That first year with the boys went by in a blur.

Time always seemed to pass by faster than I could blink or even realize it, but it far surpassed that now that the size of our family had doubled. Oh, yes, because with the addition of our two sons, time all but flew by, the days blurring together and the weeks becoming months before I knew what to do with myself, and I finally understood what they meant when parents said that kids grew up quickly.

I hadn't expected to feel it, actually. My frame of reference for these brothers was extremely limited; I'd only met them a few years ago and only briefly in that instance, and we were now approaching a year since they day we officially signed the papers, did everything at the courthouse, and brought them home.

Everything was just more... special, in a way. We felt like a complete family now.

...and I had to agree that it was nice to be able to skip the diaper phase of raising children.

Falco was an absolute sweetheart, and I had to say that he was absolutely, positively, without a doubt, a mama's boy. Whenever I had to go out and run an errand, he was always the first to volunteer – and with a smile, at that, and even if I told him that I would be alright on my own, he would insist and pester and bother until I gave in and let him tag along.

Oh, and whenever I came home from work, if the school bus beat me there, he would always run to me for a big hug, a smooch on the cheek, and to tell me all about his day. If I beat the bus home, he'd come running through the door, drop his bag and bound towards me with all the excitement he could muster. And if he had a bad day, or if he was tired? He'd still come over and hug me, of course. But he would cling to me tighter on those days.

Falco was funny, bubbly, bright, and just the most adorable little boy I'd ever met, and I was so lucky to have him in the family.

Colt, more likely than not being due to his age, was far more independent. The boy was 16 after all, and though Levi and I had thankfully missed the testy young teenager phase, there was still a lot we had to teach him not just about discipline and behavior, but about the world in general.

Where the school system failed us, we picked up the slack, and it warmed my heart each and every time I would step into the kitchen in the evening and see him and Levi at the table, talking about the process of voting or keeping a checkbook and things like that.

And to think, Levi had doubted his ability to be a father. While probably an unconventional father, he was a father all the same, and a damn good one at that. He was amazing. The attentiveness that he always regarded me with was the same that he showed the boys, and he was incredibly caring in his own strange way.

Oh, and Colt sometimes helped me when I went through the usual exercises with Levi, those which his physical therapist required of him. It took quite some time for Levi to learn to rely on the boys, just as it had taken a long time for him to learn to rely on me, especially for something like this.

I think part of it had to do with the fact that Levi had never known his father. That part of his life, his heart, had always been empty. Yes, he'd had a wonderful adoptive father in Mr. Smith, but of course, it wasn't quite the same. Not when he'd known his mother, and the first father figure he ever knew was Kenny, who didn't set a high bar.

I think Levi might have felt that fathers needed to be strong, which they were, but he was going about it the wrong way. There was strength in being vulnerable. It'd taken Levi a long time to grow to trust himself enough to let me in, to see his vulnerable side, and day by day, he was working towards that with the boys.

It helped that they were absolutely adorable. I couldn't imagine a cuter, more respectful, brighter, or better set of brothers to bring to the family.

Oh, and as for Gabi, we did manage to contact her cousin, who now had custody of her. As it happened, her cousin Reiner Braun was one of Eren's acquaintances. I couldn't say friend, because I was about certain that Eren hated him, but it was a small world, wasn't it? They lived close to us too, so we regularly brought Falco over to see her or sometimes we took care of her for the day.

I was also just about certain that Reiner needed therapy... and lots of it. But that really wasn't any of my business, and so I left it be.

Anyway.

"Mama," Falco chimed suddenly, tugging on my sweater and effectively pulling me away from my thoughts.

"Yes, love?"

"Papa and Colt got the tree," he said. "They just got home!"

"Great," I said, grinning and rising from my spot on the couch. "Let's go get our coats and boots on and go help them bring it in, ok?"

"Ok!"

I followed him as he dashed towards the front door and tried to match his pace as he laced his snow boots. I watched on with a smile as he eagerly put his coat on, and then his hat, and then his gloves. I followed suit, and when finally we were ready, I opened the front door and out we went to go help.

Well, Falco, small and young as he was, probably wouldn't be too much help. But just as we reached the car, the two men were busy untying it from the roof of the car. I immediately got to work helping, and soon the three of us had the tree hefted up onto our shoulders and we started up the pathway towards the door.

"Falco," I called, "go hold the door open for us, please!"

"Got it!"

Usually, getting the family Christmas tree was, of course, a family event. However, we all felt it would be good bonding for the two – I mean, what could be more manly than cutting down a tree – and Falco unfortunately had a bit of a head cold and I didn't want him out in the cold for longer than necessary.

We could have waited, technically, but for weeks I'd been planning on doing it on this day and Falco's sickness had thrown a wrench into it; because of how excited I had been, Levi had offered to go, Colt with him. I'd tried to keep them from going, actually. While certainly a good chance to grow closer, it would mean Levi putting a lot of strain on that leg injury of his. In this past year, it had improved a lot, and he said that he hardly felt pain anymore, but I did not believe that for a second, not with how he still could not comfortably walk too far at a time, yet.

I had, unfortunately, been unable to talk him out of doing this, but I had, fortunately, been able to make him promise to call me if he started feeling any pain or discomfort.

It was useless, I knew that. The man was as stubborn as I was and he would rather not send a text at all and omit the truth if it meant he would get to do something for me.

I wasn't stupid, I knew he still felt he wasn't doing enough for me. If this would in any way alleviate that feeling, at least... if it would make him feel better in that regard...

Well, the two of them had gone and hopefully they'd had a nice time. And by the looks of things, they'd gotten a beautiful tree.

Back to Falco being sick, despite what I told him, I knew realistically I wouldn't be able to stop him from coming out for the few minutes it took for us to bring the tree in, and he was feeling a lot better than he had been last night and so as long as we got him back inside and warmed up quickly, he'd be alright.

As soon as we hefted the tree through the doorway, Falco closed the door behind us and the chilled air that had followed us inside dissipated into the house as the heat took over. "Beautiful tree, boys," I praised as we stood it up in the living room.

Holding a branch up and out of the way, I fixed the tree skirt underneath it, and when I stood and brushed my hands off (not like it helped, because the sap from the tree kept everything on my hands from the dirt to the pine needles on them), I took a step back to take it all in.

Levi, while he was standing, stepped close to my side and pressed a kiss to my cheek. He didn't give me very much time to respond before he made to drop down into the chair meant only for his ass, a comfortable recliner that I'm sure he must have stolen or commandeered from an old man because that's the only kind of person I could see sitting in something like that.

It was his favorite place to sit in the whole house. And now he came dangerously close to dropping down onto it, before I thwarted him by grabbing his hands and pulling him back up. It was a risky maneuver, one that had him and me both teetering uncertainly before regaining our balance, but it was one that had Falco giggling his little head off and Colt smirking a little.

"Levi Ackerman," I tutted. "Were you about to get your dirty, sap-covered clothes on the furniture?" He didn't answer with words, and only with a glare he didn't even try to conceal; not aimed at me, but at the dirty, sap-covered clothes that he was about to get on the furniture. "Go get cleaned up," I said quietly, leaning in to kiss his cheek. "Then you can have your tea and watch us decorate the tree."

"I wanna do it now," Falco whined.

"Let papa and Colt get cleaned up," I said, locking eyes with Colt and gesturing for him to do as told. He nodded, smiling a little before disappearing down the hall towards his room.

"But I wanna do it now!"

"Falco," Levi said in warning, sending him a stern look. "What have I said about whining?"

"It annoys the-"

"We shouldn't do it," I cut in hurriedly, knowing that Falco was about to repeat him verbatim and say, "it annoys the shit out of you!" I cleared my throat and sent a pointed look at my husband before crouching down to level with Falco. "How about we get the ornaments on their hooks and ready to go? And we can make hot chocolate for us and tea for papa, and then put some music on?"

He looked like he was about to whine again but he must have thought better of it, because he nodded. "Go on and take your boots and things off," I said, looking with a frown to the floor where a trail of pine needles and leaves and snow had been tracked in. Goodness, there was quite the mess to clean up.

When both boys left the room, I turned to Levi with a warm smile. "Why'd you cut him off when he was going to answer me?"

"Because he was about to say a naughty word," I answered, setting my hands on my hips only to remember the sap and lower them to my side again. But then I remembered that I'd already grabbed his hands and really, I didn't care anymore about the mess, so I set them on my hips.

"He's going to say them anyway," Levi said.

"Yeah," I agreed, "because you keep saying them around him! He'll hear them eventually anyway, but you're supposed to be one of those good role models for him." One of his eyebrows arched up, calling my bluff, for I might have accidentally let one or two slip around him, too. "Ok. Listen. If he says one of those words at school, he's going to get in trouble. So we really need to watch it around him, alright? That means both of us."

Levi rolled his eyes, not dignifying my words with anything more than that for now.

"I'll take that as a yes," I said. "Thank you, my love."

Flustered as always by the sweet words, he gestured now to the mess. "Can you handle it down here?"

"I can," I said, knowing he was about to offer to help with the cleaning. "Don't worry about it." I took his hands into my own again and used them to pull myself in close. "You just worry about relaxing. Do you want me to bring tea up for you?"

"You don't need to," he said.

"But do you want me to?" The look in his eyes told me that he did, though his mouth opened once more to protest. I cut him off before he could with a kiss. He sighed against me, whatever words he was about to say dying in his throat. When I pulled away, I sent him a smirk that would rival his own. "I've got it handled from here, my love."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure," I pressed, letting go of his hands to press against his chest instead, pushing him away from me slightly. "But you're not getting out of hearing me sing those old songs you hate so much later."

That enticed a low, annoyed groan out of him as I started heading to the entryway, unwinding my scarf from my neck. I glanced slyly at him over my shoulder as he followed, already protesting that those songs were just the worst.

It didn't matter that we had kids now and that his heart had assuredly grew three sizes. He was still such a Grinch.

But it was alright.

We still loved him all the same.

---

I was just heading down the hall to my bedroom when a quiet voice called out to me. "Hey, ma," Colt said, leaning out of the doorway to his room. When I was done yawning, I turned to look at him, growing a bit concerned. I couldn't help it; it was an innate maternal instinct in me that told me that something was wrong.

"What's up?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"Of course," I said.

I followed him back into his room and he dropped down into his desk chair, the force of it sending him spinning a bit while I lowered myself gently to his bed. He had his arms crossed over his chest, and let his feet drag on the floor to stop spinning but he didn't seem too concerned yet about turning to face me just yet. There was a faraway look in those expressive eyes of his, the same kind that his brother had.

"How was school today?"

"It was fine," he answered, and I felt through his words alone that he was being honest. Sometimes no further words were needed than that. Sometimes things just were fine, and that was fine.

"At least you're on break now," I said. "You can sleep in to your heart's content."

That made him smile, at least. On weekends he was notorious for being late to rise. He was a diligent worker to be sure, but sometimes, well, you just wanted to sleep. And his grades were great, he was a stand-up kid, and he did lots for his club at school. So really, why would I give him any grief if he wanted to sleep in a little?

"Nah," he said. "Dad will still make me wake up to shovel."

"He won't," I assured him. "I won't let him. I'll take care of it."

That had him lifting his head, and lifting his gaze to meet mine, thinly veiled confusion in his eyes, along with the beginning of a protest. "No, wait," he said. "I'll do it."

"Are you sure?"

"Ms. Fields taught me not to let the lady do it," he said, making me laugh.

"And if the lady offers? She only did that to make you a gentleman, to always offer."

"What if I just help you, then?"

"I would love the help," I said. "But I think snow isn't on the forecast until the 23rd."

"So we'll have a gross, dirty snow Christmas?"

"Seems that way," I said. "Maybe you'll get a Christmas miracle, and we will get snow on Christmas Eve."

"My kind of miracle involves getting snowed in so much that we don't need to go outside until spring," he muttered.

"Are you sure you could handle being around us that much?"

"Maybe not."

"Think of it this way," I said. "If it snows enough so that we're stuck inside all winter, you'd be able to shimmy up the chimney and drop down into the snow and leave for a while."

"While covered in soot?"

"Sure," I said. "But maybe it'd be a good idea to stash an extra set of clothes in a bag or something and bring it with you."

He smiled. "You've really thought about this, haven't you?"

"More than you might think," I said. "Don't tell your brother, but I used to sneak out quite a bit."

"You? No way."

"You'd be surprised," I chimed happily. "Levi, too."

"Are you serious? You're just messing with me. You have to be."

"Nope," I said, popping the p. "When we were in the orphanage together, we'd sneak out together all the time. And even after getting adopted, we'd sneak out to see each other all the time."

"I don't believe you."

"Ask him, then," I said.

Colt stood, as though to do it right now. "Not now," I said with a laugh when I saw his shit-eating grin. He shrugged and dropped back down into the chair and finally I leaned forward, letting a serious countenance find my face. "Is everything alright, Colt?"

"With me, yeah," he said. "But I'm worried about Falco."

My brows furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"I just... It's almost been a year," he said, then met my eyes almost shyly, "and sorry, I don't really know how to say what I want to say so just bear with me."

"Take your time," I said.

"Ok," he said, taking a deep breath in. "I know that it's been almost a year, and I hope you know that I appreciate everything you've done for me. For us. We love living here, and we love being part of this family. But I'm worried about Falco."

His eyes had drifted downwards once more, towards the floor, and he looked really, incredibly, horribly sad. "Take a breath," I said to him, and I watched as he did as told, sucking a deep breath in through his lungs before releasing it slowly. "Just talk. Don't worry about if it makes sense."

He nodded slowly, nonverbally agreeing to do it, or at least to try.

"It's only been a year but I'm worried Falco might be forgetting our real parents. I don't want it to seem like you don't mean a lot to me, because you do, and you've honestly been there a lot more for me than my biological mom, but she was still..."

"Still your real mother," I said. "I understand."

"Right," he said. "And Falco was so young when we were brought to the orphanage, I think he was like four, but he should still remember her, right? But I don't know if he does, and I know it's a good thing that he loves you and dad and I do too, but... but you know, I..."

God, he looked like he needed a hug.

"Come here," I said gently, holding my hands out towards him. After a moment of hesitation, he did. He crossed the space and sat down next to me on the bed and let me take him into my arms. "I get it. I never knew my biological parents. But I can only imagine how hard it would be to know them and then have to be without them. You're a very strong kid, you know."

"I don't know about all that," he mumbled into my shoulder, hugging me now. "I don't know what I'm feeling half the time."

"And that's ok," I reassured him. "I think it would be a good idea to talk to Falco about this. You must have a lot of stories of your parents to share, right?"

"Yeah," he said quietly. "I do. I miss them."

"I know," I responded, still holding him tight, "I know."

"When they died, I..."

He trailed off, but still I didn't speak. I waited for him to finish.

"I was sad," he finally decided to say. "I don't know. I'm not good at all this."

"Even just admitting that you're sad is a great step to take," I told him. "It's hard for a lot of people to deal with feelings like that. I think Levi would be a good person to ask about all this."

"Did he know his parents?"

"He knew his mother," I said. "But that's something for him to tell you."

"Ok," he said. "Um... you don't think it's bad for me to think, right? That we shouldn't... forget our parents?"

"No," I answered. "Of course not. We're your family, but so are they. Nothing will change that. Remembering them won't make you forget us, and vice versa.  Loving us doesn't mean that you don't love your parents. And Levi and I don't love you to replace your parents, but to help raise you when they cannot. Right?"

"Right."

"You're an incredible kid," I told him. "And we both love you so much. I think Levi and I might understand better than anyone what you two are going through."

"Thanks," he said. "Um... yeah. Thanks, ma."

"You don't ever need to thank me for something like this," I said. "I love you, Colt."

"Love you, too." At that, I pressed a kiss to his hair and finally let him go. "Try to get some sleep, kiddo. I think it's about time I head to bed, too."

The holiday season was incredibly special for so many reasons. But this year, just like the last, was so incredibly special, because we had these two boys in our family, and I absolutely adored them with every ounce of my being. Everything I did was for them, and I knew that we had a very fun life ahead of us.

With Levi as my husband and two incredible sons... Yeah.

Life was good.

---

Days Later:

Sometimes, I don't know why I said the things that I did.

For example, on the rare occasions that Levi and I went out to see a movie (usually the result of me begging and whining and begging some more), sometimes I would accidentally say, "you too" in response to the young teen checking our tickets telling us to enjoy our movies. I did shit like that all the time to waitstaff telling me to enjoy my meal.

It was embarrassingly stupid and awful, and I hated that I did it, but it seemed that it was just instinctual to just... be polite to workers like that. I mean, if I made under minimum wage and had to deal with people all day, I'd hate my life too. So I always tried to be polite... even if that meant always making a fool of myself.

The most recent of my series of saying stupid shit was actually to Hange. A few days ago, Hange offered to babysit for tonight. It was Saturday, and they'd asked back on Wednesday, and there was more than enough time for us to plan a date. But on Wednesday night, we were just too tired after a long day and wanted to relax. We didn't want to even put the energy into making dinner, much less think about going out for this weekend.

But now the weekend was here, and I wanted to go out. It didn't need to be anything fancy, because in the past few days I'd noticed Levi get progressively less and less – confident, shall I say? – in his ability to be a father. He was, in fact, a very good father to our boys, but I think that something from his past was making him unsure, and I wanted to snip it now, while it was still only but a bud.

With all that in play, I was a damned fool for saying "no thank you, we want to stay in this weekend," after Hange oh so politely offered to babysit, with a rather chipper, "oh, you two lovebirds should go on a date!"

God, why did I say no?

Seeing how distracted and distant he'd been today, I knew that we needed to have some time alone just to talk. We just... needed to have a heart-to-heart.

Levi, in his favorite chair, was watching – but not really paying attention to – the big game, today. It was a big deal, but I had no skin in this game considering they weren't my teams and so I didn't bother to watch, but at least I would get to ask him to go on that date. I didn't even really need to ask Hange to watch the boys, because Colt was more than capable of watching his own brother for a few hours. Of course, that was sound reasoning in and of itself, but the boys absolutely adored Hange, and I'm sure Hange would be more than happy to watch them.

"Levi," I called, coming up behind the chair and winding my arms around his shoulders. I set my chin against his shoulder and hugged him close. "Hey, you," I said lovingly.

"Mm?"

"You want to know what I'm thinking about?"

"Hard to imagine that you're thinking about anything."

"Funny. I'm thinking about you, and about how you and I should go on a date."

"Uh huh."

"Something simple," I went on to say. "Just the two of us. We can go to the park, how about that?" He seemed to think it over. "Come on, Mr. Romance," I cooed. "Just for a little while. I thought we could talk."

He looked up at me at that. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm perfectly fine," I assured him. "Can't a husband and a wife just go on a walk?"

A sudden, drawn-out groan surprised both of us. "God," Colt mumbled, his eyes glued to the TV, "just say yes so I can hear the game."

I couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed at saying such things in front of my teenage son, but Levi seemed to get the worst of it, if the way he turned away as though to hide his face was any indication of that. "Go get ready," he said to me quietly. "We'll go."

I smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Sure thing, love."

He was a good man, and a better father, and a fantastic husband; seeing him grow distant, even just a bit, was something that I didn't like to see. It wasn't that he was pulling away from me, from us, it was more so that he was... withdrawing. From everything.

Hopefully tonight, I would get to the bottom of it, and reassure him of exactly what I knew him to be: my Levi, strong and clever and true.