39

Shivangi screamed jumping on her feet holding her hand in pain. Something as simple as making dosa could be disastrous when your mind isn't with you. Shivangi burning her thumb was a good example for the same. As Shivangi turned off the flame and turned to search for first aid box, she saw her father looking at her with concern. He must have ran from his room where he was working on his laptop as he was panting with panic filled eyes.

"Onnum illa pa. Summa soodu patruchu avlo dan."

(I am alright)

"Paathu panna maataya." Her worry came out as tell off as he held her other hand and lead her to the dining room.

(You should have been careful)

He pulled a chair for Shivangi before going to fetch cream for the burn. Shivangi followed her father's action closely. His hair had more grey streaks than she remembered. When did her father get old?

As her father, pulled a chair beside Shivangi and began applying the cream, he mumbled about her still being a irresponsible kid making Shivangi chuckle.

Her father looked up and frowned at Shivangi. "Innum oru Dosa koodava olunga ootha maata? Idhula kalyanam vera panni onna taniya anupanuma?"

(Have you still not learnt to be careful while making Dosa? I can't believe you will be getting married soon)

The mention about marriage brought back Shivangi's attempt at trying to find perfect time to talk to her father in the past week. Some moments were not ideal while some moments she was not sure how to broach the topic. Shivangi wondered if this could be the perfect time. Her mother and brother were not home and her father looked approachable fussing over her like she was a five year old.

"Adhunala dan kalyana pechu arambichadhula irundu neenga maareeteengala?"

(Is that why you have changed since marriage talks started?)

Her father stopped applying the cream and blowing over the burn. He looked up with an unreadable expression before he chuckled straightening himself.

"Naan maaretana Shivangi?"

(Have I changed?)

It sounded like a question that she was supposed to have answer to. Her father's eyes zoomed over her in an accusing way that he has not used on her even when she scored the lowest of marks making him walk to parents meeting with his head bowed down. What did she miss?

Her father clicked his tongue as he pushed back the chair and created distance between them. His eyes fixed on her as he said, "Mareerupen. Anju varshama nee gavanikave illaye, adhunala naan maarnadhu terinjirukadhu."

(Perhaps. You didn't notice me in past five years, so you didn't know about the change maybe)

Shivangi's lips parted in shock but the gasp was barely audible. Five years? Did he say five years? Shivangi didn't know where her father was taking this.

"Appa..." she said as the silence prolonged

"Ponnu kalyanam aagi poradhu nenacha ella appakum bayam irukum dan. Sila samayam ivan ennada namba tooki valzhata namba ponnu namba munnadiye namba kitta irundu piruchitu porane nu kovam varum. Enaku andha kovam ippo varalai. Yen teriyuma?"

(When a daughter is to get married a father will be scared. Sometimes one is bound to feel wary that boy will take his daughter away from him. I am not worried about it. You know why?)

Shivangi shook her head. Based on the hurt look on her father's face, Shivangi didn't know if she will like hearing the reason.

"Yen na Ashwin anju varsham munnadiye unna enga kitta irundu piruchitan." The ointment tube pressed between his fingers emptied the whole tube yet her father preferred looking at the gooey mass of white while revealing his hurt to his daughter than her face. "20 varshama naan paathu vazhanda ponnu maarradhu enaku teriyadha? Nee room pooteetu alugum podhu pakkathu room la unn appa amma nimmadiya toongeetu irupanga nu eppadi nenacha?" The tube passed from between his fingers to his palm and he fisted the whole tube releasing his stress on them.

(Because Ashwin took you away from me five years ago. Do you think I didn't realize changes in you? Did you think your parents were peaceful when you were crying in your room? )

Her father finally raised his eyes to her and asked her in a voice that broke everything Shivangi held together for years, "Appa va nambi onnum sollanum nu tonalaya Shivangi?"

(Didn't you trust you father enough to share with me your worries?)

Before Shivangi felt her tears, she felt her body shaking uncontrollably. Her fingers trembled. She felt her legs go weak even though she was only sitting on the chair. Her palm pressed to her mouth as she didn't trust any word out of her mouth could do actual justice to the pain she gave her father.

"Naan um inniku solluva nalaiku solluva nu nenachen. Namba ponnu namba kitta daan varuva nu nenachen. Anju varsham aachu, yaaru unnaku andha vali kuduthangalo avanga mela nambika tirumba vandiruchu aana appa nambi innum unn manasa share pannikanum nu tonalai illa? Naan eppo ma unaku ivlo stranger aanen? Nee appa chellama dana irunda."

(I was waiting for you to come to me. I believed my daughter will confide in me. It has been five years and you still decided to trust a person who put you through all this and not me. When did we become strangers? )

If there was one thing that could kill while you are still alive is seeing your parents cry, because they are disappointed in you.

Shivangi hated herself more than she has hated anyone at that moment. Shivangi knew she trusted her father more than she will ever trust herself. He was her first best friend. In fact, her only best friend for the longest time because her squeaky voice and hyper personality earned her more bullies during school days. It was him she always came to at the end of the day for comfort. He was her home.

"Ippo kooda eppavachu nee enn kitta vandhu palaya maari pesuva, enn ponnu enaku tirumbi kedachiruva nu naan wait paneete iruken. Aaru masam palagana Ashwin appa veeda unaku persu illa?"

(I am still waiting for my old daughter to return to me. Is Ashwin more important to you than me?)

"Apdi illa pa..."

(That isn't true....)

"Andha paiyan nalla paiyanave irukatum. Unna nalla paathukitta enaku adhu podhum. Enaku unn santhosham dan mukkiyam. Palaya Shivangi dan enna maradnuta, neeyadhu kalyanathuku aprom appa va marakama appappa vandhu paathutu po."

(maybe he is good man. If he makes you happy, I will be happy. Old Shivangi forgot me, you don't too. Remember your old father even after marriage)

The choke in his voice indicated that he was crying. That is why when he moved to stand up, Shivangi fell on her feet and hugged her father around his waist making it impossible for him to move from the chair.

"Appa, please pa apdi ellam solladeenga." She cried.

(Please don't say that)

Her father's heart pained even more hearing her painful cry. Unlike what others believed, his daughter cried often and every time it only made it more dreadful for him to witness it. He knew he can never be angry on her. Nothing is more important to him than his daughter, but he didn't know how to deal with the disappointed he felt with himself that his daughter every single day chose loneliness to his company when she was in pain? Did he fail as a father, he asked himself again and again.

Shivangi's cries and nose block because of the same muffled her words making them less clear. Her father held her shoulder and made her look up at him. When she was about to speak again, he stopped her by placing a glass of water in front of her. He knew she becomes breathless when she cries hysterically. He hated that it is him now who is making her cry.

"Naan andha maari nenaikave illa pa." Shivangi managed to say between sniffing her nose and wiping snot off it. "Nee dan pa enn best friend." She told him. "Naan ungalyum ammavayum kashtapadhutha koodadhu nu dan nenachen. Ungaluke teriyum amma epdi chinna chinna vishyatahuuku tension avanga. Enn prachanai ungaluku solli unga health spoil aaga koodadhu nu dan nenachen. Ungala nambama oru naal kooda illa naan."

(You are my best friend. I didn't want to worry you and mom. You know things like this stress mom. I didn't want to spoil both of your health. Doesn't mean that I didn't trust you)

Her father wiped her tears off her eyes even as she spoke. "Seri, tanni kudi." He said, but Shivangi wanted to continue.

"Naan edho ulagam puriyama muttal tanam panni, enaku backfire aaiduchu. Memes, trolls, negativity, idellam romba romaba mosamana feel, pa. Adhu ennikum ungalayo, ammavayo affect panna koodadhu nu nenachen. Neenga dana music irukara idam kovil maari nu solluveenga. Unga kovil ku ennala oru negativity vara kudadhu nu dan unga kitta edhuvum sollala. Ennala neenga kashtapadradhu ennala paaka mudiyadhu. Aana, naan ungala ivlo hurt panni irupen nu naan nenaikave illa."

(I was stupid once and it backfired. Memes, trolls, negativity are sickening. I didn't want you or mom to face that. You always said place where music is very sacred. So, I tried not to spoil the environment for you. I wanted to ease things for you both. I didn't know I hurt you both so much)

It is such a strange thing, growing up. People often say it is different from growing apart. But unfortunately, you cannot grow up from a child to an adult unless you grow apart a little from your parents. The transition has never been smoother on anyone who loved irrevocably.

"Enaku eppavum neenga...."

(I always ...)

"Shh...." Shivangi's father silenced her.

He cannot see her like this. His daughter needs to give no explanation to him. He knew he will stand by her no matter what. However, the fact that it was Ashwin she chose to help her and not him pricked the darkest corner of his heart making him act like a possessive father. Now that he has once and for all let go of baggage that was getting too heavy for him to carry, nothing seemed to matter anymore except his daughter.

"Nee onnum solla vendam." He assured. "Nee azhugardhu paatha enaku pudikadhu nu unaku teriyum illa?"

(It's okay. You know I hate to see you cry)

"Aana, naan vandhu...."

(But, I ...)

"Vendam." He said firmly.

(I said its okay)

Shivangi looked at her father with those same pure eyes with which he stared at him when he took her in his hands for the first time. Emotions overwhelmed as Shivangi hugged her father resting her head in the first safest place she found on earth.

Shivangi bonded well with food and it was her father who found out this first. So, he waited no time in ordering for her pizzas that he was not really fond of but knows could put a smile on his daughters face. Maybe he doesn't like the food, but he likes looking at his daughter share small joys about her life with him while munching on the unhealthy slices and at those moments he felt like the happiest father on the earth. It was these moments he missed and now he wouldn't love anything more than getting them back.

Shivangi gave her father a tight hug, when he was returning to his room. He kissed her forehead when she released him from the hug and was about to move towards his room, when he felt a tug at his hand. Shivangi looked at him pouting her lower lip reminding him of the toddler who used to crave for ice creams as first thing in the morning.

"Enna da?" he asked fondly already deciding to give in to her demand of ice cream if that is what she wants. He doesn't care that he is having a concert very soon and that his throat could be damaged.

(What is it?)

"Unaku Ashwin pudikalaya pa?"

(Don't you like Ashiwn?)

'There was so much vulnerability in her voice that he wanted to tell her what she wanted to hear to make her feel better.

Shivangi's father took a step towards her and kissed the top of her head.

"Unaku pudichu irukulla adhu...."

(If you like him....)

"Avar romba nallavar pa. Nee oru chance kudu unaku pudikum." Shivangi knew what he was going to say, so she cut it.

(He is a good person. Give him a chance. You will like him)

"Enakum pudikum." He assured her. "Seekiram."

(I know I will like him soon.)

Shivangi knew it was futile to argue more. You can't make someone like a person. It has to be natural. She only hoped her father saw in Ashwin what she sees. For today, she felt closer to her father than any day in these last five years, it was definitely a good start.

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How did you like it?

I loved writing this chapter. Father- Daughter bond is so precious. I love my Dad and anything about this bond always takes my heart.