I couldn't tell you the movie we saw. It was really nice though; snuggled up with David in the back of the theater. Periodically he would rest his head against my shoulder as we ate popcorn together.

About halfway through the movie, I felt emboldened. Slowly, I crept my hand along his that was on the arm rest. I took the time to really feel his hands, learn them. When my fingers finally brushed against his knuckles, I entwined my own fingers with his, my hand on top.

When I rose my eyes to him, he looked gorgeous. A soft smile was on his face. He had this innocent look, an expression that was shy and shocked that I was holding his hand in an intimate way. The screen before us illuminated his face with a splash of colors, and his eyes glinted in the dim light.

I returned the smile. David became more comfortable then, resituating his body so he leaned on me fully. For a moment his hair tickled my jawline, but I quickly solved that problem by leaning my head against his. When I did this, I was caught by his scent, a wonderful mix of lavender and mint.

It made me smile. He made me smile. I couldn't contain my giddiness, glancing down at him every so often. Once he caught me looking and sat up. For a moment he just looked at me, the same shy, innocent look to him. Then to my surprise, he leaned in and kissed me on the mouth.

It was a quick kiss, but it was sweet, and it sent a shiver up my spine. David looked so...happy. It was nice. It was really a good feeling knowing that I was causing someone joy.

We left the theater hand in hand. David was chattering about the movie, but truth be told I was only half-listening. My full, undivided attention wasn't his for two reasons. First, I hadn't paid much attention to the film, instead focusing on and enjoying David's presence. Secondly, I was too wrapped up in my own feelings.

I felt like I belonged again. It took me a little while to muddle through why being with David made me feel that way. I also needed to figure out when I started feeling like that-that I didn't belong-in the first place.

I realized, halfway to David's house, it was because of Orion. My time with Orion was great. If I was being truthful with myself, I hoped that somewhere down the line him and I could reconnect again.

But he had started to make me feel hollow. I tried so hard to make him feel like he was worth something. I gave myself to him entirely. Devoted my life to him. Stuck by him.

Yet through it all, I didn't fit. I wasn't part of the band. I was just some lackey who got lucky and started dating the lead singer. The entire time we toured, I was completely out of my element. Sure, I was a big fan of Saturn Mutants and had been for years. Yes, my job was literally just to lug equipment around.

But as much as they tried to make me feel welcome, I just didn't have the same history. Jake, Ben, and Orion had been friends since high school. There were references I hadn't understood, jokes that went over my head. They were so, so very inclusive, and I'm truly thankful for that...But at the same time, I just felt like an outsider.

Making everything ten times worse, I had been a fool. My attempts at helping Orion failed. I failed. So it was nice being with someone who made me feel grounded. David was making me feel like I was enough.

I look at David, who was mid-sentence, and smile. Yes; here, now, in this very moment, I was enough for someone. I hadn't felt that for a long time.

"What?" David asks, looking amused yet perplexed.

I shake my head. "Nothing. I just had a really nice time. Thank you."

David grins. "I did too, Tristan. Thank you."

I'm prepared to just drop off David and then head home myself. Instead he insists on me coming in. The house appears to be empty as we quietly make our way upstairs. As soon as the door is closed, David locks it, and presses his mouth to my own. He lets out a soft moan, flicking his tongue against my lips. I shudder when he runs his hand upward, through the hair on the back of my head. Surprising me, he then tightly takes a fistful, hungrily drawing my mouth even closer to his his.

It doesn't take long before I'm incredibly turned on. David, still kissing me, shimmies out of the black hoodie he had been wearing. I peel off my denim jacket, dropping it to the floor, and then cup either side of David's face. As I'm doing that, David pulls my shirt up, beginning to unbutton my pants.

"Are you clean?" he asks me, reaching into my pants. As he begins to rub me up and down I twitch.

"Yes," I breathe out. As David nibbles my neck, I can't help but giggle ever so slightly. I roll my head to the side, giving him further access. "I have papers from my last test-"

"Show them to me later," he murmurs against my mouth. "I'm clean, and I'll show you mine too."

I wrap my arms around him, easily picking him up. David wraps his legs around my waist, and I bring him to the bed. As gently as I can, I lay us both down. Our kissing never ceases.

After a few moments I pull his shirt off, our entwined lips pausing just for long enough to get that task done. To my slight surprise, David flips us over so I'm on my back. He pulls off my shirt. Afterwards he kisses along my jaw, down my neck. Caressing my collar bone with kisses, he continues downward to my chest, stomach, and treasure trail. Forcefully he tugs at my pants and I raise my hips, allowing him to shimmy them off.

"God, you're gorgeous," he murmurs before taking me into his mouth.

It feels good. It feels wonderful. Yet, even so, the briefest memory of Orion flickers through my mind. I feel guilty, but that was absolutely absurd. Orion was no longer my boyfriend. What was there to feel guilty about?

Yet as the guilt didn't disappear, I forced myself to just focus on the now. Focus on how good David's lips felt, focused on how turned on I was. Entwining my fingers in his hair, I focused on how silky soft his locks were. Forcing my brain to shut off, I thought about what it would be like to have sex with him.

It didn't take long for me to get lost in it. This was my specialty, my coping mechanism. Ground myself in the now with pleasure, and hold onto it for dear life, pushing away other realities. All I allowed myself to feel was my growing pleasure. All I saw was David's eyes looking up at me, pools of lust.

Nothing else mattered.

It felt wonderful.

~

"How was the movie?" ma asked me as soon as I walked in the door.

As I look at her, I can't help but frown. There's two reasons. First off, I get the sneaking suspicion she had been waiting for me to come home, ready to pounce. Secondly was the fact she held a flute of orange juice in her hand. It really pissed me off.

How rude could you be? Sometimes she would hide it, usually in the mornings. She would pretend it was just sparkling orange juice, like Orangina or something. However, I wasn't stupid.

After Tyler died, she started drinking. Back then she didn't even try to hide it. It started with wine, just to take the edge off during the day, with lunch. Then she started having champagne in the evenings. In short order I began to keep a silent tally in my head of how often she came home with a new bottle of wine, a new bottle of champagne.

The numbers ramped very quickly. I knew my dad didn't drink any of that stuff. He was a beer guy, and even then only drank in moderation. That meant ma was drinking after I went to bed. To confirm that once, I made a faint pencil mark on one of the bottles right before bed; by that point she had started bringing home vodka, too. The following morning when no one was looking, I stole a glance at the marked vodka. I wasn't very surprised when there was at least four more shots gone.

The fact that my mother was drinking heavily every day wasn't the only upsetting thing regarding how she stood in front of me now. She knew about Orion. She knew he was an alcoholic. She fucking knew how much that bothered me. Yet here she stood, glass in hand, not giving a damn for my feelings and how much alcohol had come to upset me.

Would I ever tell her that? No. In the Smith household, we swept everything under the rug, quietly and neatly.

"It was good," I tell her, flashing a smile I don't feel.

"What'd you see?"

I wrack my brain. What had we seen? "Uh...I forgot the name of it. That new one with Scott Davis."

"Oh! Waiting 'Til Tomorrow! I've wanted to see that, was it good?"

"Yup."

Ma gives me a sly look. "I reckon you couldn't tell me anything about it, now could you?"

Even though I feel slightly embarrassed, I keep my composure. "What do you mean?"

"You're soft for that David guy, aren't you?"

I roll my eyes. "Ma."

I'm mildly alarmed when she giggles, wondering just how much she has drank already. "You are, aren't you?"

"Ma."

"I'm happy for you! It'll be good for you to move on."

Even though I'm genuinely annoyed, I laugh and wave her off as I head to my bedroom. "Whatever. I'll be in my room."

"Hey Tristan."

I stop right before I hit the hallway, and turn around to look at her.

"Just try not to hurt David, okay? He's clearly a rebound, and those never last."

I frown deeply. Without another word, I turn away and go quietly to my room.