody to be able to recognize this as a butt in the future, then we're gonna have to do a complete butt transplant, stat!"

Rigby: Stop talking!! There was only damage to the one cheek and you know it!

Lorelai: (laughs) That's right! We used to call you the One Cheek Wonder!

Mordecai: Dude, I'm bringing it back.

Rigby: You better not!

(Muscle Man appears besides the sofa)

Muscle Man: Is that One Cheek Wonder? I hope he's not trying to play punchies with cheeks like that!

(Muscle Man points at Rigby's butt, which is shown to have a large surgical scar on the left cheek, giving the illusion of one buttcheek. Mordecai and Muscle Man laugh as Rigby curls up his tail to cover his butt)

Rigby: Shut up! Don't look at them!

(Rigby gets off the sofa and runs upstairs)

Rigby: I'll win at punchies, you'll see!

(Rigby enters his and Mordecai's room and slams the door shut. Frustrated, he cries and starts jumping up and down on Mordecai's bed aggressively)

Rigby: Dumb Mordecai! Dumb Rory! I hate both of you!

(Rigby hears Mordecai shouting off-screen)

Mordecai: You better not be messing up my side of the room!

(Rigby squeals as he jumps off the bed, picks up a phone book and runs towards a door)

Rigby: You two are ruining my life!

(Rigby throws the phone book at the door, but it bounces back and hits him in the face, causing him to fall back. Downstairs, Mordecai is sat on the sofa playing Dig Champs, and hears Rigby screaming upstairs. Annoyed, he picks up a pair of headphones and puts them on to isolate Rigby's scream, and continues playing. Back upstairs, Rigby groans in pain)

Rigby: Stupid bo - book?

(Rigby sees that upon landing on the floor, the phone book opened to an ad for "Death Kwon Do", with the tagline "Learn kicks, chops and punches in moments". Rigby reads the ad)

Rigby: Death Kwon Do? "Learn kicks, chops and punches in moments! Unlock your full potential today?"

(Rigby puts the book down)

Rigby: Yes!

(Later, at the Death Kwon Do Dojo, Rigby is talking to Sensai, the Death Kwon Do instructor)

Sensai: It's a touching story. Really, it is. But I don't know if you're ready for Death Kwon Do.

Rigby: Why not?

Sensai: Death Kwon Do is all about self-defense. But from the sound of it, you just want to hit harder.

Rigby: Uh, no? Can you just teach me something?

Sensai: Hmm, determination. I like that. Okay, I'll teach you some beginner defensive moves. All you gotta do is pick from the sacred text of Death Kwon Do.

(Sensai pulls out an 80-page ruled note book, with "DEATH KWON DO" written on the front. He puts it on a desk and flips through some pages)

Sensai: Let's see, we could start you off with the Bicep Flex of Death. Or there's the Leg Lifts of Death, that's a good beginner's move. Or the Pelvic Thrust of Death, that's one of my personal favorites.

(Rigby flips through the book himself, and spots a page which peaks his interest)

Rigby: That one. That's the one I want: The Death Punch.

Sensai: That, I'm afraid, is not for beginners.

Rigby: What, why!?

Sensai: Because you only want to use it to beat up your friends, and a girl, which is like, really uncool. You're not pure of heart!.

Rigby: What!? Don't call me not pure of heart! What about you with your crappy mullet? You're the one who's not pure of heart!

Sensai: That's it!

(Sensai stands up and turns away from Rigby)

Sensai: I'm turning my back on you and counting to three...of death. And when I turn back around, you're toast!

(Rigby panics)

Sensai: One...of death. Two...of death.

(Sensai hears the sound of paper ripping. He turns back around to see that the Death Punch page has been ripped out of his notebook)

Sensai: N-n-nooooooooo!!

(One of Sensai's students approaches him)

Student: Um, Sensai? Um, I think somebody just Death Kwon Clogged the toilet.

Sensai: Nooooooooo!!

(Back at the Park, a montage begins set to "You're the Best" by Joe Esposito. Rigby places the stolen Death Punch page on his dresser. He copies the pose illustrated on the page and punches the dresser, but nothing happens. He flails his arm around in pain. He looks at the page again and sees that the illustration displays a man with a mullet. He grabs a comb and combs his hair into a mullet. He tries the Death Punch pose again but hurts his hand, flailing his arm around once again. He looks at the page once more and sees that the illustrated man is also wearing cut-off jean shorts. Rigby gets a pair of jeans and cuts off the legs, then wears them. He tries the Death Punch pose one last time, and makes his dresser explode. Rigby is amazed)

Rigby: Whoa...time to take this baby for a test drive.

(The montage ends and Rigby runs out of the house screaming a battle cry. His eyes are bloodshot, and he looks around to find his first victim: He spots Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost walking past with a wheelbarrow. Rigby runs up to them and does the Death Punch, blasting them away. Muscle Man crashes into a building and flops over, so that his butt is stuck in his face)

Muscle Man: Oh no, bro...

(Meanwhile, Pops is seen flying a kite. Rigby runs up to him and performs the Death Punch, instantly blasting him into the sky where he flies towards the Sun. Then, while Skips is busy working in his garage, Rigby shows up and ends up blasting Skips through the wall while upside down, skidding him far away in the park. Rigby continues his destructive spree by destroying the park, including areas such as the Snack Bar, the fountain, the circus tent and a giant boulder. In the void, Rigby zooms towards the screen while spinning around)

Rigby: You're next, Mordecai and Rory!

(Meanwhile, at the house. Mordecai flushes the toilet and walks out of the bathroom, still wearing his headphones, and walks towards his and Rigby's room. He sings along to the instrumental of a song)

Mordecai: "Do, do, do-do, do-do!" Alright, Rigby. Crybaby time's over. Come on, let's go get some food, I'm buying.

(Mordecai enters his room and sees that everything has been destroyed. He takes off his headphones)

Mordecai: Aw, what!?

(Mordecai and Lorelai look around and they spot a torn poster, ripped pillow and smashed lamp)

Lorelai: Yikes, someone threw a tantrum, didn't realize Rigby had it in him.

Mordecai: Rigby! Ugh! He's gonna pay for this.

(Mordecai sees the open phone book and picks it up. He discovers the Death Kwon Do ad and he shows it to Rory.)

Mordecai: Death Kwon Do?

(Mordecai and Lorelai hear Rigby yelling outside)

Rigby: Where are you, Mordecai!? I wanna play punchies! How bout you Rory! I'll let you go first!!

(Mordecai and Lorelai look outside through the window. The fountain has seemingly been repaired. Rigby runs up to a man with binoculars)

Rigby: Hey, mister! Have you seen Mordecai?

Man #1: Uh, no. Who's-

(Rigby punches him and he flies away. Rigby then runs up to a man reading a book sat on the fountain)

Rigby: Have you seen Rory?

Man #2: Seen who-

(Rigby punches him, making both him and the fountain fly away. He then runs up to a man sitting on a bench reading a newspaper)

Rigby: How about you?

(Without even giving an answer, Rigby punches the man and he is blasted away onto Mordecai & Rigby's bedroom window, where Mordecai and Rory are still watching. The man groans and slides down the house)

Lorelai: So Rigby, thinks he's gonna beat us at punchies now huh?

Mordecai: Well, we got news for you. We know your little secret.

(Lorelai and Mordecai do their secret handshake.)

(Later, the Park has been completely destroyed. A tree collapses and breaks a bridge in half. The cart is lying on its side while on fair. A truck is trapped in between the branches on a tree, with its driver hanging off the truck's side-view mirror. A bunch of cans are falling out of the truck's barn doors. A malnourished dog slowly walks towards a trash can, where another dog is hiding. The hiding dog barks to warn the malnourished dog away. On top of Pops' house, Rigby is slouched back on a chair, with his co-workers at this side as his servants. Skips is massaging Rigby's feet, Pops is fanning him, and Muscle Man is on the look-out for Mordecai with binoculars)

Rigby: Now massage this foot!

(Rigby lifts his left foot)

Skips: But I already did that one.

Rigby: Then rub it again! Unless you wanna get punched again? And Pops, what's with the easy-breezy? Speed it up, my pepperonis are roasting down here!

(Pops groans uncomfortably, as he speeds up his fanning)

Rigby: Muscle Man, do you see Mordecai or Rory yet?

(Muscle Man lowers his binoculars to reveal two bruised eyes)

Muscle Man: Uh, I can't see anything.

(Suddenly, a silhouette of Mordecai approaches the house)

Mordecai: We're right here, Rigby.

Lorelai: Yeah, so get down here already! You big crybaby!

Rigby: Gimme those!

(Rigby steals the binoculars from Muscle Man and looks through them to see Mordecai wearing cut-off jean shorts and a mullet)

Rigby: Looks like you two have learned the ways of Death Kwon Do.

Mordecai: Looks like you know how to say things that people are already aware of.

Rigby: Whatever. You two can't handle the Death Punch.

Lorelai: That sounds like a challenge.

Rigby: That's because maybe it is a challenge.

Mordecai: Well then, what are you doing up there?

(Rigby snaps his fingers)

Rigby: Muscle Man! Hi Fives! Carry me down.

(Rigby crosses his arms as Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost lift his chair and bring him down to the ground carefully)

Rigby: Don't drop me. Be careful. Whoa, whoa! Leaning, leaning!

(They arrive a few yards from Mordecai)

Rigby: Here! Here! Set me here.

(Muscle Man and Hi Five Ghost carefully place Rigby down on the ground. Bow to him and walk off)

Rigby: What move did you learn?

Mordecai: Why don't you come over here and find out?

(Rigby grunts and runs up to Mordeca and Lorelai, then punches them in the arm. A giant explosion occurs, creating a crater around them. After a few seconds, Rigby is shocked as he sees something unbelievable)

Rigby: What?

(Mordecai and Lorelai are still standing, completely unharmed)

Rigby: How come you're not dead yet?

Mordecai: Probably because I learned the Death Block.

(Mordecai pulls up a ripped-out page from the Death Kwon Do notebook that says "The Death Block")

Lorelai: It worked pretty good for a first try. Either that or your Death Punch totally blows.

Rigby: I'll kill you!!

(Rigby punches Mordecai in the arm again, causing another explosion that makes the crater bigger)

Mordecai: Hmph, hmph. You're never gonna beat us at punchies.

(Rigby continues punching Mordecai and Lorelai, not giving up until he falls down. Each time he punches him, another explosion occurs, and the crater gets even bigger and lower in the ground, slowly turning into a pit. After a while, Rigby takes some time out to catch his breath)

Lorelai: (annoyed) Okay, this is getting tiring.

Mordecai: Are you finished yet?

Rigby: Not until I smash you both!

(Rigby punches Mordecai and Lorelai again, causing another explosion. Behind him, the ground starts to crack and lava leaks from it. Mordecai points it out to them)

Mordecai: Whoa.

Lorelai: That's not good.

(Rigby looks back to the see the lava)

Rigby: What? Are you afraid of a little lava?

(Rigby punches Mordecai again, causing more lava to leak out. It slowly makes its way towards the center of the pit, where Mordecai and Rigby are standing)

Mordecai: Dude, this is serious! We gotta get out of here!

Rigby: Never! Not until I beat both of you at punchies!

(Rigby punches Mordecai three times. The trio are now surrounded by a moat of lava)

Lorelai: Dude, stop! We're gonna die!

Rigby: I don't care! I'm sick of you two always winning!

(Rigby goes to punch Mordecai and Lorelai again, as Mordecai suddenly has an epiphany. A short flashback montage plays of Mordecai punching Rigby a bunch of times, with it clearly being painful for Rigby. The montage ends with a flashback of Mordecai kicking Rigby in the crotch. Mordecai shakes his head, then looks down at Rigby, who is repeatedly hitting him)

Rigby: I'm not quitting 'till I win!

Rigby then punches Lorelai hard in the face and she flies back.

Mordecai: Rory!

Rigby: Ha! I told you I was gonna win! In your face! Yay, I finally get to be Player One!

Mordecai: (furious) What!? That's what this is about? You hurt Rory just so you could be Player One?

(Rigby starts crying)

Rigby: That's all I ever wanted!

Mordecai: Dude, look at what you did to Rory!

(Rigby's eyes trail over to Lorelai who was still unconscious and he then realizes what he just did, and his eyes widen in horror.)

Rigby: No, no, no, no, no! (He quickly runs over to her as she recovers from his punch.) Are you okay?! I'm so so sorry! I didn't mean to. I swear! It's just, you and Mordecai just kept teasing me an-

Lorelai: (waves him off) Dude, it's fine.

Mordecai/Rigby: Huh?!

Mordecai: But he knocked you unconscious!

Lorelai: (shrugs) It's just one punch. I can definitely handle it.

(Rigby then continues to sob loudly.)

Mordecai: Dude, quit crying. She said she was fine.

Rigby: I know, but what good is being okay now? We're just gonna die in this lava!

Mordecai: Don't worry, dude. I can get us away from the lava.

Rigby: Really? How!?

Lorelai: You think we're dumb enough to only steal one Death Kwon Do move?

Rigby: Wha'?

Mordecai: Now, how do you wanna get out of here? The Death Jump or the Death Dump?

(Lorelai pulls out two more stolen pages from the Death Kwon Do book, labeled with The Death Jump and The Death Dump)

Rigby: Aw, sick! Better go with the Death Jump.

Mordecai: Hold on tight.

Lorelai: (sighs dreamily) Yes sir.

(Rigby and Lorelai grab onto Mordecai, who holds his fist in the air and begins to fly out of the pit. Just as they leave the ground, the lava fully covers where they were standing. Mordecai, with Rigby and Lorelai in his arms, flies through the sky)

Pops: Look!

(Pops points up as Mordecai and Rigby fly by. The duo then fly above the Death Kwon Do Dojo, where Sensai is talking to a newcomer of the Dojo)

Sensai: Why yes, sir. I have the Death Jump and the Death Dump, right he-

(Sensai flips a page in the Death Kwon Do notebook to find that the page he's looking for has been ripped out)

Sensai: Nooooo-

(Back at the Park, everything is still destroyed. Despite this, Mordecai and Rigby try to play Dig Champs for a second time)

Game Voice: D-d-d-d-d-da-Dig Champs!

Rigby: Aw, yes! It's finally happening!

Lorelai: Yep. For once, being a huge baby actually worked out for you.

Rigby: Stop talking!

Mordecai: Heheheh. Dude, just hurry up and play. You're just gonna die right at the beginning anyway.

(Rigby mocks Mordecai)

Rigby: "Mememememememememememe!" (grunts) I'll show you two.

(Rigby starts playing as Player One, with the shovel. He controls his character to walk across the screen. A sprite of a snail then appears on screen, which Rigby's characters walks right into, killing him and making it Player Two's turn)

Rigby: Aw, what? Snails are bad? I thought snails were good!

Lorelai: No, dude. Snails are bad.

Rigby: Aw, man. This sucks. I wanna be Player Two.

Lorelai: (smacks her head in annoyance.) I hate you.