It made sense that the lyrics were still there at the bottom of the bag. By the time we got back to Orion's place, well...We both completely forgot about them. Seeing as my gym clothes and towels hadn't even been used, they stayed in my bag until today. Which meant that piece of paper was still there, a reminder of a happier life.

For a long time I sat on the bench, staring at the lyrics. I tried to cling to that memory. Remembering how he smelled that day, the smell of that particular car. Remembering what his lips had felt like when he kissed me. Trying to remember the exact pitch and tone of his giggle...

I couldn't. Not fully. Realizing that caused a deep, deep ache in the pit of my stomach. An ache didn't even describe it. Honestly I suddenly felt ill, sick to my stomach.

I grabbed my phone from my bag and dialed Dave. I wasn't expecting him to answer. I wasn't prepared to have him to answer. So when his voicemail kicked on it was a relief.

"Hey Dave. Call me when you get this. I'd like to meet up with you. We gotta talk about something."

~

"You sounded so serious on the phone."

I swiveled my head to face Dave as I sat on the lip of the vert ramp at John Stiff Park. I had asked him to meet me there.

"Come sit."

Dave tripped. Looking embarrassed, he came and sat right down next to me. He twiddled his thumbs.

"I'm not going to beat around the bush."

Dave closed his eyes and let out a breath. "You're breaking up with me, aren't you?"

Honestly? Yeah. I had called him out here to do just that. Ma was right. Yet as I sat there, I could see how sad he was. He just looked so...So...

"I got a job," I blurted out.

Dave opens his eyes and looks at me. "What?"

"Easton. Remember when Easton was in town?"

Dave smiles a little, still looking apprehensive and more than a little confused. "Of course I do...I met you at his party."

"Yeah, well, er, he got me a job. Out in New York city. Construction work."

Dave looks at his lap. "Oh...So, you are breaking up with me."

My mouth flops like a fish as it flails around on the bottom of a boat. Finally I found the word, and I'm embarrassed when it comes out in a squeak. "No?"

Dave looked perplexed.

"I mean, the job isn't until the spring."

Dave looks down again. "Oh. So, we're on a time frame then."

"No?" I squeak again, this time clearing my throat. "Look, David. I like you a lot."

STOP talking! My brain screams at me.

"I mean, plenty of people have long distance relationships."

What are you doing?! Shut up!

"So, I don't see why we couldn't?"

STOP MOVING, LIPS!

"I mean, I like you a lot a lot, David."

Hell. You're going straight to fucking Hell for leading this kid on.

"I mean, I'd like to try at least."

OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING TRISTAN?!

"You're totally worth the effort."

Shut up, Tristan, and go die. Just go jump off a fucking cliff, right now.

Dave looks at me. "Really?"

I plaster a grin on my face. Even so, I rub the back of my neck. "Yeah. I never thought I'd wanna do a long distance relationship, ever, but yeah." I take his hand and give it a squeeze. "Completely worth it."

Go directly to Hell. Do NOT pass go. Do NOT collect $200.

Dave smiles ever so sweetly, puts a hand on my cheek, and kisses me.

It takes everything within me to not puke into his mouth.

~

Arlene is laughing at me. Actually it's more like a cackle. In fact, she's laughing so hard she snorts.

"Arlene!" I snap at her over the phone. "I just poured my fucking heart out to you, and I feel really low about myself and how I couldn't break up with Dave because I didn't want to hurt him—"

More cackling.

"And you're laughing?!"

"Oh, sweetie," she says, and I can imagine her wiping tears from her eyes. "Baby cakes." A giggle-snort. "Ya do realize by not breaking up with him now, you're only going to make things ten times worse down the road, right?"

"I know," I moan.

"Yaknow what this reminds me of?"

"Arlene, I'm not in the mood for one of your anecdotal stories right now..."

"Shush your mouth. Listen."

I moan again.

"Do you remember Sophomore year—"

"Of course I do."

"I said shush, you!"

I finally chuckle.

"Do you remember when Mr. Eggerston was saying really homophobic shit one day in class?"

"Yeah..."

"But you weren't out yet to anyone except me and Tyler, so you sat next to me, just getting angrier and angrier—"

"How could I forget?"

"Until finally you were fixing to murder him, and you actually jumped to your feet and I had to grab you and shove you back in your seat?"

I sigh, rubbing my forehead with closed eyes.

"And remember he asked, 'What's wrong, Smith?' and you almost came out right then and there, in front of everyone? But I shooshed you and told you now was not the time?"

"I'm still pissed at you for that, mind you."

"Well what happened?"

I don't answer.

"What happened, Tristan?"

I sigh. "We reported him after class and he got suspended."

"Had you cause a ruckus right off the bat, I don't think he'd gotten suspended. YOU probably would have, but not him."

"What's the point of all this, Arlene?"

Her voice drops low and deadly. "This is me yanking you back in your seat. Your mom is right, and your gut is right. Break up with him. And while you're at it, get back together with Orion. You're like a love sick puppy dog, man. It's pathetic. Go—follow your heart, go find love, or some other sappy shit. Goodbye, Tristan."

Dumbfounded, I can't help but stare at my phone in shock because she actually, really just had the audacity to hang up on me. So I pull up my messages.

Arlene

9:36PM

I hate you.

No you don't. 😘 Now, GO BREAK UP WITH HIM!

But I don't. Instead I roll over on my bed, shut my eyes, and bid adieu to the emotional roller coaster that had been today.