After a long while of drifting aimlessly, in which I was unsure even of which way was up, which way was down, and where or who I was... finally, I remembered. Recognition flooded through my system in a rush, one that was equal parts overwhelming and reassuring. Such a contradictory  combination, and yet I felt much better having now felt it.

I felt, for a lack of a better way to put it, like myself again.

Before, I'd had no way to orient myself, no way to tell even who this myself was. But now, I know. I was now aware that I was me, and no one else. The darkness I saw was because my eyes were closed. The reason I'd felt like I was drifting aimlessly in a miasmic existence of nothing was because that's exactly what I had been doing. My soul had been wandering without a goal or destination in mind and without a mortal body to cling to.

And that could be attributed to the fact that there was nothing to be done here, nor was there any identifiable landmark to claim as a destination.

As to why my soul was wandering in the first place, why it did not have a mortal body to weigh it down and give it form, I now had an answer for that, too, gifted to me by some unseen force, as to why I felt the way I had: I was dead.

That was only the first thing that I realized. Allow me to recount. First, I realized that I was dead. Next, I realized that my body was my body, or at least a representation of it. I realized I could open my eyes. I realized I had the energy to do so, and so I did it.

Then, my memories returned. Seeing my hands, I remembered who I was, what the rest of me looked like. Only I had these hands. Only my hands looked like that. These hands had done many things for me. They'd used things, held things, opened things, and closed others.  They'd also felt a lot of things: soft things, hard things, cold things, and hot things.

Among other examples, they also touched other people. They had shaken hands. They had high-fived others. They closed me into a hug with another person on many occasions. My connections with other people helped me remember who I had known in my life.

Namely... Ms. Fields. My mother, my father. Eren, Mikasa. Meg, Jerry. Colt, Falco, and... Levi.

My relationships with others were what connected me to them.

Ah, there, I could feel my heartbeat. Relationships connected me to others... and those connections were proof that my heart had at once beat proudly to a strong, steady beat. I had loved in this life of mine.

I'd loved a lot. I'd loved my favorite foods, my favorite songs, my favorite art pieces and books. I'd loved my pets, my friends, and my family. I'd loved my partner. I'd even loved myself.

Somehow, I felt that I still did.

My memories had returned then. Flashes of my life went by, from its biggest, most defining moments to some of the most mundane of them all. Not only was I reminded of the happiest moments of my life, but I was forced to relive some of the worst.

I remembered the day Ms. Fields taught me to ride my bike, the day I was adopted, the day Levi had gotten adopted, the day I'd reunited with Levi, and the day I moved away. I remembered our first kiss. I remembered meeting Stephanie and Ben and Megan and Jerry. I remembered Meg and I moving into college.

I remembered when Levi and I started dating, and before that, the first night we spent together, exploring each other. I remembered the first time I told him that I loved him, and he responded breathlessly. I remembered moving in with him. I remembered the night he proposed.

I remembered how he went away, how lonely it had been without him and how scared I had felt not knowing if he was alive or dead. I remembered getting the call that he'd been found, nearly dead and all alone in the field. I remembered the morning he'd come back.

I remembered my father being sent to the hospital and falling into a coma. I remembered when finally he woke up, hoping that he had not missed the wedding. I remembered the relief that had filled my heart at seeing him awake and alert.

I remembered our wedding.

I remembered the honeymoon. I remembered us trying for a baby, then deciding to adopt. I remembered the day we adopted Colt and Falco, and our family finally felt complete, more complete than it had before.

I remembered figuring out how to raise them alongside Levi, assuring him that he was a good father, that he was doing a good job.

I remembered...

I realized something else, first. What I remembered up until this point... why those memories? Thinking back on it, I could remember far more. The memories I'd recalled led to more and more and more. I then remembered failing my first test, having Hange over shortly after Levi left, having everyone over just before Christmas, on the night Levi asked me to move in with him...

Why did I remember what I had? Were they more important than the others? Maybe. But I suppose, if I were to summarize my life, if I were to tell my own story to someone... Those parts might be the best places to start, the best things to mention.

I'm sure if I worked at it, I could remember as much of my life as was possible, but if I had to pick which ones I got first... yeah, I think it chose well. But there was still something missing.

Ah, that's right.

I remembered the accident. I remembered my final moments in the hospital. And I remembered... my death.

I was dead.

That explained it.

It would certainly explain why, now that I could see and perceive my surroundings, that I could distinctly feel that there was something strange about the place in which I now found myself. No, it wasn't just something strange. Everything was strange. That I knew for certain. If I knew nothing else, then at least I knew that much.

It seemed to go on forever, and yet it went nowhere at all. There was nothing happening, but at the same time, there was almost too much going on. I could feel the presence of a million others and yet I appeared to be alone.

It was certainly quite strange. Was this what it meant to be dead? It was terribly disorienting.

If I had to imagine heaven, it'd probably look something like this, if that was in fact where I was. It was picturesque, the sky merging with the horizon seamlessly; so seamlessly, in fact, that I wasn't all too certain if I was even standing on the ground. Perhaps I was in the sky. But that couldn't be the truth because gravity felt a little heavier here, extra weight settling on my shoulders as though I was physically exhausted. Maybe I was.

The blues of the sky, anyway, were reflected prettily against the glassy surface I found myself on, and the clouds moved not in their natural way of drifting lazily across the sky, but rather twisted and arced through the air like dragons, as though a storm was approaching.

I couldn't explain it with words, not that I could find my voice to even try, but there was something calling to me in this great expanse, but for the life of me I could not tell you what it was or where it wanted to lead me.

I had no way to be sure if this was a dream or a nightmare or something else entirely, but it was as ambiguous and confusing as a dream and as terrifying as a nightmare. Oh, but it had to be a dream, because otherwise, why would he be standing there?

The extra weight that had come to sit atop my shoulders lifted away and it was like I'd never carried it in the first place. There was just something about him that made me feel weightless, powerful, and endless. Infinite. Like the landscape we were standing in.

Life seemed to have a knack for keeping us apart. It seemed to enjoy it, even. It quite liked watching how we reacted each time we were torn apart. But when we were together... Goodness. Most of my best memories seemed to revolve around him.

I smiled.

How couldn't I smile when he was looking at me like that? He looked at me like I was the prettiest thing in the world. Like I was the smartest, strongest, funniest, most wonderful thing he'd ever seen. Like I was incredible. Like I was perfect.

I fought the urge to laugh. As if I could compare to him.

But if someone like him could look at someone like me and make me feel perfect, I could only hope he felt the same when he looked into my own eyes.

There seemed to be no distance between us at all, and yet when I lifted my hand to reach to him, he seemed impossibly far away. Just out of reach. Always just out of reach. Just far enough away so that I couldn't reach him. That's how it always was for us, wasn't it?

When his  eyes met mine, he looked sad. Terribly sad. Had I upset him? I didn't ever want to, but... I couldn't remember what it was I had done, if I had in fact done anything at all. Was it because we couldn't reach each other? Was it because I was dead? If he was here... was he dead, too? No, that couldn't be right.

I took a step towards him, one that accounted for what seemed like leaps and bounds because suddenly, I was close enough to touch him. I did. My palm cradled his cheek, warm against my skin, and he leaned into my touch as he always had.

My smile grew.

He let one of his rare smiles curl his lips.

Goodness, he looked so happy. But there was lingering sadness in his eyes. As if he knew something I didn't. I opened my mouth to speak, to ask him what was wrong, to ask how I could help, or even just to call his name but all words I summoned the energy to say died in my throat when he shook his head.

He turned his head inwards towards my palm. He pressed a kiss to the skin there, the warmth of his love nearly burning my hand. It was as though his love had manifested into the passionate fire that ignited us to live on. It poured out of his lips, pooling against the skin of my palm. It was scalding, but... comforting. I didn't dare so much as twitch away from the sudden heat.

I blinked, and he was gone, and with another, all I saw was darkness.

But with another...

Gravity seemed to release all at once, and in the next instant resettled all around me. I was somewhere else now. No, actually, that wasn't right. I was observing it but I wasn't really... here, not really, not physically.

I was in a cemetery. There were gravestones as far as the eye could see, but just as I turned, I could see my boys - Colt and Falco - heading towards where I presumed the car was. I looked down.

(Y/n) Ackerman.

The font was simple, and detailed underneath was my date of birth and date of death.

The dirt was tightly packed before the gravestone, and I could tell it had been done recently. And then... standing just before me,  in the same spot he'd just been standing only moments before, was Levi.

He was dressed in all black.

So... this was my burial, then. My soul had just been put to rest. That explained everything coming back in a rush.

He was looking through me, not at me. His eyes were directed at the gravestone, at my name. He opened his mouth and his chest rose in preparation to speak.

"Hey," Levi began.

I couldn't help but smile. If only I could speak back... actually, I felt like he knew what I would say. So for now... I was content only to listen.

Only when he left did I start to feel myself fading away as well. Perhaps I was on my way back to that endless dreamscape, or maybe I was going somewhere else entirely. But it didn't really matter, for now my heart was content and full and warm.

As my vision faded out and my other senses numbed, there was an odd ringing in my ears and a faint tugging at my heart. I wanted to return to him. To go back. To make him smile more. To just see him.

But well, life always did this to us. Made us wait for the next time we'd see each other. Anticipating. Worrying. Agonizing. The waiting was torture.

I supposed I should have been used to this by now, the waiting. The pining. The anguish that came with each.

If I could control anything, it would be time, if only to make it go faster... until the next time I could see him, and I could slow the seconds to minutes, the minutes to hours. Hadn't we earned that by now? But I couldn't control time. I couldn't control anything, other than myself. He'd taught me that, hadn't he?

My smile faded, just as everything - myself included - faded away into nothing.

I was used to waiting, and at least I got to talk to him... or be talked to, one last time. He was used to the waiting, too. It might be a short time, or it might be a long time from now, but... we'd see each other again. I felt it, deep in my heart. The feeling was resounding in my bones, reverberating in my soul. Life had a knack of keeping us apart, but also of bringing us back together.

This was just another instance of us being taken away from each other, that was all.

So one day... we would reunite. I knew this to be true.

It was nice to have something to firmly be able to count on in this unpredictable world.

Because we'd always find our way back to each other.

Always.

I waited this long. I could wait a little longer, couldn't I?

---

Truly, it was a strange thing to realize and recognize that you were dead.

I truthfully hadn't known exactly what the afterlife would look like. Barring what different religions said, who could know for sure? Obviously, no one who had died and learned the answer had ever come back to tell the rest of us what to expect.

Death was, in a sense, the great equalizer of life. It was life's true opposite. Those dying to live were the same as those living only to die. To live life to its fullest, you must live, pure and simple, for yourself. I liked to believe that I had, but did I truly live as best I could?

It was, perhaps, a blessing. How many couples eventually fall out of love? But we never got the chance to. We always loved each other. Right until the end... That was a cynical line of thought. I pushed it from my mind.

There were plenty of items left on my bucket list when I finally offered up my final breath to Levi on that hospital bed. I'd made plenty of mistakes. I hadn't been there as much as I should have been to certain people in my life that had been there for me.

I always assumed I'd have a chance - I'd have more time - to make it up to them.

I should have known that life was unpredictable. Knowing Levi, and what had happened to him in his life... Why had I thought that I would be immune to it? Why had I thought that fate might let me squeak by with my life, bless me with many long years with a loving family?

What was it that I had heard before... something about grief being the price we pay for love.

Oh, my love...

Levi, I hope the grief isn't hitting you too hard.

My boys... my parents, my friends. Were you still sad? Were your hearts still heavy with anguish? Were your bodies still sluggish with heartache, with sorrow?

Levi... are you still blaming yourself?

Are you closing yourself off, as you so often do when you feel such things?

Is there no one around to help you, as I had?

No, that's not right. You've got the boys, my love. Our families, our friends, they're there to help you. All you need to do is reach out.

I was dead. I knew that. And yet I could still feel my heart beating - though no longer pumping blood through my body - with the echoes of my memories of my life through my soul, reminding me of what had been, what I had gone through, of who I had known, of my dreams and my aspirations and everything left undone and unsaid, yet too all that I had accomplished, all that I had loved...

And somewhere within all that noise, I knew that Levi and my boys would be alright.

They had each other.

Even if I was out of the picture, they wouldn't give up. Grief is the price we pay for love, but never should we pay for it with the loss of another. No, the best way to pay it forward is to live life to the fullest. Somehow, I knew this to be true.

My heart knew this to be true.

As it had always been... and so it will always be.

---

This was your story.

Did it go how you expected? Were there things that surprised you, things that upset you, things that made you cry? Conversely, were there other things that surprised you, yet in a different way; things that excited you, things that made you smile, things that made you laugh?

Life is full of surprises. Some are good, some are bad.

Some surprises, in a paradoxical way, are those you can expect, for life so enjoys being unpredictable and in doing so, it becomes predictable. Other surprises are true surprises, ones that you could never hope to ever expect.

Life is poetically ironic, in that sense. In trying to be one thing, it becomes another, much in the same way that people operate. We try, for our whole lives, to understand ourselves and others. Understanding helps us be more at ease. Understanding makes it easier to trust ourselves, to trust others.

But similarly to life... in trying to do one thing, you do another.

You can never truly understand yourself, much less another human being.

The closest that we can get is through love.

Your life had been full of love, hadn't it? In the orphanage, Ms. Fields had shown you nothing but love, caring for you like you were her own child. All the friends you made in the orphanage - and those that became like siblings to you, Eren and Mikasa - filled your heart with more love. Then you were adopted, and you had a big family that loved you.

All your friends and family loved you, and you loved them.

But one love stood above the others.

There had been one person that you knew as well as you knew yourself... perhaps more, if at all possible.

Your love, your entire heart...

Your Levi.

When you remember your life, what do you remember?

Do you remember the bad times, or the good times? Do you remember it all? Do you push the sad memories away in place of focusing on all the good that happened? For there was a lot of good - so much good - and so why ruin it by reminding yourself of the bad?

Your life is your story. Its events become the plot. The lessons you learn are the motifs intricately woven through its pages. The people you meet become its characters. The places you go become its many vibrant settings.

All that happens within a life - all the complex emotions felt, all the lessons learned, all the people and places seen even if not through your own eyes - can never be accurately written into a story.

Only certain events make the cut.

When you died, when you saw your life flash before your eyes, what did you see? In the wreck, what came to mind? People that you loved, things that shaped you, some of the very worst and very best moments of your life.

This was your story.

If you could tell it, what would you say?

Ah, but don't start retelling it just yet.

This story isn't over.

---

Being dead gives you a lot of time to reflect. To think. To wait.

To be dead was to truly test your patience, that was for damn sure.

A lot of the time, I found myself thinking not on my own life, but on the effect someone had on it, and the memories we shared. I'd met and worked with and grew to love many people in my life. But one seemed to stand out from the others.

Of course, I would think about Levi.

Our story began a long time ago, and since I didn't have much else to do right now... I might as well tell it, starting from the beginning, from where it began.

---

When his name was called, Colt – valedictorian for his graduating class – crossed the stage proudly. He accepted his diploma and after shaking the principal's hand, he turned and beamed towards the crowd. He was a bit bashful originally at the thought of making a speech earlier and having to look out at so many people and talk about how great his time at the school was, short though it was, but with a deep breath, he'd been able to relax.

And now, he was perfectly content to hog all the attention (as he should) as he waved out at his classmates and teachers and the families of everyone here and grin. He was absolutely beaming when finally he caught sight of his family, and he took an extra moment to look at them all in turn.

There on the end were his grandparents, all four of them. Next to his maternal grandmother sat Mikasa, and with her was someone who'd stuck close to her side when she needed someone most, Jean. And beside them... his idiot little brother who was making a fool of himself jumping up and down like that, and finally, his father, who was only just now standing up to clap. It was a damn good thing he'd stalled this long, then. Colt couldn't help but laugh happily upon seeing his father, usually so grumpy, try to force a light expression on his face.

There was an empty seat next to his father. It might have just been because the person beside him had gotten up, or maybe his father had intentionally set his jacket down on the seat to ensure no one would sit next to him, being the neat freak that he was.

But Colt was happy for it, if only because... he could pretend someone was sitting there.

Of course, he could only mean one person. Was it a pretty thought to think that his biological parents were here? Of course, and he wanted little more than for it to be true, for his parents to be alive and well or at least watching him graduate from heaven. But there was no one he could imagine sitting next to Levi Ackerman other than his wife. Only (Y/n) could sit there.

And if he squinted a little... he could almost see her there.

Someone started shooing him away from the stage and Colt snapped back into the reality of the moment. Uttering some sort of quiet apology that didn't quite reach anyone else's ears, he stepped down from the stage and made his way back to his seat as the next person was called up.

The rest of the ceremony went by quickly, attributed mostly to the fact that Colt didn't pay a lick of attention to it. Sure, he clapped for his classmates, and he laughed loudly alongside his friends as his buddies crossed the stage to accept their diplomas, but the speeches went by quickly and soon, everyone left that stuffy, dusty old hall and went outside into the nice summer day.

The sun shone down on them in a cloudless sky. It was a hot summer day, and really, the last thing Colt wanted to do was remain in his cap and gown and be paraded around like a show pony giving hugs to people he didn't feel like giving hugs to. So he hugged those teachers he would miss, said nothing to those he didn't, and went around to say bye to all his friends.

And then his grandma grabbed him by the arm to pull him into an overbearing hug of her own. Mrs. Williams was never one to shirk away from showing her grandsons all the love in the world, no matter how embarrassing it was. Colt tried getting away from her but realized pretty quickly that it was a fruitless venture.

He wondered briefly if she had it in her to not be annoying, but he figured that if there was any time to allow her this moment, it would probably be this one. He'd only graduate from high school once, right? So he figured he'd just let her have this one, at least.

Colt did what he could to ignore the way his friends were laughing away at him when they noticed Mrs. Williams was peppering kisses to his cheeks. He finally managed to pry himself away from her and was able to actually address the rest of his family. Congratulations were sent his way, he got a few more hugs, and then his father clapped him on the back with as much pride as would fit in his eyes while still looking aloof.

The sun still shone down on them in a cloudless sky. It was still a hot summer day, and still, the last thing Colt wanted to do was remain in his cap and gown and be paraded around like a show pony. And yet... there was another stop he felt like they needed to make before heading home.

"Hey, pa," Colt said rather unsurely, for he didn't know how his father would react to his next words, "do you think we could go visit mom?"

It didn't take them long to get there. The grounds at the cemetery were well taken care of, and for the most part, it didn't seem like too much had changed since the last time they visited.

Today, very much unlike the first visit here that all three had done, they weren't all in mourning, and so they weren't wearing all black. There weren't sad tears in Falco's eyes and a tremble in his bottom lip, nor was Colt trying to fight back his own tears.

Levi's heart wasn't closing itself off. He wasn't sad today. He was... proud. His eldest adopted son had graduated from high school today. It was a good day to be sure; so even now that he was looking down upon the gravestone of his departed wife, he didn't feel that same heaviness in his heart like usual.

Did it still hurt to think that his wife's body was lying dormant far under this soil? Yeah, it did.

But today, they weren't here to mourn her, they were here to share with her the excitement of the day. He hadn't planned on going to see her, not today, but he certainly wasn't complaining. He just hadn't expected Colt to ask.

Even now, he watched as Falco and Colt metaphorically talked her ears off. He knew all too well that she would absolutely humor them, and she would pay far more attention to even the smallest details of their stories and pick up on things that he would so easily miss.

The two boys filled her in on everything that she'd missed over the past year or so. Colt usually wasn't one to do what his younger brother did and talk to her like she was there, it was harder for him to do that sort of thing, but today, he seemed to be willing to give it a shot.

Levi stood back with his hands in his pockets and watched as Colt pulled up pictures of his senior prom on his phone. He seemed slightly hesitant and more than a bit embarrassed to be aiming the screen towards the gravestone, towards where she might be, but he did it anyway.

In a few weeks, he'd be off to college far away, meaning that he wouldn't be able to visit her grave as often. Falco for right now was bouncing eagerly and impatiently on the balls of his feet, seemingly picking up on that fact and allowing Colt this time. But it was obvious to anyone with eyes that Falco had so much that he wanted to say and his patience was wearing thin, very thin.

Eventually, Colt ran out of things to say, and then Falco picked up the slack right away. He went on and on about how school was going and about the games he played with his friends and how Gabi was doing and how he wanted to redecorate his room. The entire time he spoke, similarly to how he acted when Colt spoke, Levi stood quietly and watched on. It was all he could do for them for right now. They needed this time to just talk to her.

Just like the very first time the three of them were gathered around her gravestone, after a while, the boys ran out of things to say and said goodbye to their mother. Shortly after, Levi tossed Colt the keys and they dashed off to the car, leaving him alone in the cemetery.

Alone... with only the souls of the departed to hear him.

Colt had pushed himself today. He ventured further than ever before, and pushed himself far beyond his comfort zone, and that was with the eyes of his younger brother and Levi on him. So Levi could do the same, couldn't he?

He would at least try.

His starting point was largely the same as it was the first time. That is to say... it was the exact same.

"Hey," he started, then immediately trailed off to clear his throat. He took his hands from his pockets, but was unsure where else to put them, so he promptly slid them back in. "He graduated at the top of his class," Levi mentioned. "He forgot to tell you that."

Levi glanced away, just for a moment. When next his eyes returned to the gravestone that he had read easily hundreds of times, he let them linger on her name. "I'm doing my best," he said, doing what he could to reassure her. But it was difficult to add that kind of lilt to his voice, the kind that she would use so often to make him feel better.

He sighed.

He wasn't good at this. He never had been. He'd gotten better, objectively, or at least she had told him that he had, but it was far easier to do this kind of thing when she was here, when there was someone to hold close and speak quietly to. When there was nothing here but a stone, cold and inscribed only with the most basic details of her life, cut so short...

"I make a lot of mistakes," he then admitted quietly. "Sometimes I don't know what the hell I'm doing." Wherever she was, if she was even here listening to him... she probably did not want to just hear about the bad stuff, but he was doing what he could to be transparent.

"Gabi, that other little brat," he continued, "whenever she visits, she refuses to leave my side. It's annoying as hell, but..." He drew in a deep breath before speaking once more. "I tolerate it, because I know you'd kick my ass if I didn't."

---

He was right.

I would.

It was not a surprise for me, to be where I was now. I was once more in the cemetery, standing before my own gravestone. It was still quite a morbid sight and it shocked me each time, but it was made so much better by who was standing before me.

I always tended to be here whenever the boys and Levi would visit. It was always a jolt, and a bit unsettling at first, but those feelings would always be replaced by relief and excitement when I heard their sweet little voices talking to me.

My heart was so warm and so full of love of pride for both my sons. They were doing so well without me. They were doing incredibly well in school and in their growth and goodness, Colt was going to an amazing school with an ambitious dream and... God, I was so proud of them.

Now, Levi and I were alone.

I decided to get comfortable. I lowered myself to a crouch and then to sit in the dirt. I was dead anyway; it wasn't like I could get dirty. I adjusted to ensure I was sitting comfortably leaning back against the stone, waiting for Levi to speak once more.

I wanted so badly to just... speak to him, to say something. I wanted to tell him that he was doing a good job. That I was proud of him, too, because I was. He knew I was proud of the boys. But did he think I wasn't proud of him?

"I love you," he said quietly and finally, I looked up. My eyes immediately found him, and they widened right away, for he was looking right at me, right into my own eyes. If I was alive, I might've felt my heart stop briefly.

I glanced behind me, only to come face to face with my own name. Ah, that was why.

I knew he was looking at my name etched into the cold, grey stone, but I had the distinct feeling that he was looking into my eyes. I was so surprised, and so shocked by the sudden intense weight of his gaze, one that I had missed so much, that I couldn't think to speak.

He released another short breath, his shoulders seeming to deflate. He turned, and started to walk away. Only then was I inspired to speak.

"I love you too," I blurted out, knowing all too well that he couldn't hear me, that my voice wouldn't make a sound. But I needed to say it. "I'm so proud of you, Levi. So proud! You're doing a great job and I miss you all so much but you're doing an incredible job!"

---

A strange noise from behind him caught his attention. It was extremely faint, easily just a voice caught in the wind and carried here from elsewhere in the cemetery, but... there was something familiar about the voice.

He stopped walking. He glanced over his shoulder to check, but no one was there. His eyes narrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, to call out to see who was there. He wouldn't put it past a couple of delinquents to prank people in mourning at a cemetery.

But there was no one here.

His gaze lowered to the gravestone once more, to once again read her name.

Somehow... he felt that someone was here, a presence warm and familiar and comforting.

---

Somehow... the weight of his gaze on my own, even if unintentional, was warm and familiar and comforting.

"I love you," I said once more, pleading to whatever higher powers that be that he might hear me. "My love, you're so strong. You're incredible, please don't lose sight of that. You're just..."

Could a ghost get choked up? I suppose I was living... No, I was dead proof that they could, because that's what was happening to me right now.

"It's not your fault," I assured him. "It's not. You're doing so well with the boys. I know it's hard but I know you can do it. And someday, we'll be together again. I promise."

---

A strange sense of sureness washed over his body. Levi wasn't sure what it was, but... he was grateful for it anyway.

Deciding after another moment that he'd stalled for too long, he began walking again.

For the first time since she died and was buried there, he came to visit and upon leaving, his heart didn't feel quite as heavy as it always did.

---

Contrary to what he believed was possible when he was a far younger man, Levi lived a long, prosperous life. As he got older, he wasn't sure how he would feel about his death; he found it particularly strange that fate might allow him to live when it stole the lives away from those he held dear.

He had, of course, been present when his mother passed away. He'd seen it when Farlan and Isabel died. He'd seen it - and had been forced to fight on - when Erwin was killed. Mike, too. He'd outlived Kenny, and spent his last few miserable moments with his uncle. He had also outlived his parents and his in-laws.

He had been present when his wife died in that hospital bed.

And never had he fallen in love again.

He was survived only by his adopted sons. They were with him when he died.

In some of the darker moments of his life, when he would be reminded of his loneliness and his role to play in his own life - the tragic, reluctant hero doomed to learn to love others yet be destined always to lose them - he would imagine his own death. He would wonder why he wasn't already dead. He would wonder why he was allowed to live when so many that he loved were made to die.

He would wonder... why he couldn't just go to join them.

But some nagging, annoying voice would always come to mind. He hadn't ever heard her say certain strings of words, and sometimes it was hard for him to remember what her voice sounded like, but when he got that way, it was all too easy for him to imagine that she was there, talking him away from the ledge, reminding him of all the things he had in his life that made it worth living.

And she was right, each and every time.

And it worked, each and every time.

When finally he made it to his deathbed, he was comfortable. He'd lived a long life. He'd raised his sons, had seen them grow into successful men with families of their own. He'd kept in touch with his friends, his family, and hers.

It had been hard. It was hard to live in general, yet without his life partner, it was even harder. It was tough at times in the way that life was; unanswerable questions that needed answers, things that no one knew but he was expected to teach to the boys. Life was hard.

Not having someone there to support and love him unconditionally made it tougher.

But he persisted. He had fought. And now... well, he had won.

Life's greatest prize was life itself. But so too was the promise of what came next. He didn't know what to expect, but really, no one ever did. He knew that he was dying, that it was final, that he would never get to live this life again. His body would be laid to rest in the dirt, and considering the season, digging out a grave through the frozen earth would be hell.

That wasn't his problem, though.

While death was final, he wondered briefly what might happen, what he might see, in his last moments.

He knew what he wanted to see; he would like to see his mother, his wife, his old friends. He knew it was farfetched to think that he might be granted that, but... in his final moments, he could allow himself to hope. Couldn't he? He'd lived a good life. He'd been a good man.

Eventually he reached those final moments, and he got his answer.

---

After a long while of drifting aimlessly, in which he was unsure even of which way was up, which way was down, and where or who he was, finally he remembered. Recognition flooded through his system in a rush, one that was equal parts overwhelming and reassuring. Such a contradictory combination, and yet he felt much better having now felt it.

He felt, for a lack of a better way to put it, like himself again.

Before, he'd had no way to orient himself, no way to tell even who he was. But now, he knew. He was now aware that he was himself, and no one else. The darkness he saw was because his eyes were closed. The reason he'd felt like he was drifting aimlessly in a miasmic existence of nothing was because that's exactly what he had been doing. His soul had been wandering without a goal or destination in mind and without a mortal body to cling to.

And that could be attributed to the fact that there was nothing to be done here, nor was there any identifiable landmark to claim as a destination.

As to why his soul was wandering in the first place, why it did not have a mortal body to weigh it down and give it form, he now had an answer for that, too, gifted to him by some unseen force, as to why he felt the way he had: he was dead.

That was only the first thing that he realized. First, he realized that he was dead. Next, he realized that his body was his body, or at least a representation of it. He realized he could open his eyes. He realized he had the energy to do so, and so he did it.

What he saw surprised him.

If he had to imagine heaven, this is definitely not what it looked like. For one thing, he was alone. For another, it was completely dark. If he had lived as good a life as he thought he had, and had made it to heaven, wouldn't he have been greeted by a cavalcade of his departed friends and family?

If not everyone, then at least his mother and his wife...?

It was apparently too much to ask. But what he did see intrigued him, if nothing else. He was on a desolate street, still and quiet and unmoving except for him. He turned around himself in a circle, trying to figure out where he was, but then he saw it.

He was at the orphanage. There was a sudden commotion far to one side and he glanced over, all muscles tensing in preparation for an altercation. But all he saw were a few kids running down the street.

Oh, wait a damn second. He knew those kids. He had been one of them, a very long time ago. The other two... Farlan and Isabel. They ran, passing the fence lining the orphanage's yards. Farlan tripped and fell. He'd gone back and helped him get up before stalling.

Levi crossed the street, the images of Farlan and Isabel continuing to run phasing right through him. Levi crouched down to the height that had been at his eye-level when he'd been a child and there, looking back at him through a hole in the fence was a young girl, her eyes curious and inquisitive. (Y/n).

His younger self dashed away, and they soon disappeared.

Then, he heard commotion from the backyard. Levi rounded the house quickly, reaching the yard and pretending that this was normal, that he did this regularly - this being reliving events in his life like this, a ghostly, invisible bystander.

Two children stood in the yard, barefoot and with nothing more on them than the clothes on their backs. His younger self reached the fence. They were arguing. He didn't remember exactly what had been said, but he could tell that he was angry. "Wait, Levi," (Y/n) had called to him, dashing across the yard after him.

"Stop following me," he'd spat back.

She didn't listen. She grabbed hold of his shirt and held on tight; not relenting until the argument reached a fever pitch, but she seemed to get through to him. His gaze softened. "Come on, brat," he'd said, adjusting his hold on the fence to reach towards her with one hand. "Before I change my mind."

God, was he glad that she took his hand that day.

They clambered over the fence, and then everything went dark.

The next place Levi found himself was inside the orphanage. It was a dark night in the boy's room, and he could hear the patter of raindrops against the window and the far-off rumble of thunder.

Wonderful.

There his younger self was, huddled in a blanket. And there a younger (Y/n) sat, holding the trembling bundle in her arms.

The scene changed. It was the same room, but it was now the daytime, and they were once more sharing an embrace.

"Hush," he heard himself say. "We'll be ok."

It was his first attempt in comforting someone, truly. It made his heart ache... at least it would, if he still had a heart to ache. These were all visions, this was all his imagination. He was dead.

And yet... It still hurts to see her crying.

"I'm just going to m-miss you so much," she replied. "And we'll have no way to talk to each other, t-to check in, and..."

She'd been trying so hard to speak through her tears, and it pained him to hear. It did.

"I know," he had interceded. "Shh."

Ms. Fields had come in then. The words passed between himself and (Y/n) had been hushed, only meant for their ears to hear. Only a few silent moments passed before...

"I'll miss you," she said quietly. He could hear her now that he stepped closer, wanting to reach out to her if not for being only incorporeal. "More than anything."

"Me too," he'd replied. "And, um. I love..."

Why hadn't he found the courage to say it? As far as they knew, it could've been their last time seeing each other. He should have said it. He was damn lucky she'd known what it was he had been about to say.

The scene shifted, the last thing to fade out being (Y/n), standing there with tear-stained cheeks and more than likely... a broken heart, and an uncertain future.

He passed quickly through the next few moments; their reunion on that street corner, her moving away and their first kiss, some of their times seeing each other while they were in high school. His prom, her prom, their separate graduations.

And then...

Their first night together.

Admittedly, his mind kept most of that memory tucked away. He'd only seen their first true kiss. What happened from there was history.

It was the next moment that was one he didn't realize he cherished more than anything until she passed. And now, to relive it... to relive the moment she first admitted that she loved him...

He remembered the conversation well. He could practically recite it alongside his own self.

"Of all universes," he mouthed just as his younger self said it, "we're together in this one. And that's all I care about."

Her eyes softened and her smile grew at his words. He hadn't realized just how lucky he was, of all people, to be able to do that. Just seeing her smile again... He hadn't seen it in a long time.

Pictures didn't truly capture her beauty. They didn't show the way that happiness would light her eyes up first, the warmth that would seep into her expressions on the rare occasions that he said something sweet to her.

"Aw, Levi I..."

She looked confused for a moment, almost hesitant. He could see his own confusion reach his younger face as they rested there in bed together.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"Don't play dumb."

"I'm... not. I was just... Um. You know."

"Spit it out."

"I love you."

Everything faded away and he nearly cursed aloud. And then... everything sped up again, and he caught only glimpses of the night he proposed, the day he was deployed, Erwin's death... Things got faster. He saw himself wake up with (Y/n) on his first morning back, their wedding, their honeymoon, adopting the boys...

Everything was going too fast. Moments went by in a blur and he was only just able to make out voices and locations and sounds but they were jumbled, out of order, the wrong people in the wrong places at the wrong times...

It all came to a stop at the hospital.

To his surprise, it wasn't him in the hospital bed. It was... (Y/n).

Of all things to relive... Why this?

He couldn't stand to watch, so he turned around. Life, as always, wanted only to make him suffer, because their voices were amplified.

"Please," he pleaded quietly, putting his hands over his ears, "no. Not this."

Whatever power was willing this to happen did not listen, but he was forced to listen as his wife slowly died... again. And once more... he was powerless.

"I don't have a lot of time left. But you can leave if you want, too. You've seen enough death, especially of those you love."

"I'm not going anywhere," he had replied, taking her hand into his own. "You're strong. Keep fighting. You can live through this."

"No," she said immediately. "I can feel it."

"I should have gone with you, dammit!"

"What, and have you die too? No, it's better this way."

She was selfless; always so selfless.

He looked over his shoulder and watched on helplessly as his younger self tried arguing with her, as if that would ever work. But then... he closed his eyes. He couldn't bear to watch. but he had to hear, in stunning clarity...

"I love you too much. I can't be without you."

"Levi, please," she pleaded. "You have to. Don't live just for yourself, but for our boys."

She was right, as always. She took her oxygen mask off. He kissed her.

Things got so much worse from there.

Hearing her say that she didn't want to die... He'd opened his eyes at that, and turned to look at her. God, she had looked so afraid. And so had he.

They shared one last kiss and then she was gone.

Everything faded away, and all went dark, soon after he watched himself slump across her body, crying.

---

We hadn't realized just how important we were to each other, just how deeply our love ran in our veins, our bones, our souls.

We hadn't realized, not until life tore us apart.

And then brought us back together.

Then tore us apart again.

And brought us back together again.

And again and again, that same vicious cycle that tested our trust and faith and loyalty and love.

We had no way of knowing that by the end, our bodies would grow tired and our souls weary, but our hearts... beating always in unison, the beats stronger when together, and stronger still when tried and tested as our had been.

If this... if my death was the price to pay for a lifetime of happiness with him, then I would accept it. My life was cut short, yes, but I had more great memories with him than I thought  I deserved. The man I fell in love with was the one who deserved the world.

He deserved to see the world, to see that something that had so often been cruel to him could also be kind, and be beautiful, and be wonderful. It was because I loved him that I went willingly and quietly.

Even now, in eternal rest, my heart still longed to be by his side.

But I had to wait. Just like always.

But for him, I would.

He was worth that much to me. I could definitely wait just a little longer.

Eventually, my wait was over. Eventually, everything came into stunning detail and I found myself once more in that picturesque landscape. The sky was that gorgeous blue, and it seemed to go on forever.

But prettier still...

His eyes, looking into my own for the first time in a long time. Those beautiful eyes of steely blue were looking at me, not at a ghost, not at my dying body, not at my grave. He was looking at me.

His mouth dropped open but only until he caught himself and snapped it shut.

The sight made me smile.

He was just out of reach, but I took a step that accounted for leaps and bounds because suddenly I was just before him, close enough to touch him if I wanted.

"Long time, no see, Levi."