✰idiot✰

✰fluff / angst✰

✰suggestion by : 1Geckoo1✰

Muichiro's pov

I was sitting in class reading a book... like always.. alone. It's not like no one likes me.. well ... mainly guys hate me just because almost every single girl would kill someone just to go out with me, but I was never interested in any of them.

Teacher walked into the class and began talking about a new student that will attend the school today and will be staying in our class. I groaned and laid my head on the desk in front of me.

In the middle of class someone knocked on the door. Then a boy with brown hair and a scar on his forehead walked in. I immediately looked at him as my eyes widened. "He's.. really pretty" I thought while still looking at him. He noticed and looked at me too with a smile. I blushed and looked at my desk. "What is this feeling?" I thought.

He walked in front of the class and introduced himself. "My name is Tanjiro Kamado, I am 16 and I moved here from Osaka" He said and smiled one more time.

Teacher nodded and looked around the class for his seat. "oh there, go sit next to Muichiro"

He sat down next to me and took out his books. I couldn't stop looking at him.

...

After the lesson I sat in class scrolling on my phone before the principal called me and Tanjiro to his office.I groaned and stood up as Tanjiro followed right behind me.

The principal asked me if I could show Tanjiro around the school. I agreed.

When we walked through school, the only one who was saying something was me. Well, the only things I was saying were what classes we passed. For some reason I was really nervous. I am a quiet kid but when I talk with someone I don't normally get nervous like this.

After I showed him around, the bell already rang. We both walked into the class in silence before Tanjiro spoke up.

Tanjiro : so you are Muichiro, right?

I nodded without saying anything.

Tanjiro : I was wondering. When we sit next to each other, do you want to be friends?

Muichiro : ehm sure?

I said as Tanjiro smiled at me. Just seeing his smile made my cheeks warmer again. "Why do I feel this way?" I thought and looked at the floor.

...

At lunch I went to the school's yard. Most of the people were somewhere else hanging out around the school. Rooftop was always the most crowded place of the entire school. You had a nice view and the cold breeze that was always really refreshing after the whole day of sitting in class, but I never really had a chance to eat there. It was always so loud and I liked to eat my lunch quietly.

I ate my lunch as I listened to music. Everything was like always, the only thing that I could hear was the music coming from my phone. Nobody was bothering me...until I heard something behind me. I took out one of my headphones and looked at who it was. It was Tanjiro.

Muichiro : Do you need something?

Tanjiro : I was wondering if I could eat lunch with you. There are people everywhere and I can't find a place where it is quiet.

He said and laughed.

Muichiro : I see. Well I don't see a problem with it.

I said and looked at my food. He thanked me and sat down next to me.

Tanjiro : I already introduced myself somehow in front of the class but I don't know anything about you.

Muichiro : Well you already know my name. I am fifteen.... ehm.. I don't know. I am not an interesting person

He laughed a bit.

Tanjiro : hah I see... also why are you here eating alone?

Muichiro : I like when it's quiet.

It's not like I don't have friends haha.... Only people that actually talked to me were girls from my or another class asking me if I'll go on a date with them.

Tanjiro : mhmm...

Couple minutes later we heard the bell ring. Tanjiro thanked me and walked away. I sat there looking at the ground. "Why do I feel so weird?" I asked myself. My cheeks were so warm and I had this feeling in my chest too. I sighed and woke up.

—two months later (I am sorry-)—

"Aww does it hurt Mui?"

Inosuke yelled in my face as I sat on the ground grabbing my stomach. "Leave me alone god damn it, it's not my fault that girls don't want you" I said and laughed at the end. He grabbed my hair and lifted me up.

Inosuke : Say that again.

He yelled again.

Muichiro : I said, that it's not my fault t-

I couldn't even finish and he slammed me against the lockers. He grabbed me by my neck with both of his arms as he lifted me up. I gasped for the air as he yelled in my face.

Inosuke : Is your ego really that high? pff- Just because a couple girls asked you to go on a date with them.

He let go of my neck and dropped me on the floor once more. I kneeled down next to me and grabbed me by my chin. I looked away immediately.

Inosuke : aww are you scared that I'll hit you again? You can't even look me in the eyes.

He said and let go of my chin before taking out his phone.

Inosuke : ugh you are lucky, lessons are starting soon... see you at lunch.

He said as he punched me in the face before leaving. I sighed and tried to wake up as I leaned against the lockers. I grabbed my bag before walking into the bathroom.

I looked in the mirror to see if I had any wounds on my face. One of my eyes and part of my cheek was getting swollen. I don't care what people think when they see me. The thing that was bothering me was what would I tell Yuichiro. He's always overreacting when someone beats me up. It happened so many times that I don't understand why it is bothering him so much.

...

Next morning I walked out of the shower and started drying my hair. I looked in the mirror and immediately noticed the black eye. "...well I am fuxked." I thought and groaned. "Now I'll have to listen to Yui over and over again... what should I do... what should I do.." I planned on putting something over my eye but he would notice anyway. I just gave up and just covered the black eye with my hair.

When I changed I walked downstairs trying to avoid Yui. I thought I did it but then I heard from the kitchen. "Idiot you forgot your lunch!" Yuichiro yelled before coming to me. "Here. Why are you going to school so early?" he said, handing me lunch. I was about to answer but I was stopped by Yui who pulled the hair from my face. His eyes widened when he saw my eye.

Yuichiro : Who did this?!

He said almost yelling.

Muichiro : Yui calm d-

Yuichiro : I am gonna beat that person's a-

Muichiro : Yui! It's fine, it's just a black eye.

I said while putting my lunch in my bag.

Yuichiro sighed before saying,

Yuichiro : yeah right just a black eye... why didn't you tell me?

Muichiro : because you are always making such a problem of it.

Yuichiro : I am just worried, okay? I don't want you to get hurt.

...

When I got to class I dropped my bag next to my seat and sat down. Tanjiro greeted me before noticing my eye.

Tanjiro : Muichiro your eye! Who did this to you?!

He said sitting closer to me. He touched my cheeks and looked at it. I felt my face get warmer and my heartbeat get faster. I pulled his hand away from my face and looked at the ground.

Muichiro : I-I am fine.. don't worry..

Tanjiro : Still. Who did this?.. You know you can tell me everything. That's what friends are for.

Muichiro :... I know I know...

Tanjiro : so?

Muichiro : Just one of my bullies.

Tanjiro : bullies?! You never told me about that!

Muichiro : Stop screaming. It's not a big deal.

Tanjiro : Not a big deal? Are you just going to let them bully you?

I nodded.

Tanjiro : You can be so stubborn sometimes.

He said and looked away. I stayed silent after that.

...

At lunch I went to my locker to get my food. While I went to my locker I was looking at my phone. "Is that him?" "Yes he's stealing Tanjiro away from me." "How rude" I heard some girls talking, I ignored it and kept walking. "I can't believe Tanjiro is talking with him" "I know right, such a loser" "haha you know what /// told me? Muichiro has a crush on him " ''What!? are you serious? How disgusting"

"How does she know?!" I thought and started walking faster. All I could hear was everyone talking about me. That I love Tanjiro. That I am stealing him from someone. That he's talking to me just because he feels bad for me for having no friends.

"What if it's true.... What if he's talking to me because he feels bad for me? What if someone tells him that I love him... will he end our friendship?!" I thought and looked at the floor.

I grabbed my food from the locker and went somewhere where I could be alone.

I got to the first floor and walked into one of the classrooms. I closed the door and sat down at the seat that was closest to the door. I laid my food on the desk and looked at it. Lost my appetite already. "Why am I in love with someone who will never like me back" I thought and laid my hand on the palm from my arm. "He's so popular that I don't even have a chance. Even if he would be gay.... there's a 0% chance he will pick me.... I should just give up..."

Tanjiro's pov - Week later

I sat in the class looking at the chat with Muichiro.

Tanjiro : Are you coming to school today?

Tanjiro : Mui? You okay?

Tanjiro : Hello?

No answer. He didn't even see the texts. Yuichiro walked into the class and I called him over immediately. He rolled his eyes and walked up to my desk.

Yuichiro : What do you want Kamado?

Tanjiro : What's wrong with Muichiro? He hasn't been in school for a week and he's not answering my texts.

Yuichiro : He said he's not feeling good.

Tanjiro : I see. Can I go with you after school and check on him?

Yuichiro : I am going out after school. You can go alone. After school, meet me outside. I'll give you keys.

Tanjiro : Okay, thank you.

...

I sat outside the school on the stairs. "School ended 20 minutes ago. Where is he?" I thought.

....

Yuichiro : Yo

I heard Yuichiro say. I turned behind me as he threw the keys on me.

Tanjiro : What took you so long?

Yuichiro : That's none of your business.

He said before walking away. I sighed and stood up. I took out my phone as I walked to look if Muichiro answered my texts. He didn't, he didn't even see them.

...

I opened the door and called Muichiro's name. No answer. I closed the door and took off my shoes before going to Muichiro's room. I knocked on the door and waited for an answer or someone to open them. Nothing. I slowly opened the door and peeked in. My eyes widened when I saw Muichiro. he was passed out on his bed with bloody sheets, knife on the floor, pills and... diary? on his desk. I ran up to him and shook him a couple times. Nothing, he wasn't answering. I wanted to look at the pills to see what he took, but there was a diary right next to them. It was open. I saw my name in it. I grabbed it and looked at the page that had blood stains on it.

...

" My lover<3 "

Tanjiro.. the boy I fell in love with the first day I saw him... but how could I be so stupid to think he'll like me back. He's so popular that I don't even have a chance.... even if he was gay... why would he pick someone like me. He's pretty.. smart.. loved by almost everyone in school... his reputation is chapter itself... and then there's me. Ugly. Boring. Stupid. Annoying. Hated... peace of garbage.

I should just give up... he will never like me. I could cry as much as I want but that won't change anything. Tear after tear I feel more and more pathetic. Even if I cut myself nothing will change. If I kill myself.... it still won't change anything.... I am d-

...

I couldn't read more. Muichiro took out the diary from my hands and threw it away.

Tanjiro : Mui you're awake!

Muichiro : How much did you read? Why did you read it?

Tanjiro : I should be the one asking?! Why the heck did you do this? Your arms are covered in cuts and on top of it you decided to overdose yourself too?! Are you crazy!?

I yelled and grabbed him by his arms. Muichiro's eyes filled up with tears as he pushed my hands away.

Muichiro : Why would you care!

Tanjiro : What kind of stupid question if that?! I am your friend, that's why!

Muichiro : So from now on friends read each other's diaries!?

Tanjiro : That's what bothers you?! So what I read it?!

Muichiro clenched his fists and looked at his nap.

Muichiro : Get out..

Tanjiro : huh?

Muichiro : I said get out!

Muichiro's pov

When Tanjiro left I dropped on the bed and broke down. "I messed up. He hates me now for sure.... he said he cares... but why is it so hard to believe... what if he read what I said about him. What if he's disgusted by me now?! What if he feels the same and I did this? Why didn't I let him talk about it... What am I thinking.... Why would he like me back..." I thought and cried.

...

Two days later I decided to go to school again. I needed to go, I was lacking in my studies already so I can't afford staying at home any more.

I walked into the class and saw Tanjiro at his seat. I dropped my bag next to my desk and walked away. He called my name and followed me. I started walking faster and tried to get rid of him. Just looking at him made me want to cry again. He grabbed me by my hand and leaned me against the wall.

Tanjiro : please Mui! I just want to talk.

I looked at the floor. I couldn't look him in the eyes even if I tried.

Tanjiro : I am sorry I read your diary.... I j-

I pushed him away and ran away.

9 days later

I walked into the class and sat down at my seat. I notice a letter on my desk. It was for me. I grabbed it and slowly opened it.

...

Hey Mui. Sorry to speak to you like this but I think this is the only way to tell you... because you don't allow me to talk to you normally. So... I am sorry. I really am... About the diary... I read almost everything that was written about me... and I need to say... I've always had some kind of connection with you.... but it never bothered me. I would never think that I'll turn out to be a bisexual. I just hid my feelings and ignored them. When you stopped coming to school I began to get worried... a lot. When I saw the diary and realized that you did those things to yourself just because of me.

In short... I am sorry Mui... I love you too... but you probably hate me now huh? haha... that's fine... I understand.... goodbye..

-Tanjiro

...

"Goodbye... Goodbye?! What does he mean by that?" I thought and left the class. The bell rang but I couldn't care less. I needed to find Tanjiro. "Does he really feel the same? Does he really think I hate him?! I AM SO STUPID THAT I DIDN'T LISTEN TO HIM!"

First floor, second floor, third floor, school yard... nothing I couldn't find him. "He had his things in class! He needs to be here!" I thought as tears filled my eyes.

The last place I didn't check was the roof. I looked around and I saw him. He was leaning on the fence looking down. Before I could do anything he sighed and put one of his legs over the fence. My eyes widened as I yelled his name.

He looked at me and smiled. I ran up to him and pulled him away.

Muichiro : YOU FUXKING IDIOT! WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT!

I said while crying. Tanjiro looked at the floor and answered with,

Tanjiro : You read the letter right?

I nodded.

Tanjiro : That's why... I thought you hated me. I love you Muichiro.... and I couldn't stand that feeling that you hate me...

Muichiro : I-I don't hate you... I was just confused and sad for all the things that happened in the past month. I didn't know what to do. So many girl were going after you and I know I-I don't have a-

I didn't even finish and he pulled me into a hug.

Tanjiro : I am glad.... I am sorry I didn't realize sooner... Nothing like this would happen is I wasn't being stupid ... I love you...

He said and wiped my tears.

Muichiro : I-I love you too.... Idiot...

✰word count : 2994✰