I was so stupid to think that I could get away with my problems that I slowed down and they caught up

Also I created this weird palette

Idk I guess you can use it to create a background aka a sunset maybe

Lemme just

*hides in the shadows of a group chat to quietly listen and absorb information while I cry*

Me: nice

Idk

I think I'm shadowbanned in the DTYIS drawing
Yeah

I checked ten times

Like I tap on the hashtag and it's not on there along with the other drawings people have done and

Frick

Everything sucks pp today

I've actually been living on my bed that my dad keeps nagging me and telling me to get off the bunk bed

But I cAnT

It's my only safe place

And my best friend haha

Except my doggo
She's sweet
And she keeps trying to steal my food and my seat for the table

Like any other best friend

But I literally feel out of the blue

Like I'm not involved with anything

It kinda relieves me to know that fact but it makes me really feel like I don't matter

So I guess it's a win win

I just really do feel like I'm not a part of anything actually haha sksksksk

Like I'm just there, standing awkwardly

And no one notices me

Sometimes it feels nice because I don't get to go through so much phases but sometimes it makes me feel like I'm really dead and people have moved on

Which sometimes I find interesting

And people find it depressing

Now I'm starting to feel very sadistic

I guess it's just because I'm used to it lmao

But idk

I feel like I can be forgotten easily because I'm not as unique as the people I've met (and they're actually amazing really)

But I obviously can't stand up with them

Like wow

I draw on a phone
I stay up at night
I barely leave the house

What's so unique about me?

People keep praising me
Sometimes it makes me think I really am special

But then sometimes I think that I'm showing off too much that I hurt everyone who is trying hard as much as me

Like I really don't deserve all this

Damn right, Felix
(Thanks Tem for the image)

But ANYWAY

I'm really starting to think if everything is worth it

Like maybe I'm willing to end my summer quickly ahhh

Like I'm really starting to believe that no one cares

Except you guys of course

But sometimes I'm hoping someone who actually has heard my voice, has seen my face, has been with me for a while would care if I'm out on myself.

Like maybe I can hide in the public bathrooms

Everything actually really does feel useless

I've tried telling my problems to my family but they didn't seem too serious about it.

Even about that night where I heard the "noises".

Like they just shrugged it off.

I feel like it's still caged inside myself and every aching thought is bottled up inside my throat

It really does feel helpless

Sometimes I hope I could erase myself from all my social media entirely

So nobody could ever worry and I can maybe leave peacefully

Because when have my friends actually cared whether I've been doubting myself? I've never told them about it
Because they've never asked if I was doing alright anyway

Damn it really does hurt me to type all this

I can barely breathe without trying to wake my family up

I'm honestly so glad I sleep by myself on the bunk bed

It's not obvious I'm crying in the middle of the freakin night haha

Dammit even I feel like bringing my friends together only to push myself away from them while they have the time of their lives is worthless

I don't feel like I got any credit but at the same time I don't want to make myself so egotistical

Dammit I'm so sorry

I have warned you guys about these kind of vents

I'm just afraid someone's going to come up to me and tell me to keep this all to myself and stop

Because they're not wrong

I'm just having trouble actually telling other people who've personally known me

But when I write them all down here, I feel so relieved and feel like someone is actually really there for me to read this and care

Dammit I hate myself for thinking such a friend to exist. To just come up to me and tell me if everything's okay, if they should stay up with me at night, if they should give me a hug without making myself seem like an attention-seeker

Dammit
There's so many things that are wrong with me

But anyway, everything is okay

I'm going to be okay

It'll all be okay

I just need to keep looking at memes and let them sink in like painkillers sksksksk