6

Shivangi was lying on the bed staring at the roof with soft music playing in the background. She hasn't got out of the room since yesterday after Ashwin dropped her home.

Shivangi had made up her mind to not lend ears to any of his excuses. Nothing he says could make her feel better about what he did to her, she felt. However, what he gave her were not excuses, but a part of him that he reserves only for himself on dark lonely nights, his vulnerability.

It was just like how he did five years ago in the show. He showed her his true self with all his vice and virtues and made her fall for him.

How can a woman's heart not go out for a man who surrenders before her with his heart held in his hand for her to use?

Shivangi five years ago wanted to cuddle it and protect it and Shivangi now was tempted to be the healer of his wound irrespective of the fact that her own heart is bruised. That, precisely, is why Shivangi decided that she has to stay away from Ashwin.

Yesterday he wordlessly dropped her at her doorstep and zoomed off. Shivangi kept her eyes and words to herself throughout the journey after his confession.

Ever since she has been training her heart to not go in the same path it went five years ago. Not to be captivated by the fireflies like a child.

Anyway, how hard can it be to stay away from a person in such a big city? After all, they did manage to not meet for five years. A little more effort and resistance, Shivangi was sure she can overcome this.

A knock on the door bought Shivangi out of her thoughts.

"Shivaangi.." her mother called

"Enna amma?" she asked annoyed

(What is it?)

"Pugazh vandirukan paru."

(Pugazh is here)

Shivangi woke up with a jerk and looked at the bedside clock for time and date. How can she forget?

She immediately rushed to the door and opened it. A wide smiling Pugazh greeted her along with a frowning mother.

"Kulikalaya?" her mother asked which Shivangi ignored as she hugged her brother.

(You haven't showered yet?)

Fame and popularity did nothing to diminish the love Pugazh had for the girl he heartily accepted as his sister. To her, he was still the same Pugah anna and to him, she was his papa.

"Enna papa ready aagama iruka?" he asked looking at her in baggy pyjama and T-shirt.

(Why aren't you dressed yet?)

"Five minutes anna. Ippo vandarren."

(I will be in five minutes)

Shivangi took record time of twenty minutes to clean up. She dressed herself in white full arm anarkali suit and let her hair loose except for a small clip that bunched few strands together in the behind.

"Pottu vechaya?" her mother asked to which Shivangi pointed at her forehead where a small round bindi rested.

(Bindi?)

"Papa ku pottu vecha evlo azhaga iruka la?" Pugazh admired his sister

(Doll looks beautiful with bindi)

"Papa va?" her mother teased. "Un tangachi ku kalyanam panni papa pekkara vayasu aaiduchu."

(Doll? Your sister is old enough to be married already.)

"Amma" Shivangi whined. "Arambikkadeenga."

(Mom. Don't start now)

Shivangi's mother unsually accepted without a fight, though she made eyes at Pugazh who nodded understanding.

Pugazh took the wheels while Shivangi sat in the passenger seat as they began the ride.

"Epdi iruka?" Pugazh asked

(How are you?)

"Ungaluku teriyadha? Nalla dan iruken."

(Don't you know? I am good)

Pugazh turned to his sister and tried to gauge her expression.

"Avane meet pannayilla?"

(Did you meet him?)

"Yaara?"

(Who?)

"Unaku teriyum yaara nu."

(You know who)

Shivangi stole her eyes from her brother and looked at the road.

"Show ku dan vandaru. Taniya edhum pesala." She lied. It is enough that she is being subjected to all these confusing emotions. She doesn't want others to be involved as well. That is why she told no one, not even her parents, that the event she attended was actually Ashwin's house warming function.

(He was in the show. I didn't talk to him otherwise)

"Avan edhadhu pesana nee kandukadha." Pugazh said

(Don't encourage him if he tries to talk to you)

"Hmm." She said. She didn't want to discuss the topic.

"Phone pannan."

(He called me)

"Ungaluka?" she asked surprised

(Did he?)

"En kittaye un number kakaran." Pugazh's anger has subsided a lot over the years, but he was still a protective brother at heart. "Tara mudiyadhu nu solliten."

(He asked me for your number. I refused)

"Neenga vidunga yen tension aaitu."

(Let it go. Don't stress)

"Tension ellam illa." Pugazh conveyed. "Naan avana vera maari nenachen. Avanum matha pasanga maari dan nu prove pannitan."

(How can I not stress? I thought he was different, but he proved to be like any other man.)

Even after all these years, it was on the tip of her tongue to defend him, Shivangi had to hold herself back.

"Unga pudhu padatha pathi sollunga." Shivangi changed the topic. "Hero Ajith sir dana?"

(Tell me about your new movie. Is that with Ajith?)

With much better mood after discussing their flourishing careers, Shivangi and Pugazh reached the destination.

"Ama nee enna gift vangana?" Pugazh asked eying Shivangi holding a huge package.

(What gift did you bring?)

"Teddy bear. Neenga?"

(Teddy. You?)

"Car."

"Annen, girl baby ku poi yaaradhu car kudupangala?" she laughed

(Who gifts car to a small girl?)

"Yen kuduka kudadha?"

(Why not?)

They were greeted in the entrance of the restaurant by their host Sharath who was celebrating first birthday of his first born baby girl by inviting everyone he knew. It was a moment for him to cherish for his baby also bought him luck to shine brighter in his career.

"Dei, Pugazh-u Shivangi, thanks da. Varuveenga nu nenaikave illa." Sharath said emotionally

(Thanks for coming. I am glad you made it)

"Loosu payale varama epdi irupom." Pugazh chided.

(How can we not?)

"Illa da. Ivlo varusham aaiyum namba CWC team la ellarum koopta udane vanduteenga. Santhoshama iruku."

(It has been so many years since our show ended yet everyone is here just after a call. I am so happy.)

A bond that they formed on a TV show stayed intact and grew with time. Every one, in spite of busy professional and personal life, stayed in constant touch meeting at least twice every year if not more. Only exception to this was certain someone who was on self proclaimed exile.

"Kutty enga?" Shivangi asked

(Where is the baby?)

"Ulla iruka ma. Nee poi paaru. Dress matha adam pannitu iruka." Sharth pointed Shivangi to first floor where baby was getting ready.

(She is getting ready. Go meet her)

Pugazh was about to walk inside the hall as he already spotted Bala, when Sharath stopped him holding his hand.

"Machan, onnu sollanum." Sharath said hesitantly.

(Dude, I want to tell you something)

"Sollu, machan."

(Yes?)

"Adhu vandhu..." he scratched his head. "Ashwin um vandirukapla."

(That is...) (Ashwin is here)

Pugazh's eyebrows narrowed and he was annoyed.

"Avan edhuku vandirukan? Nee invite pannen nu sollave illa?"

(Why is he here? Did you invite him?)

"Adhu machan, kalaila phone panni papa ku wish pannaru. Address kudu papa ku gift vaangi iruken anuparen nu sonnaru. Epdi da invite panama iruka midiyum. Varuvaru nu nenaikala."

(He called me in the morning to wish baby. He told me he bought something for her and wanted to send it to me. How can I not invite then? I didn't think he will turn up.)

"Dei, Shivangi vera iruka da. Avan already ava kitta pesa try pannitu irukan."

(Shivangi is here. He already tried to talk to her.)

"Enna da solra?"

(Really?)

"Ama. Ippa naan enna panradhu."

(What do I do now?)

"Anju varsham aachu da. Avaru namba elathu kittayum dan friendship cut pannaru. Shivangi ku konjam varutham irunduchu dan. Aana, ippo ellam rendu perum marandirupanga. Nee yen ivlo tension aara?"

(It has been five years. Ashwin broke ties with all of us. It hurt Shivangi more than others. But, now they must have forgotten all that. Why do you stress?)

"Unaku teriyadhu machan. Ava..."Pugazh clicked his tongue. "Avana innum mulusa marandutala ne teriyala. Apa apa jolly ah irupa. Didirnu sogam aaiduva. Kolanda maari avala paathutu, apdi avala pakaradhuku naanga evlo kashta pattom teriyuma?"

(You don't know how she was. I don't think she is over him yet. She still has a phase where she gets detached all of a sudden. It hurt us all to see her like that.)

"Nee solradha patha Shivangi avara love pannucha da?"

(Did she love him by any chance?)

"Adhu koodava teriyala unaku?"

(Didn't you figure it out?)

"Dei, Naan ennamo friendship nu dan nenachen da. Idellam enaku sathiyama teriyadhu. Sorry da, machan. Naan Ashwin ah invite panni iruka koodadhu."

(I thought they were just friends. I didn't know all this. I am sorry. I shouldn't have invited Ashwin)

"Seri, vidu. Naan papa va paathukaren."

(Forget it. I will take care of everything)

Pugazh entered with a mission. His eyes searched for Ashwin as soon as he entered, not finding him nearby, he sat with his old gang of friends even though his eyes were hyper aware of surroundings.

Shivangi was oblivious to all this as she was playing with Sharath's daughter.

"Ungaluku idhu pudichiruka?" she asked as she waved her bangles in front of the baby making her giggle.

(Do you like it?)

"Nee vandhu distract panna nala ready aaita. Illati enna paduthi eduthuta." Sharath's wife said.

(If you didn't manage to distract her, she would have made it hard for me.)

"Neenga ready aagunga, anni. Naan papa va paathukaren."

(I will take care of her while you get ready)

Shivangi carried the baby in her arms and left to the hall. She was getting down the stairs, when the baby pulled her clip distracting her for a minute and unfortunately also made Shivangi miss a step. With baby in her hand, she was not able hold the railing. Shivangi was sure she was going to fall and was holding the baby tighter to protect her, but the fall never came. Instead an arm went around her waist and pulled her close to a strong chest.

Shivangi's eyes were closed in fear, but her one hand out of reflex held something for support. Her hold on the baby loosened, but another hand supported her and held the baby in place.

Shivangi's heartbeat raised mile a minute with this unexpected adventure. Thankfully, the baby was not scared. She could hear the baby's giggled. That calmed her. Shivangi was trying to breathe in and breathe out, when she heard a familiar term that took all her breath out of her lungs.

"Paathu ma."

(Careful)

Shivangi opened her eyes to meet the brown ones that she has never learned to be bored of. Out off all the people in the world, it has to be him.

Ashwin's one hand was still protectively wrapped around her waist, while other supported her hand holding the baby. Shivangi's hand was clutching the lapel of his coat. The little baby, cuddled between them unsure of the static tension between two souls and simply giggling at them. They made a perfect picture.

It was the first time Shivangi was being so close to Ashwin that it almost felt like a dream.

Shivangi came out of his hold and straightened herself. He was about to say something, but she didn't give him a chance as she strutted from there with the baby.

Ashwin was taken back to 2020 when he first met his CWC family, they were strangers then who later became so close to him. Now, years later, they all are here again as family, but he was still a stranger. A black sheep of the family, perhaps.

Everyone greeted him, spoke to him, wished him and then left him alone. It wouldn't have hurt him if it was few years ago, but now knowing they all welcomed him in their circle and he left abruptly, he hated himself.

At least he had one thing to be happy about; Shivangi was still apple of everyone's eyes.

Pugazh, Sharath and even Rakshan to an extent tried to keep Shivangi out of his sight. Not that Ashwin was taking deliberate efforts to corner her. He was better than a stalking excuse of a man. His mother has raised him better. His reason to be here is purely to reconnect with his CWC family. Yes, the fact that he got to see his angel in white and got to hold her in his arms even for few seconds was added bonus. He missed those genuine bonds he made years ago and was now trying to make it up to them.

It was like everyone was vaguely familiar with the fact that he contributed to change in their bubbly ball of energy's life. Now, when they had to pick side, they have unanimously picked her, rightly so.

Ashwin was always a loner. Never anyone's priority. There was only one person who made him her priority, picked him over anything and anyone, but he was too insecure and let her go.

Swirling a glass of orange juice in his hand, Ashwin not for the first time in his life felt alone in a crowd.

Shivangi's was disturbed. It was not because of the ridiculous efforts her namesake brothers were taking in excuse of protecting her or because she could feel inquisitive pair of eyes on her every now and then. It was purely because just like yesterday she was taken to the past by the yearning visible in him.

She once moved mountains and moon to make him rid of the yearning, to make him smile, laugh, joke and enjoy. Now, after years, in spite of all that transpired between them, the look of him being defenceless ached her heart. She felt weird urge of protectiveness seeing his lonely eyes.

Shivangi to certain extent understood why he chose to be this way. It is not because he doesn't know how to ask for his share of space, it is because he is not sure if he can ask for it. People have again and again told him that he is nothing more than his looks. His talent is unworthy if he has no money or lineage to back it up. So, it became a habit to second guess everything in his life. His insecurities are so deep rooted that he himself is unable to figure out how to get rid of it.

In a world that is willing to take even things that belong to others, there he is unable to strike a claim even on what he deserves.

Shivangi gasped visibly as her own thoughts brought perspective to what he confessed yesterday.

"Because I didn't think I deserved you."

He thought he didn't deserve her.

He left her not because he wanted it, because he thought she would want more.

How absurd is that!

How can she or any woman for that matter want more than him?

***

Mixed feelings about this chapter. Not filled with Ashaangi, but much needed one. I am also not in right track of mind. Next one will be better. 

I have planned three stages for this story. We have almost crossed the first stage. So, two more stages remaining.