"Tell me about Orion."

Ma decided to go out with some friends, and dad was at our car repair shop, working. David had come over after he was done with his classes. He and I were in my bed, laying next to one another.

I look at him, surprised. "What?"

"I said," he says, his face very close to mine, "tell me about Orion."

"Why?"

"Well," David continues patiently, "at several points during your drunken proclamations, you mentioned that you loved him."

Shit. "I did?"

"You did."

I move my arm behind my head, getting resituated and looking at the ceiling. "I did."

"Do you?"

I turn my head again. "Do I what?"

"Love him."

I sigh heavily and look at the ceiling, shaking my head. "Why do you want to know that?"

"I've never been in love before," David replies, causing me to glance at him out of the corner of my eye. "I've had boyfriends here and there, but nothing serious. What's it like?"

Now I flip over onto my side, propping myself up on my elbow, head resting in my palm. "No offense, but isn't it going to make you uncomfortable that I'm talking about an ex?"

David shakes his head. "Why should it?"

With that in mind, I give his question serious consideration. "It's...nice."

David looks at me expectantly. When I don't continue, he raises his eyebrows. "'Nice'? Being in love is 'nice'?"

Now I roll my eyes. "What do you want me to say?"

"The truth."

So I sigh and I tell him the truth. "It's like...feeling that you found a piece of you that you didn't know was missing."

David looks at me, a bit mystified. I continue.

"It's like the greatest high you'll ever have, and it's just as addicting. You want to be around the person you love as much as possible. And you think, no matter what happens, you'll get through it together, because..." Orion smiling at me floats into my memory, and I can't help but give a soft smile myself. "Because you love them."

I wanted to say, but that's not how it works. I wanted to be bitter and say love was a lie. It was a shiny thing dangled in front of you, a snake oil for all the world's problems. And I wanted to tell David that I didn't know if I'd ever fall in love again, or if falling in love would even be worth it, because I might end up heartbroken all over again.

Instead I just smile at David fondly and stroke his cheek. Speaking, I give a slight shake of my head. "It doesn't matter now though. I'm with you. That's all that matters, the present, not the past."

David leans forward and kisses me, tender and sweetly. So I kiss him back in the same manner. But then he presses his lips to mine again, keeping them there, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me on top of him. We both strip off our shirts, and quickly lose the rest of our clothes. And as I lose myself in the sex, a part of me feels guilty that the entire time I was thinking of Orion.

But that's what being in love is like, and I definitely still loved Orion.

~

"Hey sweet thang."

I chuckle into my phone. "Howdy, Arlene."

"How are things with my favorite person in the whole wide world?"

I chuckle again. "They're fine."

"Tristan," Arlene says, sounding like she didn't believe me for an instant.

"I'm back in town," I deflect, side-stepping the slew of questions I knew were inevitably going to spill out of my best friend's mouth. "Staying with ma and dad for a while."

She shrieks and I wince, pulling my phone away from my ear.

"Why didn't you say so sooner?! I'm actually on vacation this week and I'm here!"

Now I laugh. "I didn't know you were here, otherwise I would have said something."

"I have a hankering for fast food. Meet you there?"

I smile. "See you soon."

Now, the term "fast food" means a very specific thing in Texas. It's not just any old fast food—it's specifically Whataburger. There's one right by my old High School, Randall High. I knew that's the one Arlene was referring to, so I headed there immediately.

I don't know how she made it there so fast, but by the time I get there she's waiting outside for me. She runs over, giving me a huge hug. I laugh and hug her back just as tightly. When we pull away, I touch her lime green hair that's in a puffy mohawk type style, and grin.

"Love the hair."

Arlene fans herself and bat's her eyelashes at me as she opens the door. When she speaks, it's a sultry, southern belle accent. "Why thank you kindly, Mr. Smith."

I laugh and walk in, Arlene trailing behind me. We order and then go find a seat.

"So," I say, eating some fries. "How's your crazy job going?"

"It's not crazy!" she snaps at me, even though she's smiling.

"Yeah, you're right; hanging precariously over spent nuclear fuel pools is totally what sane people do."

"Hey, someone's gotta do it. 'Sides, I get weekly radiation checks to make sure I'm not getting overly-radiated."

I shake my head. She shrugs. I grin then and point at her. "That's why your hair's green, isn't it?"

"I'm fixing to murder you, Tristan Smith."

I laugh. "How--mutant powers?"

"What about you?" Arlene teases, swiping my milkshake and taking a swig of it before I can protest. "The fuck are you doing here, Mr. Hot Shot, I'm Dating Mr. International--"

"Don't," I cut her off with a frown.

She looks confused.

I look at my lap. "We broke up."

"You broke up?!"

"I think they should check your hearing along with your radiation levels, 'cause that's what I said."

Arlene glares. "Ooo, you're so sassy today!" She then becomes serious. "What happened?"

I sigh, rubbing my hands over my face. "Life."

Arlene shoots her eyebrows up at me.

"Orion tried to commit suicide," I tell her softly, no longer able to meet her gaze.

She gasps. "What?"

"Yeah," I say, shoving down hard the urge to cry. "I can't--I can't be with someone like that."

For a few minutes her and I say nothing, simply eating our food. And the longer time passes between us, the heavier it all feels.

"Tristan," Arlene says with hesitation.

I look at her, but I can't stand the expression on her face, so I look away.

"Are you okay?"

I shrug. More silence. My best friend finally breaks it again.

"You told me you loved him."

"I told a lot of people a lot of things," I say bitterly.

"You said--you said you thought he might be the one."

I smile at her, because I don't know what else to do. "Yeah well, I was wrong. I am only human, after all."

"Can I do anything?"

Still smiling, I shake my head. This makes Arlene angry. She leans in, fire snapping in her eyes.

"Knock off the tough man bullshit, Tristan. It's me asking you this. Do you need something?"

"I'm dating someone. His name is David."

Arlene looks like she's done with my shit. She doesn't reply. So I sigh, allowing my shoulders to slouch. Frustrated, I run both hands through my hair and then hold my head, elbows resting on the table. I'm looking at my food.

"I don't know, okay? I'm just trying to forget everything. I don't know up from down; he broke up with me a little over a week ago, because he was drinking again and I called him on it, and then he OD'd on a bunch of pills, and I want to help him but I don't know if I can. I don't know if he's worth it."

And I think I might cry, and I suddenly understand why Orion would gnaw on his lip. But instead I just look at Arlene straight in the face. "I don't know if moving on is right, and I don't know if he can live without me, as pathetic as that sounds. And it ain't just my big head, Arlene. According to everyone around us I was the only one who could get through to him, and I don't know if I could handle having his death on my hands. But I ain't his papa, or appointed caretaker, and I can't deal with him right now, dammit."

Arlene smiles at me so sweetly then. It's sympathetic, and I'm stubbornly holding back tears.

"There. Was that so hard, baby?"

"I hate you."

Arlene laughs. "No you don't."

And as a tear escapes, and I wipe it away quickly, I'm thankful she doesn't bring attention to my weakness. I laugh as well. "Yeah, I do Arlene. I hate your fucking guts."

Arlene winks at me and blows me a kiss. The rest of our time together is much more jovial, to my huge relief.