I couldn't believe this day had come so soon.

A day that assuredly brought a lot of excitement, but...

Not a good kind.

How could I be excited about this?

It was a dreaded day. A cursed day. An awful day.

As if able to hear my inner turmoil, or at least sense my growing unease, Levi reached out towards me. His hand slid under my own, lacing our fingers together and resting our hands on my lap. I tore my attention from the world going by past my window to look at him in the driver's seat of my car.

His face was stony, impassive, ultimately stoic in the face of what was to come. The same couldn't be said for his eyes. Plenty of unbridled emotion, untapped and unacknowledged, sat within them, hidden behind irises of beautiful blue. In this light, of early morning sunrise, his eyes reflected the cool blue of dawn.

They were gorgeous.

I would miss seeing his eyes every day, noting the subtle changes in them from environment to environment. They were wonderful eyes, ones that so easily reflected his emotions and his thoughts if only you knew what to look for... which I did.

God, I would miss those eyes.

And... more than anything else, I would miss him.

I was running out of time to look at them, at him, to imprint the subtleties of everything he did into my mind along with everything else about him, because we were on our way to the airport. He had a bag packed in the trunk.

Today he was to be deployed. Shipped off out of the country to start... no, continue his training.

As we slowed to a stop at a traffic light, Levi turned his head to look at me. Something like hurt, maybe regret, flashed in his eyes. I hated to see him so sad, so tired, so hurt. And so I squeezed his hand, offering him a smile.

"We'll be alright," I said to him.

"I know," he responded. And then, as though to make himself believe it, he said it once mores "I know."

He lifted my hand to his lips. He pressed a kiss to my knuckles, his lips lingering there for a quiet moment. His eyes lowered to gaze over the ring I now bore proudly on my ring finger. He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't realize the light changed.

"It's green, Levi," I said when it was clear he was paying attention to nothing more than the ring I now wore, and more so... me.

At the sound of my voice he snapped out of it, his eyes returning to the road and his focus returning to where it should be. He kept one hand on the wheel and let the other guide our hands back to my lap. I looked back out the window, once more watching the world go by.

I didn't want him to go.

But it was too late to change anything now.

---

"(Y/n)," he said, "I..."

He swallowed hard, his nerves getting the better of him. The sight before me was terribly endearing. He was down on one knee, something that I'd seen in movies and passing by a thousand times before and yet had never imagined it happening to me.

But very much unlike those movies, Levi's eyes were on me. He was looking at me I was the only thing in his universe, like I was the only person in this world, like I was the only one who mattered to him.

I linked my fingers behind my back, the keepsake I was so ready to give him forgotten for now. How could I focus on anything else, when he was looking at me like that?

"I love you," he finally decided to say, and I had to say that it was a wonderful place to start. His voice was quiet, almost hesitant.

I wanted to say that he had nothing to worry about, but I couldn't interrupt him. Not now. He needed to do this himself. To be able to ask me without help, with his own strength and courage.

"I know I'm not an easy man to love," he admitted. "But you... You're a very easy woman to love. You're kind, smart as hell, and funny, and..." He paused, looking away briefly before finding the nerve to direct those beautiful eyes of steely blue back at me. "And you deserve far more than I could ever give you and I'm... surprised more and more that you even decide to give me even half the love you do. But if you let me... I will do what I can to make you happy. I will never leave you wanting for anything."

In this light, in this setting... he was so handsome. His eyes were as sharp as ever and yet they were soft in the way they regarded me. The candlelight flickered across his skin, wavered in his eyes, and cast long shadows across the room.

Goodness, if ever I did imagine myself being proposed to, it was never like this. At home, alone only with he who I held so dearly in my heart. It wasn't grand, it wasn't profound, but it was perfect.

"I want to do right by you, always," he continued. "And I promise to. Part of that means being honest with you, and..." Trailing off, he reached back with his free hand and pulled from his back pocket a folded packet of papers. "This was what came for me in the mail. Here."

With my own free hand I took it from him, and by the ledger across the top alone I knew who it was from and what it was. My eyes skimmed over that top letter, and my heart dropped into my stomach.

"Levi," I said quietly. "When did you... How..."

I looked up from the pages, looking instead into his eyes.

And for the first time in a long time, there was regret in his eyes. I could see them grow glassy just as my own eyes began to water.

Levi was to be deployed abroad. He'd spend a few months continuing his training here, and then be deployed abroad to serve this country on foreign soil.

"The only thing I never told you," he began to explain, his voice filling with emotion even as he tried hard to keep it in check. "In high school and college, I was in the reserve officers' program. I began my training and now I need to complete advanced training and serve."

"Is this that internship you always talked about?"

"Yes," he answered.

"So, those few weeks you weren't able to talk to me at all," I mused. "Boot camp?"

A nod.

"Why didn't you just tell me?" I asked weakly, setting the pages down on the table. I was less shocked by this than the fact that he'd hid it for so long from me.

"I never wanted to worry you," he said. "But I can't change it now. I have to go."

"I wasn't going to try to stop you," I said, shaking my head. "I wouldn't stop you from doing what you wanted. When did you decide you wanted to serve?"

"It's always been something I considered," he said. "Erwin is being deployed too."

One of my eyebrows rose skeptically and my eyes narrowed. "You didn't decide this because of him, did you?"

"He's persuasive, (Y/n). You know that."

"You stupid man," I said, my voice cracking with emotion spilling through. "You decided the rest of your life based on what, a speech he gave you?"

"(Y/n)," he said, standing up, "that's not what I mean. Even when I was a child, Kenny was practically training me to follow orders. And I've always been... good at it. And I want to serve.

"You're good at giving orders, too," I said, my voice bordering on flat-out teasing him. He could tell immediately, and it had some of the sadness leaving his eyes, and the smallest of smirks curling his lips. But his words were true.

In many ways, he was comparable to a working dog, something like a collie. I hated comparing him to a dog of all things, but it worked in this sense; he was a hard-worker, and always had to be doing something. He lived to serve, so it seemed. That's what it always felt like to me.

He was happiest when he had something to do, something to work on, even if it wasn't for himself. Rather, he seemed to prefer if he was doing something for someone else, namely someone he loved. He had to do things properly, and he seemed to find a sense of fulfillment or purpose in doing such things.

It was just in his nature to be this way. It was the result of his upbringing.

Who was I to deny him something that went so well with his nature?

"When are you going to be deployed?"

"In thirty days."

A month. That's all we had.

"And where are you going?"

"Overseas, eventually," he said. "I show promise. I'll be completing my advanced training in the field."

My heart sunk.

"Are they insane? How long will you be away?"

"A year. Maybe more, depending on the situation."

We have a month together before he leaves for a year, and maybe more.

Those words rang out in my head, echoing in my mind until nothing was left behind.

I was looking at him, but I could hardly see him now through the tears that welled up in my eyes.

I didn't know how to feel. I didn't know what to think. I couldn't think of anything to say or anything to do.

This news was just so jarring, so sudden, so surprising, and everything just seemed to... stop. The world seemed to stop rotating. Everything slowed to a crawl, but there was still too much going on.

But when Levi reached up to brush a tear of mine away, I didn't flinch away. I cupped his hand with my own, holding it against my cheek. Skin so calloused, yet so soft when holding me.

"This," he said, lifting the box towards me, "isn't just to keep you tied to me." He set the box down in my palm. "It's a..."

I smiled at him. "A promise?"

"Yeah," he said quietly. "A promise."

The big strong man, never one to believe in silly things like words, in something so silly like a promise...

Making a promise to me, of love eternal and love everlasting.

"If you'll wait for me, that is," he said.

"Of course I will," I said. "I will always wait for you."

"Good, then," he murmured. He lowered himself to his knee before me once more, and my smile grew. I wiped the rest of my tears away, blinking to clear my eyes.

"(Y/n)," he said, "would you marry me?"

"Yes," I said surely, and I felt that this was the surest I'd ever answered anything. I'm not sure how I even kept my voice so calm as I said it, but I did. "I will. Of course I will."

And then it set in, and I laughed, lowering myself to my knees in front of him. I threw my arms around him, ducking my face towards his neck. His arms came around me, pulling me close as he did what he could to keep himself steady with the sudden addition of my weight against him.

"I'd love to marry you!"

Levi, for his part, seemed speechless. When I started to barrage his cheeks in kisses, he allowed himself to fall back into a sitting position, pulling me with him into his lap.

"Thank you," he said quietly.

"For what? Saying yes?"

"No," he said, chuckling. "For... loving me."

Well, that made me cry harder. I held his face between his hands, his eyes flickering momentarily to the chain still found around my fingers, curious as to what it was. But then he looked back into my eye, and a smile – a real, true smile – found its way onto his face.

I wanted to kiss him, but... when he was smiling like that...

I rested my forehead against his, keeping my eyes on his smile, then his eyes, then back to his smile. God, he looked so happy...

"I love you so much," I murmured, letting my eyes close, imprinting the image of his face like this into my memory, forever.

God... we were going to get married.

What mattered to me now wasn't what was to come in a month.

All that mattered was the man in my arms, smiling...

My fiancé.

My love, my heart, my Levi.

He was what mattered right now. What was to come in our future would assuredly come. But for now... I would appreciate this time while I had it.

---

A large sign indicating lane shifts for the airport approached. "Departures," I said uselessly, knowing he'd already seen the sign.

"Yeah," he replied quietly. "I'm going."

Traffic began to slow, and we joined a line of cars that were all heading towards the departure terminals. I set my elbow against the car door, resting my chin in my palm. I sat silently as the world went by, the sights of the airport coming into view. The large hangars, the long runways, the aircraft taxiing to and fro. Busy outside, and I knew it was even busier inside.

Time had a funny way of moving inside airports, this I knew from experience.  It could fly by for some people yet drag on endlessly for others. Some people making a connecting flight might have to rush to make their next flight, while others might have hours to kill. Night sometimes felt like day. Day sometimes felt like night.

But time continued to flow.

How much time would pass before I get to see Levi next?

Were these my last moments seeing him... alive?

No, I shouldn't think like that. Not when he was still here.

I squeezed his hand gently, as though to reassure myself that he was still here. "You look like you're thinking too hard," he said. "Talk to me."

"I'm going to miss you," I said. "That's all."

The signs detailing the terminals by airline started to pass overhead. All too soon, we reached his terminal. He pulled out of the line of traffic, and we eased to a stop by the curb. Getting out of the car, I could now see the long line of cars on either side of us and the dozens of people saying their goodbyes to those who were due to travel.

The highway above us rumbled with the passing of dozens of cars, and the noise under the bridge echoed, creating an undecipherable cacophony of sound: cars honking, wheels of luggage against the concrete... people talking, people laughing, people crying. People saying goodbye.

A sharp breeze ran through, sifting through my hair and bringing with it a crisp chill. I hugged myself around my torso, trying to preserve some of the warmth from the car. I glanced both ways along the long line of doors and cars running the length of these terminals.

Far to my left, there was a young girl and her father saying goodbye to her mother. The woman crouched down, taking the little girl into her arms for a tight hug. The man watched on, holding the woman's luggage in one hand. When the woman drew away from her daughter, I watched as the man set his free hand around her shoulders and they met for a kiss.

I was so distracted by watching that scene play out before me that I didn't even notice Levi had retrieved his own luggage, closed the trunk, and joined me on the sidewalk.

I turned to face him, my eyes already glassy and my heart already breaking.

It was time to say goodbye.

---

I couldn't stop looking at the new band on my finger.

It hadn't been that long since I said yes, and he wasted no time in slipping the band onto the ring finger of my left hand. And it was gorgeous. It was of stunning silver, a beautiful diamond cradled atop it and, perhaps my favorite part were our initials inscribed on the inside.

We hadn't even gotten up off the floor yet. He was still sitting on the floor, his arms around me, and I was in his lap admiring the ring he had just gifted me. Because holy shit, was it gorgeous.

"You..." He trailed off immediately to clear his throat. "Do you like it?"

This man was too cute.

"Yes, Levi," I said gently. "I love it. And I love you."

"I'm glad," he admitted, and the words shocked him more than they surprised me... which was saying a lot, because they really surprised me. I smiled, and a cute little blush overtook his features. "I mean... I'm happy."

"That's the same thing," I said with a giggle. "But for the record... I'm happy too. Glad, even."

"Shut up," he said, averting his gaze in the most adorable way.

"I've got something for you too," I said, deciding it was time to present for him what I'd wanted to for a long time now. "I was always too... nervous, I guess, to give it to you but now that you're stuck with me for life, I guess now is as good a time as any."

I leaned away slightly, presenting my hands to him. One, the left, now proudly bore my new ring. And the other...

Still wound between my fingers was that thin chain and dangling now before my palm was my own ring. My... family's ring.

"What is this?"

"The only thing that my family thought to leave me," I said, looking down at it. "When I was left at the orphanage, this was around my neck. Just this chain, and my mother's ring. Apparently, Ms. Fields stowed it away until I grew up enough to have it." I began to unwind the chain, letting the ring rest against my palm. "She showed me the note that had been left with it, only stating my name and that this belonged to my mother."

When I held it towards him, he shifted his hold on my slightly so he could free up one hand. He let me place the ring in his palm and he lifted it closer to see it better. He seemed to piece it together because his brows pinched together, and he looked at me incredulously. "You don't mean..."

"I want you to have it," I said earnestly.

"This is the only thing you've got left of your family," he began to protest, trying to give it back.

"Exactly," I said, smiling widely now. "I trust you to keep it safe. Consider it something more physical than just words. I know how you are with promises. You keep it for now... and I expect you to keep it safe and return it to me in perfect condition when you come home. How does that sound?"

He was rendered speechless by my words, so it seemed. But finally... his hand closed around the ring, and he nodded. "I'll keep it safe."

"Great," I said, feeling as though a physical weight had been lifted off my shoulders. "I've been wanting to give this to you for so long, I was just..." I shrugged, shaking my head and smiling as I wondered how I could possibly still be so bashful around him. We were engaged now, for goodness' sake. "I guess I just thought it'd be weird to give you a family heirloom when we weren't..."

"We've always been family," he said quietly, as though too shy to say it. "Exchanging these rings will just make it official."

A smile blossomed on my face, and I took the chain in my hands. "May I?"

He nodded and, with the permission, I lifted it over his head and when the ring was resting against his chest, I felt a strange sense of sureness in my heart. It felt as though he'd always worn it, as though part of me had always been with him... and I suppose that it had, truly.

On that first day we met, he'd taken a piece of my heart with him, and he'd always carried it so carefully, through all these years. Of course, I don't think there's a person on this planet I'd trust more to hold my heart.

I was just so incredibly happy that of all people, he decided that he could trust me to hold his own.

For now and forever, I would hold his heart with the utmost care and love that I possibly could.

I didn't even need to ask to know that he would do the same with mine, because I could feel it in the way he kissed me; gently at first, growing ever more passionate with each passing second. As his mouth burned a line down my throat and to my neck, I knew with stunning clarity that this man would always be the only man I would ever love.

Not an easy man to love, he had said. How stupid. If only he knew how incredibly easy it was to love him.

And to be loved by him...

I wasn't sure what I had done in this life of mine to deserve this. But I was alright never finding out, if it meant he would be mine for the rest of our lives.

I set a palm against his cheek, redirecting his lips to meet my own. A low groan left his lips and I smiled against him.

It was such a lovely night. We'd hit a major milestone tonight and it was truly exciting. My heart began to beat faster and faster with excitement of what was to come: not just his hands slipping beneath my shirt, but what was soon to come in our futures: becoming man and wife.

My heart was so distracted by that, that it was able to forget, if only for a short while, that he was to be deployed.

---

Our eyes met.

The only reason he didn't park was so I wouldn't go in with him.

The only reason we didn't want me to go in with him was to avoid a long, drawn-out, painful goodbye.

Here, with the incessant honking of cars and the conversations of hundreds of other people coming from all directions, blurring into an incoherent mess of sound, we couldn't do that.

It was like ripping a band-aid off.

But perhaps much worse than the sudden pain of ripping it off was the anticipation once you got the wound and put the band-aid on, that you would eventually have to take it off. Or perhaps worse still was trying to gather the nerve to do so, the waiting as you summoned your nerve to do it.

He was standing right in front of me, but I missed him already. He seemed so far away, yet he was close enough that I could reach out and touch him.

I knew that the ring, still hanging by that chain, was tucked just into his shirt, hidden away from the world and protected from its many dangers. I instinctually reached for my own ring, feeling that it was so terribly heavy, as though it knew I would be without him for far longer than I ever wanted to be.

He stepped closer; so close, in fact, that his breath washed over my features, that I could see the minute traces of pain and fear and worry in his eyes.

Never did I want to see such emotions in his eyes.

And so I reached out, palming his cheek gently. He, as he always did, leaned into my touch. I wondered for a moment if he would be safe while away, or if he might be hurt. This could very well be the last time I hold him like this... or hold him at all.

The thought had my heart plummeting into my stomach.

He picked up on my change in attitude immediately.

As he always did.

I let my hands drift down to press against his chest as one of his hands found the back of my head, guiding our foreheads gently together. I didn't dare close my eyes, despite wanting so badly to let myself relax and relish in this feeling of him with me.

"Promise me that you'll stay safe," I said.

"I can't," he said. "I can't promise you that."

"Promise me that you'll come back home to me," I plead. "Please."

"(Y/n)," he sighed, his breath ghosting over my skin, "sweetheart, you know I can't."

"Please," I said once more. "I can't bear the thought of living without you, Levi."

"I want to," he said, "but-"

"Don't say that you can't," I said, tears welling up in my eyes. "They're just stupid words, I know, but I need to hear them. I don't care if you believe them or not. Just say them."

Silence, for a moment.

All the background noise faded away. I could hear nothing above the sound of my own stilted breathing, and the emotion threatening to break through. I wouldn't cry. I couldn't cry here.

But I did.

---

I still couldn't wrap my head around it. I rolled over in bed and checked my phone once more, checking the date.

I wasn't mistaken. There was no denying it.

He leaves in the morning. For... a year. Maybe more.

"Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," I responded, looking over my shoulder at him with a forced, strained smile. I don't even know why I bothered doing it; he could see through it right away, just as I knew he would.

"Come here," he said, reaching towards me.

Without wasting another moment I returned to him, cozying right up to his side. He welcomed me against his chest his open arms, holding me close as soon as I was laying against him. My head came to rest atop his chest, a lazy arm thrown over his waist and his arms around me.

He was warm. Always so warm.

And the sound of his heartbeat... so soothing. Always so soothing.

"Are you alright?"

"For now," I said. "I don't want you to leave."

"I'm not leaving right now," he reminded me before pressing a kiss to my temple. My eyes closed at the contact, my heart fluttering wildly. Goodness, how much had we kissed before, and he still managed to give me butterflies? Ridiculous.

And yet... I found I didn't mind, for it gave my heart a reprieve from the pain it had been feeling, from the sadness that had taken root in it and grew with each day that passed, growing ever closer to tomorrow, the day he was to leave.

Levi began to console me, offering hushed words meant only for my ears. Words of love, mostly, yet too he spoke words of reassurance. That I would be alright. Not him. Never did he say that he would be alright.

That was what worried me.

Later in the night, when I insisted on letting him lay comfortably against my chest, offering it as a pillow, he accepted. Later still, when he awoke and found that I was still awake, one slow hand roaming up and down his back, featherlight and soft, he clued in immediately to what I was doing.

"You're awake," he spoke softly, his voice low and gruff.

"Mm-hm," I responded.

He knew what I was doing. Staying awake to cherish these last moments with him before he was to leave. A look of understanding crossed his face, because of course he understood. If the roles were reversed, he'd be doing the same.

Disappointment crossed his face then; firstly because he'd meant to do the same, and it disappointed him to realize that he had failed and that he had fallen asleep, and secondly, because I was foregoing getting rest just because I would miss him so much and was taking the time now to take in each moment with him.

He got onto his side, pulling me against his chest. I tucked my head just under his chin, breathing in deeply and trying to keep myself together. But I could hardly stand to when he held me so reverently, and with his strong arms around me, holding me as though I might slip out of his grasp.

"Levi," I began, only to be hushed gently.

"Shh, love," he said quietly. "Sleep. I'll still be here in the morning."

---

It was no use asking if he had everything, because I knew he did. I knew he had his ID, his passport, his necessary documentation, his boarding pass, his luggage.

It was also no use because I was crying.

"I don't want you to go," I managed to say.

"I know," he said. "But I have to."

His arms, strong and secure, came around me.

I hid my face against his neck, doing what I could to stifle my crying.

But it was no use.

Not when the love of my life was leaving in just a moment, and I wouldn't have that strength and security to rely on anymore.

---

I awoke to the feeling of an empty bed. I began to panic. My eyes flew open, and I lifted my head from the pillow. "Levi," I all but gasped out. Had I slept through it? Had he left already? He wouldn't leave without saying goodbye, would he? No, he wouldn't, he couldn't! Not when-

"(Y/n)," he responded, and my eyes finally found him on the other side of the room by the window. His eyes were wide, surprise displayed clearly in them. He came back to the bed, slipping under the covers as soon as he could. He slid across the sheet, taking me into his arms right away. "Are you alright?"

"I thought... I thought you left," I said quietly. "I thought I missed it."

"I wouldn't leave without saying goodbye, you know that," he assured me.

"Thank goodness," I said, closing my eyes and pressing myself closer to him, to his warmth.

"I didn't mean to give you a heart attack this early in the morning," he teased. "Hope I can still make it a good morning for you."

"Depends on how many kisses you give me," I said, smiling against him now that my heartrate was beginning to slow.

I relaxed in his arms, my smile growing as he obliged, pressing kiss after kiss to my skin. I couldn't help but laugh at the sensation of his bangs brushing against me as his lips planted kiss after kiss to my cheeks, my neck, my chest. "Good morning, yet?"

"Not yet," I said. And then he was atop me suddenly, pinning me to the mattress and continuing to lavish me in his love. When finally he slowed, near breathless and all but lovesick, he pulled back to look me in the eyes. "Just one more," I requested.

He nodded before lowering himself to me once more. Our lips met – morning breath be damned – in a blissful, sleepy, loving kiss. My hands found their way into his hair, pulling him as close as possible.

I didn't want him to go.

Not now. Not ever.

But it was too late.

---

"I have to go," he said. All I could do was nod and pull away, only for him to bring me back in. "I love you," he said. "More than you will ever know. Got that?"

"Got it," I replied. "And I love you more than anything."

A kiss, nice and sweet.

"I'm going to miss you," he whispered against me.

"I'll miss you more," I was only just able to reply.

Another kiss, quick and nearly feverish.

"I... I promise to come back to you," he decided to say. And maybe... maybe he meant it.

"You better come back," I said, "quick as you can."

"Always," he affirmed. "Always as quick as I can."

A final kiss, with nothing but love passing between us.

And when he drew away, taking his luggage in his hands and turning to walk away, it was all I could do to keep from breaking down once more.

With puffy eyes and a breaking heart, I watched him go.

And it was with puffy eyes and a broken heart that I drove home alone to an empty apartment.

note: happy day after AoT Sunday! they're back!! firstly, the op revealed so much but it's a banger. the ending is incredible too and overall the animation is so good???? and I'm so very excited for what this season holds but I also dread it because I just want to give the characters all the hugs in the world.

anyway, I know I keep forgetting to do the q-and-a, but I'll do it eventually. regardless I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you all in the next one! <3