Last week everything changed. One careless action turned our lives upside down and now I have to leave. Things can never go back the way they were. Fresh tears sting my eyes as I remember the look on your face. Part of me wants to tell you everything is going to be alright, but I know that's impossible, and also a lie. I want you to get angry, shout, at least then I'll know what you're feeling. Instead, you look smaller―broken and lost. I did this. I've caused you this hurt and pain. I'm not sure I can forgive myself so why should you? It was never my intention to hurt anyone, truly it wasn't. Sometimes though, no matter what you do, shit happens.

A fresh wave of nausea crashes through me when I think of our friends. Were they angry when you told them? They have every right to be if they were. It was always their concern that I'd end up hurting you. I guess they were right. Hopefully, they'll be able to get you through this, help you move on and start a new life, one without me. Your eyes flit over to where I'm standing. I hold my breath. Are you about to speak? A noise outside distracts you and all I can do is watch as you leave the room. I hear your heavy footsteps on the stairs.

I stand, for who knows how long, staring out of the window. The world outside carries on regardless, ignorant to the turmoil within these four walls. If only we'd realised how important every moment was, that you can never get them back once they're gone. Would we have appreciated them more and wasted less time? I wish I'd known that the last time we kissed would be the very last time. I'd have memorised the way you ran your fingers lightly down my spine, and the feel of your lips on mine―the shape, the taste. How you made me feel safe, like nothing else in the world mattered.

Your footsteps on the wooden floor upstairs echo as you move from room to room. Are you looking for me? How long will it take for you to forget me completely? I know I have to leave but I'm tethered to this house, this room, to you. But staying won't solve anything, it can't change what happened. If only it could.

A car pulls up outside. I don't have much time left. The events leading up to this moment play out in slow motion. I close my eyes but still see the images―such horror and pain. A strange sensation grows deep in my gut, like a force pulling me from the inside, trying to drag me away from here. I don't want to go. Please don't let them take me!

You appear in the doorway, a vision in black. You hate wearing black and I hate that you have to, but my God you look stunning. I want to lift my hand and brush the stray hair from your face, but the look in your eyes tells me not to. It's not my help you need today.

A knock at the door startles you, it's time to go. Your father waits outside while your mother wraps you in her arms. She'll take care of you. I want to thank her but now is not the time. I leave you both and head for the stairs. An ache in my chest is making it difficult to breathe.

Looking out our bedroom window, I watch you get into the car. It seems to swallow you whole as you close the door. I want to shout out, beg you not to leave me, but I can't. Instead, I let the tears pour down my cheeks, blurring the world, as the car disappears. I'm alone. It won't be long now until you say your final goodbye. Only I won't be there, not really. You'll place my body in the ground and shed tears for me, but I won't be there.

I know it's time. The pull is now too strong to resist. I take one final look around the room, my gaze settling on our wedding print on the wall. We look so happy. I hope you look that way again one day. My eyes close as I submit, ready for the force to rip me from this place. I'm not sure where it will take me, or if it'll hurt. I'm scared, but I'm ready. Last week everything changed. Our lives turned upside down and mine was taken from me and now, I have to go.