"This is Pete, and Pete, Chad and Dustin, Tim, Andy, Kyle..."

For all I could care, they all could have been named Pete. But, me being me, nodded and greeted each man with a smile. I just wanted introductions to be done and over with so I could work.

For the first two weeks I was to shadow one of the Pete's. I had a leg up already having worked on an oil rig. Even so it was protocol for my first two weeks of my 90 day probation period to be an apprentice of sorts.

The work was strenuous. Just like with the oil rig, I wasn't looking forward to balancing precariously up high on scaffolding. Lucky for me though, that would come at later stages. Our crew had just recently broken ground.

That first day was what I had expected—hard work and lots of comments on my accent. By the time lunch hit I was a sweaty mess, and had already gotten into a light hearted, faux argument over the pronunciation of "New York" and "New Jersey". By the end of the day I was razzed over the fact that the Dallas Cowboys had a miserable showing compared to the New York Jets this year, and that the type of barbecue sauce used in Texas was an abomination.

Suffice to say, the guy from Texas, where 'cues practically originated from and I swear were in my very blood, won that argument.

Driving home was a pain in the ass. I, first of all, had no idea where I was going. Trying to navigate down town New York during rush hour was a joke. GPS was little help, the signal bouncing off buildings and not being able to make heads or tails on what direction I was actually going. After a point I gave up and found my way back to my apartment just by looking at the map.

After being stuck in traffic for an hour I finally made it home, frazzled and worse for wear. Locking the door behind me, I began to undress immediately. To say I needed a shower was an understatement. After peeling off my shirt, I grabbed the remote to the TV my parents had given me as a going away present. I hadn't set it up yet, so I only had basic channels. It was one of those smart TVs, but I hadn't had the chance to figure it out. 

Unpacking had been done in a spectacularly lackadaisical fashion on my part so far. I mean, what did it matter? Not like I was living with anyone. So unpacking became this thing where when I needed something, I pulled out belongings and put them away in permanent spots until I found what I was looking for, then stopped unpacking. Currently I was trying to find my fresh towels.

"—you heard that correctly, Saturn Mutants are in fact going on a nation wide tour this year, beginning over the summer."

I picked my head up. On the TV was a cut away showing the band on the red carpet from a few years ago. Flashes are going off from every direction. Orion, wearing heavy eyeliner, smiles ever so briefly towards a camera off screen as Ben waves at someone. Jake, with his hands in his pockets, turns to move further down the carpet. Just then Gloria, holding a walkie-talkie, hurries past them before it cuts away back to the reporter speaking.

"They've been on hiatus for almost a year now, after having canceled all shows abruptly mid-tour. The fellas were nice enough to provide refunds in full for the canceled dates." The woman with a bad dye job and and equally bad fake tan smiles at the camera. "That wasn't enough to quell the ever-circulating rumors pertaining to front-man Orion Bauwens, and his assumed struggles with sobriety."

Disgusted, I turn away to head to the shower.

"However, this time around, Orion is planning on giving a live interview to kick off the tour."

I stop, half-turning back to the gossip entertainment show.

"The singer remains tight-lipped about this interview other than to say, you won't want to miss it.

"In other news, Sophia VanMerten is at it again—"

I shut off the TV and just stare at the blank screen. A live interview? Well, color me intrigued. Smiling to myself, I go jump in the shower.

~

In the handful of months leading up to the live interview, I vacillated on whether I was going to watch it or not. First, there was the very real possibility that I'd be at work and miss it. Work had become my life. Not that I was complaining. I had been slow to make any friends here, and spent my free time working out. If I wasn't at work or kickboxing, I was making daily calls to ma, or catching up with friends back in Texas.

Miraculously, the interview landed on a day that I had off. It was a bit shocking, really. I didn't have actual weekends in the traditional, Saturday-Sunday meaning. I had random days off. With a level of trepidation that was laughable, I sat down on my couch with some water and turned on the interview.

"Hi everyone! This is Scott Davis--"

"And I'm Orion Bauwens--"

The actors laughs. "You screwed it up already, you pillock! I was supposed to introduce you!"

I can't help but smile. Orion looks...well, he looks good. I mean, he always looked good, of course. I was a little surprised at his attire, dressed in a black suite with a cherry red tie. He even had his hair done nicely. The eyeliner made his dark eyes pop, like it always did.

Him looking good was beyond that though. His face was definitely fuller. The structure of his face would forever mean he had predominant cheekbones and a harshly defined jaw. His cheeks weren't sunken in though. The circles beneath his eyes weren't so deep, like he had actually had a good night's rest for once. His suit, while obviously still tailored to match his slim physique, looked like it actually fit. Orion didn't look like a mannequin with clothes hanging off his gaunt frame.

He also seems...Like he's more comfortable in his own skin. When Scott had interrupted him, he threw his head back and gave an almost cackle. As the interview continued, I noticed how much he smiled. Genuinely smiled, where his eyes weren't just two dead coals that didn't match what his mouth was doing.

I'm also happy at the report Orion clearly has with Scott Davis. The interview unravels at several points, the two playfully shoving each other or outright making fun of one another. It doesn't seem like a stunt or staged. It's with that realization that I remember what Jake had said, that Orion had met him in rehab. The thought he had made a friend from that experience warmed me like hot cocoa on a cold winter's day.

I outright laugh when Orion accidently says "shit", and immediately follows it up with, "Oh fuck, I'm not supposed to swear, am I?"

It's shortly after this the interview becomes serious. And, as it goes on, I can't help but bring a shaking hand to my mouth.

Orion is being genuine. He's talking about things, really important, deep, dark things. Orion Bauwens was admitting his problems. Not only was he admitting to them, but he was owning them. He wasn't making excuses, wasn't trying to justify the things he had done and said.

My shock continues further when they briefly flash a picture of him that was taken in an airport. I remember that day! He had just gotten out of rehab, and we were at the airport, headed for Vermont. Orion had gone to the person who snapped the photo, signing a bunch of stuff in exchange for her deleting the pictures. She had waved to me even though she hadn't the faintest clue whom I was, just that I was clearly affiliated with the band somehow.

I look directly at the picture, and my throat cramps horribly. Orion is sitting next to me, his hand on my knee. Seeing him touch me...Well, it made me absolutely ache for him, deep in my soul.

"Who's the guy? I see Ben and Jake, but no one knew who the guy was. Was he your sponsor, or--"

"He was my boyfriend at the time."

I gasp out loud. Did Orion really just say that? Did Orion seriously just come out to thousands of fans? I'm apparently not the only shocked one, because there's a few moments of stunned silence between the two.

"I'm--I'm sorry. Boyfriend?"

"Yeah," Orion replied, narrowing his eyes in a look that clearly said, 'I'll stab you if anything homophobic comes out of your mouth.'

The interview continues. Orion, once again blowing me away, willingly divulges really personal shit. He explains how he was stalked by a fan and gives some intimate details of that experience and how it made him feel. He explains why he never came out publicly. Having no one around, I allow myself to cry when he talks about why he broke up with me. Then I feel like my heart is being ripped out by empathy when he admits to the fact he tried to commit suicide a year ago now. 

I watch the remainder of the interview with silent tears rolling down my cheeks. By the end of it, he looks a bit shaken, but he's strong. There are no tears. He's showing a level of empathy I knew existed, but I hadn't seen since I was little and Saturn Mutants first became a phenomenon. Back when Orion was happy about his fame--chatting with the audience, his legs dangling over the stage, microphone in hand, guitar temporarily forgotten. The dedication he was showing now to improving the lives of those watching, and the sincerity behind it...

It was beautiful. 

As soon as the interview was over, I wiped off my face and my cellphone was in hand. I'm happy when it only takes a couple rings for the person I'm calling to pick up.

"Hi, yeah, Jake? Yeah, I'm good, but I don't wanna chat right now.  Um, I'm gonna need a favor from you, if at all possible..."