Chapter Thirty-Nine

"Thanks for your help," Zeus told Lucifer with a smirk, folding his arms over his chest, "I knew you were the right person to ask to seduce Hades. I was just hoping that I was the one who could have ripped his heart out."

What?

Lucifer's eyes widened at that and he jerked his head up, staring at Zeus in utter horror. He was splattered with blood, fresh and red, dripping down his face and his black stitch uniform, and in his palm that I remembered felt so good rubbing my back and sinking into my hair, now held my heart in it. Out in the open and completely vulnerable.

"No," Lucifer stammered suddenly, then looked down at me, "No, Hades, that's not what I wanted to do! This wasn't supposed to happen!" Wasn't supposed to happen? What wasn't supposed to happen?

Seduce Hades.

Those words rang hollow in my head and suddenly everything clicked together. Zeus asked Lucifer to do this, to do everything he'd done up until now. Of course he didn't actually give a shit. I can't even remember what made me think that this was real. I knew there was something odd about Lucifer coming onto me randomly. He'd made me believe in the beginning that it was just him needing blood for the curse Michael had dealt him, and then he made me believe it was because he gave a shit, but in the end, I had been right.

Again.

"No, Hades," Lucifer managed, gripping my heart and causing an odd phantom pain to throb in my chest, "It's not true, he's manipulating you--"

"Me," Zeus exclaimed, bewildered, then he let out a laugh, "Hades knows me. I have no need to manipulate him. I just asked if you could seduce Hades for me so I could teach him a lesson. The best part is he actually believed you."

"No," Lucifer shouted angrily, blinking rapidly and looking down at me, "Hades, he's lying. He did come to me and ask me to help him, but he never told me what to do and I told him no." I wasn't sure I could register those words correctly because the reality of it was burning itself into my brain. The reality was that Zeus asked Lucifer to seduce me and Lucifer did it. And now my heart was in his hand and he knew the ritual was in my holster and he could easily take it out.

Except Lucifer didn't do it. Zeus stooped down beside my body. I tried to move to get him away from me, to get them both away from me, but my body wouldn't work. It wouldn't obey me. It just laid there like a corpse, like I was trapped inside my body and was forced to watch everything going on around me. Zeus flipped open my holster and took out the napkin with the ritual scribbled on it. Lucifer made a grab for it, but Zeus stepped back and laughed, wagging his finger.

"Ah, ah, Lucifer," He warned, making Lucifer seethe, "That wasn't part of the deal. I'll be the one to get rid of him. For millennia, I've had to put up with this pathetic bastard. To be honest, I thought I was content with just tormenting him and fucking him on the side, but when the idea of killing him became a option, I really liked it. I don't have to come up with excuses or worry about Hades opening his big fat pathetic mouth." Zeus looked down at the slip of paper.

"Hmm, let's see... I, son of Rhea and Cronus, lord of sky and lightning and all gods, now hereby command that you, Hades, son of Rhea, Titaness of Titans, and Cronus, Titan of Titans, shall forever rot in Tartarus without physical form. I sentence you to death." He announced, then smirked, crumpling the ritual up in his fist and burning it up. He reached for my heart, but Lucifer withdrew quickly and went to replace it in my chest, but Zeus made a weird noise of protest and Lucifer glared at him.

"Do you really want him to do that to you, Hades," Zeus asked me and my eyes flickered to stare at him, "This angel was desperate enough to wipe you off the planet to side with me."

"I did not!" Lucifer snarled. Zeus scoffed.

"Of course, you did. I distinctly remember hearing you once say, Hades is a danger to us all. If there was a way to kill him, we should take it." He reminded. Lucifer paled.

"I said that in a fit of rage centuries ago!"

"I don't think I'd be able to remember something that old."

They continued to argue back and forth, but I wasn't sure I quite understood anything they were saying. And oddly enough, all the screaming and sobbing voices in the distance were gone. I no longer heard the voices of soldiers fighting. The only noise was Lucifer and Zeus arguing. But it all came right down to the fact that once again, I was lied to. I had foolishly thought Zeus would only care about the goal of getting rid of the Titans. And I'd foolishly let Lucifer in past my defenses. I'd stupidly thought I could actually... No.

Persephone had already shown me that love was impossible. Eumelia and Atros and now Lucifer.

I should be used to it. I should be used to this. It's happened before, right? It should feel numbing. Maybe I should even be slightly angry, and while I was, it was no match for the indescribable agony. If it wasn't for the blood filling my lungs and slowly suffocating me as my body struggled to heal without a major organ, I felt like I'd be screaming from the pain.

God, I was pathetic. I was like a stupid little brat that kept putting his hand on the stove, only to get severe burns every time.

You're unlovable.

Unlovable. No one has ever, nor could they ever, love me. It was impossible. It happened my entire life. What sort of stupidity had possessed me long enough to think that the Fates would give me a break? What made me think Lucifer was different from everyone else? Everyone else had done the same thing. Whispers of sweet nothings, gentle touches, smiles, laughter. Persephone had taken my hand once and smiled at me in my darkest moments. She'd laughed, not at me, but with me. She touched me like I was precious. She told me she loved me. And then she pushed me away. Eumelia promised to never leave me and she killed herself. Atros told me he loved me, and then he literally hung himself when he found out who I really was. And Lucifer... never loved me to begin with.

He was Lucifer. The Fallen Angel of Heaven. He ruled an entire realm. Of course he wouldn't love me. To his people, I was a lesser pagan god. I was an abomination.

And my sons? Now that I thought about it, everything Cronus had said made perfect sense. How strange that it took the ramblings of a psychopath to open my eyes to reality. Even a psychopath knew that I was living in a fantasy world and not reality.

My sons didn't give a shit about me. They couldn't. They pretended to, because they would do anything to protect the real people they loved. Their lovers, their new families. They were more important. If they pretended to give a shit about me, maybe, just maybe, I would be willing to give my life for their lovers. They would smile and laugh with me for maybe a few days after the war to ensure my loyalty, then they would close the door on my face and return to their own worlds.

And I would be alone. Again.

Because you're unlovable.

"Look," Zeus exclaimed, gesturing to me, "He's actually smiling! He wants to die! We're doing him a favor." Lucifer looked at him murderously before looking down at me, touching my cheek.

"Hades, don't listen to him. I do love you, all right? I'm sorry if I never came right out and said it. I should've, but I was waiting for the right moment. Hades, I never meant to hurt you," Lucifer whispered, stroking the hair back from my face, "I wanted to kill Zeus, and he knows it too. When I found out what he'd done to him, I plotted to kill him, even though you told me not to and that's why I didn't tell you and that's why I'm here. I swear to God, it has nothing to do with what Zeus asked me to do. I told him no, Hades, I promise."

"Oh, please," Zeus scoffed, "Your promises are empty to him. Hades knows you're lying. He always knows when someone is lying now. Because everybody lies."

"I'm not lying! I may have strongly disliked Hades for centuries, but over the past month, I've come to know him more than before and I understand it now, why he is the way he is! I know him!"

"You think you know him." Zeus reminded him. Lucifer just shook his head and quickly ignored Zeus, looking down at me and I just stared at him.

"Hades, please, believe me. I swear to all that is holy that I love you. And I'll prove it." He brought the heart to his mouth and I waited for him to begin devouring it, but instead, he placed a kiss against it before shoving it hard through my chest. I choked and arched my back, agony whipping through me in a frenzy that set my blood on fire. My body went haywire trying to heal me as rapidly as possible, weaving the heart back into the mess.

Zeus curled his lip.

"You will regret this, Lucifer. I may not be able to touch you because of your God's stupid decree, but Hades knows the truth now. We'll see how he accepts your treacherous arms back around him," He sneered, then looked down at me as I shuddered in pain, "And you've not seen the last of me, Hades. I am still your king." Without another word, Zeus vanished from the cliffside and I watched him go as I rolled onto my side, gasping hard for air. Lucifer touched my shoulder gently before moving to pick me up, but I put my arm against his chest.

I didn't say anything and Lucifer hesitated, then sat back as I struggled to my feet. My legs felt like they would give out at any moment. I felt like I was going to fall flat on my face, but I'd already humiliated myself enough these past few weeks. I stood up slowly, ignoring the pain in my legs. I swallowed hard against the disgusting taste of blood still lodged in my throat.

"Hades," Lucifer started, getting to his feet and coming to my side, "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to go after Zeus--"

"Even after I told you not to."

"Hades, I couldn't let him get away with--"

"You don't trust me." I said simply. Lucifer stiffened.

"No, Hades, that's not--"

"Seriously, for once? Just stop talking. In fact, never talk to me again." I managed to muster up the rest of my strength and teleported from the platform and into my throne room, that had been completely destroyed. I stared at the destruction that made the throne room look more like the dark cavern it had been when I first arrived all those years ago. A strange ache started in my chest and I reached up to rub at it as I stood in front of my throne and Persephone's. Completely destroyed and no longer recognizable. Just piles of ash and rubble. The rest of the throne room was in ruins. Walls jagged and rocky, ceiling made up of stalactites.

I felt the air ripple and expected Lucifer to be the one to appear in the room with me, but instead, Cerberus and Ambrosius appeared, looking bloodied and exhausted, but positively thrilled.

"We did it," Cerberus said breathlessly, "The armies are retreating and Cronus was sent to Tartarus just a second ago! Zelios is already sending their troops there as well in lines!" Ambrosius laughed at that, then looked at me with bright blue eyes glowing.

"It looks like things worked out after all, huh?" He asked. I said nothing. I didn't trust myself to speak. I just nodded. Ambrosius's eyes flickered in confusion and he seemed to notice for the first time that I was soaked in blood and his eyes widened.

"Oh my god, what happened? Are you all right?" He asked, coming forward, but I quickly moved back, clearing my throat and running a hand through my hair.

"Yeah, fine. Just go."

"Dad--"

"I said go!" I snarled. Ambrosius stiffened. Cerberus frowned in confusion, but they both knew better than to push me. Ambrosius just looked peeved and turned and left the room. Cerberus sighed and teleported after him. I watched them go, breathing heavily as the dull pain in my chest seemed to get worse. I reached up and rubbed at my chest, looking around helplessly at a ruined throne room that I was having difficulty debating whether to bother with or not.

What do I do now?

I'm right back where I started. I'm alone in a gigantic... I couldn't even call it a palace anymore. It was a cave, is what it was. A cave I tried to elaborately decorate and mold into a palace for a god.

I was suddenly so tired. So exhausted.

I went to the steps to the throne and laid down, folding an arm up under my head and staring straight ahead at the doors that were collapsed in on themselves. I wished the whole structure would suddenly collapse and I could spend the rest of eternity buried under a thousand tons of rock. I felt stupid and pathetic again, and I hated myself for belittling myself, but if the rest of the world could do it, why couldn't I?

You're unlovable. How does it feel to have everyone in the world hate you? Your own brother just tried to kill you, but the ritual was ruined both because Lucifer didn't let Zeus eat my heart and because Zeus failed to get my blood in the very beginning, like I had with Rhea. Then again, maybe my blood splattering on his face when Lucifer tore my heart out counted.

What the hell did I care about it anyway? It was over. Zeus was back on Olympus, gloating about how he defeated Cronus once again, with no help whatsoever. He'd probably also throw in a few jokes about how his stupid brother actually thought someone gave a shit about him. Haha, that's so funny, someone actually wants affection... Hilarious...

Worse still was the fact that Lucifer didn't kill me. Why didn't he kill me? I wanted to believe it was because he actually loved me, but he lied to me. If he lied about one thing, who's to say he didn't lie about anything else? And he didn't trust me. I didn't want him to kill Zeus. I knew Zeus deserved it, but I wasn't going to do that to my own brother.

I wasn't Zeus.

And I wasn't going to let Lucifer take that kind of burden. Because I was a stupid idiot.

Everything was so messed up. I was confused and at the same time, in total clarity. Lucifer had lied. And he could easily be lying about Zeus trying to pin the blame on him, and even if I did find out Lucifer was telling the truth, then what? What would happen after that? We would have a big fat gay wedding and live happily ever after?

Bullshit.

It was all bullshit.

I took a deep breath, squeezing my eyes shut and lifting myself up off the steps. I looked around the cavern, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat and waving my hand out at the cavern. The use of power seared through my veins, but I ignored it as the rubble was all cleaned up. The floors became sleek and shiny, black as coal, matching the steps and the walls before it turned a vibrant shade of emerald green... like the Aurora Borealis. I turned to the thrones and sent Persephone's into oblivion, placing mine at the head, redesigning the throne with sleek black obsidian. It was tall and dark, a foreboding shadow.

I stood up and turned to face the throne with a frown, reaching out and touching the arm of the chair.

No, I decided. Things would just go back to the way they were. Lucifer would hate me. My sons would hate me. My family would mock me. My wife wouldn't love me. My subjects would loathe me and if I tried to rebuild my hospital and research center, it would be destroyed... So I wouldn't rebuild that. They could tear it down and rebuild their slums with piece from the wreckage.

I would go back to sitting in the dark, alone.

It was what I was used to anyway.

So why did I wish I could die instead?

Go talk to Lucifer. Maybe you can patch things up.

Yeah. Him completely ignoring me and not trusting me. And he could easily lie about everything else. Or it could be just another trick to try and rip my heart out. I don't know. I had no idea. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to think about a relationship with Lucifer. It never would have worked out anyway. I didn't believe him when he spewed bullshit about loving me. It was a spur of the moment decision.

There was no love.

Just... lust and...

God, I had a headache. I don't need this.

I teleported from the throne room and appeared in Tartarus once again. It was crowded with guards and inmates being returned to new and improved cells that ran on high-tech gear. From the looks of it, inmates were now being physically restrained and connected to some kind of machine that plunged them into their worst nightmares. I changed my form into that of Hector, still wearing the uniform as I blended in with some of the guards, moving toward the holding cell for Cronus, who had been moved away from the other Titans.

I managed to pick up on whisperes and murmurs that led me to Cronus's cell. The sound of his mental screaming reaching me through the walls of Tartarus. I found a long narrow staircase that led straight down into a tiny single room cell. Cronus was strapped to one of the chairs with the machine towering behind it. Cords were connected to Cronus's arms and throat and temples. He was trembling and writhing, screaming angrily to no avail.

I frowned, glancing behind me, then back at Cronus through the bars of his cell. I waved my hand at the bars before walking right through them, then letting them solidify as I walked across the room toward Cronus, who didn't see me through whatever nightmare realm they'd plunged him into. I approached him and tore the cords out of him, causing him to choke and shriek. He kicked and writhed, moving to get at me until he realized it was me standing there and he laughed lowly before spitting at me.

"Fuck you!" He snarled. I frowned.

"Nope. I think I'm done with that kind of thing from now on. I came here because I'm going to do you a favor and put you out of your misery," I began, watching Cronus's eyes glow wrathfully, "You're insane. That's putting it lightly. There was once a time when it took a lot to get you riled up and now you're bouncing off the walls. I'm going to kill you. Right here. Right now." Cronus narrowed his eyes and curled his lip.

"Or you could give me what I want."

"Or not." I offered. Cronus seethed, clenching his fists.

"I'm surprised you're not rampaging," He sneered, "Your precious Lucifer betrayed you."

"I'm kind of used to it," I answered, then paused to frown at him suspiciously, "Funny thing that you know that." Cronus scoffed.

"Hardly," He mocked coldly, "I had a spy eavesdropping on Zeus when he approached Lucifer and asked for his assistance. Lucifer adamantly refused, though, he did say he'd rather kill you to your face than behind your back." Well, I guess I was the one that ruined our relationship then. It bothered me and it hurt, but there was no changing it now.

It is what it is.

"I, Hades, son of Rhea and Cronus, lord and god of the underworld, of wealth and prosperity, now hereby command that you, Cronus, son of the earth goddess, Gaia, and sky god, Uranus, shall forever rot in Tartarus without physical form. I sentence you to death." I replied, wiping Cronus's blood off my hand that had come from ripping the cords out. Cronus bared his fangs at me, but couldn't rip free of the god restraints holding him down. I reeled my hand back, then plunged it through his chest, clenching my teeth at a pain that I had felt myself. Cronus choked and threw his head back, eyes going wide in horror, mouth falling open.

I found his heart, gripped it, and wrenched it out of his chest. He slumped his head forward, unconscious. I brought his heart to my lips and bit down into it. My stomach churned and threatened to come up, but I ignored it, closing my eyes and gnawing into it.

Think about something else. Think about something better.

Lucifer came to my mind's eye instantly and I cursed at myself for how far I'd fallen for him. I loathed the little bastard for getting past my defenses, for not trusting me, for not listening to me when I fucking told him to leave Zeus alone.

"I hate you." I choked, staring at my bloodied empty hands. I clenched my fists as pain roared through my veins and I sank to the floor, feeling the disguise flicker off as I slumped to the ground, choking and gasping for air.

"Lucifer." I coughed, blood pouring from my mouth onto the floor.

"Hades!" Wait, was that Lucifer? I blinked rapidly, trying to find him, but my vision darkened and my senses became significantly dulled to the point where I felt like I was wrapped in a ball of black cotton. I choked and writhed against the pain, but it steadily began to swallow me. My vision just barely returned for a split second in time for a pair of white wings to blind me before I passed out.