Friday night came and went without more incidents. After we'd had dinner and watched a few movies, Mr. Williams and the two other kids came home. But by then it was late, and the younger ones were ushered up to bed. I followed soon after, not because I was tired but because I just wanted some time to unwind before I did fall asleep.

I got ready for bed as I usually did and stifled a yawn as I plopped down onto my stomach on the bed. I'd done enough work for the day, and Mrs. Williams was right; worrying myself into a tizzy over everything would do nothing but hurt me in the long run. I was far better off simply relaxing for now.

If I could, of course.

Recognizing that I should relax, and then actually doing it, were two different things.

Still, as I considered it, I felt a little guilty knowing that there was a half-complete packet sitting on the desk just waiting to be done. But I simply kept my attention elsewhere, staying on my phone to distract myself. I texted Hange, though that conversation didn't last long.

They were watching a documentary with Moblit and promised to chat later, though that wasn't likely to happen until morning because if I knew Hange and Moblit, which I did, then they wouldn't be distracted from what they were doing until they completely exhausted themselves of the topic they chose to learn. Though it was probably more accurate to say that Moblit was there to keep Hange in check and would attempt to get Hange to sleep at a reasonable time.

Not that I thought it would work, of course.

The rest of my time was spent reading, and at some point, Levi called. I answered, of course, and the two of us remained on facetime until I feel asleep. Levi had been prepared to keep trying to guide me through that packet, telling me that he managed to finish it earlier. But when he saw that I was in bed already, he decided against it with a sigh and a roll of his eyes.

Because of course. Always so dramatic.

When my yawns became more insistent, I decided to end the call. We bid each other a goodnight, then went to sleep.

And now, I found myself with Levi, sitting on that small stretch of roof that sat just outside his window. We'd climbed out once we'd gone through the packet together. And it had helped, because by the end and we'd reached the harder questions, I'd been able to do them by myself. I only hoped that it would stick, and that I wouldn't forget by Monday.

My brain seemed intent to just keep reviewing the same few thoughts in my head; thoughts of doubt, of fear, of what might happen if I fail the exam. Aside from those thoughts, it kept going through the steps that Levi had shown me in my head, replaying the questions we'd gone over time and time again.

It was a good thing that we were sitting in silence, because otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to focus on what I was doing. However, if the silence was comfortable for me, it was apparently stifling for Levi. He kept glancing at me sidelong, trying to gauge why my mood had changed so suddenly.

When we were inside sitting together at his desk, going through the packet, I'd been... happier. When I'd complete a question, I'd smile, and when I had a question, I would ask, and listen intently as he explained it – or reexplained it, in some cases – and by the end, when we'd gone down to have dinner with his new parents and Erwin, I'd chatted happily, though perhaps shyly at first.

He could figure out why my mood had changed, of course, and I'm sure he already knew. I'm sure his hesitance only came because he was unsure how to broach the subject. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him open his mouth, as if to speak, though it seemed he thought better of it because he closed it again and looked away.

"Levi," I spoke quietly. I'd uttered only his name and yet it seemed I had commanded his full attention, because he looked back at me and studied my profile intently. "I'm fine."

"What?"

I turned my head to look at him. "You look like you're worried about me."

"I'm not."

Yet the way he said it was hesitant, and so that meant that he most certainly was worried. In an attempt to reassure him, I smiled. "I'm just still worried, that's all. It's no big deal."

"You say that," he responded quietly, then trailed off, deciding against saying whatever it was he was going to follow his words with. There was a long pause before he spoke again. The lingering silence that remained was stifling, uncomfortable. I looked away from him, hoping it would ease up, but it didn't help.

"I think it's a bigger deal than you're telling me," he finally said.

Despite my eyes being trained on the sky I could see towards the horizon over the rooftops of the neighborhood, he kept his eyes on me. His gaze was heavy, and almost searing, as though he had the power to physically burn me from his focus alone.

I could feel the way his look bore into the side of my head, his eyes picking up on every detail that they could, though I would never quite figure out what he saw: the bags under my eyes, the result of a near-complete restless night due mostly to worry; a glassy kind of shimmer to my eyes, the early indicator of exhaustion and perhaps tears soon to come; the way I set my jaw just so, in a way to ensure my lip wouldn't quiver, that I wouldn't betray what I was thinking of feeling; and... how pretty I looked in the golden light of the setting sun.

He picked up on the way my eyes seemed to glow, picking up the sun's rays in a way he hadn't noticed before. He let himself pay attention to the details he hadn't allowed himself to before. And he hadn't, before, only because he knew all too well how the world worked. It would allow him some happiness, grant him some kindness, only to tear it away.

So for him to find someone he felt he could trust, he had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. And yet here before him... here I sat. Not that he would ever voice those thoughts. And so I would remain oblivious.

"I'll be alright," I assured him, clueless of course to his thoughts, and still stubbornly looking at anything but at him.

I didn't see the way his eyes softened, because of course I didn't. But I did feel it when he looped an arm around my shoulder. And at his gentle pull, I leaned against him, letting my head rest against his shoulder. I gave in silently and without complaint.

I hadn't realized how much I needed the quiet comfort until now. Perhaps he could see right through me. Perhaps he could read me like a book. Whatever it was... I was grateful for it.

"Levi," I said quietly, "what if I fail?"

"You'll do well," he said. "We studied all day. You figured it out, didn't you?"

"Yeah," I muttered, "but..."

"But nothing," he interjected as gently as he could. And yet his voice still remained strong, and his tone remained firm. I drew in a deep breath with the intent to speak, only to release it through a sigh. "We studied," Levi continued. "You did well. And you'll be fine."

I tilted my head back to look at him as best I could while still resting against his shoulder. "But what if I fail?"

"Stop thinking like that, stupid," he muttered, glancing down at me.

"Levi," I pressed on. "The lady who adopted me is a math professor. What'll she think if I fail a math exam? And then my grade... Levi, I could fail."

"You're not going to," Levi assured me with barely concealed disappointment. Clearly, he was getting frustrated with this conversation. Well, tough, because I was going to keep going.

"There's a good chance that my grade drops from this," I said, sitting up straight so I could turn my head and see him better.

The sudden loss of his body heat at my side left me a bit chilled, but I didn't let it faze me, at least for now. Of course, that's what I wanted to happen, to not be fazed; rather, I felt rather exposed now, and especially so without the comforting weight of his arm around my shoulder. But I kept my countenance serious, with my lips set in a straight line, my jaw set, and a slight crease in my brow.

"I don't want to fail, Levi," I said to him. Despite how consistent I kept my gaze, my voice wavered, effectively betraying me. I didn't have it in me to mentally berate myself for letting my voice falter, because stubborn, rebellious tears welled in my eyes. "What if I fail the class and have to stay back and then we won't be in the same class, and I might get kicked out of the school and-"

"Slow down," Levi cut in firmly. Despite all that I wanted to say, my jaw snapped shut. I had so much that I wished to say but for now... I could sense that it was probably in my best interest to stay quiet for now.

"(Y/n)," he said, each syllable deliberate and measured. That spelled trouble. Him speaking like that meant that he was putting much more thought into his words than he usually did... which was reserved only for when I was a bigger dumbass than normal.

"You're a dumbass."

Well, this was certainly off to a great start.

"...but not so much of a dumbass that I think you'll fail this exam. But even if you did, do you honestly think you'll get kicked out of the school for that? There are far worse students than you out there, no matter how you feel right now. You met Gelgar, didn't you?"

"Unfortunately," I said through a tight-lipped smile. The simple answer brought a brief bout of amusement to his eyes; so quick and fleeting that I would have missed it, if not for how practiced I was in studying his face, his eyes.

"He's failed more tests than I thought would be possible, and he's still here. His grades are awful. Nanaba has her work cut out for her, having to tutor him in everything, but the school has programs in place to help struggling students. No one wants us to fail. Got that?"

My lack of a reply prompted one of his eyebrows to rise, questioning me without so much as a word uttered. I sighed. "Got it," I reluctantly said to him.

"You studied. We went through it together. If you fail, you fail. You'll get tutoring, take a makeup exam, and they'll go from there. And... um." He cleared his throat, looking away. He was suddenly rather bashful, with deep blush creeping up his neck.

And suddenly, he seemed reluctant to speak more. But where he saw a chance to be embarrassed, I saw a chance to tease him. And I would never pass an opportunity like that up.

"And?" I prompted him to continue, but instead of words, I was replied too with only an indignant scoff. He turned away, mumbling something under his breath. I leaned closer to him. "Hm? What was that?"

"And I'll help you however I can," he huffed, glancing at me briefly.

I laughed lightly, though my cheeks warmed at the prospect of his offer. His eyes met mine, but only for a moment before looking away again. His cheeks and even the tips of his ears flared up with blush, and my smile grew.

I don't know what it was about him, but he could always do this. Something about how well he knew me, and how I operated, and how well we worked together... well, needless to say, he always knew how to make me feel better. And for something like this, where it seemed so incredibly trivial and yet it ate away at me so...

Levi didn't complain as I leaned against him again, resting my cheek against his shoulder. I let out a long, drawn-out breath. Even for just a moment... Levi allowed me to believe that everything would be alright.

I knew it was a lot for him, to set his all-important pride to the side for something so silly, and so it meant the world to me. I only wished that somehow, in some way, I could help him as he's helped me.

But something told me, when he set his arm around me again to keep me close and rested his cheek against the top of my head, that perhaps I didn't have to do anything more than what I was doing now.

---

My fingers tapped an erratic, irritated beat against the desktop. The noise earned me several irritated glances from my classmates, but I paid them no mind. One even dared to roll their eyes. I caught the movement out of the corner of my eye, but I kept my focus diligently trained to the clock.

Despite the fact that I'm sure it looked like I was counting the seconds eagerly or with dread to anyone who cared to look, I was in fact not paying attention to the time at all, but instead kept busy replaying the steps to one of the more complicated problems Levi and I had just gone over before this class began.

With all the studying I'd done all weekend, I was fairly confident in my ability to work through the easier ones. That left, however, the harder problems that were sure to be on the exam and likely with a few extra parts to make it harder for us students. Those were the ones I was worried about.

In contrast to the unrhythmic beat my fingers beat against the wood of the desk, my foot tapped a different one on the floor. When the teacher stood from her desk after taking the attendance and gathered the exam papers in her hand, I stiffened slightly, my leg stopped bouncing, and my fingers ceased their movement.

I gathered myself quickly by taking a deep breath in. Freaking myself out wasn't going to help anyone, least of all myself. I released the breath slowly through my nose and felt the familiar sensation of being watched. I turned my head slightly, glancing sidelong at the student at the desk next to me.

Levi's eyes of pale blue were aimed at my profile, and I smiled at him, as though to reassure him. I nearly scoffed. As if he was the one who needed the reassurance. One of his eyebrows rose. He must've picked up on that as well.

"Alright, everyone," the teacher stated as she began walking down the aisle between rows of desks. "Don't flip your exams over yet. When I tell you to, flip it and write your name and ID number on their lines, and then you can begin. You'll be granted one sheet of scrap paper to do your work on, which will be handed in alongside the exam packet..."

I watched as the teacher placed my exam face-down on my desk and I picked up my pencil in preparation. I worried my bottom lip between my teeth as I looked at the unsuspecting packet of papers.

Honestly. This was what I'd been so worked up about? Well, yes. And it was what I was still so worked up about. Levi's eyes remained on me, as though asking me to pay attention to him. I glanced over at him again, mouthing the word "what" to him.

"You'll be fine," he mouthed back.

My eyebrows furrowed and my frown deepened. I shook my head and opened my mouth to mime my next words to him when the teacher passed by, continuing her spiel about the exam. As if we hadn't taken a shitload of exams already this term. We knew how they worked, and what the rules were.

"Alexander," she tutted, "is that a smart watch? Again? You get told every time you take an exam that you can't wear one. Take it off, please."

Alexander sighed, rolled his eyes, then did as he was told. I looked back at Levi. When his eyes met my own, they softened slightly, the change nearly impossible to see if you weren't used to it. But I was. And the look told me that which he couldn't say aloud right now.

I smiled at him, true and warm this time.

"Class," the teacher spoke, "you may begin."

---

Once again, that packet of papers was placed face-down on my desk. Only this time, it was graded, and we weren't to wait for permission to flip it over. And yet I found myself hesitating. I wasn't quite ready myself to flip it over, to see my grade.

My stomach was suddenly filled with lead, and my tongue was dry, and my heart was way up in my throat. I swallowed it down, and with shaky hands reached out to take it. Already, ripples of conversation sparked up between groups of students comparing their grades and the answers they got wrong.

It'd been a few days since took the exam. So many days in fact, that it was Thursday, and with each passing day my anxiety about the whole thing had lessened until now, when she announced that they'd all been graded. We'd already had our lesson for this class and were simply using these last few minutes before the bell rang to get our exams back.

Levi, sitting next to me, had wasted no time in flipping his exam over. And by the looks of it, and the way that his chin was resting in his palm, and he was looking at the clock, he'd done well. And there was the way his test was still sitting face-up on the desk, his grade written in red ink displayed proudly at the top.

I couldn't help myself; I looked at the grade. He'd gotten a perfect score, and even aced the extra credit problems on the last page. So, really, he'd gotten beyond a perfect score.

His eyes slid over to meet mine. He opened his mouth to speak when they flickered down to see the exam paper on my desk. But then the bell rang.

Without waiting to be dismissed by the teacher or to wait up for Levi like I always did, I stuffed the test into my journal and grabbed all my things, hurrying from the room.

The end of that class brought with it the start of our lunch block, and so I first made a stop at the bathroom. When I found an empty stall, I hurried to retrieve the journal and slip the exam back out. My heart, which had leapt back up into my throat, plummeted down into my stomach when I flipped it over and saw the grade.

I had failed.

---

"Hey, Levi," Eld said, hesitating just before the seat he was intending to sit at. "Do you know where (Y/n) is?"

There was an open seat next to Levi at the lunch table the group of friends usually occupied. Levi had already gotten his tray of food, but he hadn't had any of it yet. Not that he usually ate too much of the shit, anyway. He found it far too nasty to enjoy it even remotely. That's why he had a big breakfast and would take a big dinner at home; anything to avoid eating this horseshit.

All Eld got in answer was a slow shake of his head. Eld hesitated some more; would he be yelled at for sitting there, then? He thought better of it and rounded the table, sitting where he usually did. He only really wanted to sit beside Levi for today because if (Y/n) wasn't here, maybe Levi would speak more on what they were.

The two seemed awfully close for only being childhood friends, like they'd said. Eld figured that there had to be more to it. He even had two childhood friends of his here at this school, but the three of them weren't nearly as close now as they were when they were younger.

One part of that trio was Gunther, and the two of them were best friends to the end; the third was a girl, one that used to play with them all the time as kids but now had her own group and they now rarely crossed paths.

While Eld knew that their example was hardly the be all, end all example, he found it rather curious. And perhaps if (Y/n) wasn't here, Levi wouldn't be so embarrassed and maybe he'd even reveal a bit more about what made their bond so special.

But before he could ask, Petra dropped down into the seat beside Levi, the one usually reserved for (Y/n). Eld winced. Anyone could see that Petra had a crush, but he doubted anything would come of it. Not with how close he was with (Y/n).

Levi, expecting it to be (Y/n), straightened up in his seat and turned to face her almost expectantly. Unfortunately, it wasn't, her, and so he rolled his eyes and seemed to deflate. "Hi, Levi," Petra greeted. "How did you do on the math exam?"

He reluctantly took a bite of his food to avoid answering for a moment. Only when he swallowed that bite down did he answer. "Fine."

Petra grinned. "And fine for you means perfect, right?"

"Something like that."

"I got only partial credit for the last question," she continued. "How did you do Part C?"

Levi wordlessly reached for the folder he had beside his tray and took the exam out, only to hand it to her. "All my work is there. I don't really feel like explaining it right now. Eld got a perfect score too so ask him if you have questions."

Eld winced at the cold tone. Usually, he was at least cordial with Petra. The two were friends, after all. Perhaps it was a far graver offense to take her seat than Eld thought it was. That was a terrifying thought.

"Oh, thank you," Petra said, accepting the exam. "Do you think maybe we could meet up this weekend to go over it? I don't want to worry about this topic for the final."

Levi looked over at her before taking another bite of his food. Petra's smile grew as her anticipation did and her cheeks warmed with blush as she realized how much what she said sounded like asking him on a date. "If you think it will help."

"It will," she assured him, her voice breathy and wistful. "I'm looking forward to it!"

Eld's eyes then picked up on movement by the doors leading out to the hallway. Behind another group of students slipped (Y/n) into the cafeteria, doing what she could to remain rather unnoticed. Levi, as though picking up on Eld's change of focus, or perhaps due to some strange sixth sense to let him know that she was near, turned in his seat to watch (Y/n) settle at the end of a different table.

Levi made to get up but seemed to think better of it when Erwin settled into the seat across from her. Levi's eyes narrowed; firstly at the fact that Erwin was chatting with her, but then at the way her eyes were glassy and rimmed with red, indicative of past tears.

His brows furrowed; had she failed, then? She'd left in a hurry after the bell rang. He couldn't imagine she would shed a tear for a good score, at least not sad tears like that. "Oh, my god," Petra said quietly, leaning in conspiratorially. "Is she ok?"

"Levi," Eld said gently, calling his attention. "Go talk to her."

"No," he said. "She's talking with Erwin."

"Like that's stopped you before. Come on man, just do it."

"No, she looks like she..."

"Like she wants her best friend to talk to her? Glad we see it the same way."

"Shut it," Levi snapped, glaring at him briefly.

"Listen," Eld said. "You can lie to me and say she looks fine to you, but you know she isn't. And I know she means a lot to you. I mean, you literally changed your seat on the first day you were back after she got here to sit with her."

"That's not..."

"Dude, just go talk to her."

Levi huffed before rising to his feet. Honestly. (Y/n) would call them all friends but really... they were just meddlesome.

---

When I made it to the cafeteria, nearly every table was full of students happily chatting and eating away. The line was also incredibly long to get food, and it looked to be a standstill at the moment. They were probably out of fries again. Figures.

I glanced over at our usual table. Our table meaning, of course, the small group of friends that had... adopted me, I could say, since I joined the class. Petra, Eld, Gunther, and Levi usually sat there. I always took my spot next to Levi.

I made to head over there but faltered in my step. For one thing... I didn't really feel like talking. They'd only ask about the math exam – it seemed to be the only topic of interest at the moment – but that wasn't the only issue.

There was someone in my usual spot. Not that I was overly attached to the seat exactly, but there was a much closer spot at a much emptier table in a far quieter part of the cafeteria. And that's where I went. Unfortunately, I wasn't alone for long, for Erwin soon joined me.

He started a conversation, seeming content to prattle on about something he learned in history the other day. And that was fine. As long as I didn't have to speak, I was fine.

But then someone sat down next to me, and I didn't even have to look to know who it was. "(Y/n)," Levi said, interrupting Erwin's story shamelessly, "are you alright?"

His voice was quiet, his pace measured. He was so quiet Erwin hadn't heard him, and perhaps that's what he wanted. I turned my head to face him and noted the way his eyes softened upon seeing all the telltale signs of crying in my features. And he knew them all too well, having seen me cry before.

He reached out instinctively, only to stop when he realized there were no fresh tears slipping down my cheeks. Upon realizing I'd taken care of it myself, he hesitated a little, leaning out of my space. "(Y/n)," he said again.

"I'm fine, Levi," I said quietly, matching his volume. I felt bad for cutting Erwin right out of the conversation, but he didn't seem to mind when Moblit sat down at his side and engaged him in a different discussion. This offered us a modicum of privacy, at least for now, for which I was grateful.

"You're not," he insisted, "if you were just crying in the bathroom."

I sighed. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

"But-"

"Levi," I said firmly. "Please."

---

"Eld," Petra said quietly, her voice only just reaching his ears across the table. She was watching the way Levi spoke with (Y/n), the way he leaned in close to her. "I don't have a shot, do I?"

He took a moment to answer, his eyes fixed on the same pair hers were. "I don't think so."

She sighed. She figured as much.

---

And I... spent the rest of the day keeping to myself. Levi stuck to my side as though glued, or as much as he could while still being mindful of school rules. The second half of the day dragged by. 

But throughout everything, one thought seemed to overpower all the others swarming through my brain: I just wanted to go home.

side note: hello loves. hate to leave a note like this on a chapter that's not the last of our little sections like I've been doing but I just had some dumb shit to say today so here goes. 

first, I don't know if any of you read the stories on fictif (the same people who did the arcana), but sage's new chapter that released today broke me but that's just how it goes.

also, I posted about this earlier but like I've been a fan of pokemon since like birth and ya know I've never like looked at a character and been like "yo ima simp" (tho I guess when the Diamond/Pearl seasons were coming out I was like 10 so I think I had a crush on Barry, but never did I SIMP for ANYONE) until I made the mistake of watching the evolutions episode leon was in and holy fuck they knew what they were doing when animating him like that so I might be writing a little one-shot about him?

oh and unrelated to that nonsense but if you guys like watching people react to AoT and want to watch someone genuinely watch it, theorize, and like actually enjoy it I'd recommend watching deathwept on youtube.

also unrelated my best friend watched haikyu and he thinks oikawa is precious (but ofc), is practically in love with atsumu (understandable), and his favorite character is kita (10/10 taste). and he said "tsukki and hinata need to stop hitting these little doinkers whenever they serve" and yes I agree.

also also, please don't post manga spoilers or anything, but if anyone here reads AoTNR... why? like I read the manga and I could talk all day about how the ending fits and while obviously you can disagree, I read AoTNR to try to see what those who were dissatisfied by the ending wanted to happen and just... what? i don't get it but maybe it's just me.

anyway

hope you enjoyed the chapter

i will be taking my dumpster fire of a mind elsewhere

see you all next week <3