This is my first vent in a while

(SO PLEASE SKIP OR EXIT IF NOT INTERESTED. To be fairly honest, I know enough that I don't need criticism towards these kinds of stuff. It just became so repetitive.)

Sorry, it just feels right to say it on here

Besides, I think people know my account is dead so they probably won't even read this anyway

But I find it so difficult to express myself

And I know social media isn't right for that

But expressing myself in real life isn't any better.

To be fairly honest, I don't think anyone I personally know will listen to me when I say that I need help

Its like they doubt it so much

I even skipped a day of school because of how anxious I got because of the teachers

I told my mom and she laughed it off. I just went with it and stayed at home

I mean, I tried talking with my friends but no, they're not that serious and I don't want to push past their boundaries

I just really feel like I'm alone, handle myself on my own and I'm not gonna lie, that scares me. But I'm used to it.

I've been doing it for a while now and idk, I feel like my emotions aren't worth telling to the people I actually love

Or sometimes they'll think I'm over exaggerating

But that brings me — hypocrites

There are those kinds of people who listen to you talk for one moment and they don't say anything at all, they ignore you

Then the next moment, they go all out with problems you really don't need to know about

I mean, yeah my problems are probably useless to them but I just hate those kind of people who are just so obnoxiously expressive

And yes, I'm probably being a hypocrite right now, and it sucks

I just really really dislike people who just don't care about any kind of problem at all

It really ticks me off

It really just feels hopeless at this point

oH

For those who follow me on IG, remember that time I was afraid of losing someone in a dream (I highly doubt it)

It actually happened

My dream predicted it

And it makes everything so awkward

One day we were good friends

And now she won't talk to me or probably attempt to pay attention to me unless we have to

It really hurts me tbh

(She's one of my teachers)

I mean, I thought we had a good connection, the kind where you feel like a family like those teacher's pets things

But I was wrong, of course

It was the first time in a while that a teacher actually acknowledged me for my passion

And now it all came crashing down

Thats one of the reasons why I didn't wanna go to school last Friday

It just scared me to look at her again

I absolutely and officially hate communication

I'm just not fit for it

I can't do things right, I can't even look into someone's eyes when I talk to them

I just can't help but feel betrayed, not towards others but to myself

I just really want to distance myself from others

I can't help it for some reason. It has became so inevitable.

I could just lock myself in a room and I'd be perfectly fine with talking by myself

I mean, I'm my only company.

I don't know why I continue to write this. Its all so useless and waste other's times.

I can't help but feel like fate has something planned for me already and its death, I mean, don't we all?

Not like, forced ones. More natural ones like aging.

But for me, I feel like I could end at some point. My breaking point is at the verge of falling down.

I have this aura that people don't enjoy

Like inside rumors. I just want to sleep forever in my bed. Its the only best thing right now. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

It's at the point where I just wanna be alone.

Im tired of lies, these bonds that are inevitably allowed to break, broken promises and so much false hope.

Everything is just inevitable.

I just want her to be by my side and hope for something better.