I'm asking you to wait

I'm asking you to forgive me

I know I'm going to screw this up

But please, just wait

Though I know this is hard

Though I want to run and hide

I will abide to these feelings

That are hidden deep inside

And I didn't mean to hurt you

And I don't wanna hurt you still

So sometimes I think, maybe

I should just shut up

And take another pill

But then the voice that's inside me,

The one that's nestled inside

It speaks into my ear

Offers up a soft chide

It tells me not to take the bait

So I'm asking you to wait

I didn't want to write this

I didn't want to wear this like a badge

But I need to admit I'm caught up in this

And that maybe this is what I need...

So I'm asking you to wait

I'm asking you to forgive me

I know I'm going to screw this up

But please, just wait

I know I let you down

I wish I could say I was shocked

But this is what I do

And maybe it's what I'll always do

But please just know

You're not the only one I let down

I need you to look at me

Like you did that first night

When I'm bound in your gaze

And my head's all a maze

I need you to look

And see all my fright...

I need you to know

That I'm really not alright

That I'm lost afraid

Every time I go back

Back in time to this place

And I don't wanna to lose this

So I ask you...just wait

I'm asking you please to wait

I'm asking you to forgive me

I know I'm going to fuck this up

But please, just wait

I'm so tired of this sting

I don't want to let this go

I've never felt like this before

And maybe it's cliché

But I don't wanna keep you at bay

And I'm scared when you're not here

And I'm scared when you're not near

And I'm scared that I'm scared

And I'm tired of being scared

So please, just wait

Please, just wait

There's an eerie moment of silence. I don't know if I've ever been to a concert where there are a few breaths of absolute stillness. It was happening now though, and I really hoped Sean the security guard wasn't paying me much mind, because it was taking everything within me not to start crying.

Outside of when he sang Flames to me ever so sweetly, by VAST, a band I had never even heard of, all those months ago...I don't think I had ever heard Orion sing with such beautiful conviction. Then I'm plunging head first into a memory and Madison Square Garden disappears. I'm sitting on Orion's bed as he sang softly to me. Flickering images of the first time we made love together fritter through my mind's eye. I knew then he sang that song specifically because the lyrics told me how he felt towards me. And, just like I knew he sang Flames for me, I knew he was singing this song for me.

Just for me.

I'm ripped out of my tender revere as the crowd roars back to life. Eyes fixated on Orion, who sat alone on the middle of the stage, spotlight on him, I watched him nearly tumble off the stool he sat on. His eyes had been closed, and I think he was caught up in something just like I had been. I watch intently as he grins. Then, after a few moments, he looks sad and the smile disappears.

Sean taps me on the shoulder, signaling me to follow him. So I do, even though all I want to do is run out on the stage right then and there and hug Orion. Instead I rush along behind Sean, head ducked, pulling out my phone.

Jake 10:30PM

Hey--I know you're busy, but as soon as you get this please give me a call, it's kinda urgent. Just ASAP. Ty.

I hit send, and as I do I see Gloria walk past. I duck my head, and I'm happy she's talking to some stage hands. Even so, I furtively catch her giving me a double take. Too afraid of blowing my cover, I don't dare to look behind me to see if she was still looking.

~

"Hey buddy."

"Jake? Shit, it's one in the morning."

"Well, your text said ASAP!"

"What are you still doing awake?"

When Jake replies, I don't miss the fact he's talking down to me a bit. "Uh, the concert ended around eleven, and even though we don't have to, we try to help the stage crew pack stuff up after the show? C'mon, certainly you remember that?"

I can't help but smile fondly. "Yeah, I do. Look, if it's too late--"

"I'm still hyped over the concert, I doubt I'll be sleeping any time soon."

"Are you sure? I feel bad."

Jake chuckles. "Of course you do. Tristan, for real, you're not bothering me. If anything, did I wake you?"

Now I chuckle. "No."

"So, this is about the concert, isn't it?" And I hear him take a drag from a cigarette.

"Yeah. I want--I wanna meet with Orion."

Jake exhales. "Well, shit, Tristan. We're on tour. You don't work with us anymore."

"I know. Which is why I need help with ideas."

A pause, and then, "Give me a few days. I'll think of something. Reach out to Ben, too."

"Ben?"

Jake laughs. "Yes, Ben. He's good for ideas sometimes."

I laugh.

"Okay," he concedes, "a lot of times."

There's a pause, and I don't know what to say or do. So I just listen to Jake puff away on his cigarette.

"Jake--look, I--"

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't thank me."

I screw up my face. "Why?"

"I'm doing this for you as much as I'm doing it for Orion," he tells me softly. "I just want him to be happy. I just want you to be happy. There's no need to thank me, Tristan."

"Well, too bad. Thank you, Jake."

He sort of chuckles, and I can imagine him shaking his head. "You're welcome, Tristan. Now go get some sleep."

"Yes, mother."

Jake laughs. "And don't forget to text Ben, too. Or call him."

"Texting would probably be best, seeing as you guys are touring."

"Yeah, good point. Man, I'm getting tired."

"Go to bed, Jacob."

"Screw you, you can't tell me what to do, you're not my dad!" 

I laugh, and so does he. After a few moments there's some more silence between us, but I don't think he's smoking anymore.

"Jake?"

He sounds mildly annoyed, and I think it's because he knows what I'm going to say next. "What, Tristan?"

"Thanks."

I can hear him smile. "You're welcome."