Summer was quickly drawing to a close. I was thankful, looking forward to the cooler weather and the occasional snow storms. It had been a few days since I had brought Dave to the dance club.

I found myself grateful for the fact that Dave had classes so I hadn't seen him since that day. I had kept myself busy. It seemed like any time my mind was left to it's own devices, it would always default to Orion. It was annoying at best. If I'm being honest though, it was making me feel extremely overwhelmed with guilt.

So, I did what I could. I became a busy- body, calling my friends constantly, keeping tabs on them. Going to the skate park became a daily ritual. I had asked my dad if he needed any help in the shop, so three days a week I helped out there. When I wasn't doing any of these things, I was reading.

Currently I was reading a book about black holes; fascinating stuff, but terrifying as all get-out. My dad was working late at the shop (of course), and ma had turned in early for the night. I was in the living room, curled up on the couch. The table lamp was the only light in the room, sitting next to the landline phone I still was confused about.

My concentration is broken by my cell phone ringing. Barely tearing my eyes away from the book, I glance at the name. As soon as I see it, I literally drop my book.

💚Orion

I freeze. Did he mean to call me? Was this a butt-dial? Was he relapsed already and was drunk-calling me? Or maybe he was clearing out his contacts and instead of deleting my name he accidentally called me.

I couldn't help my hand trembling as I answered the call.

"Orion?"

No answer.

"Orion?"

I can hear him breathing quietly, so I know he's actually there.

"Orion-are you there?"

Still nothing. With my heart thudding against my ribs, I try something I'm pretty sure will get him to speak.

"Orio?"

Finally he speaks. "'M' sorry."

My phone beeps, letting me know he ended the call. I pull the device away from my ear, staring at it. I'm sad when, after a few seconds, the call screen goes back to my contacts list.

I frown deeply. What the fuck was that? I still didn't know if he meant to call me. And why wasn't he talking? He's the one who called me...

My mind flies to more sinister scenarios. When he finally said something, it was just a quiet mumble. There had been rustling, like he was moving the phone away already. Had he been drunk?

Suddenly a memory comes up; Simon said that when Orion had called him as he was OD'ing, he could barely understand him...

I, somewhat frantically, pull up Jake's number. I'm happy he picks up nearly immediately.

"Hey Tristan!" he greets happily.

"Hey," I say, praying my voice is steady so he can't tell how absolutely freaked out I am.

"What's up?"

"Er, I just got a weird phone call from Orion."

A pause, and then, "Orion?"

"Yeah. Could you do me a favor? Could you please call him or text him, make sure he's okay?"

"Sure," Jake tells me softly, and the way he's speaking confuses me. He sounds... Relieved? "I'll let you know."

I shut my eyes. "Thank you, Jake."

Impatiently I wait for a reply. I try to go back to reading, but it's futile. As soon as my phone chimes, I pick it up.

Jake

9:13PM

Hey. 🙂 He's fine. Apparently Amy and John are staying with him. If you'd like, I can confirm that too?

I appreciate it, Jake, but no need.

You sure?

Yeah. Have a good night Jake, and thx again.

Np. Don't be a stranger. 😉

It was taking everything within me to not physically make sure Orion was alright. Even if I did something as impulsive as jumping on the first flight I could find, what would it do? What would I say? With how rattled I was by that phone call, I'd probably end up screaming at him once we were face to face and I saw for myself he was safe and sound.

Maybe we'd fight. Maybe he'd make me realize I had made the right decision to leave him behind.

Or maybe...Maybe we could have a civil conversation. Maybe we could catch up. He could tell me about his rehab stint, I could tell him about what all I've been doing here in Texas.

Maybe...maybe we could talk until the early hours of the morning, until the sun came up. Perhaps he could say or do something that would make me realize that I hadn't actually made the right decision, that a dire mistake on my part was made when I ran away.

Maybe he could make me stay.

I lean my head back on the arm of the couch. Book be damned; I knew I wasn't going to lay eyes on it for the rest of the evening. I let out a long, disgruntled sigh, and say quietly,

"Fuck."

"What's wrong?"

I damn near jump out of my skin. I bolt up right, heart beating as fast as a locomotive. When I see it's just ma, I laugh and shake my head.

She laughs. "Didn't know you were as jumpy as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Didn't mean to scare you."

I chuckle and rub my eye. "It's okay. I just thought you were asleep."

She comes over to me and sits down. "What's wrong, baby?"

I open my mouth but then shut it. I don't have it in me to lie. Not to ma, anyway. My dad might hate my guts, but ma? Yeah, of course I was tired sick of her drinking, but she was still my ma. I lace my fingers together, looking at my palms.

"I still love Orion," I quietly admit.

"I know."

My head jerks up. "Ya do?"

She laughs. "Tristan, honey. I'd claim it was a mother's intuition, but we both know it's not that."

"We do?" I ask, genuinely confused.

Again she laughs, her airy, crystalline laugh that I love. The one that makes me feel warm and good in the depths of my soul. Her laugh always makes me feel loved and secure.

"Tristan, anyone who knows you knows you're not over Orion."

I scrunch up my face.

"I'm fixing to slap you," she teases, throwing me a quick glare. She then gets serious. "Ever since you got back home you've been mopey."

I laugh. "Mopey?"

"Yes, mopey. That isn't like you, Tristan."

I look back at my hands. The room is filled with a thick, heavy silence. When it's obvious I'm not going to say anything, ma pats my knee and gets to her feet. I lift my head to meet her stare.

"You need to stop stringing David along," she tells me strictly. "You're gonna break that poor boy's heart. It's not like you to toy with someone's emotions. I raised you better than that."

Honestly I'm stunned. She was right. She was right, but I wasn't used to her being so blunt about things.

"Good night, Tristan."

"G'nite, ma."

I watch her until she reaches the hallway. She pauses, her hand on the wall, looking over her shoulder at me. When she shakes her head a little, I don't even think the gesture was a conscious thing.

Giving a final frown, she disappeared around the corner, leaving me alone with my thoughts and guilt.