Christmas came and left with little fanfare. We didn't do much of anything (we hadn't since Tay died). My parents got me some new skate shoes, flannel Pj's, a gift card, and some slippers. I got them very generic gifts. The rest of the day was spent watching holiday movies as ma and dad drank themselves into oblivion.

Right after dinner I got a phone call from Dave. I was happy to have an excuse to slip out. I walked out onto the front porch. The temperature had dropped, finally feeling like winter. This morning it had even snowed, and it had stayed cold enough for a thin layer of frost to stick around.

"Hey," I greeted, a genuine smile on my face.

"Merry Christmas," Dave told me.

I closed my eyes, relishing his voice and the cold that surrounded me. "Merry Christmas."

"So, I'm calling to let you know that we'll be staying here throughout New Years...You don't mind, do ya?"

I open my eyes, chuckling. Across the ways I see our neighbors having a large gathering, their drapes drawn. I watch children running around, laughing and chasing each other. I miss that so much it's a physical ache in my chest.

"Even if I did mind, it wouldn't matter. You're with your family."

"I could always catch a flight back by myself."

I smile again. "No need."

"You sure?"

"Enjoy your time with your family, Dave. I'll see you when you get back."

"Oh. Okay."

"Oh! Speaking of!"

I fill Dave in on the open invitation from Jake. I hadn't talked to him about it, but seeing as it was only a couple months away now, I thought I'd bring it up.

"Unless that'd be weird," I finish.

"Why would it be weird?" Dave asks.

"Er, well, like I said, Jake is Orion's best friend."

"Orion isn't going to be there, will he?"

"No."

I can almost hear Dave smile over the phone. "Then it won't be weird."

I smile. "Great! I'll let Jake know!"

Oh, how woefully wrong Dave would turn out to be.

"I can't believe how cold it is."

It's the very beginning of spring. Dave and I had decided to take a road trip up to the cabin. The ride in had been nice and relaxed, uneventful. As we wound our way up to Wisconsin, it was interesting seeing the landscape change.

I knew the northern, Midwestern states were always slow to shake off the final grips of winter. As we drove, it was almost like watching seasons change right before our eyes. By the time we had hit Wisconsin, coming up through Illinois, a thick blanket of snow still covered everything.

"Vermont was like that, too," I say without really thinking about it. That is, until Dave doesn't reply. I glance at him and his face is unreadable.

"Er, have you ever been?"

"No," Dave replies, and I'm relieved when he doesn't sound angry or anything. "Besides visiting my family, I don't really have much of a reason to leave Texas."

"Ah."

We fall into silence. After a few minutes, I lean forward and mess around with the radio. I stop when a familiar song dances to my ears. I lean back, letting the feeling wash over me.

The cover of Landslide by The Chicks is playing. I hadn't really ever listened to it. Before now, I didn't take the time to discern what the lyrics said. But now as I did, looking out the passenger side window, all I could think of was myself and Orion.

When the next song started playing, Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol, it hit me that I really wasn't ever going to get over Orion. All I could do now was break up with Dave, and pray that Orion would see this as a break, not an actual breakup. I only hoped he took my parting words to heart, that I always would love him, and by me saying I didn't know if I could be with him was as open-ended as I had meant it to be.

Because in the heat of everything...Hating being in hospitals because it reminds me when we had to go to the hospital they had taken Tyler to, even though he was DOA...not knowing if Orion was going to live because the lab tests hadn't been finished yet...The guilt of not being able to get to him. The shame in believing for awhile he was better, and ignoring some signs he was starting to get bad again...

It was too much. It was emotionally way too much. As much as I feel like a man, the truth was when as this was happening, I was only eighteen. I couldn't sort it out right then. All I knew was that I was hurting, and the thought of losing Orion like I had lost Tyler was way too much.

So I bolted like the coward I was.

"Shit..."

Dave speaking brought me out of my thoughts. Swiveling my head, I look to see why we're slowing down and then stopping.

We were almost to the cabin, according to our spotty GPS service. We just had to follow this road all the way up, and we'd be there. The only problem was, well, the road really was up, and a thick pile of snow blocked the path.

Dave yanked up the e-brake and looked at me. "I don't think my tiny ass car is going to make it."

Not being able to help myself, I laugh. "Nope." I pull out my phone from my pocket and then frown. "Ah, crap."

"What?"

I show him my phone. "No service."

"Fuck. Well, now what do we do?"

I glance by the dashboard, seeing what the temperature was. It was 40°; not too bad. I unbuckle and grin at Dave. "Well, I'll walk a bit until I get a signal back."

Dave puts his hand on my forearm. "What of wolves get you?"

Even though I laugh, I am legit frightened at that prospect. "I won't go far. I'm just going to walk a little ways back, follow our tire tracks. If my signal doesn't come back, I'll walk back."

"Alright. You have twenty minutes, then I'm coming for you."

I swing open the door. "Sounds good."

It doesn't take me long to find a signal. Even so, I'm a bit aways down the road, and Dave's car is nowhere in sight. I can still hear the engine, which is relieving compared to the absolute silence of the snowy forest.

"Tristan! Are you here?"

I chuckle. "Yes and no. We're down the road, but there's some snow and we can't get through."

Jake laughs, and it feels so good to hear his laughter. "Shit, sorry about that. I didn't think of it. I'll come pick you guys up, okay? Gimme like, five minutes."

"Sounds good. See you then."

"Can't wait!"

I hang up and smile.