The ride to Texas was rather uneventful. It was fun, but it was a long trip where not much happened. The miles unfurrowed before us, and as they did I was once again struck by the changing landscapes, going from bitterly cold winter landscapes to milder, in between spots where the weather couldn't figure out if it was winter or spring. There were large stretches that were downright depressing, everything bleak, dead, and cold, the sky and muddy ground the same steel grey.

Jake and I continued to get to know each other. He told me about growing up and his best friend Stacy. He told me how him and Ben had started a band in seventh grade. Jake explained to me about his parents—his mother was a nurse while his father was a long-haul driver after being laid off because of Michigan's shitty economy. I found out he had a younger sister.

We talked about just about everything under the sun, from what books and TV shows we liked all the way up to meaningful debates about religion, morals, and philosophy. The more we talked the more I realized Jake was actually an extremely well spoken, smart young man. I only hoped I wasn't making an ass out of myself and the things I were saying were able to keep up with his intellect.

We, of course, danced around the subject of Orion. Jake, always thoughtful, allowed me to direct such conversations. We were talking philosophy, which morphed into psychological. That morphed into a nurture vs. nature discussion, in which we, of course, discussed Orion. Even that was a round about way though; we discussed Ben's close relationship with his mother and how her coddling made him into the sweet, empathetic, and caring teddy bear he was. I brought up Orion could have done well with a mother like that, and Jake just said, "Yup."

By the time we reached my house, I didn't want our trip to be over. I had genuinely enjoyed myself, and felt much closer to Jake. If I were to get back with Orion, I knew that bond would be an important one to keep.

"Wanna come in an meet ma?" I offered as I slung my backpack over my shoulder from the back of his SUV. "I'm sure my dad's at work."

Jake shakes his head. "That's okay, I don't want to impose."

I grin. "It's not imposing. Ma knows you were bringing me back."

"But—"

"Seriously, she'd love to meet you. Unless you really don't want to?"

Jake looks mildly panicked. "What? No, it's not that at all, I'd love to meet her—"

Shutting the trunk, I sling my arm around his shoulders and guide him toward the house. "Well c'mon then."

I unlock the door and poke my head in. "Ma? Ma, I'm home."

I walk in and Jake comes up behind me. After a minute ma enters the room from the hallway on the left. She smiles immediately.

"Tristan!"

We hug briefly, and when we're done I gesture to Jake. "Ma, this is Jake. Jake, this is ma."

"Pleasure to meet you Mrs. Smith," Jake replies and holds out his hand.

Ma giggles a bit and takes Jake's hand. She giggles even more when he brings his lips to her hand, kissing it briefly. When she pulls away she is blushing, fanning herself.

"Tristan, you didn't tell me how good looking he is! You gotta warn me about such things before you give me a heart attack."

Jake cracks up, even though he's beet red.

"MA!"

"Er, thank you, Mrs. Smith," Jake says between laughter.

Jake stays for just a few minutes before he heads back out. Afterwards, ma starts to ask me how the mini-vacation was.

"Before all that," I tell her, "there's a phone call I gotta make."

~

"Thanks for meeting with me."

I'm sitting across from Dave. We're in a café, drinking coffee. Or rather, sitting across from one another with untouched coffee in front of us.

Dave merely shrugs, which makes me sigh.

"Look, David—"

"Please, calle Dave," he replies gently.

"Dave," I correct myself. "I wanted to apologize."

Dave raises his eyebrows, being the first to drink from his cup.

"I didn't—I didn't mean for it to go like this. I wasn't planning on it to going sideways from the get-go."

"But you were," he tells me plainly.

I'm mildly offended but keep it in check. "No I wasn't—"

"Tristan," he cuts me off. "It was a subconscious thing."

"How so?"

"What do you remember about the night we met?"

I can feel myself blush. "Er, not much."

"Can you tell me specifically?"

"Uh," I reply, messing with the hem of my shirt beneath the table. "I remember playing beer pong. Lots of beer pong. And I remember you stopping me from getting more beer. And I sorta remember us talking on the couch and you telling me that you were gay."

The entire time I speak, Dave is silent, nodding along.

"And then we were making out somewhere—"

"The basement."

I screw up my face. "Really?"

Dave chuckles and waves his hand. "Yes, though it doesn't really matter. Please go on."

"And then we were upstairs and—" now I really blush, "and I couldn't perform because I was so wasted. And I remember you kissing me goodnight."

Dave nods. "That's it?"

Now I nod, and take an awkward sip of my coffee.

Dave sighs and seems to collect himself. "Look, Tristan...Going into this I knew it wasn't going to last."

"You did?"

"You told me yourself."

I can feel myself panic. "I did?"

"That night," Dave tells me, "all you could talk about was Orion. Orion this, Orion that."

I wince.

"But as the night wore on, well...you started to get really sad."

My eyes widen.

"We were talking on the couch about Orion. You told me everything that happened, that he tried to commit suicide. You told me that you were angry, but you also felt terrible because you love him."

My breath hitches. Dave looks down now, staring at the table instead of me.

"You started kissing me, begging me to make you forget, even if it was just for one night. So I led you to the basement and we messed around a bit. After that you wanted to play more beer pong, and I obliged."

Dave chuckles then, flicking his eyes to look at me for just a moment. "You didn't get to play though because you stumbled into the table and nearly toppled the damn thing over."

I blush yet again.

"So I brought you upstairs to sleep it off. That's when you puked all over yourself."

I wince again but say nothing.

"So I took your shirt off, and your socks, and ran downstairs to wash them. When I came back you were trying to get in my pants."

I make a face. "Ew. I'm sorry."

To my delight, Dave laughs and waves his hand again. "It's fine. I also was pretty drunk, so I just gave you some water to rinse out your mouth with before we started making out again."

"Ew," I say once more.

Dave laughs. "I know, right?"

Then he's serious again. "After we realized we didn't have protection, and maybe more importantly, you couldn't get it up—"

Again with the blushing.

"You started to cry."

My mouth parts.

"You were crying into my lap that you just wanted to forget Orion, because you didn't know if you could ever forgive him for what he did. But that you realized his attempt wasn't about you, but the sense of betrayal was still there."

To my slight horror, as he speaks, I'm starting to remember.

"But you told me you thought you had made a mistake coming back to Texas, and you swore you'd do whatever it took—"

"To get Orion back," I finish for him. I bring a shaking hand to my mouth. "Fuck, Dave, I'm so, so sorry."

Dave smiles at me sadly, shaking his head. "I should be the one apologizing. I used you."

I blink. "What?"

"Do you remember that day, in your bed, and I asked you about Orion, and I asked you what it was like to be in love?"

I couldn't help myself, I bit my lip. "Um...yes"

Dave looks at his lap, and I catch him blushing. "I...I've never had a boyfriend before."

"What?"

Dave lifts his head. "I knew you weren't over Orion. And I knew, eventually, this wasn't going to work. But I just—"

He drops his head again and is suddenly silent. To my trepidation, I think he might be crying.

"Fuck, Dave—"

Dave lifts his head, and he is, in fact, crying a little. It breaks my heart. When he speaks, his voice quivers.

"Look, Tristan. I'm really fucked up when it comes to my sexuality. I'm ashamed, and I'm afraid, so all my life I've just tried to live in this box that all of modern day society has told me that I should belong in."

Instinctively I reach across the table and take his hand.

"Besides hook-ups, I never accepted myself as a gay person. I was afraid to. So even though I knew you were bad for me, and even though I knew you were still in love with Orion, I wanted to date you because I wanted to get my feet wet, yaknow?"

"Fuck, Dave...I am so, so sorry—"

He surprises me then by getting to his feet, gently taking my face in his hands, and kisses me. My breath hitches. He sort of whimpers against my lips, and then puts his forehead against mine with his eyes closed.

"I'm sorry for using you as a sort of experiment. And I'm sorry I got mad at you at Jake's and left."

He opens his eyes and looks at me. "And Tristan, thank you for giving me what you have. Because I did enjoy it. I really did enjoy being your boyfriend. You made me happy."

Dave stands to his full height and looks down at me. This turn of events admittedly caught me completely off guard.

"Did I make you happy Tristan, even just a little?"

I nod, because I don't think I could speak even if I wanted to.

"Good." For a moment he seems to relish my acknowledgment, and then speaks again. "Friends?"

My heart falls into the pits of Hell. "I—I can't. I'm sorry."

Still surprising me, Dave smiles sadly. "I knew you wouldn't want to. It's okay. Worth a shot, right?"

I'm right back to not being able to move, or speak, or breath, really.

"Goodbye, Tristan. Go make Orion happy. Maybe more importantly, go make yourself happy."

And when Dave leaves the café, it's the last time I ever saw him.