☯broken promise☯

☯angst☯

☯suggestion by : XENONSLASH☯

Muichiro's pov

Everything started 5 years ago when I was 9. Me and my mother, uncle, father and brother were outside. It was around 8pm and it was already dark, I was holding onto my uncle's hand. My mother and father were a bit behind us. Everything was fine until my father suggested that we'll take a short cut thru dark alley. Everyone agreed except me, I was scared that something mind happen. I was trying to tell them that we can just take the normal way but everyone refused. "oh come on Muichiro! are you scared?" Yuichiro said as he laughed. I looked at the ground at nodded a bit. He started laughing again and took my hand as he lead me to the alley. We were walking in front of our parents and uncle. I looked at my right and there was a group of guys just staring at us. I ran closer to my brother and grabbed his hand. Then we heard our father screaming at someone. When we looked behind us and we saw one of the guys holding our mother by her waist as our father screamed at them. "such a beautiful lady, what a nice body you got." "leave her alone" my father said and took my mothers hand. Our uncle walked up to us and told us not to look. We turned around but I wanted to see what will happen.. My father attacked one of the guys because they started touching my mother even more. Two other guys walked up to our father and hit my into his stomach making him fall to his knees. My mother started crying and begged to leave them alone. They just started to take her clothes off. My father got mad and tried to attack them again. They pushed him on ground and took out something from their pocket. It was a gun. They put it right on his forehead and pulled the trigger. My eyes widened, my father dropped on the ground, my mother was screaming and crying as those guys took her somewhere. My uncle took my hand and Yuichiro's hand and ran away. He turned the corner and called the police. Yuichiro was confused about what happened, he wasn't looking as the uncle said. He tried asking me but I didn't answer... I was shaking. I couldn't talk even if I tried. I dropped on the ground and just broke down.

2 months passed and my mother wasn't found and my father was dead. Uncle was the only one we had left so he took us to his house and take care of us. After that... Me.. my brother.. and my uncle changed a lot. After my brother got to know what actually happened, he wasn't showing any emotions... he just shut down completely. My uncle started drinking a lot and me... I cried so many nights and barely ate anything. Nightmares from that night repeated in my head constantly. When I fell asleep all I could see of was my father and mother getting murdered right in front of me. Through all those years I still haven't gotten over it. My brother didn't see the incident so he kept telling me that I am such a cry baby because it's already been so many years since that happened. He got.... really mean... he was always so cheerful but now he just got emotionless.

5 years later

I woke up with tears in my eyes and sweat dripping from my face. Another nightmare.. I just can't get rid of them. I looked the time, it was 5:29. I knew that I wouldn't fall asleep again so I woke up and then went to the kitchen to make myself and Yuichiro lunch for school. When I walked downstairs I saw my uncle sleeping on a couch. There were bottles from beer everywhere. I walked up to him and begin to pick up those bottle. 1..2.....5 bottles of beer. "Did he drinked all of this at night? " I said to myself and then walked to kitchen. I placed the bottles on the counter and began to make lunch for us. While I was making it I used a knife, for some reason I stopped and just looked the knife. For some reason... I wanted to ....cut myself. I held the knife really tight and was actually wondering if I should do it. I rolled my sheave up and put the knife on my arm.

"What are you doing?"

I heard from behind me. I looked behind me and I saw Yuichiro.

Muichiro :a-ah good morning.. I am just making lunch for us

I said while looking at the floor.

Yuichiro : I see... why are you up so early

He said walking closer to me.

Muichiro : I can ask you the same thing

Yuichiro : I asked first....is it because of those stupid nightmares again?"

I didn't answer, I just kept looking at the floor.

Yuichiro : tsk...pathetic

he whispered and walked away. Pathetic.... it's not my fault...it's not my fault that those nightmares can't stop.

8 am

I was sitting in class talking to my friend. Her name is Mitsuri, she sat in front of me with her boyfriend.

Mitsuri : o-oh do you know there will be a new student?"

Muichiro : No I don't. Will he come today?

Mitsuri : ah yes I think so

She said as the teacher walked into the classroom. She talked for some time until someone knocked on the door. Teacher said "Come in" and a boy with black hair and a scar on his forehead came in. He introduced himself. His name is Tanjiro, he's 1 year older than I am.... he's.. really pretty too. Teacher told him to sit next to me. He walked up to my desk and sat down next to me. I didn't bother trying to talk to him because why would he talk to me in the first place. After class I stayed at my seat. Tanjiro was sitting next to me just staring at me. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't.

Muichiro : D-Do you need something?

Tanjiro : oh I am sorry-.... I was just thinking..do you want to be friends?

He said as my eyes widened...friends? I haven't heard that in a while.

Muichiro : ehm..sure?

Tanjiro : yay so, I am Tanjiro and you?

Muichiro : ...Muichiro

We introduce ourself a bit more before one of the girls walked up to us. Her name is Kanao.

Kanao : H-Hey you must be Tanjiro, right?. I am Kanao. I was wondering if you want to be my friend?

Tanjiro : of course!

Tanjiro said with a smile as Kanao smiled too. She then thanked him and walked away.

Tanjiro : she's pretty

Muichiro : Don't think so

Tanjiro : w-what why? just look at her, she has such a beautiful eyes and hair

Muichiro : I dont know...shes probably just not my type

Tanjiro : Oh I see, do you prefer short girls or tall girls?

Muichiro : men

Tanjiro : what?

Muichiro : nothing

2pm

I was sitting on the roof waiting for my brother. We eat with each other most of the time but now it's taking him more time than normally so I decided to text him.

Muichiro - where are you?

Yuichiro - I am eating with someone else

I sighed, turned off my phone and took out my bento. I sat there alone while looking at other people. Everyone is sitting in groups and then there's me.

"hi there"

I heard behind, when I turned around there was Tanjiro.

Tanjiro : Can we sit next to you?

we? I looked behind him and there was Kanao.

Muichiro : sure

I answered and looked at my food. Tanjiro sat next to me and Kanao in front of him.

Tanjiro : Why are you sitting here alone?

Tanjiro asked me as I just answered with

Muichiro : I normally eat with my brother but he's with someone else now

Tanjiro : o-oh I see so he is your brother

Muichiro : what?

Tanjiro : well..

Tanjiro's pov

I walked out of the class and I tried to find my locker to grab my lunch and then find Muichiro to eat lunch with him. When I found my locker I grabbed my food and I saw Kanao walking up to me. She asked me if I wanted to have lunch with her. I answered yes but I want to eat with Muichiro too. We walked around for some time then I saw him. I ran up to him as Kanao yelled something that I didn't understand.

Tanjiro : Hey Muichiro, do you want to have lunch with us?

Muichiro looked different... He was taller and had a bit shorter hair...

"Muichiro" : what did you say?

He said as he looked at me.

Tanjiro : I said if you want to have lunch with us

"Muichiro" : no. How did you call me

Tanjiro : Muichiro?

Yuichiro : thats my brother you dixkhead

He said as he walked away. Kanao finally catch up to me and said

Kanao : you idiot *pant* that's Yuichiro.. Not Muichiro

Muichiro's pov

Muichiro : Ohh I see... I am sorry if he seemed to be mean.. he's like this all the time.....

I said looking at the ground.

Tanjiro : haha it's fine

After that Kanao and Tanjiro were talking with each other as I was just sitting there in silence thinking about what happened in the morning. Why did I want to cut myself... I was a bit creeped out by it, that I would actually do something like that.

Tanjiro : -iro... Muichiro

I heard and looked up.

Muichiro : s-sorry I spaced out, what were you saying?

Tanjiro : It's okay, I was saying if you maybe want to hangout after school.

Muichiro : I would love to but I have some stuff to do

Tanjiro : aww thats a shame... maybe another day

When I got home from school I went to my room and shut the door. I was home alone because Yuichiro was still somewhere outside and I don't know where my uncle went. I sat to my computer and swiped thru social media. I had 4 messages. They were from one guy I met at school like 2 months ago. He seemed okay at first but then he confessed to me and I rejected him, he changed... he started stalking me and saying that if I tell someone I will regret it. Those 3 messages were photos of me hanging out with Tanjiro and the other 1 was saying "Who is he?". I tried to ignore it but he began to spam me with texts "tell me" "Who is he" "why are you talking with him instead of me" "ANSWER ME" I started to get scared a bit. "Leave me alone" I just replied and planned on just blocking him but he immediately answered with "Leave you alone? I WOULD NEVER DO THAT YOU KNOW... Don't you dare block me..." H-How does he know... "you were trying to cut yourself this morning right?.. Why did you want to do it.... Why didn't you do it... Wanna see my cuts? WANNA SEE WHAT YOU DID TO ME?!" I didn't know what to say... How does he know that I wanted to do it... "how do you know" "I have my ways... Now tell me.... Why didn't you do it... Do it... Feel my pain... I WANT YOU TO FEEL THE SAME THING I FEEL! DO IT!" That's the last thing I managed to read before I closed my computer. I felt horrible.. I didn't know what to do. do it....do it.. I woke up and walked into the bathroom and locked the door. I was looking in the bathroom cabinet. I saw a Razor there. do it... Do it...

10 minutes later I sat at bathroom floor with tears in my eyes. I did it... I held bloody razor in my hand while looking at my bloody hands. It didn't felt painful.. I was scared that I managed to do something like that. I woke up and throw the razor in the sink, I begin to wash my hands from the blood. I grabbed bandages from cabinet and begin to wrap my arms in them.

Next day

I sat in class reading a book, then I heard someone walk into class. It was Tanjiro, I waved at him and he waved back. He sat down next to me and we begin talking. First lesson was PE which was not a bother at all but then I remembered...the cuts. I do have bandages on them.... When we were in changing room I took off my hoodie and looked the bandages. My eyes widen as I looked at it. They were covered in blood. "I-I guess I'll just wear my hoodie then" I thought to myself and put my hoodie on again.

5 months later

It's been a couple months since Tanjiro came to my school. I thought he would be just a friend but.. I was wrong. Through all these months I begin to feel something I never left before. When I asked my brother about it he was shocked and just stared at me before answering "oh I see.... well I guess you are in love?....I never thought you would fall in love with a guy" He said and then walked away. In love..with a guy....but when I really think about it. I guess it's true.

Also... a month ago, my uncle came home drunk again. He walked into my room and locked the door. He touched me around my body, he started taking my clothes off but before he could actually do something my brother walked into the room and took me away. After that he's been acting differently around me too, he wasn't mean at all. Next day after that night I cut myself again.... I couldn't take it, it was too much....

At school, I sat with Tanjiro at lunch and he suggested that we can hangout after school. I agreed. That day I wanted to tell him how much I like him. After school we went to my house because there was nobody there. When we got there we went into my room.

Tanjiro : You've been acting weird today, is there something wrong?

Tanjiro said as he looked at me with a worried look. Was I? I was really worried about telling him how I feel. I still haven't told him. I still haven't told him because he's been hanging out with Kanao a lot. I know that Kanao has a crush on him and Tanjiro really likes her.

Muichiro : there is something I need to tell you

Tanjiro : what is it?....but first tell me ... what is that thing on your hand?

he said as he looked at my arm. I looked at my arm and I saw blood coming from the bandages "sh-t I forgot to change them" I thought to myself and hid my arm behind my back.

Muichiro : n-nothing

Tanjiro : Muichiro show me

He said as he woke up and tried to grab my arm. I woke up also and walked back.

Muichiro : N-No!

I said trying to back away from him but he grabbed my arm and pulled the sleeve up.

Tanjiro : Why do you have bandages covered in blood?! What did you do?

He said, grabbing my hand tighter.

Muichiro : s-stop it hurts

I almost started to cry. He let go of my hand and asked me one more time

Tanjiro : why do you have those bandages

I couldn't hold it anymore. I started crying, I ran up to him and hugged him as I kept saying "I am sorry".

After some time we were sitting on my bed. I was hugging Tanjiro as he kept rubbing my back. When I calmed down Tanjiro pulled me away from a hug and wiped my tears.

Muichiro : I am sorry

Tanjiro : Don't apologize... I should be the one whos apologizing....can you pleas-

Muichiro : I'll tell you...its started 5 years ago when my mother and father got murdered, since then nightmares from that night cant stop, all of that is repeating it my head every single night. My uncle started t-to drink after that and my brother changed. I dont know how long its been but my uncle tried to r-rape me.... those bandages... are from my cuts...

I said trying not to cry again, Tanjiro stared at me with shock.

Tanjiro : W-Why didn't you tell me sooner?

Muichiro : I don't know....

Tanjiro : just promise me....to never hurt yourself again...or kill yourself

Muichiro : promise...

Tanjiro : Also, you wanted to tell me something before.. What is it?

Muichiro : n-nothing... I'll tell you later

1 week later

From that day, Tanjiro has been talking to me more and making sure that I am not hurting myself and that I am okay. I also told my brother about it, he was shocked. He knows I still haven't got over our parents' death... But he didn't know it would affect me this much. He apologized multiple times that instead of being with me and making sure I am okay, he was mean to me and paid no attention to me.

At school I was sitting at my desk waiting for Tanjiro or Mitsuri to come. Tanjiro has been asking me about what I wanted to tell him that day. I wanted to tell him multiple times already but... I am scared. I am scared that I will get rejected.... I am scared that if I get rejected he won't look at me the same way anymore but... I needed to tell him. There is a chance he might not reject me..

I waited for like 10 more minutes until I heard the door open. I looked at it and it was Tanjiro... with Kanao. Tanjiro sat down next to me. He took out something from his bag and showed a little box to me.

Muichiro : What is that?

I asked as he looked at me and then opened it. It was a necklace.

Tanjiro : Kanao's birthday is coming so I just wanted to ask you... Do you think she will like this?

Muichiro : o-of course it's beautiful

Tanjiro : Ah, I am glad. So ehm there's one more thing I want to tell you but not here, there's too many people... I'll tell you at lunch, okay?

At lunch I waited for Tanjiro to come to the rooftop where we should meet. I thought to myself that this might be a chance to tell him. I looked to my right to see Tanjiro walking up to me.

Muichiro : so? What do you need?

Tanjiro : *sigh* ehm so you are the first person I am actually telling.... I... I think I have a crush on Kanao...it's just... she is so funny, smart and pretty..I..are you okay?

I just stared at him not knowing what to say.. crush..on Kanao.. I should have known...I should have known that he'll have a crush on her. Why would he like me?

Muichiro : y-yes I am fine... I am sure s-she'll like you b-back... I need to go now

I said and walked away immediately. I heard Tanjiro say something but I didn't understand what it was. I came to the classroom and sat down at my seat. There was nobody else there because others were hanging out around the school. I laid my head on my desk and just closed my eyes. Why would he love you.... you are so naive. shut up . You know it's true... he's probably your friend because he just feels bad for you. please...stop why should I... are you scared?...You should just give up...Nobody cares about yo-

Mitsuri : -iro...Muichiro

I heared someone say, I looked up and saw Mitsuri

Mitsuri : M-Muichiro what happened? Why are you crying?

crying? I am not cr- I thought as I touched both of my cheeks. Tears. Am I actually...crying. Mitsuri sat down next to me and hugged me.

Mitsuri : You don't need to tell me... I just want to make sure you're okay...

Muichiro : I-I am fine...j-just-

Mitsuri : I saw you with Tanjiro on the roof...did something happen? again you don't need to tell me

I pulled away from the hug and looked at the floor.

Muichiro : It's okay....I'll tell you..I think I am...in love with Tanjiro...but he just told me that he likes Kanao...

Mitsuri was surprised, she always thought that I am into Shinobu or Aoi, but no, she was wrong.

Mitsuri : I see.. You know, if he likes her there's no reason to not get over her. You should just keep trying.

That's easy to say but... honestly... I should give up... I don't want to keep trying....... I am done ...... trying

When I got home from school, I went to my room and closed the door. I put my bag on the floor and I dropped on my bed. All I could think about was the conversation between me and Tanjiro. "I think I have a crush on Kanao '' that sentence was repeating in my head over and over again....I lay there for many minutes without moving, then I woke up and went to the bathroom. I locked the door and looked in the mirror. you know you want to do it. I know.... but I promised Tanjiro something. As I thought that I heared my phone buzz. I looked at who it was, it was Tanjiro.

Tanjiro : I CONFESSED TO KANAO AND GUESS WHAT. SHE SAID THAT SHE LIKES ME TOO

I was just looking at the text.. my vision started to get blurry and tears slid down my cheeks. She likes him too... there's no way I have a chance now. I closed my phone and opened the bathroom cabinet. I took out the razor I left there last time. I hold it in my hand as I thought

Muichiro : d-do I really want to do this... I promised Tanjiro that I wont hurt myself

Do you think he cares? probably not.

Minutes later I sat on the bathroom floor with bloody hands. I promised Tanjiro that I won't do it... Why am I so stupid. You already broke this promise... why don't you break the second one? The second one..."just promise me....to never hurt yourself again...or kill yourself" killing myself. you should do it... there's nobody who will miss you anyways.

1 week later

Since Tanjiro's confession it's been some time already. Day after that Tanjiro came to school with Kanao and sat with her at lessons. They had lunch together and hung out after school. He just left me out. I tried talking to him a couple times but... every time I did... Kanao grabbed Tanjiro's hand and led him away. I did talk with Mitsuri but she spent most of her time with Iguro. So I was... alone..again. Aww are you lonely? He doesn't even care about you shut up he does... he's just hanging out with someone else now... he'll talk to me later

After school I grabbed my books and put them in my bag. I was about to walk away but then I heared Tanjiro talking with Kanao. There was part of me who wanted to listen to them but the other part didn't ....but I listened to them anyway.

Kanao : I wanted to ask you something

Tanjiro : What is it?

Kanao : there's a guy wanting to talk to you everyday-

Tanjiro : Are you talking about Muichiro?

Kanao : yes him, soo... I don't like him. I don't want you to talk to him.... so I just wanted to say... me or him?

Tanjiro : what?

Kanao : pick! me or him. If you pick him, we are done

Tanjiro : ......I.... I-I pick you...I guess

oh...I see. That's all I could hear before walking away. I couldn't believe that he actually picked her...

When I got home I heared Yuichiro calling me but I ignored him and just went to my room. I wanted to be alone. It's been one week but I miss him... I miss him so much and now I know that he wont talk to me again. Why keep trying.... why...keeping the promise...

Tanjiro's pov

days later

Muichiro didn't come to school for the past 2 days. I was worried because he didn't answer my texts. I wanted to tell him about Kanao and why I haven't talked to him for so long. I felt bad for it and I wanted to apologize. I planned on asking his brother but it's the same with him, he didn't come to school either.

But the next day I walked around the hall when I heared someone behind me calling my name. When I looked behind me I saw Yuichiro, now I can finally ask him

Tanjiro : ah Yuichiro I w-

Yuichiro : YOU FXCKING IDIOT

he screamed as he hit me.

Yuichiro : IT'S YOUR FAULT

He screamed again but 2 of his friends grabbed him and kept him far enough for him to not being available to hit me again.

Yuichiro : I-ITS YOUR FAULT! HE DID IT BECAUSE OF YOU

Everyone at hallway was staring at us, I was confused what he's talking about.

Tanjiro : I-I don't know what are you talking a-

Yuichiro : MUICHIRO! I AM TALKING ABOUT MUICHIRO! HE TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF BECAUSE OF YOU

as he said that everyone in the hallway became silent. what?... trying to... kill himself?

Yuichiro : YOU KNOW WHAT PROBLEMS HE HAD! YOU KNOW EVERYTHING! IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

After school I went to hospital near by hoping that that's the hospital Muichiro is staying at. I asked someone if he's there. He is. They lead me to him and gave me a letter that was supposed to be for me from him. I walked into the room and sat down next to Muichiros bed. I looked at him, I felt horrible... Its my fault as Yuichiro said.. he was right. Couple tears fell from my eyes as I opened the letter. In the letter Muichiro was apologizing for whatever he did wrong that made me not wanting to talk to him. The thing that shocked me the most was. That he has a crush on me and when he heared conversation between me and Kanao he lost all hope and gave up. I closed the letter and looked at Muichiro. Tears began to fall from my eyes more and I couldn't stop them.

Tanjiro : I am sorry.... I am so sorry

I said as I cried. All I could think about now is that it was my fault and nothing else.

"you said .... that you won't break the promise"

☯word count : 4397☯