"You're home," I said, my lips curling into a smile. It was a useless thing to say, of course. He obviously knew that he was home. He was here. But I had to say it, to at least attempt to convince myself that it was real, for as much as my heart wanted to believe it, my brain was having a hard time taking it all in.

I'd tried to hold my smile back, at least at first. If this was a vision or a dream - or more accurately a nightmare - and I woke up only to find myself alone like on so many other nights, there was no reason to smile. But I realized right away that there was no way to keep myself from smiling, no way in hell, and it was because it finally set in. 

My mind finally came to terms with it: Levi was home. After all this time... he was home. He came back to me.

He kept his promise.

He had returned to me with his heart beating. He was alive.

Perhaps not whole, perhaps terribly shaken by what he had seen and what he had done, but I could see in his eyes that he was still Levi. This was still the man I knew and had fallen in love with.

"(Y/n)," he said quietly, as though he couldn't believe it. To hear my name passing through his lips like that, almost like a prayer or a mantra he repeated to himself, sounded so wonderful. I suppose it hadn't set in for him, yet, not with the way his eyes were slightly wider than normal as he looked me over. 

But that was fine by me. He could take all the time he needed to let it set in. I'd been this patient and had waited this long, what was a few more minutes of waiting? A few more moments wouldn't kill me. In fact... I was on cloud nine, because he was here. Because he was alright. Because he was safe. Because we were here, together.

"Can I hold you?" I asked, keeping my volume low and my tone soft, offering him every opportunity to say no.

He didn't reply with words. Perhaps he still didn't quite trust his voice yet, just as I could hardly trust mine right now to work without me breaking out into sobs. But he still answered me in the form of a nod and adjusting so that he was laying on his back.

Smiling wider now, I closed the distance between us, taking him into my arms to hold him close, still laying on my side. I did it slowly and carefully, but as soon as my body and heart recognized the familiar weight of his arms around me, his familiar body molding into my embrace, I fell apart. The floodgates came open and all the emotions I'd felt over all this time came rushing out in an uncontrollable wave. I was only along for the ride.

"Oh, my god," I said, unable to think of anything else to say as I felt everything all at once; the highs, the lows, and everything in-between; I remembered those late nights when all I could do was cry as I longed for him, those mornings where I'd reach out and find nothing in bed beside me, those afternoons with Meg and Jerry where I was able to forget that he was gone, if only for a short while.

Just feeling him... seeing him hadn't been enough. To be able to feel him for the first time in years... I couldn't hold myself together even if I tried. It was such a simple privilege back then, to hold him and yet it was something that I had taken for granted, much like I had about everything else he had to offer. He'd always been there for me and so to suddenly be without that, to just be without his warm embrace...

"Levi," I cried aloud, my eyes squeezing shut. I ducked my face into his neck, the tears rolling down my cheeks and falling against his skin.

His breath caught in his throat and his arms circled tighter around me and pulled me into him. I settled my weight against him, climbing atop him, almost without thinking at first. It was so natural to do, before. But then I remembered what had happened to him. 

"Oh," I said, starting to pull away. "I'm sorry. I..."

"Don't," he said. "Please."

I stilled as his arms wrapped tighter around me, keeping me in place. "Ok," I said, nodding, accepting that for now he was not in pain. And besides... even if he was, I knew he needed this. And to be selfish, so did I. "Ok. I'll stay." Before I could openly bawl again, I closed my eyes and ducked my forehead back against him. "I just don't want to hurt you."

"You won't," he murmured. "You can't. Just stay."

I chose to believe that, for now. And we held each other, never letting up for even a second. Hot tears rolled down my cheeks despite my best efforts, but I didn't care. All I could, and all I wanted to care about, was that he was here. And so that's what I focused on.

"I missed you," I said, minding my volume. "So, so much. More than words could ever say."

"I know," he replied. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," I said. "Don't have me believe that it was a mistake to let you go. You wanted to do this. You did so much good. And you're so brave. So don't you dare for a second try to fool me into thinking you're sorry."

He was quiet for a moment. "I'm not sorry for going," he then clarified. "Just for being away for so long."

"You couldn't help that," I said. "I'm just happy that you're back. I'm never letting you out of my sight ever again."

"A bit unrealistic, no?"

"Not at all," I replied, lightness finding my heart. How it could be so easy to talk to him after all this time was beyond me, but I was so grateful for it. "Because now that you're back, I'm never ever going to let go of you ever again."

There was a quick release of air from his nose, a laugh that he tried to hide. I drew away, only going far enough to see him, for my gaze to be able to wander across his face, taking in those features I knew so well and learn the new ones. "I hope this," he said, gesturing with one hand towards his face vaguely, "isn't a surprise."

"I was only told that you were hurt," I told him, letting my hands rest against his chest to help keep me up, "and that you were getting treated. All they told me was that they found you after you got caught in an explosion. I don't know whether knowing how it happened helped me or not."

"I never meant to worry you," he said.

I shrugged, smiling a little. "I was worried about you from the very moment you got on that plane and left." His eye softened at my words, what little of his eyebrows I could see furrowing as he considered it. "But it's only because I love you so much."

"I love you," he said, almost hesitantly. " I... still do. I wasn't sure if you'd feel the same."

"You stupid man," I said gently, shaking my head. "I couldn't ever move on from you. And I wouldn't want to. Which is why it's a damn good thing you kept your promise. You haven't doomed me to a lonely life without you." 

I glanced away briefly, fresh tears forming in my eyes when I realized how close I had been to living a life without him. When I looked back into his eye, I saw that it was glassy, that his emotions were getting the better of him, as well. 

"Thank you so much for coming home to me, Levi."

He didn't speak. He must have known that his voice would fail him. So he only nodded, blinking away the tears that threatened to fall.

I traced a hand slowly and delicately down his cheek, the pads of my fingers beginning to trace over the bandages that covered the contours of his face I knew so well. They began to map the old features I would need to relearn, and the new ones I would need to learn. No, not need. The ones I wanted to learn.

To get to relearn Levi...

I hadn't imagined ever needing to do this.

But I would, a million times over, so long as he was safe and sound in my arms.

"If you even think about trying to break a promise again," I began to say, referring to that voicemail he left in which he was unsure if he would be able to come home to me, "I will..."

I trailed off.

"I'll give you a stern talking to," I decided to say.

Before all this, I might have been inclined to say that I'd punch his arm or break his face, but the words would be playful, without intent of course to hurt him, not like I could, at any rate; they were just words, empty threats I'd say in place of what I would actually do because in reality, never would I hurt him.

Right now... I couldn't do that. I couldn't even threaten to, joke or not.

"Is that not what you're doing now?" He asked, almost teasingly.

"Oh, hush," I said, laughing through the words. "You know what I mean. That voicemail scared the hell out of me."

"I know," he replied. "But I needed to say what I did. I had to give you..."

"Something to remember you by?"

"And I needed you to hear it from me," he told me. "If I did die, I'd want you to know but I wouldn't want someone else to give you the news."

"We can't always control when we die," I reminded him.

"Right," he agreed, "but... it was an impossible situation. I felt I was going to die. But I couldn't do it without speaking with you one last time."

"I can't even tell you how many times I listened to it," I said, a bit embarrassed to admit it. "Just to hear your voice was one thing, but what you were saying... It was the uncertainty, I think. I think I might have heard it in my sleep, your call, but I dreamed that I picked up the phone and got to talk to you."

He blinked, trying to rid his eye of the tears. And he reached up with one hand to palm my left cheek; laying under me as he was, and touching now my left cheek, he'd reached up with his right hand, and...

I gasped at the foreign feeling, drawing away and taking his wrist in my hand to look at it. I was rendered speechless by what I saw. On his right hand, he was missing two fingers.

His face was split in half, he was very likely going to be half-blind for the rest of his life, and I wasn't stupid enough to think that he didn't need the wheelchair that was sitting just beside the bed. And to be missing his index and middle finger of one hand as well...

And then I realized how insensitive my reaction must have been.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, letting go of his wrist. "I'm sorry." His hand was bandaged, and as such I couldn't see the damage, but he'd lost those fingers down to the knuckle, it seemed. That was something bandages couldn't hide. And this was just another adjustment he'd have to make and learn to live with.

"Don't apologize," he said. "I know it's..."

He very clearly had a word in mind, but he didn't want to say it.

"It's... what?"

"Sickening for you. Disappointing. Grotesque." He looked away, the weight of each word spoken seeming to hit him like a hammer. "I know I'm a monster now. A burden. You're not going to want to be seen with me, I get it. So just-"

"Shut up," I said, not caring for how harsh it must have been. He blinked, very clearly confused by my reaction. "Don't say that you know something when you very clearly don't. If you're about to say we should break up so I can be with someone else, someone better, don't waste your breath and don't waste our time."

"(Y/n)," he said weakly, unsure of what else to say. But I shook my head, silently letting him know to let me talk.

"I'm not afraid," I said. "Not of you, not of what people will think, not what people will say. I don't care. All I care about is that you're alive and here with me, Levi. Can't you understand that?"

The look on his face told me that he couldn't.

"I have only ever been in love with you," I pressed. "I didn't fall for you because of how you look, but because of your heart and your soul and who you are as a person. Scars don't change any of that. Scars don't change your spirit, or who you are as a person. And for the record... many women think that scars are hot. But all of that doesn't matter because the only thing I cared about was that when you returned to me, your heart had to be beating. And it is."

I ran my hand down his cheek, then his jaw, tracing along his neck to cross his chest and come to rest against his heart.

"This," I said, patting the spot gently, "is what I care about. You are still Levi because of this. And I still love you, Levi."

Wordlessly, he took me into his arms again and guided me to lay against him. He began to cry. Quiet sobs escaped him, ones he tried to hide, and I wound my arms around him, holding him as close as I could. I didn't dare hush him, nor speak more. I simply allowed him this time.

There was no telling what he'd done, what he'd seen, while away and fighting. He needed the time – this rare time that he allowed for himself – to grieve, to feel the immense weight of the losses he'd suffered while away, for his relief to be home, for the overpowering feeling of coming home and still being loved when he felt himself unlovable.

Through his sobs, he began to speak, words that were initially incoherent but gathered more and more clarity the more he uttered them. "Thank you," he seemed to repeat. In response, I simply pressed a kiss to his temple before rolling us over, pulling him to lay against me. He adjusted to get comfortable and eventually, his sobs subsided. With his tears all spent, I'm sure he was exhausted, and yet he drew back to look at me.

His eyes were gorgeous. To see them bloodshot, glassy, puffy from crying was something I never relished in. And yet, I was perhaps the only person he'd allow to see him like this, which was as heartbreaking as it was beautiful.

We took a moment to quietly drink the other in, to just breathe in the moment that we were each here.

"I'm never leaving you again," he finally chose to say.

"Perfect," I breathed out through a smile, "because I plan on never letting you even try to. But for now, if you let me up, I can go make you your tea."

He nodded, but he didn't move. He seemed like he wanted to say something but didn't know how to put the words together. But when his eye flickered down to glance at my lips, I took the unintentional hint and chuckled lightly.

"Can I kiss you?"

"Yes," he said immediately. And so I set a hand against his cheek gently, but he didn't need the guidance to lower himself to meet my waiting lips. My breath immediately hitched at the sensation of his lips against mine, and despite the incredible familiarity of this feeling, there was strangeness too.

It was like having a set schedule for years but suddenly changing it on the drop of a dime, and weeks later returning to that original schedule. There was comfort in the familiarity, but it felt... different. That was the best word I could think to use to describe it. Because it wasn't bad; kissing him was never bad.

Maybe it only had to do with the fact that it'd been so long since I'd last kissed him, or maybe it had to do with the feel of the bandages. But I kissed him as gently as I could, willing myself not to go too far too fast and risk opening these injuries that were still so delicate. What I could do, however, was begin to map out the lines of his face. As my fingertips danced across his skin, they began to take in the subtleties of his face, those both familiar and unfamiliar.

I could sculpt him, if I had the talent and materials and time to do that, for I knew him by feel so well by now. And all that understanding came rushing back, and memories of every time I had ever kissed him came flooding into my mind.

He drew away just as I was starting to memorize the feel of kissing him again, but this was just to tug the bottom half of his bandages down, revealing his lips: cracked and scarred, split and dry. But I wasted no time in drawing him to me for another kiss, softer than the others, for I did not want to reopen these wounds.

He sighed into my mouth, and I relished the fact that I could still make him react like this with no more than a kiss. And then he drew away, with the intent to catch his breath. And when at last he did, he swallowed hard and spoke. "I missed you," he stated plainly.

"I missed you too," I said. "More than you'll ever know. But you're back now. Let's focus on that, for now. So," I said, letting a smile appear on my lips, one confident and secure and proud and undeniably cheeky, "just like every Sunday morning, I have to ask: would you like some tea, my love?"

There was no way of knowing just how long he'd wanted to hear me say that again. My love.

So simple. And yet those two words had been the ones he'd longed to hear the most.

Similarly, there was no way of knowing how uneasy he would feel in the few minutes I was away to start his tea.

---

When he eased himself back to the mattress beside her, he didn't let his eyes drift from her as she got up and off the bed, only for her to come back and gently, so gently, rewrap the bandages around the lower half of his face.

He didn't take his eyes away from her. How could he, when she did something so sweet as that, and looked at him like that?

He remembered so much about her but while he was away, he realized he took advantage of the little things. At night in the barracks, he would try to imagine what she was up to, but found that he wasn't ever quite able to, not for a lack of trying.

He remembered the big things, like how she walked and how she talked and things of that nature, and it was all too easy for him to imagine her standing at the counter pouring him a cup of tea (because many a time he'd watch and admire her), but it was the little things that he started to forget.

He didn't forget the important details, the things he'd known for years. But smaller things, like what days of the week she was more likely to make the excuse of being tired and so didn't want to cook, and differences in her mood based on how she walked in through the door after work. Those were the things that, as time went on, began to leave his memory.

Levi vowed never to let that happen any further. He wasn't going to take advantage of the time he had, not even a little bit, nor of her big heart and endless love for him.

It was overwhelming, really. He'd come in expecting to be asked to leave this morning. He'd half expected to find another man here in their bed, someone tall and strong and funny and witty.

He was expecting her to be with someone far better than him by now.

Even if she had held onto her love for him for this long, he didn't expect that she'd do what she did today and reaffirm that she loved him and only him; no, he expected her to ask him to leave because after seeing him, what self-respecting woman would let him stay?

This was all so overwhelming, but... in a good way. And it was more than he could have ever asked for, and far more than he ever even dared to dream for.

He watched as she went first to the bathroom, taking care of business before leaving the bedroom to head to the kitchen, taking in the subtle changes she'd undergone since he'd been away.

Physically, in the last two years, there'd been a lot of changes to her. She seemed older, of course, and wiser, as expected. But she wore her hair differently and judging by the newer photos hung up that he'd seen, she dressed differently now as well.

Those are changes he should've been around to watch happen, changes he should've been there to compliment and encourage and... Fuck. That line of thinking would get him nowhere. There was no use lamenting what hadn't been in these past few years. There was no use regretting what he'd done.

It had already happened. All that he could do was live in the moment.

And he didn't want to miss a thing, not even her just making tea.

He eyes his wheelchair warily. What were the odds he could get back into it without falling the hell over?

---

By the time the pot was on the heat and left to rise to a boil, I was already missing Levi.

So I hurried back into the bedroom with the intention of just dropping by to give him a quick kiss before returning to tend to the tea. But when I peeked around the doorway and into the bedroom and saw him attempting to get into his wheelchair by himself, I leapt into action.

"Levi," I chided, "be careful!"

"I am," he pressed. "Just leave me-"

He cut himself off just as I reached him. He shook his head, cursing under his breath as he tried to hold the chair steady in one hand.

"Levi," I said gently. "Come on. Let me help you, please. I don't want you to fall."

Reluctantly, his eye met mine and finally, finally, he allowed me to help. I assisted him in getting to his feet, noting that he wasn't putting any weight on his left leg. I didn't think to ask right now where exactly the injury was. Right now it didn't matter. Right now it didn't even really matter. All I knew was that my man needed my help. And so I would help him, in any way that I could.

When he was at last sitting comfortably in his chair, I wheeled him out into the living room, where I helped him to the couch. "I'll be right back," I said just as the kettle began to whistle. I made the tea as quickly as I could while still maintaining that quality that I knew he wanted.

I soon settled down at his side on the couch after handing him his cup of tea, getting comfortable facing him with my own cup of tea in my own hands. I let the cup warm my palms and began to let my mind wander. When was the last time we'd done this? Just sat calmly together with tea.

"What's wrong?"

"Huh?"

"You're making a weird face. What's on your mind?"

"I'm just happy that you're back," I said honestly. "I mean, this time last year I had no idea how you were. And then I got that email and your voicemail and that call that you were injured. But all that doesn't matter because you're here now."

He nodded, taking my words in silently. He lifted his cup towards his lips and took a slow sip just as I began to speak again.

"About your injuries," I said, "what else can I do to help you? Like, how often do your bandages need to be changed? And do we have to start doing physical therapy? Do I need to take you to a doctor's office today, or do you already have instructions? And on the severity, do we expect that you'll never be able to walk again?"

"(Y/n)-"

"I understand that it's hard to talk about, I mean it's hard for me to think about you never walking again, so I can only imagine how it feels for you, but we're both adults and as your partner, I think it's important that we discuss it so I know how best I can help-"

"(Y/n)," he said yet again, and this time I listened.

"Hm?"

"You don't need to do anything."

"Right," I said, knowing what he meant. "I know that. But I want to. Why is it so hard for you to accept that I want to help you?"

He only shook his head and looked away.

"I know it's hard for you," I said softly. "You think your burdens are only yours to bear. But I chose to be in your life forever when I agreed to marry you and part of that – part of being your girlfriend, even – is being there for you, whatever you need. However I can help, I want to, regardless of whether or not you think you need it. Because you do, Levi. That should be clear, even to you, that you need help."

His gaze travelled downwards until it was focused on the rug.

"You think you don't deserve it," I said quietly, "don't you?"

His eyes told me what he needed to know. So did his refusal to answer.

And so I slid closer to him on the couch, reaching over to place my cup on the table gently. I turned to face him and took his hands – both hands – into my own. There was a certain wariness in his eye that I didn't see often, a reluctance in his gaze as he looked down at his hand. Or, rather, as he looked down at his injured hand, the one with only three remaining fingers.

"Talk to me," I requested gently. "Please, Levi, talk to me. What do you feel you don't deserve? I can see it in your eyes that's what you're feeling."

"I don't..."

He cut himself off with a sneer, glancing away with a sharp, faraway look in his eyes. This was something he didn't want to talk about, but we had to. It was important. It was far too important for him not to talk about. So, for as hard as it was... it would be worth it, to have everything out in the open. But he had to work with me before that could happen.

"Go ahead," I urged gently.

"I don't deserve this," he said. "Any of this. I lied to you. I ran off to the fucking military. I don't deserve your forgiveness, I don't deserve your help, and I don't deserve your... your..."

"My what?"

"I don't deserve your love," he said, his eye now finally meeting my own. My heart shattered on the spot, for in his eyes I could tell he was being honest. This was how he truly felt. This was what he truly believed.

"Oh, Levi," I said softly, taking him into my arms. "The funny thing is, love doesn't care whether or not you think you deserve it. My heart is already set on you and I love you and this doesn't change any of that. You lied to me about one thing in your entire life and it was because you didn't want me to worry. Did it hurt to find out? Yes. Did I hate that we argued about it? Of course."

He rested his forehead against my shoulder. I linked my fingers together on his back, keeping him close to me.

"Even through all that, I have still loved you. And each and every day you were gone, I have still loved you. And now that you're back, guess what? I still love you. I don't care if you have ten fingers or eight, if I have to help you with physical therapy every day, if I have to... I don't know, change your bandages twice a day every day. Because I love you, and I want to help you, and you deserve everything in this world."

I started to tear up once more, my already puffy eyes welling with emotion once more.

"You were away because you felt it was right," I said. "And you're a hero for this country. Long before that, you helped me whenever I needed it. You were my hero. You're strong, so strong, Levi, and I wish you knew just how loved you are. You deserve the world, Levi. I don't say that lightly. You've spent your whole life trying to do right by others. But you deserve to be happy, too. You've gone through so much and I just wish you'd lean against me more."

"Sorry," he said weakly, his voice muffled by my shirt. "Just not used to this."

"Guess I need to start doing a better job, huh?"

"No," he protested, "it's not you. Not at all."

"I know it's hard for you," I said. "And I'm so sorry about that. Just know that you are worth it. You deserve love. You deserve happiness. You deserve forgiveness... which I'd already given you, by the way. I'm happy that you're home, I love you more than words can say, and I want to help you in any way that I can."

A pause.

"Thank you, (Y/n)," he murmured. And then he pulled away, his eye meeting mine.

"We should go see your family," I suggested. "They'll want to know that you're home. They need to know that you're ok."

"I called them yesterday," he said.

"No," I said, shaking my head. "No, that's not enough. They need to see you."

Something like surprise found his eyes at my insistence. "Do you know...?"

"About Erwin? Yes."

"I see."

"I'm so sorry, Levi. I know you two were close."

"How did you find out?"

"There was an email sent out," I told him. "They didn't disclose names at first, but they let the families know that in your unit, some were injured, some killed, and one missing in an incident. I went to the memorial service for Erwin and Mike."

"They told you someone was MIA?"

I nodded. "And that was the first point at which my intuition told me something was up," I said, absentmindedly running my thumb across his knuckles of one hand. "I didn't want to believe it, but something in me knew that it was you."

"And you were right."

"Unfortunately. It wasn't until after finding you that they told me you'd even been missing in the first place."

"Where... um."

"Hm? What is it?"

"Your ring," he said quietly. "Where is it?"

"Oh," I said, realizing how that might have upset him. "On the nightstand. I take it off to sleep so I don't damage it."

"I see," he said.

"This will be fun, though," I said, already getting up. I dashed into the bedroom and picked it up carefully before jogging back and dropping onto the couch right back next to him. "Here," I said, handing it to him. He took it between two fingers gingerly after setting his tea down, taking care to hold it delicately. Still perched so delicately in its silver cradle was a diamond and etched so beautifully into the band were our initials.

Lovingly, so lovingly, he took my left hand into his own and slid the ring onto my finger. And then, after a moment's pause, he lifted it towards his lips. A gentle kiss was pressed to my knuckles, and I couldn't help but smile. My cheeks warmed as my heart did, and I couldn't believe that this man was mine, and that he was home.

"And your ring?"

"I still have it," he said, reaching beneath his collar to pull the ring and chain out so I could see it. "And as you asked, in perfect condition."

I didn't care to ask how that was even possible, that a ring tucked into his shirt survived an explosion that took two of his damned fingers away.

How could I care about that, when I was still just so in shock that he was here?

God, he was home. It was so strange to say but I had never been happier.

"I think we've got a wedding to plan," I said gently, leaning close to him.

"I suppose we do," he agreed bashfully.

"Still so bashful," I said with a light laugh. "I'm going to be your wife! Loosen up!"

"Wife," he repeated, his eye widening.

"Wife," I affirmed. "And you'll be my husband."

Any happiness that could be seen in his eye faded quickly and he frowned. "I won't be able to stand at the altar," he said. "Or dance with you."

"So? Our wedding will be our wedding. Traditional or not, it's a way to cement our own love in our own way. If you can't stand, that's fine. If you can, that's great. We're going to work to get you better, right? Just as we'll work to plan our perfect wedding."

"Together."

"Together. Exactly."

A quiet moment passed between us then, and I reached for my tea to finally take a sip and enjoy it.

"You know what," I said after a few minutes.

"What?"

"You've been home for a little bit, and we've been talking," I said teasingly, "but I think you're missing a trademark word of yours. The military must have changed you, because you haven't called me a-"

"Don't be a brat," he said, cutting me off and making me laugh.

There's my Levi.

Home at last.

note: excuse me the new aot episode??? omg??? i'm sorry??? 

when reading it I had certain expectations for the chapters that have been adapted in s4pt2 animation-wise and everything about it so far has surpassed my expectations. and just. holy shit. 

spoiler I guess, but the easter egg of gothkasa and nerd armin in paths??? and the sauna cover??? lord if we don't get mappa's full adaptation of that cover i'll cry 

mappa the goat istg

but anyway~

reunited with levi at last! thoughts on this chapter? as always, thank you all so much for reading and I'll see you all in the next update!! <3